ANGELS AND
GARGOYLES
by
Monte R. Anderson
Based on the novelette, Angels and Gargoyles
by Monte R. Anderson
Monte R. Anderson 711 Wall Street
Elmira, NY 14905
(607) 215-4439
FADE IN
INT. ABANDONED BUILDING – SMALL ROOM – NIGHT
A women in labor lies on a mattress on the floor. Heroin and a needle are nearby. She looks toward a dark corner and sees a pair of menacing red eyes in the dark. She picks up some prayer beads and says a silent prayer. The baby is born and the woman passes out.
RED DEMON enters. Red Demon steps into the faint light revealing a six-foot demon with wings. He walks over to the baby, removes up the baby’s soul and places it in a leather bag that hangs from his belt.
GARTH (OC)
Put it back!
Red Demon freezes and looks toward the voice. GARTH, a short grotesque, enters through the dorrway.
GARTH (CONT’D)
I said put it back.
Red Demon panics and tries to fly out of the window.
WILLEY, a wyvern, and GRIFF, a griffin, enter through the window. They collide with Red Demon just inside the window. The three fall to the floor and thrash about. Eventually, Willey and Griff pin Red Demon against the wall. Garth walks over and takes the leather bag. He opens it and returns the baby’s soul to the baby.
RED DEMON
Who are you?
GARTH
(pointing)
My name is Garth. This is Willey, and this is Griff. Now, who are you?
RED DEMON
You’re gargoyles. You should be guarding a building somewhere. Why are you here?
GARTH
The buildings are safe. We’re here to keep you away from this baby’s soul. Again, who are you?
RED DEMON
You can’t kill me. Let me go.
Willey tightens his grip on the demon. Griff picks up one of the demon’s legs.
GRIFF
We can’t kill you, but we can hurt you. I think we should cut off a leg.
WILLEY
No! No! Let’s break his wings and make him walk back to hell.
RED DEMON
(whining)
Okay, okay. You made your point. What do you want?
GARTH
I asked your name?
RED DEMON
I’m called the Red Demon. I steal baby’s souls. Why did you stop me? This doesn’t concern you.
GARTH
Anything that harms humans is my concern. We haven’t run into you before. Why are you stealing a soul so young?
RED DEMON
It’s a lot easier and quicker. The mother’s a drug addict. The baby’s a drug baby. It will probably die anyway.
WILLY
Well this is new. What’ll we do with this guy?
GARTH
We’ll have to let him go.
Griff and Willy let Red Demon go. Red Demon exits out the window.
GRIFF
(pointing at the woman)
Now what? What about her?
WILLY
(picking up the cellphone)
I’ll call 911.
An angel materializes in the doorway. NINE enters.
GARTH
Who are you?
NINE
I’m Ten Million and Ninety-nine. You can call me Nine. I’m this baby’s guardian angel. The mother prayed just before she went into labor.
GRIFF
Well, you’re a little late. A demon was just here.
NINE
I came as soon as I could.
GARTH
Now that Nine is here, let’s call it a night.
Garth climbs up on Willy. Garth, Willey and Griff exit out the window.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. SAINT PETER’S OFFICE IN HEAVEN - DAY
SAINT PETER sits at his desk. Knock at the door.
SAINT PETER
Come in.
The door opens and the Archangels MICHAEL and LA GARGOUILLE, a winged dragon, enter.
MICHAEL
Oh, hail Saint Peter, Keeper of the Keys of Heaven, First Pope, Head of the Church…
LA GARGOUILLE
Hail Saint Peter, Rock of the Church, Keeper of the Book of Life, Right-hand of Jesus and…
SAINT PETER
Shut up and sit down.
Michael sits in mid-air, hovering effortlessly, and crosses his legs. La Gargouille folds his great tail into the shape of a bench and sits on it. From under a membranous wing, he produces a pipe, and ignites it with a snort from his slender snout. St Peter stares at his subordinates for a minute and waves away the smoke.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
You two get on my nerves.
MICHAEL AND LA GARGOUILLE
What did we do?
SAINT PETER
Never mind. I called you here to discuss the plans for your respective millennium conventions.
Michael and La Gargouille look at each other with raised eyebrows.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
There is not going to be two conventions this time, only one - a combined convention.
MICHAEL
What? We always have two conventions.
SAINT PETER
Not this time.
LA GARGOUILLE
But why?
SAINT PETER
(standing up and leaning on desk.)
I’ve my reasons, like how you both manage to cause trouble.
LA GARGOUILLE
What did we do to cause trouble?
SAINT PETER
(to LaGarqouille)
It was your idea, in fact, to have a canal-digging contest on Mars. Great idea except you forgot to fill them in. What a headache that’s been. People actually believed there was life on Mars.
Michael chuckles
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
(to Michael)
And you had to see how many angels could fit on the head of a pin. That caused an endless and pointless debate.
Michael stops flapping his wings and collapses to the floor. La Gargouille giggles and blows smoke toward Michael.
SAINT PETER
You think that was funny? Well, no fun and games this time. You’ll have a joint convention, and you’ll work together on several issues.
(sits and addresses Michael)
Your angels have done a good job of marketing and public relations. Most people have heard of angels and many believe in you.
(to La Gargouille)
You gargoyles on the other hand haven’t done so well. Few people believe in you and most dismiss you as an archaic, architectural oddity.
LA GARGOUILLE
(coughing up a cloud of smoke)
Oddity?
SAINT PETER
However, you’ve been close to humanity and studied their ways. No one knows humanity better than gargoyles. You know how they feel, how they think and all their trials and tribulations. You especially understand their computers.
MICHAEL
Computers?
SAINT PETER
Yes, computers. I want La Gargouille’s gargoyles to teach your angels all about computers, and I want your angels to teach the gargoyles about marketing. Understood?
MICHAEL
But, but...
SAINT PETER
No buts about it. You need to automate your angels A-S-A-P.
Michael looks at La Gargouille.
LA GARGOUILLE
(blowing smoke toward Michael)
He means as soon as possible.
MICHAEL
But why? God tells me everything I need to know.
SAINT PETER
That’s fine when He has time, but His workload is growing rapidly. You wouldn’t believe all the prayers that He personally answers. Now people want to be able to e-mail Him their requests.
Michael looks at La Gargouille again.
LA GARGOUILLE
An e-mail is an electronic letter.
SAINT PETER
Besides, the human race is doubling every few years. He wants you angels to do more on your own. The gargoyles can show you how, and you can teach them how to market themselves to improve their image.
MICHAEL
Saint Peter, we can do that and still have separate conventions.
SAINT PETER
It has to start somewhere. Consider it a pilot program or a beta test.
Exasperated, Michael gives La Gargouille another quizzical look.
LA GARGOUILLE
He means a trial run.
SAINT PETER
I want you creatures to get to know each other, work together and become a team. Set up a joint committee to plan the convention. Then form one sub-committee to develop a master plan to computerize the angels and another sub-committee to market the gargoyles.
LA GARGOUILLE
That sounds like work not fun.
SAINT PETER
Sometimes you’re a mite slow, but you usually come around. This is going to be a working convention.
MICHAEL
We need to take a break. My angels have worked harder than ever these last thousand years and we’ve been looking forward to this convention.
SAINT PETER
Well, make it fun. Have a couple of mixers or even a dance. Dancing is just another form of prayer. We could use a little more of it.
MICHAEL
Dance? Have you ever seen gargoyles try to dance? They trip on their own feet. Besides, they smell.
LAGARGOUILLE
(pointing)
You’d smell too if you had to sit on a building in all sorts of weather. We all can’t just fly around heaven all day.
(flaps his wing tips in a mocking way)
(to Peter)
Angels get feathers everywhere. They’ll get into the punch, on our food...
(shaking head)
It’s disgusting.
SAINT PETER
Nonetheless, work it out. I want the joint convention held on Pluto this time. Since it is no longer a planet, you shouldn’t cause much trouble. Select co-chairs for the computer committee and the marketing committee. Have them start planning right away. Any questions?
MICHAEL AND LA GARGOUILLE
No sir.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. COFFEE SHOP IN HEAVEN - DAY
A variety of angels sits around small tables drinking coffee and talking.
GARTH sits at a small table drumming his fingers. ONE MILLION THREE, a tall angel, enters. She sees Garth waving and flies over to his table.
THREE
Are you Garth, the gargoyle who is supposed to help us learn computers?
GARTH
(standing and extending his hand)
I’m a grotesque actually, but you can call me a gargoyle if you wish.
Three steps back without shaking hands.
THREE
My name is One Million Three.
GARTH
You’re kidding.
THREE
God never found time to name all the angels so some of us...
(shrugs shoulders)
He just numbered some of us. You can call me Three.
GARTH
(gesturing for Three to sit)
I think it is a nice name. Perhaps we should tell each other about our background before we start working together. That will help us get to know each other better.
THREE
Very well, you go first.
GARTH
As I said, I’m a grotesque. I had several assignments in France over the centuries. My last assignment was to protect Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Then in 1930, I was sent to the Chrysler Building in Manhattan. When they computerized the building, I learned how computers work. Now you.
THREE
There’s not much to tell. I’ve always worked in the Guardian Angel Division. I was in charge of the prayer center.
GARTH
Prayer center?
THREE
Yes. When someone prays for a guardian angel, I’d assign them. Archangel Michael says we must start using computers to assign angels, so I guess that’s why I’m here. He put another angel in charge until I’m done.
A small Cherub flies to their table and takes their orders for coffee. Garth and Three sit in uncomfortable silence as they wait for their coffee. Garth starts to bite his yellow nails while Three straightens out her ruffled feathers. Finally, a Cherub delivers their coffee.
THREE
Do you mind if I ask you a question? I’ve never talked to a gargoyle before.
GARTH
Of course not. Please do. I think that’s what we’re supposed get to know each other better.
THREE
Well, I was wondering, do all gargoyles have names that begin with G? I mean, you’re a gargoyle...
GARTH
(interrupting)
Groteque
THREE
... and your name begins with a G.
GARTH
No, no, of course not. I’ve a griffin friend named GRIFF, and eagle friend named EDWARD, and a dragon friend named WILLIE. Actually, he’s a wyvern, a two-legged winged dragon.
THREE
(beat)
You have to be kidding.
GARTH
(laughing)
I was joking. Those aren’t their real names. I was just kidding. I don’t even know a wyvern. However, I did meet several silver eagles when I worked at the Chrysler Building--none named Edward.
THREE
I don’t understand jokes. I just don’t get them. I don’t think angels have a sense of humor.
GARTH
I hope that’s not true. Every creature needs a sense of humor. I guess because we gargoyles live so close to humans, their sense of humor must have rubbed off on us. Now let me ask you, are all angels women?
THREE
No, angels are asexual--neither male nor female.
GARTH
I don’t think so. You have breasts.
THREE
(looks at her chest)
I guess you’re right. I never paid any attention to them before. Do I look like a woman to you?
GARTH
Are you kidding? You’re definitely a woman from head to toe, a beautiful woman, and believe me I know. I’ve often seen human women.
THREE
We should get to work. What will these computers do for angels?
GARTH
I don’t know yet. Why don’t you tell me how your prayer center works and I’ll try to figure it out.
THREE
Okay, that’s a good start. Whenever someone needs a guardian angel to protect them, we assign one of our angels to that person. It’s the guardian’s job to keep evil spirits away and to prevent the person from being seriously injured.
GARTH
How do you know when someone needs a guardian angel?
THREE
They have to pray and ask for one.
GARTH
(beat)
What if they are too young to pray?
THREE
Oh, anyone can pray for them. If a mother or father, or even a friend asks for a guardian angel for someone, we’ll answer that prayer.
GARTH
How long does that take?
THREE
Once someone prays for a guardian angel, we can assign one instantly. That’s why I don’t understand why we need computers. The system we’ve used for centuries has worked.
GARTH
What if someone needs a guardian angel, but doesn’t ask for one?
