The following is another excerpt from my work in progress, Jen McDowell—Private Eye; Business is Booming, a Jen McDowell Series. I think this will be the last chapter. If you want to catch up, order the novella The Throuple Private Eye—Hate Crimes, on Amazon ($2.99). The link is https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084LTTHGN. Enjoy.
The Case of the Good Priest
“Let’s put a GPS tracker on his car just the same.”
“Sounds good,” Jen answered.
Thursday the next week…
Jen and Molly were having breakfast at the hotel breakfast buffet. “So, we followed Fr. Traylor around for one week, and so far, he has attended three comedy clubs, two magic shows and one head liner show,” Molly said, “We haven’t seen him do anything inappropriate. I don’t think he will.”
“I know,” answered Jen. “I don’t like this case one bit.”
“What should we do?”
Jen thought for a minute. “Let go back to the room and see what we can find out about our client. Mr. Lamont. Let’s see if we can figure out why he wants to find dirt on Fr. Traylor.”
While Jen researched Clive Lamont, Molly began a deep background search on Fr. Traylor.
After a few minutes, Jen said. “Well, this is interesting. Clive Lamont has a nephew by the named of Beery Elliston Lamont and he’s a priest too.  He spells his first name B-E-R-R-Y.’
“I’m not finding much on Fr. Traylor, so I’ll check out the nephew,” Molly replied. “Let’s compare notes in two hours.”
After two hours, Jen and Molly made coffee inside their room and then sat down to compare notes. Molly went first, “Turns out that Berry Lamont was ordained the year after Fr. Traylor and Fr. Garry. None of these priests are very active on social media.”
Well, I checked more in deal into our client Mr. Lamont. He also isn’t very active on social media but his wife, Dorothy, is very active. She has made it very clear that she’d like the nephew, Berry, assigned to their church in Atlanta. Currently, he is working for a diocese in Florida. She said it should happen one day because her husband is close friends with the bishop. So, I looked at that connection. Turns out, Clive Lamont and Bishop Stanford are classmates from high school. They played football together.”
Molly set back in her chair. “Let me guess, the bishop makes all the priest assignments?”
“Yes and no. Atlanta isn’t part of his diocese, but his recommendation would carry a lot of weight,” Jen answered.
“So, if Lamont can find a reason to fire Fr. Traylor, then that would create an opening for nephew Berry to be assigned to Atlanta.”
“I think so. But what Clive is doing isn’t illegal. He has every right to check into his priests.”
“Yeah,” Molly agreed. “But hiring a couple of PIs to follow the priest around isn’t a very Christian thing to do.”
“So, what do we do now?” Molly asked.
“I think it’s time to have a little talk with Fr. Traylor.”
 
The next Monday…
Fr. Traylor agreed to meet with Jen and Molly at the rectory. Jen explained what they had discovered and then said, “We think Mr. Lamont is trying to find an excuse to fire you and replace you with his nephew.”
“Wait. Do you mean Berry Lamont?”
“You know him?” Molly asked somewhat surprised.
“Of course. We concelebrate every time he comes to Atlanta for a visit. Seems like a very nice guy. I seriously doubt he knows anything about this.”

To be continued.

​My humorous blog is found at monteranderson-author.com (also web page) and monteranderson.wordpress.com.

The Case of the Good Priest

Things were still slow after the case of the cheating girlfriend/fiancé. Jen didn’t like the way that case ended but there was nothing she could do about. When she checked her voicemail, there weas a message from a gentleman requesting a video conference. Jen told Molly about so she could return the call and schedule a meeting. She set the meeting for that very afternoon.

Later that afternoon, both Jen and Molly were on the video conference with the gentleman. He introduced himself as Clive Lamont, Chairman of the Parish Council of First Baptist Church of Atlanta.
After some preliminary questions, Jen asked, “What can we do for you, Father Lamont?”

“No, no,” Clive replied. “I not a member of the clergy. I’m a lay person. I would like you to investigate one of our priests, Father Kendall Galen Traylor.”

