I read with interest an item on my news feed that some conservative residents in #Oregon want their counties to leave Democratic Oregon and become part of Republican #Idaho. The movement called, "Move Oregon's Border for a Greater Idaho," would expand the borders of Oregon by adding bordering rural counties. They have started a petition to include the movement on the ballot in November. So far three counties are in favor of the move.  

A little over 4 million people live in Oregon while less than 2 million live in Idaho. This movement might help to balance out the populations. Of course, such a move might devalue property values in those counties. Politically, such a move could add more Republican representatives to Congress and maybe reduce the number of Democratic representatives.
​
I have to ask, “Who care?”

However, if successful, the movement might encourage other counties in the country to consider similar movements. For example, Staten Island has been trying to leave New York City for years. Why not join New Jersey. I’m sure there are many counties in California that would like to join Nevada or New Mexico. I know that there are counties in Wyoming that would seriously consider joining Hawaii. California already has a movement that want to divide the state into three parts. Makes sense to me.

Several candidates are running for office this year. Yet, it seems every day there’s a new revelation about one politician or another about something in their past. Bloomberg is a case in point. I believe the problem is that there isn’t an application for candidates to complete before they’re allowed to run for office. Applications are required for jobs, colleges, driver licenses, etc. Why isn’t there an application requirement for candidates? The entire situation cries out for one.
 
As a community service I offer up a draft application that could be easily be adopted for candidates wishing to run for office.
 
Of course, there’s the normal heading. Then come the following questions:

Please indicate the party you wish to represent. (Select all that apply)      
      ___Democratic Party              ___Republican Party              ___Independent Party
      ___Socialist Party                   ___Communist Party              ___Green Party
      ___Constitution Party             ___Libertarian Party               ___Nazi Party
      ___Federalist Party                 ___Bachelor Party                  ___Progressive Party
      Other(s) _________

Have you ever been convicted of a crime? ___Yes   ___No  ___Not Yet   ___Pending
          What crime(s) ________________  

Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment?  ___Once  ___Twice  ___Three or more  
          ___Not yet

Are you a racist? ___Yes        ___No       ___Not Yet  
       Which race(s) do you hate? _____________

Have you ever smoked marijuana?  ___Yes              ___No              ___Not Yet
            Did you inhale?  ___Yes      ___No               ___ Maybe       ___Not Sure  
 
Have you ever used illegal drugs? ___Yes    ___No  ___Not Yet ___Not sure ___Maybe  

Have you ever taken selfies: (check all that apply)       ___ Nude ___ Partially nude ___Just my
     genitalia ___Wearing a racist costume       ___ Having sex ___Drinking ___All of the above
      ___None of the above

Did you ever sext? ___Yes     ___No  ___Not Yet ___Not sure ___Maybe

How would you declare your sexual orientation? (check all that apply) ___Male  ___Female ___Transgender ___ Gay ___ Unknown ___ Not sure ___Other(s)

Are you ethical? ___Yes ___No ___ Sometimes ___ Depends ___ Never ___ Always  

How would you describe your political orientation? (Check all that apply) ___ Right   ___ Left                    ___Center   ___ Left of Center  ___ Right of Center  ___ Dead Center  ___ Top of Center  
        ___ Bottom Feeder  ___Left out   __ Right on        ___ Left Behind     ___ Middle of the Road

How would you describe your financial position? (Check all that Apply) ___ Top 1% 
     ___ Bottom 1%       ___ Bottom 99%       ___ Top 1% of Top 1%   ___Upper Class    
      ___Low Class         ___Middle Class          ___ No Class               ___ Upper Middle Class        
      ___Lower Middle Class ___ Lower Upper Class                              ___Upper Low Class

There should be more. Let me know if you think of some.

I post this story every year for #Valentine’s Day. I’m sorry if you have read it. I like it because it is 80% true, only the names have been changes to protect me, I mean the innocent.

A #Zombie’s Valentine’s Day—A Short Short Story
 
I hate holidays. Not the ones with a three-day weekend, just the ones invented by greeting card companies. One year I forgot Valentine’s Day until the day it arrived. Usually, I order flowers online for my wife. After all, she is the mother of two of our beautiful children, and a third not so beautiful child. In desperation, I drove to the nearest box store.

The scene at the flower department was a disaster; flowers flung everywhere; stems bent, leaves torn and flowers missing petals. I searched desperately for a gift: a small bouquet, a potted plant, or even a single rose. Nothing.

Several other men in my predicament also searched in vain like zombies from the Night of the Living Dead. At some point, I bumped into the department manager. Her hair was in disarray, her blouse wrinkled and stained, and she wore no shoes. I asked if I could get a corsage. She gave me an exasperated look and shook her head.

I decided to use my well-developed technique that seems to help in desperate situations; I began to cry. She took pity on me, put my head on her shoulder, and patted my back. “Perhaps,” she said. “They can make you one in the back.” As I shuffled in the direction she pointed, I heard her shout, “Dead man walking!”