THREE
Garth, we can’t answer prayers that don’t exist. Someone has to ask to get an angel.
GARTH
But what if they can’t pray or no one prays for a guardian?
THREE
Don’t be ridiculous. Why would no one pray for someone who really needs a guardian angel?
GARTH
I was thinking about babies.
THREE
What about babies?
GARTH
I mean babies like drug-addicted babies.
THREE
What are drug-addicted babies?
GARTH
You’ve never been to earth, have you?
THREE
No, I’ve never set a wing out of heaven. I was needed here. I’ve never even seen a baby. I mean, I know what they look like, but I’ve not ever seen a real one.
GARTH
(beat)
Sometimes babies are born to women addicted to drugs. If the women have drugs in their system, their babies are also born addicted and start going through withdrawal. Many of them die within a few days. Some of the mothers are too stoned to pray.
THREE
Why, that’s terrible. They must have someone who can pray for them.
GARTH
No, Three, they may not. That’s my point. Many addicted babies need guardian angels and yet have no one to ask for one. Do you help them?
THREE
No, I don’t think so. If no one asks, we don’t send one. How would we even know?
GARTH
We might be able to fix that. What if, when a child is born, an e-mail is sent to the Prayer Center? That e-mail could tell you if that child needs a guardian angel but has no one to pray for it.
THREE
What is an e-mail?
GARTH
An electronic letter.
THREE
Is that possible?
GARTH
I don’t know. I was thinking aloud, but it might be.
THREE
Garth, I’m having a hard time grasping the problem. Could you show me one of these babies?
GARTH
Yes, I can arrange that. Actually, we gargoyles have been trying to help these drug babies. The next time an addicted baby is born, I’ll take you there.
Three and Garth finish their coffee.
THREE
(pats Garth’s hand)
Garth, I can see into your heart, and I see you’re very nice, in spite of your appearance.
Immediately, Garth’s skin darkens.
THREE
Oh my! What just happened? Your skin got dark gray for a few seconds. I’ve never seen anything like it. What was it?
GARTH
(embarrassed)
You made me blush.
THREE
Blush?
GARTH
Yes. Your compliment embarrassed me and you touched me, so I blushed. It is a normal reaction. I can’t control it.
THREE
Oh. I never heard of that. Angels don’t blush. At least, I don’t think they do.
GARTH
Angels have nothing to blush about.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. A HOSPITAL IN NEW YORK CITY. A PRIVATE ROOM - NIGHT
A baby is in an incubator hooked up to monitors. Around the incubators stand Garth, Griff, Willie and the four silver eagles: EDWARD NORTH, EDWARD SOUTH, EDWARD EAST and EDWARD WEST. Garth is armed with a sword.
GARTH
Smell that? Sulfur. They are coming.
EAGLE NORTH
They are early tonight.
A red circle of flame forms on one wall. Garth draws his sword and quickly draws a circle on the floor big enough to encircle them and the incubator. Within seconds the Gate to Hell opens and a collection of demons step through proceeded by a yellow cloud of sulfur. The first through is a SATYR, half human and half horse, followed by a collection of harpies, imps, and goblins, each armed with an assortment of weapons. The Satyr is armed with a bow and a quiver of arrows. Once the demon horde gathers in the room, the Gate to Hell closes.
WILLIE
Oh great. These demons are from the legions of heliophobic demons. They fear the sunlight. It is going to be a long night.
GARTH
As long as we stay within the Circle of Protection, we will be safe.
The scarlet-hued demons move counter-clockwise around the Circle of Protection drawn by Garth. The gargoyles circle clockwise around the incubator. The Satyr shoots an arrow at Edward East, striking his wing. He jerks backwards striking the incubator, which strikes Willie on the opposite side, knocking him out of the Circle of Protection. Immediately, the imps and harpies attack him.
GARTH
(shouting)
Stay in the circle.
All four Edwards step out of the Circle of Protection to rescue Willie. The goblins join the fight, so Griff also leaves the circle to help. Garth remains alone to stand guard over the baby. The Satyr starts grabbing things and throwing them at the incubator trying to knock it out of the Circle of Protection. Garth uses his sword to deflect everything thrown, and holds onto the incubator with his free hand.
SATYR
The baby is ours. Give him up.
GARTH
Never!
Suddenly, a blinding light from the doorway momentarily stops the battle. Three enters. The demons pull back, cowering against the far wall trying desperately to reopen the Gate to Hell. Even the huge Satyr steps back.
THREE
What is going on here?
GARTH
(breathless)
These demons are trying to steal this baby’s soul. Help us.
From under her wing, Three withdraws a two handed sword.
GRIFF
She has a dopplehander!
The demons scramble over each other to get far away from Three. The Satyr touches the wall with a hoof and a circle of fire begins to form. Three joins in the fight. With each arc of her sword, heads and limbs roll across the floor. Demons scream and hide behind each other as Three cuts a path through them trying to reach the retreating Satyr. Green blood begins to cover the floor and walls. The Gate to Hell opens.
SATYR
(shouting)
You have escalated the battle, Garth. I’ll avenge this act.
GARTH
Anytime, Diablo. Bring it on.
The Satyr exits through the Gate to Hell followed by the rest of the demons. Their severed limbs, heads and green blood turn into dust and blow into the gate. The Gate to Hell closes. The gargoyles drop to their knees bowing down toward Three.
THREE
(sees the gargoyles)
What are you doing?
GARTH
We never realized the full power of an angel before. I heard stories, but I never, until this minute, believed them. You’re awesome.
THREE
(smiling)
Now get up, and someone explained to me what just happened.
GARTH
(standing up)
I asked you to come to see this baby. This is a drug-addicted baby. It might not make it through the night. The demons came to steal the baby’s soul or even kill him. We came to guard him.
THREE
The Satyr knows your name.
GARTH
We’ve tangled a few times.
THREE
And you know his name?
GARTH
Not really. We call all demons Diablo.
THREE
(looking at the others)
Who might these others be?
Garth points at each in turn and they stand up.
GARTH
This is my good friend Griff the Griffin. We go back to France. These four eagles are Edward East, Edward West, Edward North, and Edward South. They serve with me on the Chrysler Building.
Three smiles as she meets each one. Each Edward in turn snaps to attention, clicks his heels and kisses her hand.
THREE
How do you tell them apart?
GARTH
We can’t, so we just call them all Edward. Actually, there are four more, but we couldn’t leave the Chrysler Building unguarded. This poor creature is Willie the Wyvern.
THREE
I thought you said that you didn’t know…
GARTH
(interrupting)
I know I said that I didn’t know any eagles named Edward or wyverns named Willie. I felt so stupid that we’ve names that begin with the same letter as the type of creatures we are, but that’s the way it is. I didn’t want you to think less of me.
THREE
(smiles)
After tonight, I’ll always have the highest regard for gargoyles regardless of their names.
THREE
(sees Willie’s injured wings)
Let me help you.
Three touches Willie’s wings. Instantly, the wings heal, wounds close and claws mend.
THREE
You’ll be sore for a few days, but at least now, you’ll heal faster.
WILLIE
It’s okay. We’re used to this.
THREE
How can you fight demons? Aren’t they immortal just like you?
GARTH
Yes, they are immortal, but they feel pain. If we hurt them enough, they will stop and leave the baby alone.
THREE
But if they can feel pain, you must feel pain too?
EDWARD WEST
Yes, very much so.
THREE
(turns to the Edwards)
Oh, look at you. You’re covered with nicks and scratches.
WILLIE
(laughing)
Don’t worry about the Edwards. They’re made of cement and brick. We’ll patch them up with quick drying cement when we get back, and they’ll be good as new.
THREE
But does it hurt?
EDWARD NORTH
Yes.
GARTH
(surprised)
What?
EAGLE SOUTH
(whispering to Garth)
Just play along.
THREE
Oh, you poor creatures.
Three caresses and kisses each nick and scratch.
GRIFF
(faking)
I may have broken my wing.
Three rushes over and kisses Griff’s wing. Three walks over and stands in front of Garth.
THREE
And you, my bantam gargoyle, are my hero. You organized this small group to save a poor child who has no one to pray for him. Are you injured?
GARTH
No, I was not injured.
GRIFF
No one would’ve been injured if some idiot had drawn the Circle of Protection bigger.
GARTH
There was not enough time. The demons arrived early. It would’ve ended sooner if another idiot had not been knocked out of the Circle of Protection.
All the gargoyles look at Willie who hangs his head. Three walks over to the incubator and peeks inside.
THREE
It doesn’t matter; you saved the baby. So this tiny person caused all the fuss? Look. He slept through the whole fight.
GARTH
He’s not asleep. The doctors induced a coma so he wouldn’t feel the pain as he goes through withdrawal.
THREE
Oh, that’s terrible. He is so beautiful. I’ve never seen a baby up close.
Three lifts the Plexiglas cover and begins caressing the baby.
THREE (CONT”D)
He is so cute.
Three bends down and kisses the baby on the cheek.
ALL THE GARGOYLES
(shouting at once)
Not on the face!
THREE
(shocked)
Why not?
EDWARD WEST
Because wherever an angel kisses a baby, it leaves a mark, a birthmark. You should kiss somewhere where it will not show.
THREE
Oh dear. I was just trying…
WILLIE
Don’t worry. He's a boy. It won’t matter to him. However, don’t kiss a girl on the face.
THREE
Garth, something strange just happened.
GARTH
What happened?
THREE
When I kissed the baby, I got the weirdest sensation.
GARTH
Describe it to me.
THREE
It made me feel warm all over. My heart beat harder. I just wanted to hold this baby in my arms and protect it.
All the gargoyles begin to chuckle.
GARTH
(smiling)
You fell in love with the baby.
THREE
No, I don’t think so. Angels aren’t emotional creatures.
GARTH
Maybe not, but I know that feeling. We all do. That happened to each of us when we touched a baby. You’re in love with this baby. Maybe all babies.
THREE
Oh my. It’s a good feeling. I like it. Can I keep this baby?
GARTH
No. Saint Peter wouldn’t approve.
GRIFF
(interrupting)
Now that we’ve all caught our breath, another crack baby across town needs our protection. We should get over there right away.
One by one, everyone exits out the window and flies. Willie starts to pick up Garth.
GARTH
Go on ahead. I’ll be there shortly. Here, take the sword and draw the Circle of Protection. Make it bigger.
WILLIE
Roger, boss. Don’t be too long. We need your strong arm and leadership.
THREE
How often do you have to do this?
GARTH
It’s getting worse. We used to do this about once or twice a week. Then it started being once a night. Now we fight two or three times per night: too many drug babies, too many demons and too few gargoyles.
THREE
Oh my.
GARTH
We need your help. Angels number in the millions. We gargoyles are only a few hundred thousand.
THREE
Garth, I’m so impressed with what you gargoyles are trying to do. Of course, I’ll help.
SIX, another angel, enters and stands in the doorway.
SIX
What’s going on here?
THREE
Who’re you?
SIX
I’m Three Million Seven Hundred and Six. You can call me Six. I’m this baby’s guardian Angel.
THREE
Well, you’re a bit late. We could’ve used you an hour ago. Thanks to Garth here and his friends, we chased off a pack of demons trying to steal this baby’s soul.
SIX
I came as soon as we got the prayer. This new hospital is not on any of our maps.
GARTH
See. We need to fix the system and install a GPS.
THREE
Wait a minute. You got a prayer? This baby has no one to prayer for it. Who sent the prayer?
SIX
The hospital chaplain. She waited until she got home to pray.
GARTH
(to Three)
If you’re not busy tonight, why don’t you come with us? The demons won’t dare show up with an angel in the room.
THREE
Okay. Let me carry you so we can fly. It’ll get us there quicker.
Three scoops up Garth and Three and Garth exit out the window.
MONTAGE
-- Three flies through the night over New York City carrying Garth.
