It seems that every other week some big corporation has their computers hacked and vital information compromised. Thousands if not millions of people have their identities stolen each year. Thieves steal information and use it to charge thousands of dollars on credit cards. I worried about that until I discovered how to become 100% unhackable. Just follow my simple steps and you too will be unhackable:
1. Stop using computers. I know you're thinking, Duh! Of course. Me too. It's so obvious. If you don't use a computer, you can't be hacked. Years ago old computers and monitors were used as boat anchors. Now days they are too small for that. Here's an idea – laptops make good kitty litter box liners. Why do you need a computer? You can get the news from the TV. You can write to your contacts. You can still use the land line. If you need a document, get out the pen and paper. Need more than one copy? Use carbon paper. (you younger folks can mail {no e-mail please} me and I'll explain what carbon paper is.)Don't pay your bills online, use the post office.
2. Stop using your cellphone. This was a double duh. No one can hack into your cellphone if you don't have one. If you want a selfie, use a Polaroid camera. That way your naughty pictures are safe. If you want to talk to your friends, write them a letter. You do remember how to write, don't you? If you want directions, stop and ask at a gas station or buy a map.
3. Don't throw paper in the trash. This is where thieves get the information they need to get credit cards in your good name. Stop it! Buy a shredder and shed your papers. If you can't afford a shredder, burn the paper in your fire place. If you don't have fire place, put duct tape on both sides of important documents. Trust me, it works. To be extra safe; put duct tape on your papers, shred them and then burn them in the fire place.
4. Don't use credit cards. Again, duh! No credit card – nothing to hack. Just pay cash for everything. You end up paying anyway so what the heck? Take the old credit cards and cut them up. Here's another idea – If you cut out the magnetic strip, old credit cards can be used as luggage tags. If you're good at cutting things, you can use them to make ear rings.
5. Don't mail anything in your mail box. The mail box is another source of information for thieves. Stop mailing stuff from home or office. Take it to the post office.
6. Don't use banks. If the bank doesn't have your information, when they get hacked – and they will someday – you are still safe. You should insist that your employer pay you in cash and not by direct deposit. Put your money in a safe place like under your mattress.
7. Stop using ATMs. Thieves put special devices in ATMs to steal your credit card and banking information. If you need money, just go to the bank or borrow it from your brother-in-law. If he doesn't have the money, tell him to go to an ATM.
Any other ideas?
1. Stop using computers. I know you're thinking, Duh! Of course. Me too. It's so obvious. If you don't use a computer, you can't be hacked. Years ago old computers and monitors were used as boat anchors. Now days they are too small for that. Here's an idea – laptops make good kitty litter box liners. Why do you need a computer? You can get the news from the TV. You can write to your contacts. You can still use the land line. If you need a document, get out the pen and paper. Need more than one copy? Use carbon paper. (you younger folks can mail {no e-mail please} me and I'll explain what carbon paper is.)Don't pay your bills online, use the post office.
2. Stop using your cellphone. This was a double duh. No one can hack into your cellphone if you don't have one. If you want a selfie, use a Polaroid camera. That way your naughty pictures are safe. If you want to talk to your friends, write them a letter. You do remember how to write, don't you? If you want directions, stop and ask at a gas station or buy a map.
3. Don't throw paper in the trash. This is where thieves get the information they need to get credit cards in your good name. Stop it! Buy a shredder and shed your papers. If you can't afford a shredder, burn the paper in your fire place. If you don't have fire place, put duct tape on both sides of important documents. Trust me, it works. To be extra safe; put duct tape on your papers, shred them and then burn them in the fire place.
4. Don't use credit cards. Again, duh! No credit card – nothing to hack. Just pay cash for everything. You end up paying anyway so what the heck? Take the old credit cards and cut them up. Here's another idea – If you cut out the magnetic strip, old credit cards can be used as luggage tags. If you're good at cutting things, you can use them to make ear rings.
5. Don't mail anything in your mail box. The mail box is another source of information for thieves. Stop mailing stuff from home or office. Take it to the post office.
6. Don't use banks. If the bank doesn't have your information, when they get hacked – and they will someday – you are still safe. You should insist that your employer pay you in cash and not by direct deposit. Put your money in a safe place like under your mattress.
7. Stop using ATMs. Thieves put special devices in ATMs to steal your credit card and banking information. If you need money, just go to the bank or borrow it from your brother-in-law. If he doesn't have the money, tell him to go to an ATM.
Any other ideas?
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