When I arrived at the rear of the store, the scene wasn’t much better. I saw two women making corsages as fast as possible. Both had Band-Aids on every finger. The trash was full of flowers ruined by blood from pricked fingers. As fast as one was made, they put it into a petite white box. When I asked if I could buy one, both women immediately stopped working, and looked at me as though I was the person in the elevator who farted. I was in trouble. The bigger of the two leaned forward.

“Do you realize how many local high schools have Valentine’s Day dances tonight?” Pointing to the stacks of white cardboard boxes, “We still have to make 150 more corsages, and have them ready for pick up in one hour.” I fell back on my proven technique and began to cry; my lower lip quivered, and tears collected in the corners of my eyes. She softened. “Oh God, not another cry baby!” she shouted. “Okay! Okay! You can have one.”

I returned home carrying the corsage like a cat with a prize bird and presented it to my wife. She looked surprised and uttered those words that every man loves to hear. “You remembered!”
​
THE END
 

My newest novel, The Throuple Private Eye—Hate Crimes, was published as an e-book on Amazon ($2.99) on Feb 7, 2020. It will be the first in a series. If you would like to order, the link is https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084LTTHGN. Please spread the word. Below is a short description of the book:

Jen McDowell considered herself lucky. She survived a random attempt on her life by an IED at the cost of both her legs below the knees. Yet, she didn’t die—lucky girl. She was medically retired from the Atlanta Police Department with some medical and disability benefits—lucky girl. She has a hot boyfriend, Jonah Magliozzi, who would do anything to make her happy, even moving in with another boyfriend in a threesome—lucky girl. She started her own business and a new career as a private investigator—lucky girl. She should be happy, but she isn’t.
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Somewhere in Atlanta is the mother who made the bomb that blew her legs off. She vowed to herself the find him or her and bring them to justice... or kill them, whichever happens first.   

Cross over TV shows seem to be the trend. Two or more shows intertwine their casts to produce one long two- or three-hour show. So far, I haven’t seen one cross over that would challenge the writers and producers. Most shows in a crossover use the same writers and/or producers. Here’s my list of cross over TV shows I like to see.
 

1. The Walking Dead and Dancing with the Stars
2. The Biggest Losers and Mike and Molly
3. Bless This Mess and This Old House
4. 2 Broke Girls and Mad Money
5. Hoarders and American Pickers
6. The Bachelor and The Bachelorette
7. Will and Grace and Duck Dynasty
8. Dr. Pimple Popper and American Beauty Star
9. The Price is Right and Let’s Make a Deal
10. The 700 Club, Brooklyn 99, Hawaii 50 and 911 (equals 1760).

​I read with interest some dating apps tips from an internet privacy expert Dalvin Brown on USA Today, Dalvin mentioned not giving out personal information, not switching apps, turning off location setting, etc. His recommendations were not meant to be all-inclusive. Here are some he missed:

1. Don’t send nude pictures on your dating app unless sexting is specially permitted.
2. Don’t confuse your dating app for a revenge porn website.
3. If you want to find a date that is interested in you and not how you look, post an ugly picture. Use something like a picture of Bigfoot.
4. Don’t use a suggestive, fictional names such as Big Richard or Pussy Galore.
5. If you want to be transparent, post a transparent picture of yourself.
6. Don’t discuss your finances, life insurance, etc. if you want to live after your date.
7. Don’t discuss your children or how many kids you’d like to have. This could be a deal breaker.
8. Don’t discuss your gun collection, drinking/drug problems, sex addiction/fantasies, marital status or political views--at least, not at first.
9. Don’t disclose which AA meeting you attend.
10. Don’t disclose how much life insurance you have.

 
I have these tips will make your dating experience a happy one.

My newest novel, A Head for Murder, was published as an e-book on Jan 23, 2020 on Amazon. Please spread the word. Below is a short description of the book.

A Head for Murder
 
The possibility of performing head transplants was considered in the early 1900s. With improved technology and more accurate ability to keep neural tissue perfused, medical professionals are now ready to attempt head transplants; or more accurately, body transplants. Keith Andrew was not the first person to undergo a total body transplant, but he was the only one still alive. Keith’s medical team had a high level of confidence he would survive and live to a ripe old age. He was thankful for whatever more time he could get. His terminal cancer would have killed him in a few more months.
 
A compatible donor was quickly found, and the transplant performed. While still in a coma, Keith had visions that the donor was the victim of a robbery gone wrong. Keith became convinced that he had to solve his murder. It was a case with few clues and no suspects.