“Why? What has he done?” Molly asked.

“I don’t know that he has done anything,” Clive answered.

“So, what we would be looking for?” Jen asked.

“Here’s the thing,” Clive continued. “I don’t know that he has done anything wrong. I just have a gut feeling that he’s hiding something.”

“Because…” Jen urged.

“Okay. I got a call from our Bishop asking if we would allow Fr. Traylor to fill in for a priest in Las Vegas, a friend of his and a classmate from the seminary. The bishop from Las Vegas request him by name. He’ll be taking two weeks off to go to Las Vegas. Why does a priest go to Las Vegas? And during the summer? It’s hot as hell, pardon my language. There’s a reason they call it ‘Sin City’ and what ‘Happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.’ It just strikes me as odd. I feel as Chairman of the Parish Council I have a responsibility to check into it. He is leaving next Thursday.”

“And what would we look for?” Molly asked.

“Oh, anything. He could be a pedophile for all I know. Does he gamble? Does he dance? Does he watch porn? Does he drink. Does he smoke? Anything along those lines.”

“Are dancing, smoking, drinking alcohol against the church rules?” Molly asked.

“No. not specifically. But during his interview he said he doesn’t smoke, dance or drink. If he was lying about that, we do take a dim view of lying. Now I’m completely within my duties as Chairman to check out our priests. I would like you to go to Las Vegas and follow him to see what he’s doing there. I’ll pay for everything, of course.”

“Do you know which hotel is will stay at?” Jen asked.

“He’ll stay at the church’s rectory. He’s filling in for Fr. Garry, so he’ll use his room.”

Jen and Molly agreed to take the case. Clive provide all the details on Father Traylor flight to Las Vegas and the address of the church in Las Vegas. Jen and Molly planned to arrive before Father Traylor and to follow him from the airport.

Later, Jen pointed out to Molly, “I don’t feel too good about this case. It’s one thing to spy on a cheating spouse, but in this case, we don’t know if Father Traylor has done anything wrong.”

“Well, isn’t the job of a parish council president to vet the priests? Besides, that’s the nature of being a private eye.”

Later on Wednesday…

Molly and Jen arrive in Las Vegas one day ahead of Father Traylor. They checked into one of the large Las Vegas luxury hotels. The next day, they rent a car and arrived at the airport ahead of Fr. Traylor’s flight. They followed him from the arrival gate. He didn’t go to the baggage claim area. He was met by another young priest not far from his gate.

“Damn,” Jen said. “He’s not going to rent a car. Someone is picking him up. Molly, go get the car before we lose him. Pick me up in the hourly parking lot. I’ll follow them until they get into a car and then I’ll tell you where to pick me up me.”

Molly left as quickly as she could. Jen followed the two priests into the daily parking area. They quickly found a car and got in. As they pulled out, Jen snapped a picture of their license plate. Then she called Molly, but before Molly answered, Jen heard a honk behind her. It was Molly. Jen climbed into the rental. “How did you find me so fast?” she asked.

“Easy,” Molly answered. “I figured they’d park as near the entrance as possible. When I go here, I saw you coming out of the terminal.”

Molly followed the priests far enough behind them to not create any suspicion. The priest drove directly to the rectory of a large church. Jen and Molly waited in their car until the two priests went inside. “Shall we go inside and look around?” Jen asked. Molly agreed and the two went inside the church.

Once inside the church, Jen picked up a copy of the weekly bulletin, and the two private eyes sat down in the back row to read it. Jen read in a whisper, “It says that Fr. Traylor from Atlanta will fill in for Fr. Garry for two weeks. Apparently, Fr. Garry has a family wedding to perform back in New Hampshire.”

Jen handed the bulletin to Molly. Molly read it to herself for a minute, then said in a whisper, “It says that Fr. Traylor will take over the AA meeting on Friday night, the Saturday morning bible study, the evening service on Saturday and will concelebration two services on Sunday. That means he’ll be tied up the entire weekend. All work and no play.”

