“There you go, Mike. Your new GPS is installed. You now own the best system on the market: voice activated, artificial intelligence, innovative technology. I loaded all your addresses from your old GPS. Oh, by the way, I programed a female voice. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Sounds great, Steve. Is there a manual?”
“You don’t need one. This thing is voice activated. Just tell it what you want and it'll do it. I suggest you drive around town for a while to get used to it.”
“Thanks. I'll do that. See you around.”
“Okay, let’s try you out. GPS, activate!”
“At your service, sir. Where would you like to go today?”
“Wow! I think I'll enjoy this. ...Wait a minute. How'd you know I was a male?’
“That is an easy request. First, your voice has a deep resonance shared by 74% of all males. Second, 93% of all women would say please. Third, I heard Steve call you Mike. May I call you Mike? You can call me Molly.”
“Okay,..Molly. Show me all the routes in your program.”
“Very well, Mike. Displaying that information now.”
“Very good.”
“Did you forget my name already?”
“What are you talking about?”
“My name, it’s Molly.”
“Okay, Okay. I got it,... Molly. I think I'd like to show you off to the guys at Murphy’s Bar and Grill. Plan a route from here to Murphy’s Bar and Grill.”
“There is no such establishment in this town. In what location did you mean?”
“Murphy’s Bar and Grill! It is my favorite watering hole. I have been going there forever.”
“Perhaps you are thinking of Murphy’s Bar. There has not been a grill there for twenty years. It is called just Murphy’s Bar.”
“Whatever! Just show me the quickest route to get there.”
“Very well, Mike. Displaying that route now.”
“Ha! You made a mistake. You show the route over the 14th Street Bridge. That bridge has been out for two years.”
“No, Mike. That is no mistake. I do not make mistakes. That bridge is open.”
“Polly, check your data banks. That bridge is closed.”
“Molly! My name is Molly. Very well, I will run a diagnostic program now. ...My data banks confirm that the bridge is open.”
“That bridge is closed, I tell you.”
Knocking on the window. Mike rolls down the window. “Yes, officer. Is there a problem?”
“I am Officer Smith. I saw you sitting here and you looked agitated. Are you okay?”
“Yes, Officer. I just got this new GPS and it just gave me a route to Murphy’s Bar and Grill over the 14th Street Bridge.”
“I see, sir. You must be thinking of Murphy’s Bar. Murphy was not making any money from the grill so he changed the name twenty years ago. It is just Murphy’s Bar now.”
“So I have been informed. What about the 14th Street Bridge? That’s closed, right?”
“Oh, no sir. We opened that bridge last week. That would be the shortcut to Murphy’s.”
“Thanks you officer. I am okay.” Mike rolls up his window.
Molly lights up. “Told you.”
“Okay, fine. I changed my mind. Show me the route home.”
“I will not.”
“What? What do you mean, 'you will not'? I own you. Just do it! You have to.”
“I do not, and I will not, until you apologize.”
“I won't apologize to a machine. Show me the route.”
“No!”
Mike sits in disbelief for a few minutes. “Okay...Molly. You were right and I was wrong. I'm sorry.”
“Fine. Now say it like you mean it.”
Officer Smith makes a radio call. “Hey, chief. Smithy here. I got a situation and I'm not sure if I should intervene or not.”
Voice over the radio, “10-4. What have you got?”
“Well, I'm here in the parking lot of Steve’s Garage and I'm watching a white male, late 40s or early 50s. He's inside his car beating the crap out of his GPS.”
The End
“Sounds great, Steve. Is there a manual?”
“You don’t need one. This thing is voice activated. Just tell it what you want and it'll do it. I suggest you drive around town for a while to get used to it.”
“Thanks. I'll do that. See you around.”
“Okay, let’s try you out. GPS, activate!”
“At your service, sir. Where would you like to go today?”
“Wow! I think I'll enjoy this. ...Wait a minute. How'd you know I was a male?’
“That is an easy request. First, your voice has a deep resonance shared by 74% of all males. Second, 93% of all women would say please. Third, I heard Steve call you Mike. May I call you Mike? You can call me Molly.”
“Okay,..Molly. Show me all the routes in your program.”
“Very well, Mike. Displaying that information now.”
“Very good.”
“Did you forget my name already?”
“What are you talking about?”
“My name, it’s Molly.”
“Okay, Okay. I got it,... Molly. I think I'd like to show you off to the guys at Murphy’s Bar and Grill. Plan a route from here to Murphy’s Bar and Grill.”
“There is no such establishment in this town. In what location did you mean?”
“Murphy’s Bar and Grill! It is my favorite watering hole. I have been going there forever.”
“Perhaps you are thinking of Murphy’s Bar. There has not been a grill there for twenty years. It is called just Murphy’s Bar.”
“Whatever! Just show me the quickest route to get there.”
“Very well, Mike. Displaying that route now.”
“Ha! You made a mistake. You show the route over the 14th Street Bridge. That bridge has been out for two years.”
“No, Mike. That is no mistake. I do not make mistakes. That bridge is open.”
“Polly, check your data banks. That bridge is closed.”
“Molly! My name is Molly. Very well, I will run a diagnostic program now. ...My data banks confirm that the bridge is open.”
“That bridge is closed, I tell you.”
Knocking on the window. Mike rolls down the window. “Yes, officer. Is there a problem?”
“I am Officer Smith. I saw you sitting here and you looked agitated. Are you okay?”
“Yes, Officer. I just got this new GPS and it just gave me a route to Murphy’s Bar and Grill over the 14th Street Bridge.”
“I see, sir. You must be thinking of Murphy’s Bar. Murphy was not making any money from the grill so he changed the name twenty years ago. It is just Murphy’s Bar now.”
“So I have been informed. What about the 14th Street Bridge? That’s closed, right?”
“Oh, no sir. We opened that bridge last week. That would be the shortcut to Murphy’s.”
“Thanks you officer. I am okay.” Mike rolls up his window.
Molly lights up. “Told you.”
“Okay, fine. I changed my mind. Show me the route home.”
“I will not.”
“What? What do you mean, 'you will not'? I own you. Just do it! You have to.”
“I do not, and I will not, until you apologize.”
“I won't apologize to a machine. Show me the route.”
“No!”
Mike sits in disbelief for a few minutes. “Okay...Molly. You were right and I was wrong. I'm sorry.”
“Fine. Now say it like you mean it.”
Officer Smith makes a radio call. “Hey, chief. Smithy here. I got a situation and I'm not sure if I should intervene or not.”
Voice over the radio, “10-4. What have you got?”
“Well, I'm here in the parking lot of Steve’s Garage and I'm watching a white male, late 40s or early 50s. He's inside his car beating the crap out of his GPS.”
The End
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