-- Garth and his band of gargoyles with the aid of Three stand guard over babies.
-- Garth and Three visit a nursery.
-- Garth and Three visit a labor and delivery room.
-- Garth shows Three a pregnant women shooting up with heroin.
END MONTAGE
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. LARGE BALLROOM ON PLUTO - NIGHT
All the angels are on one side of the room and all the gargoyles are on the other side. Garth, Griff, Willie and the four Edwards are standing together with other gargoyles. Garth is wearing a dress uniform with medals and a dress sword. The four Edwards are wearing tuxedos. Griff and Willie have on bow ties. Three and Six are standing and talking with other angels. Music is playing but no one dances. Saint Peter, Michael and La Gargouille sit at a table looking unhappy.
MICHAEL
I told you this mixer wouldn’t work. Angels and gargoyles don’t mix.
La Gargouille removes a feather from his drink.
LA GARGOUILLE
For good reason.
SAINT PETER
Give them time. They are all heavenly hosts and good-natured. Give them time.
Garth walks out of the group of gargoyles toward the angels. Three walks out to meets him.
GARTH
May I have this dance?
THREE
Garth, how are we going to dance? I’m twice as tall as you are.
GARTH
I don’t know. I’ve not thought that far ahead. With these big feet, I’m not exactly light on my feet.
THREE
I’ve an idea. Let me lead.
Three picks Garth up in her arms and flies up in the air. She flies in large circles to the music of a waltz. Garth hangs onto her neck. Willie spies Six in the group of angels. She smiles at him. He flies over to her.
WILLIE
Care to dance?
SIX
I love to dance.
Willie and Six fly up together and join Garth and Three flying above the dance floor. The four Edwards along with four cherubim join them. Griff matches up with a seraph and they join the group. Soon angels and gargoyles pair off to dance. Those that can, fly. The others remain on the dance floor and dance, sometimes not so gracefully.
SAINT PETER
(smiling)
See that? I told you. Just give them time. They’ll do the right thing.
LA GARGOUILLE
(placing a coaster over his glass)
Just the same, it’s a good idea to keep your glass covered.
La Gargouille gets up and starts dancing alone. After a few minutes, he dances over to Michael and pulls him out on the dance floor. After another minute, the two of them pull a protesting Saint Peter to the dance floor.
SERIES OF SHOT—DANCE HALL
A) Different couples of angels and gargoyles dancing.
B) A band of gargoyles playing garbage can lids and washboards joins Saint Gabriele’s band of angels.
C) Angels and gargoyles standing around a punch bowl, talking and laughing.
D) Angels and gargoyles line dancing. The gargoyles step on the angels’ feet but the angels laugh about it. Feathers fill the air.
E) Three, Garth, Six, and Willie doing the tango above the dance floor.
F) La Gargouille doing a break dance with Griff.
G) Saint Peter leads a Jewish dance.
H) Saint Peter sitting at his table clapping and laughing.
I) A room filled with computers with an angel in front of each computer. Garth, Willie, Griff, and the four Edwards are walking around helping angels learn the computers.
J) A classroom filled with gargoyles. Michael is teaching a class on marketing.
END OF SERIES
FADE OUT
FADE IN-
INT. NEONATAL INTENSIVE CARE UNIT IN A HOSPITAL-NIGHT
There are five babies in incubators. In the corner is a desk with a nurse sleeping with her head on the desk. Garth, Three, Griff, Willie and three Edwards enter. Three walks over to check on the nurse.
GARTH
I don’t like the looks of this.
WILLIE
Are you sure this is the right place?
GARTH
Yeah, I‘m sure. There are three drug babies and two premature babies here in NICU.
EDWARD NORTH
Do you think the demons will come?
GARTH
They will come. However, I don’t like the looks of this room. It is too big. I’ll draw a big Circle of Protection. Someone is missing. Who’s missing?
EDWARD SOUTH
Edward East. When we were ready to go, we couldn’t find him. We thought he came on ahead.
GARTH
I don’t like the sound of that either. It is not like him to miss a fight.
THREE
(holding up a piece of paper)
Garth, look at this. The nurse had a checklist and at the top is “pray for guardian angels,” but it is not check off. She didn’t pray yet.
GARTH walks over to the desk and looks at the piece of paper. He picks up a coffee cup from the desk and sniffs it.
GARTH
The nurse has been drugged. She is out cold. I don’t like the looks of this.
WILLIE
Will you stop saying that? You give me the willies.
GARTH draws a Circle of Protection around all five incubators with his sword.
GRIFF
(sniffing)
Sulfur. Here they come.
A circle of fire forms on one wall. Three draws her two handed sword. The Gate to Hell opens, and a Satyr enters.
SATYR
Hello, Garth. So, we meet yet again. This time it will be different. You have your reinforcements, so I brought mine.
AYM, a three-headed demon, enters, riding on a serpent. In one hand, he carries an unlit torch. He dismounts and the serpent exits. A thick cloud of yellow smoke knee deep fills the room outside the Circle of Protection.
WILLIE
I don’t like the looks of this.
GARTH
Hello, Diablo. I see you brought Aym to help you.
The Satyr and Aym begin to circle around the room. Aym calls forth little demons who throw themselves at the Circle of Protection. They instantly turn to dust that fall outside the circle.
EDWARD EAST
What is he doing?
GARTH
He is using the little demons dust to mark off the Circle of Protection so they know where it is.
THREE
What does this mean? Who is this demon?
GRIIFF
That, my dear, is Aym, a Grand Duke of Hell. He has three heads: one human, one serpent and one cat.
THREE
Oh, dear. Is that a problem?
GRIFF
The three heads aren’t a problem. The twenty-six legions that he commands are.
THREE
How many demons in a legion?
GRIFF
Only 10,000 give or take.
WILLIE
Twenty-six legions won’t fit in this room. They are up to something.
GARTH
No kidding. Notice that Diablo didn’t close the Gate to Hell? He plans to keep bringing fresh demons and to wear us down.
WILLIE
Garth, we can’t fight twenty-six legions all night. We won’t last that long.
THREE
Yes, but I don’t tire. I can stand by the gate and stop anyone trying to enter.
GARTH
Diablo knows that, so he must be planning on distracting you or somehow keeping you away. Be careful.
THREE
Someone needs to pray for help.
GARTH
Who? Only humans can pray. It is a special gift.
GARTH
I’ve an idea.
Garth goes over to the computer on the nurse’s desk and starts typing.
THREE
What are you doing?
GARTH
I’m sending an e-mail on the new system to Six. She will send the guardian angels.
SATYR
Let the fun and games begin.
Two goblins enter holding Edward East. They make him kneel. Immediately, the other three Edwards begin to squawk and thrash about very excited.
SATYR (CONT’D)
So what it going to be, Garth? Give us the babies for your eagle friend or we will tear him apart.
GARTH
Never!
THREE
They can’t kill Edward, can they?
WILLIE
No, but they can hurt him very badly. They’re trying to draw the other three Edwards out of the Circle of Protection.
GARTH
(shouting)
Stay in the circle.
The goblins begin to dismantle Edward East, brick by brick and throw each brick into the Circle of Protection. The other Edwards leave the circle to help their friend. Aym’s torch lights and he begins to burn the Edwards’ feathers.
THREE
Stay here to protect the babies. I’ll rescue the Edwards.
GARTH
No! It’s a trap!
Three leaves the Circle of Protection and enters the yellow smoke. Immediately, hundreds of tiny demons rise out of the smoke and swarm over her, pulling her down. She disappears under the smoke.
THREE (O.S.)
Help me, Garth.
WILLIE
Stay with the babies. I got this.
GARTH
What are you doing?
WILLIE
(lighting his breath with a zippo lighter)
Fight fire with fire.
SERIES OF SHOT—BATTLE IN NICU - NIGHT
A) Willie attacks Aym with his fire breath. Aym fight back with his flaming torch. Eventually, Willie gets out of breath and Aym gets the upper hand. He forces Willie and the four Edwards into a corner.
B) Garth tries to rescue Three. He runs out of the Circle of Protection and attacks the demons pinning her down. Initially he is successful.
C) The Satyr shots arrows into Garth’s feet, pinning them to the floor. Garth falls. More arrows pin his arms to the floor. Hundreds of little demons swarm over Garth and Three.
D) Dozens of ropes with grappling hooks fly through the air and tangle on the incubators. The tiny demons begin to pull the incubators toward the gate. Griff tries to stop them, but is vastly outnumbered.
E) Six and four other angels materialize. Six draws her two-handed sword and cuts all the ropes. Six and the other angels spread their wings and cover the incubators.
END OF SERIES
BACK TO SCENE
GRIFF
Six! Am I glad to see you.
GARTH
Help us.
SIX
We’re here only to protect the babies.
SERIES OF SHOT—BATTLE IN NICU
A) The Satyr shoots another arrow at Garth. La Gargouille materializes and snatches the arrow in mid-air. He snaps it in two with his claw.
B) The Satyr readies another arrow, but La Gargouille breathes a flame that incinerates his bow. La Gargouille forms a fireball and throws it toward the overhead sprinklers. Sprinklers come on, soaking everything in the room and putting out all fires.
C) Michael materializes next to the incubators. He exhales and blows away all the yellow smoke, revealing Three and Garth pinned down by tiny demons.
END OF SERIES
BACK TO SCENE
MICHAEL
I command you. Be gone.
The Satyr and Aym nod their heads toward Michael and exit, followed by all the demons, heads, limbs, and dust. The NICU returns to normal. Willie helps Garth remove the arrows that pin him to the floor. Garth runs to Three who is still lying on the floor.
GARTH
(holding Three’s head)
Three, are you okay?
THREE
(slowly opening her eyes)
Oh, Garth, I’m so glad to see you. I thought these demons would drag me into hell.
(kisses Garth)
Oh! I just felt that sensation again. I love you Garth. Did you feel it too?
GARTH
(laughing)
I felt before.
THREE
When?
GARTH
In the coffee shop when we first met. When you touched me, I fell in love with you. That’s why I blushed. Do you remember?
THREE
Way back then? Why didn’t you tell me?
GARTH
I thought you wouldn’t understand.
THREE
(hugging Garth)
I do now. I love you.
GARTH
I love you too.
THREE
What do we do now?
GARTH
I don’t know. Perhaps, for the time being, we should not tell anyone.
THREE
Okay.
GARTH
Michael and La Gargouille are here. They saved us.
Three gets up to one knee. Garth and all the other gargoyles get down on one knee facing Michael and La Gaugouille. Michael motions for everyone to rise.
GARTH
How did you know we needed help?
MICHAEL
(holding up a cellphone)
I got a message on this miraculous device.
LA GARGOUILLE
I keep telling you, It’s a cellphone.
THREE
But how?
MICHAEL
The message was from Six. She forwarded a letter from Garth.
LA GARGOUILLE
(exasperated)
It was an e-mail.
WILLIE
(to La Gargouille)
Aym acted as though he knew you.
LA GARGOUILLE
We’ve locked horns before. Before your time, he tried to burn down Paris and Chicago. That’s where I discovered that he does not like water. You can’t fight his fire with fire.
Garth looks at Willie who shrugs his shoulders. Michael waves his hand and all the wounds begin to heal. The nurse begins to stir.
MICHAEL
Good work, everyone. Now we need to leave.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
MONTAGE
-- Three and Garth sitting on the Golden Gate Bridge watching the sun set.
-- Three and Garth in Central Park at night, holding hands and kissing.
-- Six watching from behind a bush as Garth and Three kiss.
-- Garth and Three at a BBQ party on the Chrysler Building with Willie, Griff and all the Edwards. Six is there and watches Garth and Three holding hands.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. SAINT PETER’S OFFICE - DAY
Saint Peter sits at his desk. Three and Garth sit in front of Saint Peter.
SAINT PETER
I’ve heard some very disturbing rumors about you two, and I want an explanation.
