- Are you over 18? This should be your first question. Trust me. It’ll save you a lot of problems later. Don’t trust the answer – ask for two forms of ID.
- Were you followed? This question is not a “yes” or “no” question. A yes or no answer is the wrong answer. The correct answer would be along the lines of, “Huh? What?”
- Are you a registered sex offender? You probably should check this out prior to your date. The answers can be tricky. If the answer is “yes”, that’s a deal breaker. If the answer is “no”, then follow up with “Are you an unregistered sex offender? You could save time by simply asking. “Are you a sex offender?”
- Were you ever on America’s Most Wanted or The Hunt with John Walsh? Here’s another question you should check into prior to your date. If the answer is “yes”, proceed with caution – might have been the victim.
- Does your significant other or mom know you’re here? This is a trick question. “Of course not.” is not an acceptable answer. If the significant other or mom tags along, you have your answer.
- Are you an extraterrestrial, or illegal alien? Whether this is a deal breaker or not is up to you.
- What’s your safe word? This question used to be saved until the third date, but times change. Better to know ahead of time.
- Are you terminally ill? If the answer is yes, then follow up with, “How much time do you have?” This will determine how many dates you can have.
- What’s my name? If your date can’t remember your name that will tell how the date will go or whether your date has dementia.
- Is your divorce finalized? This is another question where a simple “no” answer may not be sufficient. If the answer is “no”, the next question should be, “When will it be final?”
- What did the voices in your head say about me? The answer to this question will be revealing.
- Did you dress yourself? This simple question is deep on many levels. It says something about your date’s mental health, significant others, health and color coordination. Having the belt and shoes match is not enough.
- Are you packing? You always need to know about concealed weapons. You may want to carry a weapon or mace yourself.
- Anything else I should know about you? Medical? Mental? Emotional?
- Are any of your exes in law enforcement, criminals or mental patients? Can’t be too careful.
I read with interest (last year) an item on my news feed (Wichit News) about the seven questions you should ask your date on the first date. The questions concerned things like hobbies, careers, passions, goals and relationships. I was surprised because not only did I never ask these questions on the first date, I would never have thought of them. They seem impractical. As a public service, I now present the more practical questions you should ask on a first date:
I’ve noticed lately on TV that screenwriters are using a lot of flashbacks. Flashbacks are good. They can be used to move the plot forward, to explain the motives of a character or to fill in gaps in the back story. However, when the flashbacks have flashbacks, it gets confusing. Here is an example of a short story with too many flashbacks. Enjoy.
Tom spoke into his headset to Mike who was behind a wall of sand bags. “Speak to me Mike. I’m recording. What are we looking it at?”
Mike cleared his throat. “It’s just what we thought. This bomb has the signature of our bomber all over it.”
“How so?” Tom asked.
“Well, it has the standard timer with a feedback loop. If we cut off the timer; the bomb will detonate. It was armed when it was set down and any attempt to move will also detonate it. The C4 and blasting cap are rigged so any attempt to remove them also detonates it.”
“Shit!” Tom whispered. “How much time do you have?”
Mike looked at the timer. “Twenty-four seconds.”
“Okay, you know how to handle this,” Tom said, trying to stay positive. “You’ve done the last two. Plenty of time.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m on it. I just have to cut this blue, black and green wires simultaneously. Piece of cake.” Mike looked at the green wire. It reminded him of his wife, Mary. The wire was the same shade of green as the shoes she wore when he fell in love with her. His mind flew back to the scene at her house so many years ago.
It was the night of the senior prom. They had dated all through high school, but it was during the senior prom that he knew – knew for sure she was the one. As she descended the stairs, the first thing he saw were those green patent leather shoes. Then came that green dress and finally Mary’s beautiful face with those gorgeous green eyes. Her hair had a matching green ribbon. Mike knew then that Mary was the one he wanted to marry, to bare his children and to grow old together. He was smitten. They married right after college.
