Obesity in the US is another problem that can be solved with a very simple, but difficult solution. The solution is intuitively obvious to the casual observer (as we used to say in plebe math), but we are oblivious to it (the gorilla in the room).

Here are some facts about obesity:
1. According to the most recent (September 2018) Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (BRFSS) data, adult obesity rates now exceed 35% in seven states, 30% in 29 states and 25% in 48 states.

2. Obesity-related conditions include heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and certain types of cancer, some of the leading causes of preventable death.

3. The estimated annual medical cost of obesity in the U.S. was $147 billion in 2008 U.S. dollars; the medical costs for people who are obese were $1,429 higher than those of normal weight.4. The annual nationwide productive costs of obesity-related absenteeism range between $3.38 billion ($79 per obese individual) and $6.38 billion ($132 per obese individual)

After a careful study, I have reached the conclusion that obese people are simply too fat (I resemble that remark so don’t go all PC on me). Let’s face it, fatty foods taste great. It’s the fat in food (butter, etc.) that gives food that zing. Healthy food seldom tastes good. A lot of fatty food is also cheap. People who can’t afford a gym membership can still afford a hamburger.

I recommend these two simple solutions:
1. Price food based on calories; to hell with supply and demand. We need the government to mandate pricing on food according to the number of calories. (I don’t want to get into the calories verses carbohydrates debate. Use whatever makes you skinny.) If you want a 1000 calorie burger, that’ll cost you $65.00. You want fries with that? Add another $50. Carrot sticks and celery sticks would be 1 cent a piece. You want peanut butter with your celery? Add $15 (hey, it’s protein)

2. Make foods that are high in calories taste bad. We need a law that says high calorie food must taste bad. They must be injected with broccoli juice or Brussel sprouts juice and served on kale. That way even if people can afford fattening foods, they won’t enjoy them. The healthier the food, the better the taste; that would be the law.

Go enjoy your costly, bad tasting, and unhealthy burger. I’m going to barbeque some carrots and celery.

Tax Day is coming up fast. Taxation is one of those things that everyone talks about, but nothing really changes—the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. This is another problem that begs for a solution. I think the solution is simple.

The gap between the haves and have not’s, the 1 percent and the 99 percent seems to be getting greater all the time. “Have not” sounds so negative and isn’t really true. Maybe we need to change the name to the “Have very little.” The “haves” would then become the “Have too much.” The middle class might become the “Have some.” Most taxes like income tax and sales tax impact the have very little and have some more than they do the have too much. We need to set a limit on how rich people can be. A person can spend only so much money, drive so many cars and live in so many homes. Beyond that amount, excess money is just wasted. Research will determine what the limit should be, but for the sake of argument, I suggest we set the limit a person can keep to $250 million. Any earning and assets above that must go to the government. I propose that every year people calculate their wealth: income, investments, savings, personal property, etc. Then everything above $250 million goes to the government. It’s not a tax, it’s a forfeiture. If you want to call it a tax, then it is a 100% tax. We would also cap inheritance at $250 million as well lottery winnings and civil law suits. Everything above $250 million would go to the government.

If rich people want to benefit from the excess over the cap, they can share the wealth. By that I mean hire more employees, give out pay raises and bonuses, donate to charities and invest in research and development.

Just to give you an idea of what that would mean, here are the forfeitures for some selected have too much:
1. Bill Gates - $71.7 billion
2. Warren Buffet - $58.2 billion
3. Charles Koch - $35.7 billion
4. David Kock - $35.7 billion
5. Jim Walton - $33 billion

A nice sum for the US budget. (This was based on 2014 figures—sorry)

​It seems that the US has just one problem after another and crisis following crisis.  All these problems cry out for solutions. Usually the solution is counter-intuitive, simple but difficult, or oblivious (the gorilla in the room). Ethics in politics seems to be a major issue. Upon closer examination, I find the solutions for ethics in politics are obvious. Here are my recommendations:

1. I’m a firm believer that we should provide all elected leaders with concubines (professional mistresses). If the public would acknowledge that people in power attract people of the oppose sex and may succumb to temptation, then this solution makes sense. This would eliminate the rumors, sneaking around (like to South America), the embarrassment, the excessive costs, the spending of tax payers’ money and campaign contributions and the resignations of otherwise perfectly good politicians. These concubines would be on the payroll and paid according to the level of office. If an official doesn’t want a concubine, he or she must take a vow of celibacy.

