Today is my wife’s birthday, and I am not looking forward to it. I still have not bought a gift for her. I dread gift buying for my wife. I am a clueless man when it comes to buying gifts. I wrote this short story with that in mind. It is a little long so I will split it into three parts. I posted the first part yesterday. (scroll down if you missed it.) The title is, A Women’s Store for Clueless Men. Enjoy. Part 2.
“Okay, Roy. Now you have managed to find the lingerie department. This is the last place you want to start - very inappropriate for a birthday gift. More of a special occasion type of gift, but I will explain that later. Just remember this rule of thumb; sexy lingerie is a gift for you, not for her.”
“Oh. I see. I think.”
John continued as they toured, “You should have started with our card department. I will introduce you to the manager. Mary! Would you come here, please?”
A smart looking woman dressed in a suit marched over and extended her hand, “Hello, I am Mary, the Card Department Manager.”
“Mary is one of several women consultants that I employee and an expert on want women expect in a card. Tell us, Roy, what has been your experience with buying cards?”
Roy thought for a minute, “Well, I hate to buy cards. They are a waste of time and money. I never seem to get one that my wife likes, and she always says that I never spend enough time choosing the right one.”
“Exactly!” said John. “That is where we come in. Mary and the rest of my women consultants have spent hours selecting cards guaranteed to make your wife’s heart go pitter-pat. You do not pick out a card. Mary selects the right card for you. Then after you give your wife the card, you send us her reactions via our website; we record it so that your next purchase is even better. If your wife is not pleased, we will gladly refund the cost of the card.”
But that is not the best part,” added Mary. “When you pay for the card, the receipt is date and time stamped. You must then make a separate purchase, a gift of some kind, and that is date and time stamped. Our patented computer program will randomly select a time between thirty minutes up to one hour so that it will appear that you purchased the card at least thirty minutes after you purchased the gift. You just make sure that the receipts are in the gift box. Oh, I might add, the program will add fifty dollars to the amount of the gift so it appears that you spent a lot of money on the gift.”
“Thank you, Mary. Now let us go over to the jewelry department. Jane, would you come here, please?”
As Mary ambled back to her department another woman introduced herself.