I was in Barnes and Noble the other day when I came across Richard Carlson’s book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff... and it’s all Small Stuff, which became a best seller. It was USA Today's bestselling book for two consecutive years and spent over 100 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller list. He went on to write a series of books based on not sweating the small stuff.
 
It made me think – there must be some small stuff we should sweat. I did a little digging and… now I don’t want to frighten anyone… but some small stuff is worth sweating. Here’s my list:
 

1. Viruses. Viruses are small things. They consist of a nucleic acid molecule in a protein coat – too small to be seen by a regular microscopy. They can be nasty small fry. They include Ebola, the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), Marburg, rabies, smallpox, Dengue and influenza (flu). Might want to sweat viruses.
2. Bacteria. Bacteria are tiny creatures, typically a few micrometers in length. And here’s the thing… they’re everywhere. Not all bacteria are harmful but some like anthrax, bubonic plague, tuberculosis, and pneumonia are. Others cause serious diseases like cholera, diphtheria, bacterial meningitis  and syphilis. Watch out for these small stuffers.
3. Unprotected sex. Condoms are small but smaller still are the sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) caused by unprotected sex. Here’s a list to name a few: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Herpes, HIV/AIDS, Human Papillomavirus (HPV), Syphilis, Bacterial Vaginosis and Trichomoniasis. So let’s all sweat the small condoms.
4. Cancer. Cancer cells are small but usually there are small symptoms. There are more than 100 types of cancer including carcinomas (skin), sarcomas (bone and soft tissues), Osteosarcoma (bone) leukemias (bone marrow), Hodgkin lymphoma and Non-Hodgkin and Melanoma (skin). So if you see a small and strange growth on your skin, or feel a lump… sweat it.
5.  Mosquitoes. These tiny insects bug me. They sneak in and suck your blood before you even know you’re a victim. They transmit diseases like malaria, dengue, West Nile virus, yellow fever, encephalitis and Zita fever. I certainly sweat theses mall things. Use insect repellant.

 
I’m not trying to be an alarmist, but there is some small stuff that needs to be sweated.
 
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Recently, the Arc of the Covenant was discovered in Jerusalem, and inside were found to be not Ten Commandments but twenty. Okay, don’t get all bent out of shape… I made that up. But what if there were ten previously unknown commandments, what would they be? You recall the Ten Commandments? May not. They were mostly the “you shall not” type; making idols, swearing in vain, murder, adultery, stealing, lying, and coveting. There were a couple of the “you shall” type: honor God, your parents and whatever day you believe is the Sabbath.
 
If we didn’t know about the missing commandments, are we still label for obeying them or is ignorance of the commandments no excuse? Here are the missing commandments with a short explanation:
 
1.      You shall not cry over spilled goat’s milk. I guess we saw this one coming.
2.      You shall not see evil, hear evil, speak evil, or bad mouth your political opponents. This is not the same as lying – it’s about doing evil things like gossiping or running hostile ads about your opponent.
3.      You shall not poke the bear. Not sure if this referred to the Hittites, Canaanites, or Egyptians. It may have been a warning about the Romans.
4.      You shall not bitch unless you have a better solution.
5.      You shall not eat the fruit of the poppy plant or the cacao plant or the grapes of the vine plant. Okay, I guess we all blew this one.
6.      You shall not say anything at all if you can’t say something nice. This goes hand in hand with number 2 above.
7.      You shall not draw to an inside straight. WTF? Who knew God was a gambler? Now I discover this.
8.      You shall get a life. Couch potato isn’t a life.
9.      You shall close it if you open it. This may have come about after someone left the door open and started global warming.
10.  You shall not think the world owes you anything you did not earn.
 
Moses went on to author many more laws, but the Ten Commandments were his best known work -- the most controversial, and probably the most hated. Let me know if you think I missed some.
 
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Chris turned off his vibrating cellphone. He had allowed himself a couple of hours of sleep by putting his cellphone on vibrate and holding it in his hand. His eyes adjusted to the darkness. All his senses were alert now: listening, watching, smelling and feeling for the slightest indication that he was not alone. The house was silent. All the occupants were probably asleep by now. Chris sat up and adjusted his ski mask sand checked his trench knife. The first phase of his mission was completed without incident. Slowly, quietly, Chris stood and pressed his body up against the wall. The door to the hallway was only a few feet away. He reached the door and peeked around the door frame and down the hall. It was empty.
 
