Tim held up the palm of his hand to Kaitlin. “Pipe down.” He placed the picture of Hugh Watt on the table in front of Bill. “Do you know this guy?”
Bill shook his head. “I’ve never seen this guy in my life.”

Tim slid the photograph over in front of Mary who looked at it and shook her head. Tim slid it in front of Kaitlin.

Kaitlin grabbed the photograph and stared at it. “That’s him! That’s the guy who kidnapped me.”

The Smyths jumped up and started shouting. Tim managed to get everyone quiet after a couple of minutes. “We already know this guy kidnapped Kathy. We are searching for him now. His name is Hugh Watt.”

“Who? What?” Bill asked.

“Funny you should ask,” Tim said. “Everyone makes that mistake. His name is H-U-G-H… W-A-T-T, Mr. Hugh Watt.

“It’s also funny that you,” Dick pointed at Mary, “didn’t make that mistake. You knew his name was Hugh, not Who.”

Tim put the photograph away. “Mrs. Smyth, we have reviewed all your telephone logs and we know you and Hugh Watt have been texting and calling each other.”

Kaitlin stood up and screamed, “You know this guy!”

 “Shut up!” Tim barked at the child.

“You can’t make me!” Kaitlin yelled back. “I know my rights.” She stamped her foot and crossed her arms.

“Go stand in that corner,” Tim said as he pointed to a corner.

Kaitlin stamped her foot again and shouted, “No!”

Tim stood up and leaned on the table, towering over the smaller girl. “Go stand in the corner or I’ll confiscate your cell phone and review all your calls for the last three years.”

Kaitlin’s face fell. “Okay, okay. Don’t get your panties in a knot.” She stomped over to the corner and stood with her arms folded.

Tim looked at her. “Turn around! Face the corner. Don’t talk.” He sat back down.  The Smyths sat with their mouths open. “Now, back to you, Mrs. Smyth. You said you didn’t recognize this picture, and yet you do know Hugh Watt.”

“No, no. I mean I have been texting Hugh Watt, I didn’t know what he looked like. I mean, I met him on Tinder, but his picture looks a lot better than this one.”

“What!” Bill yelled. “What were you doing on Tinder?”

“Looking for someone to replace you, obviously,” Kaitlin said from the corner.

Mrs. Smyth started to stutter, “I, I, I, was just checking to see what is out there. I didn’t intend anything. I was just messing around.”

“Screwing around is more like it,” Kaitlin muttered, more to herself than to her mother.

Dick leaned forward. “And yet he knew where Kaitlin’s bedroom was. Nothing else in the house was disturbed. How do you account for that?”

“I, I, …I don’t know. Maybe he was stalking me?”

Shirley leaned forward opposite Mary. “We know your house had a security system, but when we checked, it wasn’t activated. Why not?”

Bill and Kaitlin both looked at Mary. “I’m usually the one who sets the alarm at night. I guess I forgot.”

“How convenient,” Kaitlin said with a sneer.

Tim yelled back at her, “Shut your pie hole! One more word, and your cellphone is seized as evidence.”

Ralph stuck his head in the door. “I got something.” Tim, Dick and Shirley stepped into the hallway. “I checked out the pizza story. I found the delivery guy. He said he never saw Hugh. When he opened the door, Kaitlin handed him $30 and ran down the street. He called out and when no answered, he left the pizza on the floor and left.”

“Okay, that checks out,” Tim said. “Any prints on the box?”

Jones chuckled. “Yeah, half the Crime Scene Investigators. None of the pizza was eaten by Hugh.”
“What’s this Tinder thing Mrs. Smyth mentioned?”

Ralph looked at Dick and Shirley. Shirley pointed to him, indicating he should explain. “Yes, sir. It’s an app people use on their cellphones to hook up with other people.”

“It’s an ape?” Tim asked.

“Negative, sir,” Ralph answered. “It’s an application. People call it an ‘app’ for short much like we say ‘perp’ for ‘perpetrator.’”

“So, this perp… perpetrator finds Mrs. Smith by using this ape… Tinder application, finds out she has money and a daughter. Then he kidnaps Kathy?”
​
“Apparently,” Ralph answered.

“No, I don’t,” Tim answered as he stepped closer to Dick. “And I don’t suppose one of you idiots checked his ID?” Dick and Shirley shook their heads. “And did either of you get a name, a business card maybe, a view of this contractor’s vehicle… anything to ID this guy?” Dick and Shirley continued to shake their heads.

“Should we bring him in for questioning, sir?” Shirley asked.

Tim started pacing the room, throwing his arms up into the air. He turned and pointed at the two detectives.  “This is unbelievable!  You should’ve arrested him. He’s the kidnapper.” Everyone remained silent for a few minutes as Tim continued to pace the room talking to himself. “I’m surrounded by idiots. Only two years, three months and seventeen days until I can retire with full pension.”

Finally, Ralph interrupted, “I may have something, sir.” He opened a folder full of papers. “I checked all the perp’s financial records, credit card transactions, tax records, e-mails for the last seven years and telephone logs.”

“When did you do all that?” Dick asked.

“This morning while I was on my break,” Ralph answered. “Anyway, guess who Hugh called several times?”

“Who?” Tim asked.

“The perp, Watt.”

Barnaby shook his head. “He called himself?”

“Negative, no,” Jones answered. “He called Mary Smyth, and she called him – several times.”