“We should attend to make sure he stays for the meetings and the services,” Jen replied. “We can always leave once they start.”

My humorous blog is found at monteranderson-author.com (also web page) and monteranderson.wordpress.com.

If you’re a Marvel movie fan, you must know that “Spider-Man: No Way Home” is breaking box office records ($1.53 billion worldwide so far). I am a fan of the #X-Men. I enjoy watching #Wolverine, #Magneto, #Mystique, #Storm, that the others with their mutant powers. As a kid, like many young boys, I enjoyed comics with the stories about #Superman, #Spider-man, the #HumanTorch, #TheThing, #Aquaman, and #Flash and how they used their superpowers to battle evil. We all did. Now that I am older, I realize that each of us has at least one superpower, or more. We may not know what they are, but you don't have to be a mutant to use them.
 
For example, my wife has several superpowers. One of her powers is super hearing. She can hear an ant crawl on the kitchen counter. Sometimes she'll listen then announce to me, “We have ants!” Apparently, I have to do something about it,. Her super hearing is so sensitive that she can hear silence. Sometimes, she wakes me in the middle of the night and tells me that she can hear that I'm not breathing. Wow!
 
She also has a super sense of smell. If I eat a donut while I am out of the house, she can smell it when I get home. She'll ask me, “Did you get one for me?” (I never do.) She also can read the minds of our two greyhounds. Often when they come to me, she'll tell me, “They want a treat” or “They want out” or “They want to be petted.” Wow again. She even has the power to know what I want. When I stand up, she'll say, “You want to get me a glass of wine.” I didn't even know that. She might say, “You want to take me out to dinner.”  It's amazing!
 
Remember when you were a kid, and you thought your mom had eyes in the back of her head? That was her superpowers. My superpower? I can make people smile. I'm working up to laughter. Perhaps you have a superpower or know someone who has. Let's hear about it.

I posted this item a few years ago when I was looking for work. I’m retired now, but would like to help others seeking work. Currently unemployment is low, but there’re are many people looking for better jobs. If you are now #unemployed, or looking for a better position, you know about elevator pitches. They're those 30-second speeches that you can rattle off on a second's notice anywhere, anytime. It comes in handy when you're caught off guard and aren't sure what to say when someone asks, “What do you do?” Once you write it and practice it to perfection, you can go looking for an elevator and ride it up and down until a hiring manager gets in. Now you may wonder how to start a conversation when you're finally in an elevator with a hiring manager.  One way to break the ice is to ask, “Did you fart?” When the hiring manager answers, start your elevator pitch. Riding up and down in elevators is a little too obvious. It's enough to make managers take the stairs. I have found you have a better chance if you hang around the restroom. When the proper manager arrives to pee, start your speech. They are a captive audience, at least for the time it takes to make your pitch.
 
Hiring managers get a little bored at hearing elevator speeches in elevators or restrooms so I recommend the non-elevator speech. Rewrite your pitch so it doesn't sound like a pitch. Here is an example that I used when I was seeking a position as a writer:
“Hi, my name is Monte. I'm sorry. I guess you thought I was going to give you an elevator pitch. No, I wouldn't do that. I just here to mingle and relax. I could though. I mean, I'm a writer so I could write an elevator pitch if I wanted to. I have good presentation skills so I'm sure I could recite the pitch perfectly. After all, I have published several e-books and a few novels. I find writing is a good way to utilize my Masters Degree and vast experience. I could even write it with others since I'm such a good team player. I won't bore you with all the details of my work history or the numerous articles I have written for magazines. Unless, of course, you're interested. Another time perhaps. Here is my card. Oh, I've attached my resume to it in case you're hiring. Bye.”
 
I should warn you that I never got hired. Go figure.
 