Slipping down to all fours, Chris used the alligator crawl technique to move down the hallway. It was a moonless night, so he didn’t need to worry about illumination coming from outside. From the kitchen door, he peered inside. No one was there. Using the Alabama high-stepper technique to avoid trip wires and obstacles, he entered the kitchen. He held his breath for nearly a minute as he listened for any unusual noise. There was none. The target was there on the counter top. In one smooth motion, he removed his trench knife and slid over to his target.
 
Suddenly, the kitchen light came on and a voice from the doorway asked, “Chris, what the hell are you doing?”
 
Chris froze. “I, I, I just wanted a piece of cake.”
 
His wife put her hands on her hips. “You’re a diabetic. Cake will raise your blood sugar. Besides, the doctor said you have to lose weight. Now put that knife down before you hurt yourself and take off that ski mask. You look ridiculous. Come back to bed.
 
Rats, ambushed. Abort mission, Chris thought. Tomorrow is another night.
 
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I read about a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that found people who partially confessed to a misdeed ended up feeling worse than those who fully confessed. Apparently, a full confession is good for the soul - good news for Catholics. The study stated a partial confession eases the guilty feeling but still lets us get away with some bad behavior. We sometimes use a partial confession to make ourselves look better in the eyes of others. A partial confession often seems more believable. I’m not sure if the timing of this study had anything to do with Chris Christie and Bridge-Gate. Perhaps, there’ll be a full confession or full disclosure from him yet to come. We can only hope. The study looked at such issues as cheating, breaking the law, infidelity, stealing, drug use, and lying. I found it interesting that these significant issues weren’t considered:
   
1. Farting. This could be in bed, in the living room, or in an elevator. It is a compelling reason to own a dog.    
2. Eating the last doughnut. When confronted with this accusation, it is best not to have the tell-tale powdered sugar on your face or clothes.    
3. Not reading all of the terms of an agreement before clicking on “I agree” or “I have read all the terms of agreement.” Guilty! No comment.    
4. Removing the tag on bedding that says, “DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENTALITY OF LAW.” I know you did it because sometimes you need to feel a little wild – an outlaw.   
5. Deigning that you were looking at a woman’s cleavage or a man’s tight jeans. I’m not sure how you could partially confess to this. Could you say you had one eye closed? And it was your bad eye. Our you could fake blindness. Works for me.    
6. Stating that you have no idea how you gained weight while on a diet. Again, guilty. It couldn’t be the wine you drink – wine comes from grapes – a fruit. It can’t be chocolate candy – chocolate comes from the coco bean – again a fruit.
7. Telling your significant other you weren’t flirt with his/her best friend. No, you are just being friendly. Not your type anyway.
8. Telling the police officer that pulled you over you had no idea how fast you were driving. You were just trying to blow out the carbon from the engine. Maybe you thought the officer was your ex stalking you. Could work.
9. Telling your significant other you aren’t sneaking a smoke after you swore to give up smoking. Of course not! You gave your word and if anything, your word is good.
10. Telling your doctor you feel just fine. You don’t want any new meds. You can’t afford the fee. Whatever. Don’t tell the doctor about the chest pains. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
 
Those are just a few issues that the study failed to address. I am sure that you readers can think of more. Let me know.
 
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Ben Franklin said all people want to appear reasonable. I agree with that statement, but it started me thinking (Actually, I have been thinking for a long time). It started me thinking about what most people think about themselves. I have come up with a short list.
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Most people think:
1.      that they are above average intelligence.
2.      that they fairly good looking.
3.      that they are a “people person.”
4.      that they have a sense of humor.
5.      that they are open-minded.
6.      that they are a team player.