Garth and Three look at each other.
THREE
One of the gargoyles?
GARTH
I don’t think so. I made them swear to secrecy. Their loyalty is beyond question.
THREE
Who then?
GARTH
Who else knew?
GARTH AND THREE
(beat)
Six!
SAINT PETER
It does not matter whom. The rumor has it that you two are in love. Is that true?
Garth holds out his hand and Three takes it.
THREE
Yes. We’re in love, and we want to get married.
GARTH
We do?
SAINT PETER
(shaking his head)
Impossible! First, there has never been a case of any Angel falling in love with a gargoyle. It’s totally unheard of.
GARTH
Well, we did. We fell in love.
SAINT PETER
Not possible. Angels and gargoyles don’t have free will. You can’t fall in love. It can’t happen.
THREE
We don’t know how it happened, it just happened. We didn’t choose to fall in love. It might not be possible, but we did.
SAINT PETER
So I see. Please don’t hold hands in front of me. I can’t allow this. It will undermine discipline. We can’t allow heavenly hosts to fall in love with each other. How’d we get any work done?
THREE
Perhaps, you should let us get married?
SAINT PETER
How would that solve the problem?
GARTH
We could become human.
SAINT PETER
Absolutely not. A terrible idea.
THREE
Has an angel ever become human?
SAINT PETER
(beat)
Yes, it has happened before. You might recall Joan of Arc, and more recently, Mother Theresa. However, they never married. I sometimes send angels in human form to deliver messages or to perform miracles, but they don’t stay long. No angel has ever married a gargoyle and become human.
GARTH
But it is possible?
SAINT PETER
Of course. Anything is possible. Why do you want to get married and become human?
Three stands up, picks up Garth, and sits back down with him on her lap.
THREE
Because we love each other very much and we want to have babies.
SAINT PETER
The Saints preserve us. This just gets worse and worse. And why, pray tell, do you want to have babies?
THREE
(smiles)
We love babies. We want to have our own.
SAINT PETER
If you could, and I’m not saying you could, but if you could, how many babies would you like to have?
THREE
Maybe one or two hundred.
SAINT PETER
The Saints deliver us. Not possible.
THREE
But you just said anything was possible.
SAINT PETER
I meant anything was possible in heaven, but it’s not humanly possible. Garth, please get off her lap and sit in your own chair. I can’t talk to you this way. Did you show her labor and delivery at the hospitals?
GARTH
Yes, I did. She still wants babies.
SAINT PETER
Did you explain to her about S-E-X?
THREE
I know how to spell, guys. What do I need to know about sex? What does sex have to do with getting married and having babies?
SAINT PETER
Obviously, you didn’t tell her.
GARTH
She is a million years older than I am. I thought she knew.
SAINT PETER
Well, now you have to tell her. You do know about sex, right?
GARTH
(beat)
No, not really.
Peter stares at Garth in disbelief.
GARTH (CONT’D)
(shifting in his chair)
I may have seen a video or two.
Peter continues to stare at Garth.
GARTH (CONT’D)
(squirming)
Okay, I may have watched a human couple in the Chrysler Building. They weren’t supposed to be there. It’s not like a hotel or anything. Anyway, it happened and I saw.
SAINT PETER
Finally, a moment of truth. Now you explain it to her.
GARTH
I can’t.
SAINT PETER
Why not?
Garth’s skin turns a darker shade of gray.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
Did you just blush?
GARTH
I don’t know. I guess so. I can’t control it.
THREE
Yes, you blushed.
SAINT PETER
I don’t want to hear about it. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. First, you can’t become humans. Marriage is forbidden. I’ll not allow it. So is sex for that matter. Therefore, no babies.
Suddenly the door to Saint Peter’s office opens and SAINT MARY, dressed in a white pants suit, enters.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
(dropping to his knees)
Mother of God!
Three kneels down, pulling a startled Garth down on his knees next to her.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
Mother Mary, what brings you to my humble office?
SAINT MARY
(motions for everyone to stand up)
I just heard and wanted to see for myself. Is this the couple? Of course it is. Just look at them--so in love. They just glow don’t they? I think it’s wonderful. There’s always room for more love in heaven.
SAINT PETER
(standing)
They want to get married,
SAINT MARY
Yes! Yes! A splendid idea.
SAINT PETER
There’s no precedent for it, Mother Mary. It will undermine discipline.
SAINT MARY
Oh, nonsense. You can just make them human. That’ll work. I understand you brought these two lovebirds together. I never thought of you as being romantic. I’ll be sure to mention the splendid job you do to my Son. Keep up the good work.
Saint Mary goes over to Three, lays hands on her and blesses her. Next, she lays hands on Three’s abdomen and blesses it. Saint Mary blesses the top of Garth’s head. She holds his hands, palms up and blesses each one.
SAINT PETER
As long as you’re here, Mother Mary, perhaps you could help by explaining sex to Three.
SAINT MARY
Oh yes, sex - God’s greatest gift to humankind. You two will really enjoy sex.
SAINT PETER
But Three has no knowledge of sex and how it relates to having babies.
SAINT MARY
Oh, my. Surely, a man of your experience can explain it to her.
SAINT PETER
I can’t explain any such thing to an angel, specially a female one.
SAINT MARY
Oh, I see. Very well. Come with me Three. This’ll be just between us girls - no males allowed.
Saint Mary and Three exit. Peter sits back down and Garth follows his lead. Garth is grinning.
SAINT PETER
You find this amusing?
GARTH
Saint Mary called Three a “girl”. Did you hear it? It was nice. She’s my girl.
SAINT PETER
(holds his head in his hands)
The Saints help us. I can’t stand much more of this. I just wanted to have a quiet convention, but now it has turned into a nightmare.
Saint Peter takes a pipe from his desk, stuffs it with tobacco, and lights it.
GARTH
You smoke?
SAINT PETER
La Gargouille got me started. I only use it to relieve tension. Believe me, I need it now.
GARTH
Why did Saint Mary bless my hands?
SAINT PETER
She has her reasons. It will be revealed, I’m sure.
GARTH
Why did she bless Three’s stomach?
SAINT PETER
I’m afraid to conjecture, but it too will be revealed, of that, I’m positive.
GARTH
What are you going to do?
SAINT PETER
You heard Mother Mary, and whatever she wants, she gets. You two will become human, be married and have babies. Now let me think.
Three enters crying.
GARTH
(jumping up)
You’re crying. What happened? What did she say?
THREE
(kneeling in front of Garth)
She explained to me why I couldn’t have a hundred babies. She said maybe twelve, but more like two or three. She had only one.
Garth holds her face and wipes her tears. Peter wipes his own tears as he listens.
GARTH
Don’t worry, we could adopt.
THREE
Adopt? What does that mean?
GARTH
It is like a guardian angel to a baby that’s given up for adoption, but the baby lives with you.
THREE
Really? Can we adopt a hundred?
GARTH
I’m not sure but maybe.
THREE
(lifting her breasts)
By the way, Mother Mary told me what these are for.
Peter’s mouth drops, as he turns red-faced. Garth and Three notice him blush right away and stare in disbelief.
SAINT PETER
(embarrassed)
Perhaps you two should let me do the talking. The way I see it, you two, somehow--I don’t know how--have fallen in love. I’ll explain what will happen if you become human and maybe, by the Grace of God, you will come to your senses and change your minds.
GARTH AND THREE
(returning to their seats)
Never!
SAINT PETER
It will work like this; you’ll become human and will already be married. You’ll have a full memory of your life since childhood: how you met, how you fell head over heels in love and how you married. You’ll not remember anything of your existence as an angel or gargoyle.
THREE
And children?
SAINT PETER
(exasperated)
Yes, yes. You’ll already have children, but you can have more if you want.
THREE
(takes Garth’s hand)
Oh, Garth, let’s have sex right away so we can have more children, shall we?
SAINT PETER
Give me strength. However, and this is very important, because you’ll be human, you could choose to love someone else. It happens all the time.
GARTH AND THREE
Never!
SAINT PETER
It could happen. You could even sin and never come back to heaven.
GARTH AND THREE
Oh, no!
GARTH
(standing up and striking his chest)
I’ll never sin.
SAINT PETER
(smiling)
Oh, yes, you’ll sin. You both will. Humans do that. Not only that, but you’ll not live forever. You will grow old and someday die.
Three begin to sob again.
SAINT PETER
Do you understand? You’ll suffer pain. You’ll become weary and sleep one third of your life. You’ll get sick. You’ll fight with each other. You’ll have to work. One of you could die while still young. Do you want to take that chance?
GARTH
(taking Three’s hand)
I can’t live in heaven if I can’t marry the one I love.
THREE
Oh, Garth. I feel the same way. We have to take a chance even if it means being together for just a short time.
SAINT PETER
So be it.
(snaps his fingers)
FADE OUT
FADE IN.
INT. WARD OF CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL-NURSE’S STATION-NIGHT
A NURSE sits at the nurses’ station. Doctors and nurses pass by. ANGELA (Three) enters and walks up to the nurses’ station.
ANGELA
What have you done with my husband?
NURSE
Oh, hello Doctor Gareth. He is in room sixteen tonight. He performed surgery on a baby this afternoon, and said he would stay with the baby through the night--just in case.
ANGELA
He always does when there’s no family. Give me a blanket. I’ll try to make him comfortable at least.
NURSE
(finds a blanket)
Will you be staying too?
ANGELA
Oh, heavens no. One of has to get home to relieve the baby sitter.
NURSE
How many children do you have?
ANGELA
Two by Lamaze and three by adoption.
Both women laugh.
NURSE
You two are quite the couple if you don’t mind my saying so-- both talented, pediatric surgeons. But, you’re like the odd couple. I mean, you’re so tall and beautiful while he is short and, and…
ANGELA
(interrupting)
Brilliant?
NURSE
Yes, brilliant is the word I was searching for. How’d you two meet?
ANGELA
It was match made in heaven. We met in medical school. We had a lot in common: we both wanted to be pediatricians, we’re both religious, we both lost our parents and we both love children. We started dating and, as they say, the rest is history.
NURSE
Well all of us nurses think the world of you two doctors.
ANGELA
Thank you.
NURSE
Tell me, Angela, just between us girls, is it true what they say about men with big feet?
ANGELA
What do you mean?
NURSE
You know, they’re enhanced in other areas of their anatomy.
ANGELA
(blushes)
That’s an improper question to ask about Doctor Gareth.
NURSE
Never mind, you just answered my question. Did you know he talks in his sleep? Oh. That’s stupid. Of course, you would know. Sometimes late at night I hear voices and when I check, he is talking in his sleep--calling names.
ANGELA
Let me guess: Edward, Griff, and Willie?
NURSE
Yes! Yes! So you’ve heard him. Isn’t that weird?
ANGELA
The weird part is we know several Edwards but no Griffs or Willies. I don’t know where he got those names.
NURSE
Well, don’t worry, doctor. We’ll check in on him.
ANGELA
(starts to leave)
Just remember, hands off. I saw him first.
Angela exits down the hall.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. PRIVATE ROOM IN CHILDERNS HOSITAL – NIGHT
Gareth (Garth) is sleeping in a chair next to an incubator. A baby is sleeping in the incubator. Angela enters. She places a blanket on Gareth. She turns to look at the baby. The ghostly figures of the four Edwards and Griff appear around the incubator. Angela can’t see them. Angela bends down and kisses the cover of the incubator, leaving lip marks. DOCTOR WILLIAM (WILLIE) and DOCTOR SIGHN (SIX) enter and stand in the doorway.
WILLIAM
(whispering)
How’s the baby?
ANGELA
(whispering)
He’s okay.
SIGHN
(whispering)
It was touch and go for a couple of hours, but thanks to your husband, the surgery was a success. His hands must be blessed.
Angela, Williams and Singh exit. As they leave, Griff and the four Edwards wave goodbye.