I'm sure that you all have seen news stories that quoted or referred to an unnamed “Pentagon Source.” You may have wondered who this source was and what his/her job was. Let me clarify this for you. When I worked at the Pentagon, I was surprised to discover that reporters will randomly call the Pentagon telephone numbers hoping that someone, anyone will answer the phone. No matter who answers, the reporters will fire off questions on the current situation. Here is how to identify Pentagon sources:
Pentagon Insider – Someone who works inside the Pentagon.
High-level Pentagon Source – Someone who works on the fifth floor of the Pentagon. Sometimes referred to as a “Top-level” Pentagon source.
Pentagon Source – Someone who works at the Pentagon but not on the fifth floor.
Confidential Pentagon Source – Someone who works at the Pentagon but can't remember what floor he/she works on, a common malady at the Pentagon.
 
Now you know.

Ben Franklin said that all people want to appear reasonable. I agree with that statement, but it started me thinking. Actually, I have been thinking for a long time. I mean it started me thinks about what most people think about themselves. I have come up with a list. I have enough material here to write about for a while.
Most people think:

• that they are above average intelligence.
• that they fairly good looking.
• that they are a “people person.”
• that they have a sense of humor.
• that they are open-minded.
• that they are a team player.

Most people think that they are average intelligence. I guess that is because they do not know how an average is calculated.  We can’t all be average. We are evenly split between above or below average. It would be better to set a goal to be one standard deviation from the average. That would be a group of 68% of the people (based on a normal bell curve distribution).

Most people think that they are good looking. Studies show that one out of three people would be considered ugly. So... look to your right and left. If you don’t see ugly, guess what?

Most people think that they are a “people person.” This bugs me. Not everyone can be a people person. I believe that people persons are rare. In my own experience, people who claim to be a people person are not. Being a people person is not a title you may bestow upon yourself. It is granted to you by people who know you. However, most people want to be thought of as a people person. People persons are not your every day, average individuals. They have a special talent for dealing with people, and that talent is that they make people happy. That is the way you can identify real people persons; they are happy, their administrative assistants are happy, their bosses and subordinates are happy, and their customers are happy. They also go out of their way to make people happy by volunteering in various programs to help people. People persons visits prisons, help the handicapped, visit the elderly, or help the poor in some manner. If a person claims to be a people person and the people around them are not happy and they do nothing to help people, they are simply wannabe’s.

Most people like to think that they have a sense of humor. They probable do, but not a great sense of humor. I have been a teller of jokes for a long time, and I like to think that I have a great sense of humor. I have learned that most people’s sense of humor is rather thin. A sense of humor is not about telling jokes. Jokesters seek attention and, to some extent, want to make people laugh. I am not talking about that type of humor.

People have a great sense of humor when they can laugh at themselves. They see the humor in everything, even the darkest hour. They use humor to relieve tension and to defuse potential fights or arguments. They never take themselves too seriously.

Most people think they are open-minded. I do not believe that anyone is completely open-minded. We are shaped and influenced by our values. People develop their values and beliefs in childhood and nurture them over years of personal experience. They empower and motivate people and are enduring. Values matter because they help people understand their experiences. Those experiences provide a start point for what to do in everyday situations. I think it would be more accurate to say that people are open-minded within their set of values.

Most people think they are team players. And they are. I have been racking my brain trying to think of a profession that does not require teamwork. Even jobs like boxing require support such as a coach, trainer, and work out partners. A thief might work alone, but that is not a profession. Every job requires teamwork and employers want and need to hire team players. I have never seen an ad for a position that states, “Team players need not apply.”

I don’t think team player is a particularly valuable skill since everyone is a team player. I know many would disagree with me. It is usually an unstated requirement for every job. It is like reading and speaking English for most jobs. If the requirements don’t list English language skills-it is understood. In the past, I have told job seekers not to list team player on their resume if they have other skills. The exception, of course, would be applying for a position on a team such as hockey, baseball, football, and technical teams.

The real issue is how good of a team player you are. As I said earlier, all jobs require teamwork. However, some teams lack good teamwork and are actually dysfunctional. Instead of saying, someone is a team player, it might be better to say they work well with others.
​
I hope this helps someone.

