Monte R Anderson - Author
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Simple Solutions to Gun Control

1/31/2016

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A big issue up for debate is gun control. Probably of all the issues, this one is the most heated with die hard #NRA supporters on one side of the issue and bleeding heart liberals on the other. With the number of shooting and murders increasing every year, clearing something must be done. All the presidential #candidates have taken a position on the debate. There doesn’t seem to be a simple solution to the problem. The fact that the right to bear arms is in the #constitution makes the solution appear difficult. Politicians think to be acceptable, a solution has to complex. Not true. Sometimes the right solution is simple and maybe even counter intuitive or hard to implement. I addressed the issue of immigration and the war on drugs in previous posts, so now I will provide the simple solution to gun control.

The people have a right to have guns – that’s in the constitution. The solution is simple; change the constitution. Okay, that might be hard to do, but there are other things that can be done. First, banning automatic weapons, background checks and barring the mentally ill should be implemented without question or debate. I think the real issue is the ammunition. No one seems to be talking about it. Here’s a simple solution – limit every gun owner to one case of ammo (mix or match). The number of rounds in a case varies, so the number of rounds per case should be set at 25 rounds. If this is done, there would be no need to ban automatic weapons. Twenty-five rounds would last about one second in an automatic weapon. And here’s the kicker. In order to buy more ammo, the gun own must return the spent shells much like a deposit for bottles. If they lose a shell, they must pay a hefty fine. If someone owns more than one type of guns, they would still be limited to 25 rounds but could mix or match.

I think an even better solution would be to let the members of the #NationalGuard, the Reserves, and active duty military personnel take their weapons home. The Swiss did this until 2008 and it worked well. Military personnel are trained in marksmanship and gun safety. They know how to handle guns and ammunition. We already allow law enforcement personnel to take weapons home.
Problem solved or at least reduced.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: To the humorously challenged, this is a satire.

For e-books by me, visit http://smashwords.com/profile/view/monteranderson.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/monteranderson

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Simple Solutions to National Problems –  Solving Wealth Inequality

1/29/2016

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Only the top 10 percent of Americans are seeing their wealth grow while the rest get less and less wealth. Everyone is aware of this national problem. Most #candidates think that it can be solved by taxing the rich and giving to the poor through tax break. Yeah, right. It is a complex problem. Part of the problem, in my opinion, is that consumers pay too much for products and services that are providing excess profits to the rich. There should be better transparency on the real cost of products and services. We already have labels for nutrition and the country where the product is made. I propose adding more information to the label.
Here are the items that should be placed on a label on all products and disclosed for all services:
  1. The actual percent of the cost that is contributed toward profit. If we knew this, most of us would not purchase anything with excessive mark up. I think 10% or less is a fair profit.
  2. The salaries of the CEO, the Chairman of the Board, the CFO and the salary of the lowest paid employee. It must include all the perks, stock options and golden parachutes.
  3. The percentage of the product or service that is from outside of the US.
 
This won’t solve the inequality, but it’s a start.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: To the humorously challenged, this is a satire.
For e-books by me, visit http://smashwords.com/profile/view/monteranderson.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/monteranderson

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Simple Solutions to National Problems –  The War on Drugs

1/27/2016

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Every four years the nation has to face the fact that we have problems that need to be solved. This also coincides with our #presidentialelections. All the #candidates put forth solutions for all the ills that plague #America, trying to be unique and gather votes. Usually, the solution is so complex no one can understand it, let alone implement it.  #Politicians think to be acceptable, a solution has to complex. Not true. Sometimes the right solution is simple and maybe even counter intuitive or hard to implement. For my next few blogs I will attempt to point out the obvious and simple solutions. I addressed the issue of immigration in my last post. Today I want to address the issue of the #WaronDrugs and how to solve the drug problem.