FADE OUT
THE END
by
Monte R. Anderson
Based on the novelette, Angels and Gargoyles
by Monte R. Anderson
Monte R. Anderson 711 Wall Street
Elmira, NY 14905
(607) 215-4439
FADE IN
INT. ABANDONED BUILDING – SMALL ROOM – NIGHT
A women in labor lies on a mattress on the floor. Heroin and a needle are nearby. She looks toward a dark corner and sees a pair of menacing red eyes in the dark. She picks up some prayer beads and says a silent prayer. The baby is born and the woman passes out.
RED DEMON enters. Red Demon steps into the faint light revealing a six-foot demon with wings. He walks over to the baby, removes up the baby’s soul and places it in a leather bag that hangs from his belt.
GARTH (OC)
Put it back!
Red Demon freezes and looks toward the voice. GARTH, a short grotesque, enters through the dorrway.
GARTH (CONT’D)
I said put it back.
Red Demon panics and tries to fly out of the window.
WILLEY, a wyvern, and GRIFF, a griffin, enter through the window. They collide with Red Demon just inside the window. The three fall to the floor and thrash about. Eventually, Willey and Griff pin Red Demon against the wall. Garth walks over and takes the leather bag. He opens it and returns the baby’s soul to the baby.
RED DEMON
Who are you?
GARTH
(pointing)
My name is Garth. This is Willey, and this is Griff. Now, who are you?
RED DEMON
You’re gargoyles. You should be guarding a building somewhere. Why are you here?
GARTH
The buildings are safe. We’re here to keep you away from this baby’s soul. Again, who are you?
RED DEMON
You can’t kill me. Let me go.
Willey tightens his grip on the demon. Griff picks up one of the demon’s legs.
GRIFF
We can’t kill you, but we can hurt you. I think we should cut off a leg.
WILLEY
No! No! Let’s break his wings and make him walk back to hell.
RED DEMON
(whining)
Okay, okay. You made your point. What do you want?
GARTH
I asked your name?
RED DEMON
I’m called the Red Demon. I steal baby’s souls. Why did you stop me? This doesn’t concern you.
GARTH
Anything that harms humans is my concern. We haven’t run into you before. Why are you stealing a soul so young?
RED DEMON
It’s a lot easier and quicker. The mother’s a drug addict. The baby’s a drug baby. It will probably die anyway.
WILLY
Well this is new. What’ll we do with this guy?
GARTH
We’ll have to let him go.
Griff and Willy let Red Demon go. Red Demon exits out the window.
GRIFF
(pointing at the woman)
Now what? What about her?
WILLY
(picking up the cellphone)
I’ll call 911.
An angel materializes in the doorway. NINE enters.
GARTH
Who are you?
NINE
I’m Ten Million and Ninety-nine. You can call me Nine. I’m this baby’s guardian angel. The mother prayed just before she went into labor.
GRIFF
Well, you’re a little late. A demon was just here.
NINE
I came as soon as I could.
GARTH
Now that Nine is here, let’s call it a night.
Garth climbs up on Willy. Garth, Willey and Griff exit out the window.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. SAINT PETER’S OFFICE IN HEAVEN - DAY
SAINT PETER sits at his desk. Knock at the door.
SAINT PETER
Come in.
The door opens and the Archangels MICHAEL and LA GARGOUILLE, a winged dragon, enter.
MICHAEL
Oh, hail Saint Peter, Keeper of the Keys of Heaven, First Pope, Head of the Church…
LA GARGOUILLE
Hail Saint Peter, Rock of the Church, Keeper of the Book of Life, Right-hand of Jesus and…
SAINT PETER
Shut up and sit down.
Michael sits in mid-air, hovering effortlessly, and crosses his legs. La Gargouille folds his great tail into the shape of a bench and sits on it. From under a membranous wing, he produces a pipe, and ignites it with a snort from his slender snout. St Peter stares at his subordinates for a minute and waves away the smoke.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
You two get on my nerves.
MICHAEL AND LA GARGOUILLE
What did we do?
SAINT PETER
Never mind. I called you here to discuss the plans for your respective millennium conventions.
Michael and La Gargouille look at each other with raised eyebrows.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
There is not going to be two conventions this time, only one - a combined convention.
MICHAEL
What? We always have two conventions.
SAINT PETER
Not this time.
LA GARGOUILLE
But why?
SAINT PETER
(standing up and leaning on desk.)
I’ve my reasons, like how you both manage to cause trouble.
LA GARGOUILLE
What did we do to cause trouble?
SAINT PETER
(to LaGarqouille)
It was your idea, in fact, to have a canal-digging contest on Mars. Great idea except you forgot to fill them in. What a headache that’s been. People actually believed there was life on Mars.
Michael chuckles
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
(to Michael)
And you had to see how many angels could fit on the head of a pin. That caused an endless and pointless debate.
Michael stops flapping his wings and collapses to the floor. La Gargouille giggles and blows smoke toward Michael.
SAINT PETER
You think that was funny? Well, no fun and games this time. You’ll have a joint convention, and you’ll work together on several issues.
(sits and addresses Michael)
Your angels have done a good job of marketing and public relations. Most people have heard of angels and many believe in you.
(to La Gargouille)
You gargoyles on the other hand haven’t done so well. Few people believe in you and most dismiss you as an archaic, architectural oddity.
LA GARGOUILLE
(coughing up a cloud of smoke)
Oddity?
SAINT PETER
However, you’ve been close to humanity and studied their ways. No one knows humanity better than gargoyles. You know how they feel, how they think and all their trials and tribulations. You especially understand their computers.
MICHAEL
Computers?
SAINT PETER
Yes, computers. I want La Gargouille’s gargoyles to teach your angels all about computers, and I want your angels to teach the gargoyles about marketing. Understood?
MICHAEL
But, but...
SAINT PETER
No buts about it. You need to automate your angels A-S-A-P.
Michael looks at La Gargouille.
LA GARGOUILLE
(blowing smoke toward Michael)
He means as soon as possible.
MICHAEL
But why? God tells me everything I need to know.
SAINT PETER
That’s fine when He has time, but His workload is growing rapidly. You wouldn’t believe all the prayers that He personally answers. Now people want to be able to e-mail Him their requests.
Michael looks at La Gargouille again.
LA GARGOUILLE
An e-mail is an electronic letter.
SAINT PETER
Besides, the human race is doubling every few years. He wants you angels to do more on your own. The gargoyles can show you how, and you can teach them how to market themselves to improve their image.
MICHAEL
Saint Peter, we can do that and still have separate conventions.
SAINT PETER
It has to start somewhere. Consider it a pilot program or a beta test.
Exasperated, Michael gives La Gargouille another quizzical look.
LA GARGOUILLE
He means a trial run.
SAINT PETER
I want you creatures to get to know each other, work together and become a team. Set up a joint committee to plan the convention. Then form one sub-committee to develop a master plan to computerize the angels and another sub-committee to market the gargoyles.
LA GARGOUILLE
That sounds like work not fun.
SAINT PETER
Sometimes you’re a mite slow, but you usually come around. This is going to be a working convention.
MICHAEL
We need to take a break. My angels have worked harder than ever these last thousand years and we’ve been looking forward to this convention.
SAINT PETER
Well, make it fun. Have a couple of mixers or even a dance. Dancing is just another form of prayer. We could use a little more of it.
MICHAEL
Dance? Have you ever seen gargoyles try to dance? They trip on their own feet. Besides, they smell.
LAGARGOUILLE
(pointing)
You’d smell too if you had to sit on a building in all sorts of weather. We all can’t just fly around heaven all day.
(flaps his wing tips in a mocking way)
(to Peter)
Angels get feathers everywhere. They’ll get into the punch, on our food...
(shaking head)
It’s disgusting.
SAINT PETER
Nonetheless, work it out. I want the joint convention held on Pluto this time. Since it is no longer a planet, you shouldn’t cause much trouble. Select co-chairs for the computer committee and the marketing committee. Have them start planning right away. Any questions?
MICHAEL AND LA GARGOUILLE
No sir.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. COFFEE SHOP IN HEAVEN - DAY
A variety of angels sits around small tables drinking coffee and talking.
GARTH sits at a small table drumming his fingers. ONE MILLION THREE, a tall angel, enters. She sees Garth waving and flies over to his table.
THREE
Are you Garth, the gargoyle who is supposed to help us learn computers?
GARTH
(standing and extending his hand)
I’m a grotesque actually, but you can call me a gargoyle if you wish.
Three steps back without shaking hands.
THREE
My name is One Million Three.
GARTH
You’re kidding.
THREE
God never found time to name all the angels so some of us...
(shrugs shoulders)
He just numbered some of us. You can call me Three.
GARTH
(gesturing for Three to sit)
I think it is a nice name. Perhaps we should tell each other about our background before we start working together. That will help us get to know each other better.
THREE
Very well, you go first.
GARTH
As I said, I’m a grotesque. I had several assignments in France over the centuries. My last assignment was to protect Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Then in 1930, I was sent to the Chrysler Building in Manhattan. When they computerized the building, I learned how computers work. Now you.
THREE
There’s not much to tell. I’ve always worked in the Guardian Angel Division. I was in charge of the prayer center.
GARTH
Prayer center?
THREE
Yes. When someone prays for a guardian angel, I’d assign them. Archangel Michael says we must start using computers to assign angels, so I guess that’s why I’m here. He put another angel in charge until I’m done.
A small Cherub flies to their table and takes their orders for coffee. Garth and Three sit in uncomfortable silence as they wait for their coffee. Garth starts to bite his yellow nails while Three straightens out her ruffled feathers. Finally, a Cherub delivers their coffee.
THREE
Do you mind if I ask you a question? I’ve never talked to a gargoyle before.
GARTH
Of course not. Please do. I think that’s what we’re supposed get to know each other better.
THREE
Well, I was wondering, do all gargoyles have names that begin with G? I mean, you’re a gargoyle...
GARTH
(interrupting)
Groteque
THREE
... and your name begins with a G.
GARTH
No, no, of course not. I’ve a griffin friend named GRIFF, and eagle friend named EDWARD, and a dragon friend named WILLIE. Actually, he’s a wyvern, a two-legged winged dragon.
THREE
(beat)
You have to be kidding.
GARTH
(laughing)
I was joking. Those aren’t their real names. I was just kidding. I don’t even know a wyvern. However, I did meet several silver eagles when I worked at the Chrysler Building--none named Edward.
THREE
I don’t understand jokes. I just don’t get them. I don’t think angels have a sense of humor.
GARTH
I hope that’s not true. Every creature needs a sense of humor. I guess because we gargoyles live so close to humans, their sense of humor must have rubbed off on us. Now let me ask you, are all angels women?
THREE
No, angels are asexual--neither male nor female.
GARTH
I don’t think so. You have breasts.
THREE
(looks at her chest)
I guess you’re right. I never paid any attention to them before. Do I look like a woman to you?
GARTH
Are you kidding? You’re definitely a woman from head to toe, a beautiful woman, and believe me I know. I’ve often seen human women.
THREE
We should get to work. What will these computers do for angels?
GARTH
I don’t know yet. Why don’t you tell me how your prayer center works and I’ll try to figure it out.
THREE
Okay, that’s a good start. Whenever someone needs a guardian angel to protect them, we assign one of our angels to that person. It’s the guardian’s job to keep evil spirits away and to prevent the person from being seriously injured.
GARTH
How do you know when someone needs a guardian angel?
THREE
They have to pray and ask for one.
GARTH
(beat)
What if they are too young to pray?
THREE
Oh, anyone can pray for them. If a mother or father, or even a friend asks for a guardian angel for someone, we’ll answer that prayer.
GARTH
How long does that take?
THREE
Once someone prays for a guardian angel, we can assign one instantly. That’s why I don’t understand why we need computers. The system we’ve used for centuries has worked.
GARTH
What if someone needs a guardian angel, but doesn’t ask for one?