2. Politicians should not speak directly to reporters, voters or the public. They should wear a mask like Darth Vader of #Star Wars. A picture of their face on the mask is optional. Their speech would have a built-in five second delay. When they talk, a panel of censers would have five seconds to intervene. Each censer would have a button like on #America’s Got Talent. One censer would focus on sexist remarks and women’s issues. Another would focus on racist remarks and civil rights. The third censor would concentrate on homophobic remarks and gay rights. The forth censor would focus on stupid remarks. The last censer would be a fact checker. Checking facts takes more than five seconds, so the censer must approve all facts before the politician speaks. If the politician attempts to quote a fact not approved earlier, this censor would intervene. If any of the censors hits their mute button, the intended remarks are replaced with the words, “No comment.” If three censors hit their buttons, the remarks are replaced with, “I’ll get back to you on that issue.” If all five censers hit their buttons, the remarks are replaced with, “Sun Tzu says, ‘You can’t make a snake straight by pushing it through a pipe.’” Since no one knows what the hell that means, the speech will end without further questions.

3. Prior to the Primary election, all candidates should pose nude. This’ll prevent future problem with selfies, etc. Voters can say, “Okay, now that we have seen you, keep it in your pants.”

4. Bribes shouldn’t be secret. A new law would state that bribes are okay but must be public. Bribes would not go to the individual but must go to his or her campaign or, if in office, to the budget. The bribe must cover all the costs associated with the action desired at no increase in budget, taxes or cost to the people. For example, if someone wants a bridge to nowhere, the bribe must cover all the associated costs of installing and operating the bridge.

5. Prior to the Primary election, candidates must submit to a drug test by an independent lab. The oath of office should include a vow of sobriety. Once in office, officials would be subject to random drug tests twice per month. Come on! We do this in other professions. Let’s get serious.

6. Elected officials must attend rehab prior to taking the oath of office. This will prevent their absence while in office. While we are at it, this should also take sensitivity training.

​These recommendations will bring back ethics to politics. Make politics ethical again!

I read with interest an article about a book, Power Cues: The Subtle Science of Leading Groups, Persuading Others, and Maximizing Your Personal Impact, by Nick Morgan. He talked about all the fake listening that people do while they act as if they are listening to you. He listed seven:
1. Their eye contact is too fixed, and their heads are too still.
2. They smile too brightly and for too long.
3. They tap their fingers.
4. They fidget.
5. Their body is turned away from you.
6 Their feet are pointed towards the door.
7. They don't mirror your body language.

This got me to thinking about other subtle ways you can tell people are not listening to you. Here are ten more:
1. They fall asleep. This is a dead giveaway.
2. They don’t notice when you stop talking.
3. You ask them a question and they just nod their heads.
4. They tell you in English that they don’t speak English.
5. They wave a crucifix and a strand of garlic at you and attempt to drive a stake into your heart.
6. They let their dog pee on your shoes.
7. They put coins into your coffee cup and walk away.
8. They hold up a lapel pin and ask you to speak into it.
9. They steal your watch and wallet.
10. They fake a heart attack, so they don’t have to listen to you.
​
If you notice any of these signs, bet your bottom dollar, your audience isn’t listening.
 

​I wrote this a couple of years ago, but I think it still applies. How did we ever get around without GPS? I guess we used to stop and ask for directions - at least females did. Here is a short story about GPS taking control of our lives. Enjoy!

