1. Look before you leak.
2. Opportunity knocks up some.
3. Hope spring internal.
4. Time wounds all heels.
5. If you plan on wearing a nice white dress shirt, you will nick your throat shaving.
6. The number of times you drop something on the floor is directly proportional to how bad your back hurts.
7. If you want someone to ring your door bell, just go to the bathroom.
8. Sarcasm is wasted on pets.
9. You shouldn't worry about what others think of you – no one is thinking of you.
10. If you have a sore elbow, you will bump it ten times more often than usual.
11. You can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mother Nature.
I'm sure you have a few to add. Let's hear them.