THREE
Garth, we can’t answer prayers that don’t exist. Someone has to ask to get an angel.
GARTH
But what if they can’t pray or no one prays for a guardian?
THREE
Don’t be ridiculous. Why would no one pray for someone who really needs a guardian angel?
GARTH
I was thinking about babies.
THREE
What about babies?
GARTH
I mean babies like drug-addicted babies.
THREE
What are drug-addicted babies?
GARTH
You’ve never been to earth, have you?
THREE
No, I’ve never set a wing out of heaven. I was needed here. I’ve never even seen a baby. I mean, I know what they look like, but I’ve not ever seen a real one.
GARTH
(beat)
Sometimes babies are born to women addicted to drugs. If the women have drugs in their system, their babies are also born addicted and start going through withdrawal. Many of them die within a few days. Some of the mothers are too stoned to pray.
THREE
Why, that’s terrible. They must have someone who can pray for them.
GARTH
No, Three, they may not. That’s my point. Many addicted babies need guardian angels and yet have no one to ask for one. Do you help them?
THREE
No, I don’t think so. If no one asks, we don’t send one. How would we even know?
GARTH
We might be able to fix that. What if, when a child is born, an e-mail is sent to the Prayer Center? That e-mail could tell you if that child needs a guardian angel but has no one to pray for it.
THREE
What is an e-mail?
GARTH
An electronic letter.
THREE
Is that possible?
GARTH
I don’t know. I was thinking aloud, but it might be.
THREE
Garth, I’m having a hard time grasping the problem. Could you show me one of these babies?
GARTH
Yes, I can arrange that. Actually, we gargoyles have been trying to help these drug babies. The next time an addicted baby is born, I’ll take you there.
Three and Garth finish their coffee.
THREE
(pats Garth’s hand)
Garth, I can see into your heart, and I see you’re very nice, in spite of your appearance.
Immediately, Garth’s skin darkens.
THREE
Oh my! What just happened? Your skin got dark gray for a few seconds. I’ve never seen anything like it. What was it?
GARTH
(embarrassed)
You made me blush.
THREE
Blush?
GARTH
Yes. Your compliment embarrassed me and you touched me, so I blushed. It is a normal reaction. I can’t control it.
THREE
Oh. I never heard of that. Angels don’t blush. At least, I don’t think they do.
GARTH
Angels have nothing to blush about.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. A HOSPITAL IN NEW YORK CITY. A PRIVATE ROOM - NIGHT
A baby is in an incubator hooked up to monitors. Around the incubators stand Garth, Griff, Willie and the four silver eagles: EDWARD NORTH, EDWARD SOUTH, EDWARD EAST and EDWARD WEST. Garth is armed with a sword.
GARTH
Smell that? Sulfur. They are coming.
EAGLE NORTH
They are early tonight.
A red circle of flame forms on one wall. Garth draws his sword and quickly draws a circle on the floor big enough to encircle them and the incubator. Within seconds the Gate to Hell opens and a collection of demons step through proceeded by a yellow cloud of sulfur. The first through is a SATYR, half human and half horse, followed by a collection of harpies, imps, and goblins, each armed with an assortment of weapons. The Satyr is armed with a bow and a quiver of arrows. Once the demon horde gathers in the room, the Gate to Hell closes.
WILLIE
Oh great. These demons are from the legions of heliophobic demons. They fear the sunlight. It is going to be a long night.
GARTH
As long as we stay within the Circle of Protection, we will be safe.
The scarlet-hued demons move counter-clockwise around the Circle of Protection drawn by Garth. The gargoyles circle clockwise around the incubator. The Satyr shoots an arrow at Edward East, striking his wing. He jerks backwards striking the incubator, which strikes Willie on the opposite side, knocking him out of the Circle of Protection. Immediately, the imps and harpies attack him.
GARTH
(shouting)
Stay in the circle.
All four Edwards step out of the Circle of Protection to rescue Willie. The goblins join the fight, so Griff also leaves the circle to help. Garth remains alone to stand guard over the baby. The Satyr starts grabbing things and throwing them at the incubator trying to knock it out of the Circle of Protection. Garth uses his sword to deflect everything thrown, and holds onto the incubator with his free hand.
SATYR
The baby is ours. Give him up.
GARTH
Never!
Suddenly, a blinding light from the doorway momentarily stops the battle. Three enters. The demons pull back, cowering against the far wall trying desperately to reopen the Gate to Hell. Even the huge Satyr steps back.
THREE
What is going on here?
GARTH
(breathless)
These demons are trying to steal this baby’s soul. Help us.
From under her wing, Three withdraws a two handed sword.
GRIFF
She has a dopplehander!
The demons scramble over each other to get far away from Three. The Satyr touches the wall with a hoof and a circle of fire begins to form. Three joins in the fight. With each arc of her sword, heads and limbs roll across the floor. Demons scream and hide behind each other as Three cuts a path through them trying to reach the retreating Satyr. Green blood begins to cover the floor and walls. The Gate to Hell opens.
SATYR
(shouting)
You have escalated the battle, Garth. I’ll avenge this act.
GARTH
Anytime, Diablo. Bring it on.
The Satyr exits through the Gate to Hell followed by the rest of the demons. Their severed limbs, heads and green blood turn into dust and blow into the gate. The Gate to Hell closes. The gargoyles drop to their knees bowing down toward Three.
THREE
(sees the gargoyles)
What are you doing?
GARTH
We never realized the full power of an angel before. I heard stories, but I never, until this minute, believed them. You’re awesome.
THREE
(smiling)
Now get up, and someone explained to me what just happened.
GARTH
(standing up)
I asked you to come to see this baby. This is a drug-addicted baby. It might not make it through the night. The demons came to steal the baby’s soul or even kill him. We came to guard him.
THREE
The Satyr knows your name.
GARTH
We’ve tangled a few times.
THREE
And you know his name?
GARTH
Not really. We call all demons Diablo.
THREE
(looking at the others)
Who might these others be?
Garth points at each in turn and they stand up.
GARTH
This is my good friend Griff the Griffin. We go back to France. These four eagles are Edward East, Edward West, Edward North, and Edward South. They serve with me on the Chrysler Building.
Three smiles as she meets each one. Each Edward in turn snaps to attention, clicks his heels and kisses her hand.
THREE
How do you tell them apart?
GARTH
We can’t, so we just call them all Edward. Actually, there are four more, but we couldn’t leave the Chrysler Building unguarded. This poor creature is Willie the Wyvern.
THREE
I thought you said that you didn’t know…
GARTH
(interrupting)
I know I said that I didn’t know any eagles named Edward or wyverns named Willie. I felt so stupid that we’ve names that begin with the same letter as the type of creatures we are, but that’s the way it is. I didn’t want you to think less of me.
THREE
(smiles)
After tonight, I’ll always have the highest regard for gargoyles regardless of their names.
THREE
(sees Willie’s injured wings)
Let me help you.
Three touches Willie’s wings. Instantly, the wings heal, wounds close and claws mend.
THREE
You’ll be sore for a few days, but at least now, you’ll heal faster.
WILLIE
It’s okay. We’re used to this.
THREE
How can you fight demons? Aren’t they immortal just like you?
GARTH
Yes, they are immortal, but they feel pain. If we hurt them enough, they will stop and leave the baby alone.
THREE
But if they can feel pain, you must feel pain too?
EDWARD WEST
Yes, very much so.
THREE
(turns to the Edwards)
Oh, look at you. You’re covered with nicks and scratches.
WILLIE
(laughing)
Don’t worry about the Edwards. They’re made of cement and brick. We’ll patch them up with quick drying cement when we get back, and they’ll be good as new.
THREE
But does it hurt?
EDWARD NORTH
Yes.
GARTH
(surprised)
What?
EAGLE SOUTH
(whispering to Garth)
Just play along.
THREE
Oh, you poor creatures.
Three caresses and kisses each nick and scratch.
GRIFF
(faking)
I may have broken my wing.
Three rushes over and kisses Griff’s wing. Three walks over and stands in front of Garth.
THREE
And you, my bantam gargoyle, are my hero. You organized this small group to save a poor child who has no one to pray for him. Are you injured?
GARTH
No, I was not injured.
GRIFF
No one would’ve been injured if some idiot had drawn the Circle of Protection bigger.
GARTH
There was not enough time. The demons arrived early. It would’ve ended sooner if another idiot had not been knocked out of the Circle of Protection.
All the gargoyles look at Willie who hangs his head. Three walks over to the incubator and peeks inside.
THREE
It doesn’t matter; you saved the baby. So this tiny person caused all the fuss? Look. He slept through the whole fight.
GARTH
He’s not asleep. The doctors induced a coma so he wouldn’t feel the pain as he goes through withdrawal.
THREE
Oh, that’s terrible. He is so beautiful. I’ve never seen a baby up close.
Three lifts the Plexiglas cover and begins caressing the baby.
THREE (CONT”D)
He is so cute.
Three bends down and kisses the baby on the cheek.
ALL THE GARGOYLES
(shouting at once)
Not on the face!
THREE
(shocked)
Why not?
EDWARD WEST
Because wherever an angel kisses a baby, it leaves a mark, a birthmark. You should kiss somewhere where it will not show.
THREE
Oh dear. I was just trying…
WILLIE
Don’t worry. He's a boy. It won’t matter to him. However, don’t kiss a girl on the face.
THREE
Garth, something strange just happened.
GARTH
What happened?
THREE
When I kissed the baby, I got the weirdest sensation.
GARTH
Describe it to me.
THREE
It made me feel warm all over. My heart beat harder. I just wanted to hold this baby in my arms and protect it.
All the gargoyles begin to chuckle.
GARTH
(smiling)
You fell in love with the baby.
THREE
No, I don’t think so. Angels aren’t emotional creatures.
GARTH
Maybe not, but I know that feeling. We all do. That happened to each of us when we touched a baby. You’re in love with this baby. Maybe all babies.
THREE
Oh my. It’s a good feeling. I like it. Can I keep this baby?
GARTH
No. Saint Peter wouldn’t approve.
GRIFF
(interrupting)
Now that we’ve all caught our breath, another crack baby across town needs our protection. We should get over there right away.
One by one, everyone exits out the window and flies. Willie starts to pick up Garth.
GARTH
Go on ahead. I’ll be there shortly. Here, take the sword and draw the Circle of Protection. Make it bigger.
WILLIE
Roger, boss. Don’t be too long. We need your strong arm and leadership.
THREE
How often do you have to do this?
GARTH
It’s getting worse. We used to do this about once or twice a week. Then it started being once a night. Now we fight two or three times per night: too many drug babies, too many demons and too few gargoyles.
THREE
Oh my.
GARTH
We need your help. Angels number in the millions. We gargoyles are only a few hundred thousand.
THREE
Garth, I’m so impressed with what you gargoyles are trying to do. Of course, I’ll help.
SIX, another angel, enters and stands in the doorway.
SIX
What’s going on here?
THREE
Who’re you?
SIX
I’m Three Million Seven Hundred and Six. You can call me Six. I’m this baby’s guardian Angel.
THREE
Well, you’re a bit late. We could’ve used you an hour ago. Thanks to Garth here and his friends, we chased off a pack of demons trying to steal this baby’s soul.
SIX
I came as soon as we got the prayer. This new hospital is not on any of our maps.
GARTH
See. We need to fix the system and install a GPS.
THREE
Wait a minute. You got a prayer? This baby has no one to prayer for it. Who sent the prayer?
SIX
The hospital chaplain. She waited until she got home to pray.
GARTH
(to Three)
If you’re not busy tonight, why don’t you come with us? The demons won’t dare show up with an angel in the room.
THREE
Okay. Let me carry you so we can fly. It’ll get us there quicker.
Three scoops up Garth and Three and Garth exit out the window.
MONTAGE
-- Three flies through the night over New York City carrying Garth.
-- Garth and his band of gargoyles with the aid of Three stand guard over babies.