Mary thought about those green shoes too. She loved those shoes and wore them even after they were married. She wore them for two baptisms and two confirmations. The dress didn’t fit well after the first kid was born and not at all after the second, but the shoes still fit. Mary wondered whatever happened to those shoes. Then she recalled putting them in a shoe box, stuffing newspaper around them and placing them in an old trunk in the attic. She decided to look for them later.
Bang! Mary was startled by the Honor Guard firing their rifles in salute of their fallen comrade. Mary’s mind snapped back to the present. A bugler started to play taps. A second bugler, hidden behind a small knoll played the echo. Mary started to cry when she saw Tom walking toward her with a tri-folded flag.
As Tom approached Mary with Mike’s flag he thought she still looked as beautiful as the day he first met her so many years ago. His mind wandered back to freshman year of high school. Tom and Mike had been best friends since grade school. They did everything together; sports, homework and even cheated. Finally, their math teacher caught them and tried to keep them separated by seating a girl between them. That girl was Mary. That didn’t work as Mary became part of their team. Teachers called them the three Musketeers. When Mike married Mary, Tom was the best man. They have been best friends forever. Now Mike was gone. Tears streamed down Tom’s face as he presented Mike’s flag to Mary.
Later, at the reception, Mary managed to corner Tom alone. “Tom, did you figure out what went wrong?”
Tom hung his head to avoid her eyes. “The investigation is still going on.”
Mary stuck her face inches in front of Tom’s and used her hand to raise his chin. “Tom, it’s me, Mary. Don’t give me that bullshit. He was my husband and your best friend. We’ve been friends since high school. Now tell me what you know.”
“Okay, okay. It’s not conclusive. We found what was left of the bomb. Mike knew what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to cut three wires simultaneously. But those wires weren’t cut -- none of them. He was talking to me and then he just went silent. I don’t know why. He never cut those wires.”
Mary stepped back and let Tom’s words sink in. “What happened? Why didn’t he cut those wires?”
Tom shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Well you must have a working theory. What do you think, Tom? Tell me the truth.”
Tom thought for a moment. “To tell you the truth, Mary. I think he had a flashback that lasted too long.”
A while ago, I read an article by Liz Ryan written for Forbes titled “Five Red Flags That Scream 'Don't Hire This Person'” as usual several other red flags were omitted. Oddly enough, many of the “red flags” are the same that apply when a person wants to purchase a gun.
As a public service for hiring managers, I list the additional red flags that say, “Don’t hire this person.”
I hope this helps in making the right choice for hire.
I read with interest on my newsfeed that the Spanish Steps in Rome are no longer a place for sitting. Rome has passed a law that states people tourists may not sit, eat and or drink on these steps as well as other popular tourist attractions. Of course, there are many things that tourists shouldn’t do while on vacation and most aren’t illegal—yet.
As a public service, I’ll list them here:
I’m sure there are others, but this list will start you on your vacation.
I recently lost over 70 pounds. I say “recently”, because I reached my goal of 240 lbs after eight years. I want to write about and post it in my blog. The problem is that my blog is about humor, and there’s nothing funny about being overweight—it’s not healthy. I didn’t follow any particular diet; I just tailored some diets to fit my needs. (I will write something serious later)
When you diet, people will offer all types of advice; most of it bad. I have two rules in life. Don’t take financial advice from a homeless person and don’t take diet advice from a fat person. Works for me. I followed my own advice and built a diet I can stick with and enjoy. People say, “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.” Bull crap. It’s the destination, but you have to enjoy the journey, or you’ll never make it.
I have dieted since my freshman year in high school. I started wrestling heavy weight as a freshman (210 lbs+) and each year went down a weight class. I was wrestling 175 as a senior. I struggled the rest of my life with my weight. I learned all the tricks and tried all the diets. Basically, all diets work. You just must find one that works for YOU.
I tried all those products that state if you use the product, drink lots of water, exercise and limit yourself to 2000 calories; you’ll lose weight. Well, duh! It took me years to learn that just limiting the calories alone will make you lose weight. I also tried a product that is supposed to curb your appetite. I ate half the box and was still hungry.
If you’re trying to lose weight, hang in there and be patient.