Most people think that they are above average intelligence. I guess they don’t know how an average is calculated.  We can’t ALL be average or above average. Well, I guess we can if we all have exactly the same level of intelligence – not possible. We’re evenly split between above or below average. That means half of us are below average intelligence.
Most people think that they are good looking. Studies show that one out of three people would be considered ugly (okay, I don’t know this for a fact). So look to your right and left. If you don’t see ugly, guess what?
Most people think that they are a “people person.” This bugs me. Not everyone can be a “people person”. Someone has to just be people – I think. I believe “people persons” are a rare breed. In my own experience, people who are self-proclaimed people persons aren’t. Being a people person isn’t a title you may bestow upon yourself. It’s granted to you by people who actually know you. However, most people want to be thought of as a people person. People persons aren’t your everyday, average individuals. They have a special talent for dealing with people, and that talent is they make people happy. That how you can identify real people persons; they are happy, their administrative assistants are happy, their bosses and subordinates are happy, and their customers are happy. They go out of their way to make people happy by volunteering in various programs to help people. People persons visits prisons, help the handicapped, visit the elderly, or help the poor in some manner. If a person claims to be a people person and the people around them aren’t happy and they do nothing to help other people, they are simply wanna be’s.

Most people like to think that they have a great sense of humor. They probable do have some sense of humor, but not a great sense of humor. I’ve been a teller of jokes for a long time, and I like to think I have a great sense of humor. My family probably disagrees. I have learned that most people’s sense of humor is rather thin. A sense of humor isn’t about telling jokes. Jokesters seek attention (myself included) and, to some extent, want to make people laugh. I’m not talking about that type of humor.
People have a great sense of humor when they can laugh at themselves. They see the humor in everything, even the darkest hour. They use humor to relieve tension and to defuse potential fights or arguments. They never take themselves too seriously.
 
Most people think that they are that they are open-minded. This is like many of the other lies we tell ourselves. People really want other people to think they’re open-minded. This isn’t a self-proclaimed talent. Actions speak louder than words. You’re open minded when you act open-minded: you’re tolerant of others, you listen to the opinions of others, you are receptiveness to new ideas, and value the knowledge of others.

Most people think that they are that they are a team player. You see this on resumes often. I think it’s a waste of space on a resume. I believe the only time anyone should say they’re a team player is when they are applying for a position in sports; coach, player, or manager. It should be assumed everyone is a team player until proven otherwise. In kindergarten, we would say, “Plays well with others.”
 
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I read with interest an article by Angels Haupt in US News and World Report, “9 Signs You Should Fire Your Doctor.” As usual in these type of article, the author left out many other reasons. I have repeated the nine reasons listed in the article followed by the other 20 additional reasons to changes doctors. Keep in mind that the pronoun “He” could also be “She,” “Transgender,” “No Gender,” or “Unknown.”
 
From US News and World Report:
1.      You don’t mesh.
2.      He doesn’t respect your time.
3.      He keeps you in the dark
4.      He doesn’t listen.
5.      The office is unprofessional.
6.      You don’t feel comfortable with him or wonder about his competence.
7.      He doesn’t coordinate with other doctors.
8.      He’s unreachable.
9.      He’s rude or condescending.
 
My 20 additional reasons to changes doctors:
1.      He has cold hands.
2.      He has large hands.
3.      All the kids in the waiting room all look like him.
4.      He has cameras and lights set up in the exam room.
5.      He got his medical license online.
6.      Patients call his nurse, “Nurse Ratched”.
7.      His first question is if you’re an organ donor.
8.      He keeps calling you by the wrong last name.
9.      He tries to sell you drugs under the counter.
10.  He googles your symptoms on his computer while you describe them.
11.  He tells you that you remind him of his ex who he hates.
12.  He writes you a prescription for marijuana before he asks you anything.
13.  The DEA is in the waiting room.
14.  His latex gloves have holes in them.
15.  He talks to an imaginary friend in the office.
16.  He pulls out a thermometer from his pocket to write a prescription.
17.  There’s a picture on his desk of him with Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman.
18.  The name of the medical school on his diploma is misspelled.
19.  When you say you want a second opinion, he pulls out a sock puppet.
20.  He keeps referring to the “Hypocritic” Oath.
 
Any one of these reason could be a red flag that says, “Time to change doctors.”
 
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I read with interest a while ago an article by Peter Jacobs published in Business Insider. The title was, “10 Things Every College Student Needs To Do Before Graduation,” a bucket list of sorts. Even though it has been a long time since I graduated college, I don’t agree with Peter. When one considers that these students will be looking for jobs after graduation, I feel some of Peter’s bucket list might even be harmful. I posted Peter’s bucket list below, followed by my comments:     

1. Write an article for a campus publication. As innocent as this may seem, the subject matter is very important. Just before graduation might not be the best time for your article on how to cheat on your taxes and not be caught.    