I read with interest an article a couple of years ago on my news feed by Kate Villa, the “6 Things You Should Never Do on Your Work Computer”. Kate listed these things:

• Never Save Personal Files to Your Desktop. ...
• Don't Go to Any Sites You Wouldn't Show Your Boss. ...
• Don't Have Personal Conversations Over Office Chat. ...
• Fight the Urge to Shop Online. ...
• Don't Use Your Personal Email. ...
• Don't Search for Jobs at Other Companies.

As usual, when people make these lists, Kate missed the mark by a mile. Here’s my list of the additional things you never should do on your work computer. Your work computer should never be used to:

• Sext: clients might be interested in the junk your company sells, but they aren’t interested in your junk.
• Order food delivery to you at the office—unless you order enough for everyone.
• Gossip—unless it’s really juicy gossip.
• Participate in teleconferences in your underwear, especially while drink hot coffee.
• Troll for dates, especially among co-workers.
• Set alarms to wake you up—use a windup alarm or your iPhone.
• Purchase drugs—use the regular office dealer.
• Watch porn—unless, of course, your company is in that industry.
• Gamble—unless, of course, the entire office participates, or your company is in that industry.
• Write a tell-all expose about your company. If you want to be a whistleblower, use your home computer.
• Write the next great American novel on company time, unless you dedicate the book to the company.
• Connect to the hidden cameras you installed in the restrooms.
• Plagiarize from co-workers.

 
I hope this will keep you out of trouble and employed.
 

Crime is on the Rise, Again
 
I read with interest an item in our local paper about a driver who was stopped by the police for not wearing a seat belt. In his glove compartment the police found an unloaded pistol. It was registered to the driver. Apparently, he argued with the police because these are the charges:

Failure to wear a seat belt while driving – first degree.
Failure to wear a seat belt while driving – second degree.
Failure to wear a seat belt while driving – third degree.
Concealing a weapon without a permit to carry a concealed weapon. (It was in his glove compartment.)
Failure to properly secure a concealed weapon. (The glove compartment wasn’t locked.)
Failure to properly notify police of concealed weapon in a car when stopped for not wearing a seat belt.
Failure to fully cooperate with police while they conducted an illegal search of automobile.
Making non-verbal faces at police during illegal search of automobile. (Rolling eyes)
Failure to not memorize the serial number of a concealed weapon. (Also couldn’t remember what he had for breakfast.)
Failure to have committed a more serious crime worth citing.
​
Remember to always cooperate with law enforcement officers. 

I decided that my novel was too short, so I’m adding a couple more chapters. Here’s more of my WIP. Enjoy.

The Case of the Cheating Girlfriend (Cont.)

“They’re still investigating but it looks as if someone came to their apartment and when JB answered the door he was shot at point blank range. The perp then walked back to the bathroom and shot Shanice several time as she was getting out of the shower.”

“Let us know if you need any more information.” Jen disconnected.

Two weeks later…

Once again, Jonah called Jen from his office. “We just got an arrest warrant for Matthew Jones. We’re on the way now. Just thought you’d like to know.”

“Fill me in when you get home,” Jen requested.

Later that night after dinner, Jen asked Jonah to explain what happened when they arrested Matthew Jones.

“Oh, he surrendered quietly. Not a problem. After reviewing your investigation and going through JB’s computer, it was clear that JB was trying to black mail Mathew Jones. He sent your report along with pictures and demanded payment or he would expose the affair with Shanice.”

“How much did JB demand?” Jen asked.

“He demanded $100,000. That wasn’t too much considering that Jones was worth millions.”

“So, did Jones fly to Nashville and kill JB and Shanice?” Jen asked.

“Pretty much. There was GSR on JB’s shirt, so Jones must have shot him as soon as he opened the door. Then he walked back to the bathroom and shot Shanice five times, emptied the gun on her.”

“Did he confess?” Jen asked.
​
“No, he lawyered up. The Nashville homicide have videos of him arriving at the Nashville airport and renting a var. They also have the murder weapons which matches the bullets taken from the bodies.