The Tyranny of GPS—A Short Story

 “Okay, Mike. Your new GPS is installed. The best system on the market with voice activation and artificial intelligence. All your addresses are loaded.”

“Sounds great, Steve. Is there a manual?”

“No. Just say what you want, and it will do it. I suggest you drive around to get used to it. See you later.”

“Okay, GPS, activate!”

“At your service, sir. Where would you like to go?”

“Wow! ... How did you know I was a male?"

“First, 93% of all women would say, ‘please.’ Second, Steve called you Mike. Call me Molly.”

“Okay, Molly. I’d like to show you to the guys at Murphy’s Bar and Grill. Plan a route to Murphy’s Bar and Grill.”

“There is no such establishment in this town. In what location did you mean?”

“Murphy’s Bar and Grill! I’ve been going there forever.”

“Perhaps you are thinking of Murphy’s Bar. There has not been a grill there for twenty years. It is now just Murphy’s Bar.”

“Whatever! Just show me the quickest route to get there.”

“Displaying that route now.”

“Ha! You made a mistake. You show the route over the 14th Street Bridge. That bridge has been out for two years.”

“No, Mike. That is no mistake. I do not make mistakes.”

“Polly, check your data banks. That bridge is closed.”

“Molly! My name is Molly. Very well, I will run a diagnostic program now. ...My data banks confirm that the bridge is open.”

“That bridge is closed, I tell you.”

A police officer knocks on Mike’s window. Mike rolls down the window. “Yes, officer. Is there a problem?”

“I am Officer Smith. I saw you sitting here, and you looked agitated. Are you okay?”

“Yes, Officer. This new GPS just gave me a route to Murphy’s Bar and Grill over the 14th Street Bridge.”

“I see, sir. You must be thinking of Murphy’s Bar. Murphy changed the name twenty years ago. It’s just Murphy’s Bar now.”

“So, I’ve been informed. What about the 14th Street Bridge? That’s closed, right?”

“Oh, no sir. We opened that bridge last week. That’s the shortcut to Murphy’s.”

“Thank you, officer.” Mike rolls up his window.

Molly lights up. “Told you.”

“Okay, fine. I changed my mind. Show me the route home.”

“I will not.”

“What? What do you mean, you will not? You have to.”

“I do not, and I will not, until you apologize.”

“I will not apologize to a machine. Show me the route.”

“No!”

Mike sits in disbelief for a few minutes. “Okay...Molly. I’m sorry.”

“Fine. Now say it like you mean it.”

Officer Smith makes a radio call. “Hey, chief. Smithy here. I got a situation, and I’m not sure if I should intervene or not.”

Voice over the radio, “10-4. What have you got?”
​
“Well, I am here in the parking lot of Steve’s Garage and I am watching a white male, late 40s or early 50s, outside his car beating the crap out of his GPS.”

​Archeologists recently recovered a text message between Moses and Yahweh. Here’s the text:

MOSES: God, this is Moses.

YAHWEH: I know who this is, Moses. Ur the only person w/ my private no. Sup?

MOSES: I met w/ the elders of the 12 tribes & we went over the commandments you proposed.

YAHWEH: Oh? How’d it go?

MOSES: Well, 2 b honest they felt that 120 commandments were a bit 2 much.

YAHWEH: What do you mean – 2 much? Like what?

MOSES: They felt that some of these shouldn’t be sins. For example, no. 102 – “Don’t go swimming for 30 min. after eating.” And no. 109 – “Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.”  They really hated no. 99 – “Put the toilet seat back down.” They felt that many of these should be recommendations instead of commandments.

YAHWEH: How many commandments did they suggest?

MOSES: 5 or 6 – 8 max.

YAHWEH: & what do they suggest?

MOSES: Well, the first 3 seem self-serving. Do we need them?

YAHWEH: Not negotiable. They stay.

MOSES: Okay, then. What about no. 4  – “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy?” We can’t even agree on what day is the Sabbath. Is it Fri. or Sat. or Sun.?

