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What the Hell? The Secret Service in the Headlines Again

4/13/2015

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Damn! I no sooner post something about the Secret Service and they're in the news with another scandal. According to NBC News and The Washington Post, Xavier Morales, a high-ranking supervisor, has been accused of assaulting a female employee. It started at a party at Capitol City Brewing Company in D.C. After all the problems the Service has had with drinking you would think they would find a “secret” location for their parties and eliminate the booze. Secret Service parties should be held during AA meetings. Later, after they returned to the office, the employee claimed Morales tried to kiss her and grabbed her arms. This seems problematic on many levels:

1. There aren't any “secrets” in the Secret Service. Everything they do becomes public knowledge overnight. Their motto should be, “What happens in the Secret Service goes viral.” That is why I don't believe the government is hiding any information on UFO. If they were, the Secret Service would have leaked it by now. I'll bet that right now there are bloggers posting the names of everyone at that party, what they drank and who went home with whom.

2. I have advocated for members of the Secret Service to take vows as part of their conditions for employment. One vow would be to keep secrets. The others are celibacy, sobriety and to take a bullet for the pres. If they all took a vow of celibacy, there wouldn't be any grabbing or kissing.

So what should Director Joseph Clancy do to straighten out the department? I have already stated that all employees need to take the vows listed above. I also recommend changing the name of the department. Secret Service implies an organization that can keep secrets. This isn't it. A more appropriate name might be “Praetorian Guards”. I would also suggest “Palace Guards,” “Capital Clown Unit,” or “Ninga Turtles.”

Clancy should then take it one step further and out source the security of the President. We could hire the Swiss Guard. They seem to be doing okay with the Pope. I think a good choice would be the Boy Scouts of America. At least then there would be some adult leadership. Navy Seals or Green Berets would do an excellent job. My number one choice is the Scoiety of Jesus, commonly known as the Jesuits. They already have the vow of celibacy and I can't imagine them hanging out with hookers.





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    Monte is the author of several  e-books on Amazon and smashwords.com


    Buy Monte's e-books:
    The Throuple Private Eye--Business is Booming.
    ​​The Throuple Private Eye--Hate Crimes
    ​
    A Head for Murder
    The Register cliff Rapist
    The Clone Murders,
    Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
    Leadership for New Managers: Book Two

    FREE E-BOOKS:
    Angels and Gargoyles

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