-- Garth and Three visit a nursery.
-- Garth and Three visit a labor and delivery room.
-- Garth shows Three a pregnant women shooting up with heroin.
END MONTAGE
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. LARGE BALLROOM ON PLUTO - NIGHT
All the angels are on one side of the room and all the gargoyles are on the other side. Garth, Griff, Willie and the four Edwards are standing together with other gargoyles. Garth is wearing a dress uniform with medals and a dress sword. The four Edwards are wearing tuxedos. Griff and Willie have on bow ties. Three and Six are standing and talking with other angels. Music is playing but no one dances. Saint Peter, Michael and La Gargouille sit at a table looking unhappy.
MICHAEL
I told you this mixer wouldn’t work. Angels and gargoyles don’t mix.
La Gargouille removes a feather from his drink.
LA GARGOUILLE
For good reason.
SAINT PETER
Give them time. They are all heavenly hosts and good-natured. Give them time.
Garth walks out of the group of gargoyles toward the angels. Three walks out to meets him.
GARTH
May I have this dance?
THREE
Garth, how are we going to dance? I’m twice as tall as you are.
GARTH
I don’t know. I’ve not thought that far ahead. With these big feet, I’m not exactly light on my feet.
THREE
I’ve an idea. Let me lead.
Three picks Garth up in her arms and flies up in the air. She flies in large circles to the music of a waltz. Garth hangs onto her neck. Willie spies Six in the group of angels. She smiles at him. He flies over to her.
WILLIE
Care to dance?
SIX
I love to dance.
Willie and Six fly up together and join Garth and Three flying above the dance floor. The four Edwards along with four cherubim join them. Griff matches up with a seraph and they join the group. Soon angels and gargoyles pair off to dance. Those that can, fly. The others remain on the dance floor and dance, sometimes not so gracefully.
SAINT PETER
(smiling)
See that? I told you. Just give them time. They’ll do the right thing.
LA GARGOUILLE
(placing a coaster over his glass)
Just the same, it’s a good idea to keep your glass covered.
La Gargouille gets up and starts dancing alone. After a few minutes, he dances over to Michael and pulls him out on the dance floor. After another minute, the two of them pull a protesting Saint Peter to the dance floor.
SERIES OF SHOT—DANCE HALL
A) Different couples of angels and gargoyles dancing.
B) A band of gargoyles playing garbage can lids and washboards joins Saint Gabriele’s band of angels.
C) Angels and gargoyles standing around a punch bowl, talking and laughing.
D) Angels and gargoyles line dancing. The gargoyles step on the angels’ feet but the angels laugh about it. Feathers fill the air.
E) Three, Garth, Six, and Willie doing the tango above the dance floor.
F) La Gargouille doing a break dance with Griff.
G) Saint Peter leads a Jewish dance.
H) Saint Peter sitting at his table clapping and laughing.
I) A room filled with computers with an angel in front of each computer. Garth, Willie, Griff, and the four Edwards are walking around helping angels learn the computers.
J) A classroom filled with gargoyles. Michael is teaching a class on marketing.
END OF SERIES
FADE OUT
FADE IN-
INT. NEONATAL INTENSIVE CARE UNIT IN A HOSPITAL-NIGHT
There are five babies in incubators. In the corner is a desk with a nurse sleeping with her head on the desk. Garth, Three, Griff, Willie and three Edwards enter. Three walks over to check on the nurse.
GARTH
I don’t like the looks of this.
WILLIE
Are you sure this is the right place?
GARTH
Yeah, I‘m sure. There are three drug babies and two premature babies here in NICU.
EDWARD NORTH
Do you think the demons will come?
GARTH
They will come. However, I don’t like the looks of this room. It is too big. I’ll draw a big Circle of Protection. Someone is missing. Who’s missing?
EDWARD SOUTH
Edward East. When we were ready to go, we couldn’t find him. We thought he came on ahead.
GARTH
I don’t like the sound of that either. It is not like him to miss a fight.
THREE
(holding up a piece of paper)
Garth, look at this. The nurse had a checklist and at the top is “pray for guardian angels,” but it is not check off. She didn’t pray yet.
GARTH walks over to the desk and looks at the piece of paper. He picks up a coffee cup from the desk and sniffs it.
GARTH
The nurse has been drugged. She is out cold. I don’t like the looks of this.
WILLIE
Will you stop saying that? You give me the willies.
GARTH draws a Circle of Protection around all five incubators with his sword.
GRIFF
(sniffing)
Sulfur. Here they come.
A circle of fire forms on one wall. Three draws her two handed sword. The Gate to Hell opens, and a Satyr enters.
SATYR
Hello, Garth. So, we meet yet again. This time it will be different. You have your reinforcements, so I brought mine.
AYM, a three-headed demon, enters, riding on a serpent. In one hand, he carries an unlit torch. He dismounts and the serpent exits. A thick cloud of yellow smoke knee deep fills the room outside the Circle of Protection.
WILLIE
I don’t like the looks of this.
GARTH
Hello, Diablo. I see you brought Aym to help you.
The Satyr and Aym begin to circle around the room. Aym calls forth little demons who throw themselves at the Circle of Protection. They instantly turn to dust that fall outside the circle.
EDWARD EAST
What is he doing?
GARTH
He is using the little demons dust to mark off the Circle of Protection so they know where it is.
THREE
What does this mean? Who is this demon?
GRIIFF
That, my dear, is Aym, a Grand Duke of Hell. He has three heads: one human, one serpent and one cat.
THREE
Oh, dear. Is that a problem?
GRIFF
The three heads aren’t a problem. The twenty-six legions that he commands are.
THREE
How many demons in a legion?
GRIFF
Only 10,000 give or take.
WILLIE
Twenty-six legions won’t fit in this room. They are up to something.
GARTH
No kidding. Notice that Diablo didn’t close the Gate to Hell? He plans to keep bringing fresh demons and to wear us down.
WILLIE
Garth, we can’t fight twenty-six legions all night. We won’t last that long.
THREE
Yes, but I don’t tire. I can stand by the gate and stop anyone trying to enter.
GARTH
Diablo knows that, so he must be planning on distracting you or somehow keeping you away. Be careful.
THREE
Someone needs to pray for help.
GARTH
Who? Only humans can pray. It is a special gift.
GARTH
I’ve an idea.
Garth goes over to the computer on the nurse’s desk and starts typing.
THREE
What are you doing?
GARTH
I’m sending an e-mail on the new system to Six. She will send the guardian angels.
SATYR
Let the fun and games begin.
Two goblins enter holding Edward East. They make him kneel. Immediately, the other three Edwards begin to squawk and thrash about very excited.
SATYR (CONT’D)
So what it going to be, Garth? Give us the babies for your eagle friend or we will tear him apart.
GARTH
Never!
THREE
They can’t kill Edward, can they?
WILLIE
No, but they can hurt him very badly. They’re trying to draw the other three Edwards out of the Circle of Protection.
GARTH
(shouting)
Stay in the circle.
The goblins begin to dismantle Edward East, brick by brick and throw each brick into the Circle of Protection. The other Edwards leave the circle to help their friend. Aym’s torch lights and he begins to burn the Edwards’ feathers.
THREE
Stay here to protect the babies. I’ll rescue the Edwards.
GARTH
No! It’s a trap!
Three leaves the Circle of Protection and enters the yellow smoke. Immediately, hundreds of tiny demons rise out of the smoke and swarm over her, pulling her down. She disappears under the smoke.
THREE (O.S.)
Help me, Garth.
WILLIE
Stay with the babies. I got this.
GARTH
What are you doing?
WILLIE
(lighting his breath with a zippo lighter)
Fight fire with fire.
SERIES OF SHOT—BATTLE IN NICU - NIGHT
A) Willie attacks Aym with his fire breath. Aym fight back with his flaming torch. Eventually, Willie gets out of breath and Aym gets the upper hand. He forces Willie and the four Edwards into a corner.
B) Garth tries to rescue Three. He runs out of the Circle of Protection and attacks the demons pinning her down. Initially he is successful.
C) The Satyr shots arrows into Garth’s feet, pinning them to the floor. Garth falls. More arrows pin his arms to the floor. Hundreds of little demons swarm over Garth and Three.
D) Dozens of ropes with grappling hooks fly through the air and tangle on the incubators. The tiny demons begin to pull the incubators toward the gate. Griff tries to stop them, but is vastly outnumbered.
E) Six and four other angels materialize. Six draws her two-handed sword and cuts all the ropes. Six and the other angels spread their wings and cover the incubators.
END OF SERIES
BACK TO SCENE
GRIFF
Six! Am I glad to see you.
GARTH
Help us.
SIX
We’re here only to protect the babies.
SERIES OF SHOT—BATTLE IN NICU
A) The Satyr shoots another arrow at Garth. La Gargouille materializes and snatches the arrow in mid-air. He snaps it in two with his claw.
B) The Satyr readies another arrow, but La Gargouille breathes a flame that incinerates his bow. La Gargouille forms a fireball and throws it toward the overhead sprinklers. Sprinklers come on, soaking everything in the room and putting out all fires.
C) Michael materializes next to the incubators. He exhales and blows away all the yellow smoke, revealing Three and Garth pinned down by tiny demons.
END OF SERIES
BACK TO SCENE
MICHAEL
I command you. Be gone.
The Satyr and Aym nod their heads toward Michael and exit, followed by all the demons, heads, limbs, and dust. The NICU returns to normal. Willie helps Garth remove the arrows that pin him to the floor. Garth runs to Three who is still lying on the floor.
GARTH
(holding Three’s head)
Three, are you okay?
THREE
(slowly opening her eyes)
Oh, Garth, I’m so glad to see you. I thought these demons would drag me into hell.
(kisses Garth)
Oh! I just felt that sensation again. I love you Garth. Did you feel it too?
GARTH
(laughing)
I felt before.
THREE
When?
GARTH
In the coffee shop when we first met. When you touched me, I fell in love with you. That’s why I blushed. Do you remember?
THREE
Way back then? Why didn’t you tell me?
GARTH
I thought you wouldn’t understand.
THREE
(hugging Garth)
I do now. I love you.
GARTH
I love you too.
THREE
What do we do now?
GARTH
I don’t know. Perhaps, for the time being, we should not tell anyone.
THREE
Okay.
GARTH
Michael and La Gargouille are here. They saved us.
Three gets up to one knee. Garth and all the other gargoyles get down on one knee facing Michael and La Gaugouille. Michael motions for everyone to rise.
GARTH
How did you know we needed help?
MICHAEL
(holding up a cellphone)
I got a message on this miraculous device.
LA GARGOUILLE
I keep telling you, It’s a cellphone.
THREE
But how?
MICHAEL
The message was from Six. She forwarded a letter from Garth.
LA GARGOUILLE
(exasperated)
It was an e-mail.
WILLIE
(to La Gargouille)
Aym acted as though he knew you.
LA GARGOUILLE
We’ve locked horns before. Before your time, he tried to burn down Paris and Chicago. That’s where I discovered that he does not like water. You can’t fight his fire with fire.
Garth looks at Willie who shrugs his shoulders. Michael waves his hand and all the wounds begin to heal. The nurse begins to stir.
MICHAEL
Good work, everyone. Now we need to leave.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
MONTAGE
-- Three and Garth sitting on the Golden Gate Bridge watching the sun set.
-- Three and Garth in Central Park at night, holding hands and kissing.
-- Six watching from behind a bush as Garth and Three kiss.
-- Garth and Three at a BBQ party on the Chrysler Building with Willie, Griff and all the Edwards. Six is there and watches Garth and Three holding hands.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. SAINT PETER’S OFFICE - DAY
Saint Peter sits at his desk. Three and Garth sit in front of Saint Peter.
SAINT PETER
I’ve heard some very disturbing rumors about you two, and I want an explanation.
Garth and Three look at each other.