Let’s face it, the war on drugs was a failure. We ended up with thousands of people in prison and hardly a dent in drug trafficking. The real solution is simple – if you can’t beat them, join them. Stop the war on drugs and get with the program. The US government should get into the drug business. I propose that the government buy drugs and sell them. I don’t mean buy drug from #South American cartels; I mean buy directly from the farmers in South America. This would cut out the middle men: cartels, smugglers, drug pushers, etc. By cutting out the middle men, the price of drugs should be very low, affordable and profitable. Drugs should be sold at special stores called… wait for it… “drug stores.” People would be able to purchase as much drugs as they want, provided they sign a waiver to forgo any medical treatment for drugs additions. We allow drugs like alcohol and tobacco, so why not allow all drugs?

Here’s the impact of that solution:
1. The price of illegal drugs would plummet.
2. The prison population will drop.
3. Many new and legal jobs will be created for tax paying citizens.
4. The number of people who over dose and die will increase and thereby reduce the number of hard core users.
5. The cartels, drug pushers, smugglers, etc. will be put out of business.
6. The government will collect the profits instead of the cartels.
7. This will free up money formerly used for the War on Drugs.
Drug problem solved.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: To the humorously challenged, this is a satire.

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Simple Solutions to National Problems -- #Immigration

1/25/2016

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It seems that the country has one problem after another and crisis following crisis.  Every #election year, all the #candidates are put forth solutions for all the ills that plague America. These include immigration, #foreignpolicy, the #environment, #defense, the #economy and #nationalsecurity, to name just a few. All these problems cry out for a solution. I recall seeing a sign when I worked in the #Pentagon that said, “Every problem can be solved if the solution is complex enough. Simple solutions to complex problem will not be tolerated.” Apparently, all the nation’s problems can be solved with a complex solution no one can understand, let alone implement.  Now that I am older and slightly wiser, I realize that many of our national problems have a simple solution. It may be a hard and difficult solution but probably the correct one. I thought for my next few blogs I might tackle some of these problems and propose the “Simple Solution” -- the gorilla in the room.
I’ll start with immigration and the related issues. Let’s face the facts. People want to come to the USA for a better life or escape prosecution in their country. Many try to cross the border from #Mexico. They come from #CentralAmerica, #SouthAmerica and from overseas. Spin off problems include the large influx of unaccompanied children, #amnesty for illegal aliens, undocumented workers, keeping our borders secure, drugs, crime, etc.

Here is the simple solution; annex Central America. Make it a territory of the United States -- problem solved.

The US should annex Central America down to the Panama Canal. That would include Mexico, #Guatemala, #Honduras, #CostaRica, and half of #Panama. We would make it a territory like #Guam, #PuertoRico, and #Hollywood. Here’s the impact of that solution:
1. All the people in Central America would be US citizens -- no need to immigrate.
2. The Panama Canal is a great barrier; no need to build a fence. We could fill the canal with sharks.
3. It would probably mean more votes for the Democratic Party.
4. The Panama Canal would be returned to the US - more income.
5. More illegal drugs would be available at lower prices.
6.  No one would need a visa to take a vacation in Central America.
7. People would then be able to eat real Mexican food.
8. School kids would have to learn where Costa Rica is located.
9. The #NRA will be happy to learn that most of the people in Central America are already armed.
10. The area is already named “America.”
11. This action will put the Canadians on notice to clean up their act.

Give me a few days to solve all the other problems with a simple solution. More to come.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: To the humorously challenged, this is a satire.