2.      Crash a party where you don't know anyone and make a friend. Peter should clarify this. I don’t think a drinking party is the ideal party to crash. Try the Tea Party or the Democratic Party.    
3.      Take a trip off campus and explore your surrounding area. No argument here. Just don’t get mugged.    
4.      Take pride in where you go by showing off your school to a prospective student. Okay but show the academic stuff, not where to buy drugs or pick up dates.    
5.      Go to a game against your school's biggest rival and be the loudest voice in the stands. Sounds innocent enough, but stop and think; do you want your picture on YouTube for looking and acting outrageous before your interview for that job as a financial planner?
6.      Sit in on a lecture just because you are interested in the subject matter. Try to stay awake. Take along your friend from the party you crashed.    
7.      Take advantage of the sunshine and spend your day drinking. Repeat at night. Ill-advised at best. Moderation in everything. Do not take selfies and post them to the internet while drinking. Do not drive while drinking.    
8.      Attend an event from a friend’s culture and learn something about his or her background. This could be the friend you made at the party you crashed. Let’s hope he’s sober.
9.      Sing along to your alma mater whether you know the words or not. Here is a trick I learned as a leader in scouting where they sing many camping songs. Just keep mouthing the word “alligator.” It looks like you know the words. Of course, as long as you are attending a lecture, crashing a party, or attending a cultural event, why not learn the words to your alma mater? If you are going to take pride in the school you attend and be the loudest at a school sporting event, why would you not know your alma mater? 
10.  See something that makes you angry? Protest it. Angry? Again, do you want a misdemeanor or felony on your record just before you start your job search? Perhaps you should sign up for that anger management class that your significant other suggested. Pick something relative. For example, if you plan to go into the law field, protest lawyer jokes.
 
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I tell myself these lies over and over until I begin to believe them:
1.      That’s a name I won’t forget.
2.      I can easily lose those ten pounds.
3.      I don’t need to write that down – I’ll remember.
4.      I can still drive after four drinks.
5.      I can quit smoking/drinking/eating/drugs anytime I want.
6.      You still got it.
7.      Yeah, she wants me.
8.      My mind is as sharp as ever.
9.      I’m a very tolerant and reasonable person.
10.  There’s nothing wrong with my hearing – people mumble.
11.  Yeah, I can still wear this old outfit.
12.  I’m above average in intelligence.
13.  I’m a “people person.”
14.  I have a great sense of humor.
15.  I’m “open-minded”.
16.  I’m very truthful with myself.
17.  I’ll do it tomorrow.
 
If you lie to yourself enough times, you can lie to anyone.
 
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Now that Spring is approaching, I read with interest a news item about what to throw out from your closets. Heading the list were clothes but also old Halloween costumes, cosmetics, and anything from your ex’s. I think several things were omitted from the list. I have included them here:

1.       Your cousin who has been in the closet since junior high.
2.       Those old eight track tapes (also the 78 rpm records).
3.       The pervert neighbor who likes to hide in there while you dress.
4.       Your significant other’s underwear that you like to dress up in when your significant other is out of town.
5.       Your stash of Playboy magazines and other porn.
6.       The KKK hood and gown that you thought would make a hilarious Halloween costume but didn’t.
7.       The booze or candy that you hid there so your significant other wouldn’t find it.
8.       Several skeletons from your family.
9.       Jimmy Hoffa’s body.
10.   Whips, chains and other erotic paraphilia from former lovers.

I hope this has helped you in your Spring cleaning.

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I read with interest the news that Austin Lee Russell, known to millions of viewers as “Chumlee” from Pawn Stars, was arrested in Las Vegas and jailed with 19 drug possession charges including methamphetamine and marijuana and one weapon charge. WTF? Apparently, there is no truth to the rumor that when he was told his bail was set at $62,000, he said, “That ain’t going to happen. The highest I can go is $30,000.”

Of course he had a gun. Pawn shops always have guns. I think it may be a law. I doubt the drug charges will stick. I’m sure his lawyers will point out that he is a pawn broker. Certainly, someone must have brought those drugs in and tried to pawn them. As a professional pawn broker, Chumlee had to ascertain whether these drugs were what the seller claimed them to be. And what better way to determine their true value than to take some home and use a little. I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding. He was released on bond and has a court date this morning. Rick Harrison, his “Pawn Stars” co-star says he’ll be there for Austin “any way we can.” More news to follow.
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