These are the types of headlines that keep me awake at night. I tried to let it go without comment, but I can’t. An American exchange student fell into a giant vagina sculpture in southwestern #Germany. Officials said that he slipped as he tried to climb into the vagina to pose for a picture. He became stuck, and four firefighters had to free him. He did not damage the sculpture created by Peruvian-born artist Fernando de la Jara. Isn’t this one of the reason we have student exchange programs: to meet new people, cultures and vaginas? He literally was studying a broad. I hate when this happens. I mean, what man hasn’t had a similar experience? Moreover, who wouldn’t want a selfie inside a giant vagina? This is funny. I can’t make this stuff up. (Well, I could because I am a writer, but no one would believe me.) No matter what anyone says about it, it comes out as hilarious. Initially, I thought I wouldn’t touch it because once you’re in it, it’s slippery slope. Huh? Apparently, there’s no truth to the rumor that the sculptor wants to rename his sculpture The Bermuda Triangle because this student nearly got lost in it. Right away, I have a bunch of questions:
1. Was this his first time?
2. Did he call the next day?
3. Will there be a second date or was this just a one-time thing?
4. Will the art museum now sell miniatures of the sculpture?
5. Did he get her number?
6. Did he hear a monologue or humming while inside the vagina?
7. Will the museum install some type of barrier? Maybe latex?
8. Did the firefighters use a lubricant to free him?
9. Were the firefighters all single males? Does this affect the reputation of the sculpture?
10. Will he add this to his resume? I mean, it’s not hard to get stuck in a small vagina, but it takes talent to get stuck in a large one.
11. Was it carpeted?
12. Was the incident considered vandalism, oral sex, performance art, consensual sex or a one-night stand?
13. What is the student’s major? Is it art or gynecology?
14. Was he “born again”?
15. When he was released was this the same as “coming out”?
16. Does this mean he is a D-head or a D-bag?
17. Was he tested for STDs?
18. Did he have nightmares about it?
19. Has this experience ruined him for other women?
20. Will he suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Sexual Dislodgement)?
Inquiring minds want to know.
1. Was this his first time?
2. Did he call the next day?
3. Will there be a second date or was this just a one-time thing?
4. Will the art museum now sell miniatures of the sculpture?
5. Did he get her number?
6. Did he hear a monologue or humming while inside the vagina?
7. Will the museum install some type of barrier? Maybe latex?
8. Did the firefighters use a lubricant to free him?
9. Were the firefighters all single males? Does this affect the reputation of the sculpture?
10. Will he add this to his resume? I mean, it’s not hard to get stuck in a small vagina, but it takes talent to get stuck in a large one.
11. Was it carpeted?
12. Was the incident considered vandalism, oral sex, performance art, consensual sex or a one-night stand?
13. What is the student’s major? Is it art or gynecology?
14. Was he “born again”?
15. When he was released was this the same as “coming out”?
16. Does this mean he is a D-head or a D-bag?
17. Was he tested for STDs?
18. Did he have nightmares about it?
19. Has this experience ruined him for other women?
20. Will he suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Sexual Dislodgement)?
Inquiring minds want to know.
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