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Subtle Signs that People Aren’t Listening to You

1/22/2016

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I read with interest an article about a new book, Power Cues: The Subtle Science of Leading Groups, Persuading Others, and Maximizing Your Personal Impact, by Nick Morgan. He talked about all the fake listening that people do while they act as if they are listening to you. He listed seven:
1. Their eye contact is too fixed, and their heads are too still.
2. They smile too brightly and for too long.
3. They tap their fingers.
4. They fidget.
5. Their body is turned away from you.
6 Their feet are pointed towards the door.
7. They don't mirror your body language.
This got me to thinking about other subtle ways you can tell people are not listening to you. Here are ten more:
1. They fall asleep. This is a dead giveaway.
2. They don’t notice when you stop talking.
3. You ask them a question and they just nod their heads.
4. They tell you in English that they don’t speak English.
5. They wave a crucifix and a strand of garlic at you and attempt to drive a stake into your heart.
6. They let their dog pee on your shoes.
7. They put coins into your coffee cup and walk away.
8. They hold up a lapel pin and ask you to speak into it.
9. They steal your watch and wallet.
10. They fake a heart attack so they don’t have to listen to you.
If you notice this type of behavior, stop talking. Your audience has stopped listening to you.

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The Five People You’ll Meet in Hell

1/20/2016

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The Five People You’ll Meet in Hell
You may have read Mitch Albom’s novel, The Five People You Meet in Heaven. With a wink and a nod to Mr. Albom, I now present The Five People You Meet in Hell. Sorry, it’s a blog not a novel – maybe later.

Okay, you screwed up and you know it. You are going to hell. No sweat, you say. You have many friends in hell so you won’t be lonely. True. The company you keep puts you in hell. Here’s a clue; you enemies are there too, and they are waiting for you. Here are the five people who will meet you at the gates of hell when you arrive:

1. Your ex-girlfriend/ boyfriend and/or ex-spouse. Remember how you treated on your significant other? You cheated. You lied about it. You confessed and promised never to do it again. Then you cheated again and lied again. You thought you got away this last time. Your ex knows what you did and will confront you in hell. What you don’t know is that you caused your ex to have a crisis about his/her sexuality. He/she blamed him/herself more than you. Your ex went into therapy. Finally, he/she had a sex change operation. Your ex then joined a commune to “find him/herself.” In a freak accident, your ex smoked some loco weed that looked like marijuana. It was fatal. With his/her dying breath, he/she swore revenge on you.

2. Your best friend from high school/college? You remember your best friend? You two vowed to be best friends forever. That was until you stabbed your BF in the back. You stole your BF’s girl/guy. You did it without a thought of how you hurt him/her. What you don’t know is that your BF had trust issue after that. He/she never trusted anyone again. He/she became very bitter and mean. With no friends, your BF sat alone at home watching reruns of Gillian’s Island. It wasn’t cable or satellite, because your BF did not trust the installer to show up at all. In a freak accident, a flock of pigeons killed your BF while your BF was feeding them.

3. Your old boss. You do remember your old boss? The one that didn’t give you that bonus or promotion. He said you did not achieve the goals he set for you. He said that you wasted time playing games on the computer and taking naps in the stockroom. It was all true. What you don’t know is that he didn’t get a bonus or promotion either. Your failure caused him to fail too. Eventually, the company fired him for poor performance. He couldn’t get another job because he couldn’t get a referral. The industry blackballed him. He became homeless and wandered around aimlessly – without goals. In a tragic accident, he was cooked to death due to a malfunction in the heating grate he was sleeping on. Investigators found your name scribbled on the side of his cardboard box with the words, “I’ll see you in hell.”

4. Your old school teacher. You must remember your old school teacher – the one that you caused to have a nervous breakdown? She was a 30-year veteran but had never met anyone as bad as you. She even told you to your face that if you ever go to hell, she would find you and kill you -- again. What you may not know is that she gave up teaching and joined a street gang. For several years, she committed drive by shootings of students. When her eyesight failed, she retired to a rural area in Montana. A black bear killed her when she tried to spank it after it climbed into her apple tree. She thought it was you. The police found a picture of you with your eyes gouged out in her cabin.

5. Jack Hodges. You remember Jack Hodges? Probably not. Everyone remembers him as One-eyed Jack. Your mom always told you not to throw pencils, but when Jack asked to borrow a pencil, you threw it. Sure enough, he lost an eye. That was bad enough, but what you don’t know was worst. People bullied and teased One-eyed Jack the rest of his life. He finally had enough and chose a life of crime. One day the police caught up with him and he died in a hail of bullets. The police said that with his dying breath, he said it was all your fault.