I read with interest “Smoking Weed May Permanently Change How You Walk” by Lizette Borreli in the Medical Daily. Researchers at the University of South Australia found marijuana users smokers walk differently than non-users. Marijuana smokers “…moved their knees faster when swinging their leg forward to walk but tended to move their shoulders less.” The researchers concluded that “marijuana use can lead to subtle changes in the way people move.”
Of course, the study looked only at the mechanics of walking and didn’t report other strange changes.
Rumor has it that the following were also observed in marijuana smokers:
Needless to say, smoking marijuana affects your behavior.
I read with interest 5 Questions That Reveal Whether You're in a Healthy Relationship or a Toxic One by Korin Miller in Women's Health 10/31/2016. She listed these questions:
Does your relationship make you feel good?
Does my relationship make me feel good about myself?
Am I dressing differently than I use to?
How do I feel before I see my partner?
How often do I see my friends now?
Of course, she missed several obvious signs that you’re in a toxic relationship. Here are the signs she missed:
People think that President #Trump was joking when he suggested trading #PuertoRico for Greenland. At first, I thought it was a joke, but upon reflection I realize it may not be a joke.
There are three reasons to take this seriously: The immigrant issue, the real estate angle and the cost of keeping Puerto Rico.
First the immigrant issue. The courts have rule that the Border Patrol can now keep illegal immigrants with kids indefinitely. The problem become when the facilities are overwhelmed with illegal immigrants, where to house them while their cases are being processed. The simple answer? Greenland. There’s plenty of room. It moves the focus away from the southern borders.
Then there’s the real estate issue. If the US acquires Greenland, the cost of land in Greenland will be cheap. Trump’s real estate corporation and buy up as much land as possible. As climate change melts the glaciers worldwide and the sea rise, flooding the east and west coast, many big companies will have to relocate to higher ground, like Greenland.
Why trade Puerto Rico. The damage caused by Hurricane Maria was around $91.61 billion. Trading it for Greenland as a “fixer-upper” would pass the cost of repairs to Denmark.
I hope that Denmark continues to turn down the offer.
We must stop demonizing people who fart in public. This has gone on for far too long. It’s a total miscarriage of justice. Farters have been ostracized, shamed and humiliated unfairly. They have had to hide in closets, bathrooms or other places away from sight or smell. It’s time for society to accept farts for what they really are.
Farts are nothing more than gas, or more accurately flatus. They consist of hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane combine with hydrogen sulfide and ammonia. The average person farts 15 and 20-times per day. It’s a natural process that relieves abdominal discomfort, and yet we treat it with distain, banishing the poor farter for doing what comes naturally. This must stop. Farting is the result of a healthy, complex ecosystem in the intestines.
It’s time to accept farting as part of human nature.
Are you one of those people who always seems to be pushing on the “pull” door or pulling on the “push” door? There’s no need to be embarrassed; there’s still hope for you. Here are several clues to determine if a door you’re approaching is a pull door or a push door:
Check out the hardware. If there’s no handle, then it might be a push door. If there’s a big handle, then it might be a pull door.
Ignore the hinges. Hinges can go either way or both ways.
If you see a sign that says, “Emergency Exit Only Alarm Will Sound” it’s probably a push door but don’t push it.
Some doors have magnetic door holders to keep them open. If you see these holders the door is a pull door.
Push doors must be pushed open. Therefore, there’re usually fingerprints, hand prints, dirt, grease or grime on the door from people pushing it. It’s a push door.
Look for sign that say “OUT” or “IN”.
If you still have no clue, wait for someone heading your direction and follow them.
If no one is going your direction, wait for someone to come from the outside and see if they push or pull.
Here’s a great clue. Usually push doors have a sign that says “PUSH” and pull doors have signs that say, “PULL”.
If all else fails, trip the fire alarm and watch what people do as they exit the building.
Hopefully, these clues will save you from embarrassment. Good luck.
Monte is the author of 8 e-books: 3 novels, 3 non-fiction, 1 collection of short stories, and 1 novelette.
Buy Monte's e-books:
The Register cliff Rapist
The Clone Murders,
Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
Leadership for New Managers: Book Two
Angels and Gargoyles