1. Some people have their “head up their ass.” Not true. You can try this at home. No way will your head fit up your butt or anyone else’s butt.
2. Some things are “half assed.” Okay, this one’s true. People can live with half an ass. Of course, they must be careful not to fall into the toilet. In some cases, surgeons might remove half an ass. In normal cases, individuals have been known to lose half their ass on a diet.
3. People may say that they “lost their ass” in an investment or gambling. Not true. No one would want to accept an ass as an investment or a wager.
4. It is possible to get an “ass chewing.” Okay, this one is true too but not the way you think. While it is possible to eat an ass, it is not recommended except in extreme circumstances. However, in the case of consenting adults in the privacy of their bedroom, some ass chewing may occur.
5. Some people are “butt heads” or “ass holes.” Not true - heads and butts are not interchangeable parts in spite of what some surgeons might say. The butt has no brain. Stupid people should correctly be called “brain dead”, clueless or thoughtless but “butt head” or “ass hole” is simply not correct. While it’s possible to “butt heads” (note the use of “butt” as a verb) with someone, that is an entirely different thing and usually ends in one of the parties being injured or fired.
6. It is possible to “kick ass” or “kick butt.” This is true. This phenomenon happens often in professional sports. It shouldn’t be taken: literally, but sometimes people do need a swift kick in the pants.
7. Some people are “ass kissers” or “brown nosers.” This one is also true but not in the way most people think. The common misperception is that it applies to a worker who kisses up to the boss. It would be rare if there was any real “ass kissing” taking place. Real “ass kissing” takes in the bedroom between consenting adults (read #4, reference “ass chewing” above). “Brown nosers” are really “ass kissers” who have gone too deep or missed the mark.
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