So, have fun in hell.

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The Word “F*#%er” Now a Racial Slur

1/18/2016

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I know I published this before but I love it. Enjoy.

It’s official now -- the F-word, or least that variation of it that ends in “er” is a racist word and politically correct and/or sensitive people can no longer use it. In a recent research study, an ethnic groups called the F*#%ers has been identified. Genealogists were surprised that this ethnic group survived so long without recognition as a distinct ethnic family. Apparently, they have existed in plain sight for centuries all over the world. They blend in well since they are not of any distinct color or do they have any distinguishing features. There are mother F*#%ers, father F*#%ers, little F*#%ers, and even stupid F*#%ers. The stupid, mother F*#%er, a much rarer variation, also exists.   
  
Many live and work in Washington D. C., but researcher found them in most state capitals. Many elected officials are F*#%ers. A disproportional number work for the DMV in most states. They seem to be attracted to jobs that require a great deal of red tape and bureaucracy. They are well suited for managerial positions. Few actually acknowledge they belong to the ethnic group, but there is no doubt that they are F*#%ers. 
   
One researcher, who asked not to be identified for fear he might turn out to be a F*#%er, said the is happy the work to identify all the F*#%ers can now begin, because many of the F*#%ers don’t know they belong to the ethnic group of F*#%ers. 
    
We welcome this latest ethnic group and wish them well. In all fairness, it would not be correct to label someone as a F*#%er until the genealogists complete their work. However, many F*#%ers are self-evident by their life style. Research will confirm this one way or another.    
 
PS. during my research, one of the genealogists checked my DNA, and it turns out that I am a F*#%er too. What a surprise. Who knew?

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The Mystique of Manhood Part 3

1/15/2016

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If you have followed my postings for the last two posts, thanks. I am writing an exposé that will reveal the code of silence of the brotherhood of men. Here is a preview. It is a little long for a blog, so I am posting it in series. If you missed Parts 1 & 2, scroll down. Here is the last part.
Myth Number 9. When a sexy woman walks by, the first thing men look at is her butt.
The Truth: Simply not true. I think I can speak for all men when I say this. When a sexy woman walks by, the first thing I look at is the back of her head. Then I ask myself, “I wonder if she has a brain to go along with that really nice ass?”
Myth Number 10. Men are afraid of commitment.
The Truth: Also not true. Men are not afraid of commitment – they are afraid of women. All women scare the hell out of us.
Myth Number 11. Men like dogs better than cats.
The Truth: It’s not that men like dogs better than cats – they don’t. It’s just that men get excited and confused when women ask men if they would like a little “pussy.” The conversation never ends well. It is easier to talk about dogs, although they can be bitches too.
Myth Number 12: Men do not have close friends the way women do.
The Truth: This is another popular myth perpetuated by men. All men have a secret Facebook page. On that page, they have many friends including ex-girlfriends/wives, your sisters, and that good-looking divorcee next door.
Myth Number 13: Men don’t listen.
The Truth: I’m sorry. What were you saying?
Myth Number 14: Men are not sincere when they say they are sorry and it won’t happen again.
The Truth: Okay, there’s a nugget of truth in this myth. Let’s face it - men are stubborn. The truth is that by the time men finally get around to saying they’re sorry, they have forgotten what it is they’re sorry about, so they just say the words.
Myth Number 15. Men will cheat if given the opportunity.
The Truth: Okay, this is basically true. However, women must share part of the blame. If there were no women to cheat with, men would not cheat.
I hope these articles have help to clear up the mystique that surrounds manhood and the bro code.

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The Mystique of Manhood Part 2

1/13/2016

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I am writing an exposé that will reveal the code of silence of the brotherhood of men. Here is a preview. It is a little long for a blog, so I am posting it in series. If you missed Part 1, scroll down. Here is Part 2.