​I read with interest an article on my Microsoft News—Insider by Sophia Mitrokostas, “11 Things you Should Never Do in a Grocery Store, According to Former Employees”. The list was not all inclusive. Most of the things she listed concerned consideration for the employees and other customers. Here are some more things you should never do in a grocery store:
 

1. Do not have sex in the store. I would think this should be top of the list. This is just gross. This apply especially to the frozen food section if you’re trying to get pregnant.
2. Don’t have food fights. This should go without saying, but so often people do it, so it must be said.
3. Do not drink from juice or milk bottles and then place them back on the shelves. Again, gross.
4. Do not get into the line for under 15 items if you have 16 or more items. This is one of my pet peeves. People have been shot for less.
5. Do not fart in the store. Go to the restroom to fart. Farting in an empty isle doesn’t work, because your farts linger longer than you think.
6. Do not use deodorant or toothpaste and then place the item back on the shelves. No one want to buy a partially used item.
7. Do not leave your clothes in the restroom if you’re shoplifting. Chances are you will leave your DNA or some other ID.
8. Do not circle back for more free samples more than twice. No one likes a hog.
9. Do not take the shopping carts home. Someone may spot you and report it.
10. Do not yell, “I won!” at the ATM when you withdraw money. No one thinks that’s funny anymore.
11. Do not read an entire newspaper or magazine without purchasing it. Your prints are all over it.
12. Do not race with the grocery carts. You might run over someone.
13. Do not sample the ice cream without purchasing it. No one wants to find bites missing from a new carton of ice cream.
14. Do not set up a table by the exit to sell kisses. Kisses should be free.
15. Do not juggling the fruit or can goods. The fruit gets bruised and the cans dented.

 
If you follow these additional tips, your shopping experience should be enjoyable.

​You don’t really know yourself until you must share yourself with a significant other. Then you learn the truth about you.

1. I’m not affectionate—My wife says I’m not very affectionate. Apparently, there’s a difference between be affectionate and being horny. Who knew?
2. I don’t listen—My wife says I don’t listen to her, or something such nonsense like that.
3. I have anger management issues— This one isn’t true. I don’t have anger management issues. I just have a low tolerance for idiots.
4. I’m a slob—No one knows they’re a slob until they get married. I thought I was a free spirit.
5. I look at other women--I reminded my wife that’s how I found her. I reassured her I would never sleep with another woman; not a wink.
6. I mumble—My wife says I mumble. I think her hearing is going, but I dare not say anything. She would accuse me of mumbling.
7. I have a unique sense of humor. I discovered this when I would laugh at somethings and my wife would not.
8. I’m too aggressive AND too defensive. Apparently, there’s a very narrow zone between being too aggressive and being too defensive. I need to learn how to occupy that space.
9. I’m self-centered. This is another thing I discovered after I got married. As single person, I only worried about myself.
10. I’m not as smart, as good looking, as funny, or as sexy as I think I am. That’s odd because those are the very traits that my wife found attractive when we dated.

What did you discover about yourself after you got married?

There were at least 16 separate security breaches of retailers in 2018. Data breaches are on the rise for both retailers and other businesses. The list includes Macy's, Bloomingdales, Adidas, Sears, Kmart, Delta Airlines, Best Buy, Saks Fifth Ave., Lord & Taylor, Under Armour, Panera Bread, Whole Foods, Arby’s, and the list goes on. In 2020 we’ll see more of the same. Now might be a good time to resolve to make yourself unhackable in 2020. (Okay, unhackable isn’t a word but you know what I mean.) Thieves steal information and use it to charge thousands of dollars on credit cards. I worried about that until I discovered how to become 100% unhackable. Just follow my simple steps and you too will be unhackable:
 1. Stop using computers. I know you're thinking, Duh! Of course. Me too. It's so obvious. If you don't use a computer, you can't be hacked. Years ago, old computers and monitors were used as boat anchors. Now days they are too small for that. Here's an idea – laptops make good serving trays. Why do you need a computer? You can get the news from the TV. You can write to your contacts. You can still use the land line. If you need a document, get out the pen and paper. Need more than one copy? Use carbon paper. (you younger folks can mail {no e-mail please} me and I'll explain what carbon paper is.) Don't pay your bills online, use the post office.

2. Stop using your cellphone. This was a double duh. No one can hack into your cellphone if you don't have one. If you want a selfie, use a Polaroid camera. That way your naughty pictures are safe. If you want to talk to your friends, write them a letter. You do remember how to write, don't you? If you want directions, stop and ask at a gas station or buy a map.

3. Don't throw paper in the trash. This is where thieves get some of the information they need to get credit cards in your good name. Stop it! Buy a shredder and shed your papers. If you can't afford a shredder, burn the paper in your fireplace. If you don't have fireplace, put duct tape on both sides of important documents. Trust me, it works. To be extra safe; put duct tape on your papers, shred them and then burn them in the fireplace then eat the ashes.

4. Don't use credit cards. Again, duh! No credit card–nothing to hack. Just pay cash for everything. You end up paying anyway so what the heck? Take the old credit cards and cut them up. Here's another idea–if you cut out the magnetic strip, old credit cards can be used as luggage tags. If you're good at cutting things, you can use them to make earrings.
5. Don't mail anything in your mailbox. The mailbox is another source of information for thieves. Stop mailing stuff from home or office. Take it to the post office.
6. Don't use banks. If the bank doesn't have your information, when they get hacked--and they will someday--you are still safe. You should insist that your employer pay you in cash and not by direct deposit. Put your money in a safe place like under your mattress.

7. Stop using ATMs. Thieves put special devices in ATMs to steal your credit card and banking information. If you need money, just go to the bank or borrow it from your brother-in-law. If he doesn't have the money, tell him to go to an ATM.​

Wishing you an unhackable new year.