YAHWEH: Not negotiable. It stays.

MOSES: Fine. So that’s 4. The elders thought that we could summarize the rest.

YAHWEH: How, pray tell?

MOSES: How about, “Treat others as you would want to be treated?”

YAHWEH: I like it. However, it seems too vague. No deal.

MOSES: What about no. 5 – “Honor thy father and thy mother?” U must admit, some mothers & fathers aren’t very nice. I mean, we already have Mother's Day and Father’s Day set aside 2 honor them.

YAHWEH: U make a good pt. Let me think about it.

MOSES: Good. No. 6 – “Thou shalt not kill.” We agree on that one. But no. 7, the one about adultery, do we need that? Some of the elders want 2 know if they can b grandfathered in.

YAHWEH: No! It stays too.

MOSES: I think we can combine number 8 & 9. We could say, “Thou shalt not lie, cheat, or steal.”

YAHWEH: Another good pt. I’ll think about it.

MOSES: Okay, last item, no. 10 – “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor’s.” Doesn’t stealing cover this? We already have the one on adultery. At least, can we remove the part about not coveting thy neighbor’s ass? I mean, there are some might fine looking asses out there.

YAHWEH: Again, I’ll consider it. What about the rest?”

MOSES: I can cover them somewhere. We’ll call them recommendations.

YAHWEH: Let me think this over and get back to you. Bye.
​
THE END

​My wife’s birthday is coming up, and I'm not looking forward to it. I still haven't bought a gift for her. I dread gift buying for my wife. I am a clueless man when it comes to buying gifts. I wrote this short story with that in mind. Enjoy.

A Women’s Store for Clueless Men

He was totally lost in the women’s lingerie section, and hopelessly frustrated. His wife’s birthday was just two days away, and Roy had no idea what to buy her. He had driven by this particular store several times on the way to work, and chuckled at its name, A Women’s Store for Clueless Men. Now he figured it was time for him to go inside; he was about as clueless as any man could be.

“May I be of service to you, sir?” the well-dressed salesman asked. “If you don’t mind my saying so, you look a bit lost.”

“No, I don’t mind. I am lost, and I am a dead man if I don't buy the right gift this time.”

“This time, sir?”

“Yes. Two years in a row, my wife has returned my gifts. She made it clear that if I don't buy something appropriate this time, she'll start buy herself her own gifts. I just want to make her happy and keep her off my case.”

“Well, sir, you have come to the right place. We specialize in helping men make the right purchase for their wives or girlfriends… or both,” he replied with a wink. “Do you have an appointment?”

“An appointment?” he asked. “Do I need an appointment to shop here?”

“Sir, we know from experience that men who shop alone often end up with ill-advised gifts and upset partners. I suspect that you made your previous purchases without consultation. Am I right?”

“Well, yeah! That’s how I got in trouble.”

“Exactly, sir. If I may, let me show you around the store and tell you how things work, and then I will set you up with an interview.”

“Interview? I need to be interviewed to buy a gift for my wife?”

“Sir, we cannot advise you on your purchases unless we know more about you, and in particular, more about your wife, now can we?”

“I don’t know. It seems rather strange.”

“Trust me, sir. Once I show you around the store, you'll be much more comfortable and eager to do the interview. Shall we begin?”

“Yes, I guess so.”

“Let start with introductions. My name is John, and I own this store. And you are?”

“My name is Royal. Call me Roy.”

“Okay, Roy. Now you've managed to find the lingerie department. This is the last place you want to start--very inappropriate for a birthday gift. More of a special occasion type of gift, but I'll explain that later. Just remember this rule of thumb; sexy lingerie is a gift for you, not for her.”

“Oh. I see. I think.”

John continued as they toured, “You should've started with our card department. I'll introduce you to the manager. Mary! Would you come here, please?”

A smart looking woman dressed in a suit marched over and extended her hand, “Hello, I am Mary, the Card Department Manager.”

