2. You turn on the news and see two of your exes being interviewed on a national talk show.
3. A person in a bomb suit is at your front door.
4. Several news vans are parked on your front lawn.
5. Your office is surrounded with crime scene tape.
6. Your date from last night texted you that she is in quarantine and for you to call her ASAP.
7. You find the door to the terrarium where you keep your collection of tarantulas open, and the tarantulas gone.
8. You find a bullet hole in your front window.
9. You find a roaring fire in your living room, but you don’t have a fire place.
10. You look out the window and see a Coast Guard boat motoring down your street.
11. There’s a police helicopter hovering above your house.
12. You find a flying saucer in your back yard and two green aliens having a discussion with your dog.
13. Your dog comes in from the back yard carrying a human foot.
14. You watch a video on the news about a man robbing a bank wearing the coat you donated to Good Will yesterday.
15. Your python escaped, and you can’t find it.
16. You friend barrowed your car and returned it with blood in the trunk.
17. You hear your name mentioned on America’s Most Wanted,
18. Your pregnancy test comes back positive and you’re dating three guys.
Ignore these signs at your peril.
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