THREE
One of the gargoyles?
GARTH
I don’t think so. I made them swear to secrecy. Their loyalty is beyond question.
THREE
Who then?
GARTH
Who else knew?
GARTH AND THREE
(beat)
Six!
SAINT PETER
It does not matter whom. The rumor has it that you two are in love. Is that true?
Garth holds out his hand and Three takes it.
THREE
Yes. We’re in love, and we want to get married.
GARTH
We do?
SAINT PETER
(shaking his head)
Impossible! First, there has never been a case of any Angel falling in love with a gargoyle. It’s totally unheard of.
GARTH
Well, we did. We fell in love.
SAINT PETER
Not possible. Angels and gargoyles don’t have free will. You can’t fall in love. It can’t happen.
THREE
We don’t know how it happened, it just happened. We didn’t choose to fall in love. It might not be possible, but we did.
SAINT PETER
So I see. Please don’t hold hands in front of me. I can’t allow this. It will undermine discipline. We can’t allow heavenly hosts to fall in love with each other. How’d we get any work done?
THREE
Perhaps, you should let us get married?
SAINT PETER
How would that solve the problem?
GARTH
We could become human.
SAINT PETER
Absolutely not. A terrible idea.
THREE
Has an angel ever become human?
SAINT PETER
(beat)
Yes, it has happened before. You might recall Joan of Arc, and more recently, Mother Theresa. However, they never married. I sometimes send angels in human form to deliver messages or to perform miracles, but they don’t stay long. No angel has ever married a gargoyle and become human.
GARTH
But it is possible?
SAINT PETER
Of course. Anything is possible. Why do you want to get married and become human?
Three stands up, picks up Garth, and sits back down with him on her lap.
THREE
Because we love each other very much and we want to have babies.
SAINT PETER
The Saints preserve us. This just gets worse and worse. And why, pray tell, do you want to have babies?
THREE
(smiles)
We love babies. We want to have our own.
SAINT PETER
If you could, and I’m not saying you could, but if you could, how many babies would you like to have?
THREE
Maybe one or two hundred.
SAINT PETER
The Saints deliver us. Not possible.
THREE
But you just said anything was possible.
SAINT PETER
I meant anything was possible in heaven, but it’s not humanly possible. Garth, please get off her lap and sit in your own chair. I can’t talk to you this way. Did you show her labor and delivery at the hospitals?
GARTH
Yes, I did. She still wants babies.
SAINT PETER
Did you explain to her about S-E-X?
THREE
I know how to spell, guys. What do I need to know about sex? What does sex have to do with getting married and having babies?
SAINT PETER
Obviously, you didn’t tell her.
GARTH
She is a million years older than I am. I thought she knew.
SAINT PETER
Well, now you have to tell her. You do know about sex, right?
GARTH
(beat)
No, not really.
Peter stares at Garth in disbelief.
GARTH (CONT’D)
(shifting in his chair)
I may have seen a video or two.
Peter continues to stare at Garth.
GARTH (CONT’D)
(squirming)
Okay, I may have watched a human couple in the Chrysler Building. They weren’t supposed to be there. It’s not like a hotel or anything. Anyway, it happened and I saw.
SAINT PETER
Finally, a moment of truth. Now you explain it to her.
GARTH
I can’t.
SAINT PETER
Why not?
Garth’s skin turns a darker shade of gray.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
Did you just blush?
GARTH
I don’t know. I guess so. I can’t control it.
THREE
Yes, you blushed.
SAINT PETER
I don’t want to hear about it. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. First, you can’t become humans. Marriage is forbidden. I’ll not allow it. So is sex for that matter. Therefore, no babies.
Suddenly the door to Saint Peter’s office opens and SAINT MARY, dressed in a white pants suit, enters.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
(dropping to his knees)
Mother of God!
Three kneels down, pulling a startled Garth down on his knees next to her.
SAINT PETER (CONT’D)
Mother Mary, what brings you to my humble office?
SAINT MARY
(motions for everyone to stand up)
I just heard and wanted to see for myself. Is this the couple? Of course it is. Just look at them--so in love. They just glow don’t they? I think it’s wonderful. There’s always room for more love in heaven.
SAINT PETER
(standing)
They want to get married,
SAINT MARY
Yes! Yes! A splendid idea.
SAINT PETER
There’s no precedent for it, Mother Mary. It will undermine discipline.
SAINT MARY
Oh, nonsense. You can just make them human. That’ll work. I understand you brought these two lovebirds together. I never thought of you as being romantic. I’ll be sure to mention the splendid job you do to my Son. Keep up the good work.
Saint Mary goes over to Three, lays hands on her and blesses her. Next, she lays hands on Three’s abdomen and blesses it. Saint Mary blesses the top of Garth’s head. She holds his hands, palms up and blesses each one.
SAINT PETER
As long as you’re here, Mother Mary, perhaps you could help by explaining sex to Three.
SAINT MARY
Oh yes, sex - God’s greatest gift to humankind. You two will really enjoy sex.
SAINT PETER
But Three has no knowledge of sex and how it relates to having babies.
SAINT MARY
Oh, my. Surely, a man of your experience can explain it to her.
SAINT PETER
I can’t explain any such thing to an angel, specially a female one.
SAINT MARY
Oh, I see. Very well. Come with me Three. This’ll be just between us girls - no males allowed.
Saint Mary and Three exit. Peter sits back down and Garth follows his lead. Garth is grinning.
SAINT PETER
You find this amusing?
GARTH
Saint Mary called Three a “girl”. Did you hear it? It was nice. She’s my girl.
SAINT PETER
(holds his head in his hands)
The Saints help us. I can’t stand much more of this. I just wanted to have a quiet convention, but now it has turned into a nightmare.
Saint Peter takes a pipe from his desk, stuffs it with tobacco, and lights it.
GARTH
You smoke?
SAINT PETER
La Gargouille got me started. I only use it to relieve tension. Believe me, I need it now.
GARTH
Why did Saint Mary bless my hands?
SAINT PETER
She has her reasons. It will be revealed, I’m sure.
GARTH
Why did she bless Three’s stomach?
SAINT PETER
I’m afraid to conjecture, but it too will be revealed, of that, I’m positive.
GARTH
What are you going to do?
SAINT PETER
You heard Mother Mary, and whatever she wants, she gets. You two will become human, be married and have babies. Now let me think.
Three enters crying.
GARTH
(jumping up)
You’re crying. What happened? What did she say?
THREE
(kneeling in front of Garth)
She explained to me why I couldn’t have a hundred babies. She said maybe twelve, but more like two or three. She had only one.
Garth holds her face and wipes her tears. Peter wipes his own tears as he listens.
GARTH
Don’t worry, we could adopt.
THREE
Adopt? What does that mean?
GARTH
It is like a guardian angel to a baby that’s given up for adoption, but the baby lives with you.
THREE
Really? Can we adopt a hundred?
GARTH
I’m not sure but maybe.
THREE
(lifting her breasts)
By the way, Mother Mary told me what these are for.
Peter’s mouth drops, as he turns red-faced. Garth and Three notice him blush right away and stare in disbelief.
SAINT PETER
(embarrassed)
Perhaps you two should let me do the talking. The way I see it, you two, somehow--I don’t know how--have fallen in love. I’ll explain what will happen if you become human and maybe, by the Grace of God, you will come to your senses and change your minds.
GARTH AND THREE
(returning to their seats)
Never!
SAINT PETER
It will work like this; you’ll become human and will already be married. You’ll have a full memory of your life since childhood: how you met, how you fell head over heels in love and how you married. You’ll not remember anything of your existence as an angel or gargoyle.
THREE
And children?
SAINT PETER
(exasperated)
Yes, yes. You’ll already have children, but you can have more if you want.
THREE
(takes Garth’s hand)
Oh, Garth, let’s have sex right away so we can have more children, shall we?
SAINT PETER
Give me strength. However, and this is very important, because you’ll be human, you could choose to love someone else. It happens all the time.
GARTH AND THREE
Never!
SAINT PETER
It could happen. You could even sin and never come back to heaven.
GARTH AND THREE
Oh, no!
GARTH
(standing up and striking his chest)
I’ll never sin.
SAINT PETER
(smiling)
Oh, yes, you’ll sin. You both will. Humans do that. Not only that, but you’ll not live forever. You will grow old and someday die.
Three begin to sob again.
SAINT PETER
Do you understand? You’ll suffer pain. You’ll become weary and sleep one third of your life. You’ll get sick. You’ll fight with each other. You’ll have to work. One of you could die while still young. Do you want to take that chance?
GARTH
(taking Three’s hand)
I can’t live in heaven if I can’t marry the one I love.
THREE
Oh, Garth. I feel the same way. We have to take a chance even if it means being together for just a short time.
SAINT PETER
So be it.
(snaps his fingers)
FADE OUT
FADE IN.
INT. WARD OF CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL-NURSE’S STATION-NIGHT
A NURSE sits at the nurses’ station. Doctors and nurses pass by. ANGELA (Three) enters and walks up to the nurses’ station.
ANGELA
What have you done with my husband?
NURSE
Oh, hello Doctor Gareth. He is in room sixteen tonight. He performed surgery on a baby this afternoon, and said he would stay with the baby through the night--just in case.
ANGELA
He always does when there’s no family. Give me a blanket. I’ll try to make him comfortable at least.
NURSE
(finds a blanket)
Will you be staying too?
ANGELA
Oh, heavens no. One of has to get home to relieve the baby sitter.
NURSE
How many children do you have?
ANGELA
Two by Lamaze and three by adoption.
Both women laugh.
NURSE
You two are quite the couple if you don’t mind my saying so-- both talented, pediatric surgeons. But, you’re like the odd couple. I mean, you’re so tall and beautiful while he is short and, and…
ANGELA
(interrupting)
Brilliant?
NURSE
Yes, brilliant is the word I was searching for. How’d you two meet?
ANGELA
It was match made in heaven. We met in medical school. We had a lot in common: we both wanted to be pediatricians, we’re both religious, we both lost our parents and we both love children. We started dating and, as they say, the rest is history.
NURSE
Well all of us nurses think the world of you two doctors.
ANGELA
Thank you.
NURSE
Tell me, Angela, just between us girls, is it true what they say about men with big feet?
ANGELA
What do you mean?
NURSE
You know, they’re enhanced in other areas of their anatomy.
ANGELA
(blushes)
That’s an improper question to ask about Doctor Gareth.
NURSE
Never mind, you just answered my question. Did you know he talks in his sleep? Oh. That’s stupid. Of course, you would know. Sometimes late at night I hear voices and when I check, he is talking in his sleep--calling names.
ANGELA
Let me guess: Edward, Griff, and Willie?
NURSE
Yes! Yes! So you’ve heard him. Isn’t that weird?
ANGELA
The weird part is we know several Edwards but no Griffs or Willies. I don’t know where he got those names.
NURSE
Well, don’t worry, doctor. We’ll check in on him.
ANGELA
(starts to leave)
Just remember, hands off. I saw him first.
Angela exits down the hall.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
INT. PRIVATE ROOM IN CHILDERNS HOSITAL – NIGHT
Gareth (Garth) is sleeping in a chair next to an incubator. A baby is sleeping in the incubator. Angela enters. She places a blanket on Gareth. She turns to look at the baby. The ghostly figures of the four Edwards and Griff appear around the incubator. Angela can’t see them. Angela bends down and kisses the cover of the incubator, leaving lip marks. DOCTOR WILLIAM (WILLIE) and DOCTOR SIGHN (SIX) enter and stand in the doorway.
WILLIAM
(whispering)
How’s the baby?
ANGELA
(whispering)
He’s okay.
SIGHN
(whispering)
It was touch and go for a couple of hours, but thanks to your husband, the surgery was a success. His hands must be blessed.
Angela, Williams and Singh exit. As they leave, Griff and the four Edwards wave goodbye.
FADE OUT
THE END