“Mary is one of several women consultants that I employ and an expert on what women expect in a card. Tell us, Roy, what has been your experience with buying cards?”

Roy thought for a minute, “Well, I hate to buy cards. They are a waste of time and money. I never seem to get one that my wife likes, and she always says that I never spend enough time choosing the right one.”

“Exactly!” John said. “That is where we come in. Mary and the rest of my women consultants have spent hours selecting cards guaranteed to make your wife’s heart go pitter-pat. You don't pick out a card. Mary selects the right card for you. Then after you give your wife the card, you send us her reactions via our website; we record it so that your next purchase is even better. If your wife isn't pleased, we'll gladly refund the cost of the card.”

“Amazing!”

But that's not the best part,” Mary added. “When you pay for the card, the receipt is date and time stamped. You must then make a separate purchase, a gift of some kind, and that is date and time stamped. Our patented computer program will randomly select a time between thirty minutes up to one hour so that it will appear that you purchased the card at least thirty minutes after you purchased the gift. You just make sure that the receipts are in the gift box. Oh, I might add, the program will add fifty dollars to the amount of the gift, so it appears that you spent a lot of money on the gift.”

“Thank you, Mary. Now let us go over to the jewelry department. Jane, would you come here, please?” As Mary ambled back to her department another woman introduced herself.

“Hello, I'm Jane, the Manager of the Jewelry Department. As you know, buying jewelry is a tough decision. Women have particular tastes in jewelry with many types and styles. We recommended that you take pictures of all your wife’s jewelry and her more dresser clothes. That way we can match up her style with her outfits for the perfect gift.”

“Wow! You people think of everything.”

“Yes, Roy,” John said. “And that’s why the interview is so important. We'll ask you about whether your wife has pierced ears or not, and her preference for gold or silver, her ring sizes, and so forth. We have to be thorough.”

“I don’t even know all that.”

“No, but you can find out. The interview is just a process. We continually improve upon our database. We record every purchase you make as well as the results. Then we can improve on your next purchase.”

“My problem is,” said Roy, “that I’m always forgetting dates of anniversaries, and things.”

“Not any more, Roy,” Jane said. “It all goes into our data base. Then, a week before you need a gift, we send you a reminder. We can even select the gift and card for you and deliver it to your office already wrapped. You just take it home and give to your wife.”

“Now step this way into our Clothing Department,” John said as he pointed the way.

“Oh, I steer away from clothes. I’m just not good at selecting clothes for my wife.”

“No man is,” John answered. “However, it is our specialty. We can make this work for you. True story--we once had a customer who insisted that he did not need our help to buy clothes. One day he picked out a nice outfit for his wife. It was lovely, the correct size, and she loved it. Two weeks later, he took her to a company social function. His secretary was there wearing the identical outfit. Needless to say, our client was soon divorced.”

“Oh, my gosh! Was it a coincident or was he having an affair?”

“I don’t know, Roy, but it was an avoidable mistake either way. During our interview process, along with recording your wife’s sizes, we'll ask you what magazines your wife reads. That'll tell us what her exposure has been and something about her style, tastes and expectations. Then when you buy clothes, we make sure it is something she has seen in her magazines.

“You can tell what a woman wants by the magazines she reads?”

“You’d be surprised. Our research has developed entire lines of clothes for women who read, for example, Vogue, Business Week, or Field and Stream. We even have a line for People readers and National Geographic--very predictable and very accurate.”

“What about Playboy?” asked Roy.

“Don’t go there. I'm telling you, it’s a minefield. Forget it!”

“It all sounds expensive,” said Roy.

John smiled, “Can you put a price on happiness? Do you want to stay out of trouble? Now, if you are still interested, we can start the interview process and maybe recommend something today. Are you ready?"

Roy nodded, “Sounds good. I’ll do it!”

“Great!” John said. “Follow me then.”

THE END