Myth Number 4: Men are poor dressers.
The Truth: Not True! Men know how to dress. However, men do like to be the center of attention. The best way to do that is to wear something inappropriate. Men have been known to wear black socks with sandals just to get attention from significant others (and daughters).

Myth Number 5: Men don’t like Opera.
The Truth: Absolutely not true. Men admire opera. We thought her show was good, and her O Magazine has articles that even men can enjoy. Oh, wait. Did I say Opera? I meant to say Oprah. My mistake. Sorry. Never mind.

Myth Number 6: Men have trouble expressing their feelings.
The Truth: Bull crap! Men have no problem expressing their feelings ...to other men. Whenever men gather in small groups for poker or golf, the conversation always turns to feelings. Men perpetuate the idea that they talk about women in these gathering, but it’s simply not the case. Men think that expressing feelings with women is a sign of weakness, so they don’t do it. In addition, it usually starts a long conversation, and men do hate long conversations.

Myth Number 7: Men are good at killing bugs and spiders.
The Truth: Another myth. Men are afraid of bugs and spiders too. People believe that since men are supposed to be hunters that they enjoy killing bugs. Men got over that a long time ago. They hate to be the one to kill them. In order to look heroic in front of women, men will stock and ritually kill pieces of lint and dust bunnies. I know some men that save those fake plastic spiders from Halloween and scatter them around the house. This goes back to men want to be the center of attention.

Myth Number 8: Men are better than women are at math.
The Truth: Not true. Women have the ability to multiply. Case closed.
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The Mystique of Manhood Part 1

1/11/2016

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I’m writing an exposé that’ll blow the lid off the code of silence of the brotherhood of men. As a member of the male gender for as long as I can remember, I can no longer abide with the cover up and fraud that men have perpetuated upon women. At the risk of losing my subscription to Esquire Magazine, I’ll debunk the myths and misconceptions of the mystique of manhood. It will be a tell all, name names (like Thomas, Richard and Harry) and scandalous mea culpa. In all fairness, I want to give my followers and fans, especially the male ones, a heads up and a preview of what to except when my exposé explodes upon the public. I am sure I will receive hate mail and threats from my fellow males for violating the bro code. Sorry guys, but the time has come. It’s Katie bar the door time. This too long for my usual blog, so I will post this in series. Here is Part 1.
Myth Number 1: Men leave the toilet seat up as a way of marking their territory.
The Truth: Men can’t remember to put the seat down. At a very early age, men learn not to pee on the toilet lid and/or seat, so they remember to raise them. However, whenever men manage to get 80% of their urine into the toilet, they are so proud of themselves that they forget to put the seat down.
Myth Number 2: Men will never admit when they are wrong.
The Truth: Okay, I got nothing. This one is true. Wait! Did I just admit that I was wrong? Maybe there is something here. I’ll get back to you on this. Men don’t like to be embarrassed in front of women.
Myth Number 3: Men have an unerring sense of direction and won’t admit when they’re lost.
The Truth: Men are no better at directions than women are. There, I said it! Why don’t men admit when they are lost and ask for directions? See Myth Number 2. When driving alone, men will seek out another brother and ask for directions. Some men will drive around for hours hoping their female passenger will recognize a landmark.
Myth Number 3: Men like to BBQ.
The Truth: This one is easy to debunk. Men like meat and will eat almost any meat whether it’s cooked or not. The truth is that since men came out of caves walking upright, fire has fascinated them. Sometimes men will go out and start the grill just to watch it burn without anything cooking.

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    Monte is the author of 8 e-books: 3 novels, 3 non-fiction, 1 collection of short stories, and 1 novelette.

    Buy Monte's e-books:
    The Register cliff Rapist
    The Clone Murders,
    Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
    Leadership for New Managers: Book Two

    FREE E-BOOKS:
    Angels and Gargoyles

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