Making derogatory remarks about Jolie is unforgivable. Making jokes about President Obama is okay. Who knew Rudin was a republican? I thought most of Hollywood was democrats. Sony Pictures Entertainment chairman Amy Pascal, the other half of the e-mails, also apologized. Apparently, there is no truth to the rumor that Elizabeth #Lauten offered her support and advice to Rudin and Pascal.
No doubt both will volunteer to attend “intensive therapy” for their behavior. I was able to obtain from a confidential source a copy of the “Intensive Therapy” that Rudin and Pascal may undertake. The program known as Bogus and Unauthentic Legalized Larceny and Spurious Hypocritical Intense Therapy (BULL SH*T) is used through the USA to help famous stars to keep their endorsements and preserve their acting careers. Below is a copy of the sessions. This intense therapy is for one week.
Sunday Mixer: Join in an optional mixer for all attendees Sunday night at 7 PM until? Meet the instructors and fellow actors who have fallen from grace.
Monday Sessions: How to Hold a Press Conference: Learn how to deny charges without using the telltale signs for lying. Learn how to say “intense therapy” with a straight face. Learn how to pronounce new words like “paparazzi”. Panel discussion with guest panelists #BillCosby, #CharlieSheen, and #ArnoldSchwarzenegger.
Tuesday Sessions: Racism 101: How to insult the President and get away with it. Learn how to hide your true feelings about the president from the master of rants, #RushLimbaugh.
Wednesday Sessions: Public Apologies 101: Learn how to sound sincere when you apologize. Includes a practical exercise on apologizing without saying, “I apologize if…”
Thursday Sessions: Learn How to Avoid Hacking: This panel discussion is hosted by #EdwardSnowden via Skype and includes such experts as #Target, #JPMorgan, and #HomeDepot.
Friday Sessions: Closing Ceremony: Graduation ceremony for those who have not dropped out of the program. Guest speaker will be #AlexBaldwin.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a fictional article. Quit calling me asking to sign up for the therapy.