Tim was in shook. “…You mean to say Mrs. Smyth and the perp… knew each other before the kidnapping?”

“Apparently so,” Ralph answered. “But there’s more,” He continued. “Look at this ransom note. I think there was another sentence. See how the bottom is torn of?”

Barnaby pointed a finger at Dick. “Bring them in for questioning. Bring that little bitch, Karen too. Ralph, get me a picture of the perp. I want the ransom note too.”

Shirley started to correct Tim but on second thought decided not to. Once outside Tim’s hearing, she turned to Dick and Ralph. “I’ve never seen the Captain so mad. We had better catch this guy.”

“Who?” Dick asked.

“Affirmative,” Ralph answered. “You guys go bring in this dysfunctional family. I’ll try to have something for you by the time you get back.”

After a couple of hours, Shirley and Dick brought the Smyths to headquarters and placed them into an interview room for questioning while they waited for the Captain in the adjacent room. Is that a new mirror?” Shirley asked as she pointed to the large mirror and adjusted her hair.

“Yeah. It was all renovated last week. Everything’s new.”

After a few minutes, Tim opened the door and looked in. “What are you doing here? Where are the Smiths?”

Shirley decided to stop correcting the Captain. “We put them into the interview room next door.”

Tim shook his head. “You boneheads. This is the interview room. The room next door is the observation room. Didn’t the one-way mirror tip you off? Come on.”

As Tim lead the way, Shirley whispered to Dick, “Didn’t we make love in this room a couple of days ago?”

Dick slapped his forehead. “I thought I heard someone clapping.”

Once the Smyths were finally seated in the proper interview room, Tim and Shirley sat down opposite the Smyths while Dick sat down next to them.

Tim shook his head. “Over here, Dick-head. Sit with us on this side. That’s how this works. Now, Mr. Smyth. Our lab tech says there was more to this ransom note.” Tim placed the note in front of Bill. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Bill sat back and crossed his arms. “No.”

Tim leaned forward. “Let me rephrase the question. Tell me what happened to the rest of the note.”

Bill sighed. “Yes, there was more. The next sentence said pay five million right away or Kaitlin dies, followed with a Swiss bank account number.”

“And what did you do?” Dick asked.

“I paid the money to the account. I had it wired. What could I do? I wanted Kaitlin back in one piece.”

“Yeah, right,” Kaitlin said. “You won’t increase my allowance, but you pay this nut case five million?”

Tim raised his voice, “Please be quiet, Kaitlin.” He turned back to Bill. “So, you paid the ransom before you called 911?”

“Yes. I thought the kidnapper might hurt her.”

“What?” Kaitlin yelled. “You mean I didn’t escape? He just let me go?”

“It appears so,” Shirley answered. “Mr. Smyth, if you paid the ransom, why’d you called 911?”

“Well, I called my accountant, and he said I could report the payment as a theft and claim it as a loss on my tax return.”

“You called your accountant before you called 911?” an outraged Kaitlin asked. “Are you an idiot?”
​
The End of Part Seven

Dick looked at the house. “Looks like the kitchen. It wasn’t on before. Someone’s inside. Come on.”

They exited the car, drew their pistols and rushed to the house. Shirley tried the door and found it was unlocked. They worked their way to the kitchen. Inside was a man wearing latex gloves and holding a squirt bottle.

“Freeze!” Dick yelled.

The man held up his hands and turned around. It was the same man that was cleaning 711, the kidnapper’s house. “Damn, you guys scared the hell out of me.”

Shirley put away her weapon. “What are you doing here?”.

The man started to remove his gloves. “You aren’t going to believe this. I was asked to clean this house too. Someone called me and said to remove all prints and DNA. I just got here a little while ago.”

“How did you get in?” Dick asked.

“The guy left the back door unlocked for me.”

Dick and Shirley put their weapons away. “Did you finish cleaning?”

“No, no, just started.”

“Well stop,” Shirley said. “This is now a crime scene. The forensic lab will go over the entire place. Grab your stuff and leave. Try not to touch anything.”

“Damn. I didn’t know. Honest. Yes, I’ll leave right now.” The man took his cleaning supplies and left.

Dick shook his head. “What are the odds? I’ll bet his has a lucrative business. Lots of folks want to clean up their act.”

Shirley gave Dick a stern look. “You should know. When the lab gets here, let’s go home. It’s been a long day.

The next day as Dick and Shirley arrived at police headquarters, Captain Barnaby summoned them along with Ralph into his office. After everyone was seated, he said, “Okay, what have we got so far on the Smith kidnapping?”

“Smyth,” Dick corrected him.

“Don’t start with me. I’ve had only two cups of coffee so far.”

“Sorry, Captain. I’ll start with after we left the Smiths’… Smyth’s’ house: we drove down to 711…”
Tim interrupted, “It was a 7 Eleven?”

“Negative, sir,” Dick said. “That’s the street address of a residence. It was for sale and empty.”

Tim shook his head. “So you found nothing there. Did Kate gives us the wrong address?”

“Kaitlin,” Shirley corrected Tim. A stern look from him made her stop talking and lean back.

“Negative, sir,” Dick continued. “It was the right address; the perp left before we got there. We did find a man cleaning up DNA and finger prints. The perp hired him from Craig’s List.”

“And who is this Craig guy?”

Ralph, Dick and Shirley rolled their collective eyes. “It’s a list of contractor on the internet,” Ralph said. “Shirley picked up a remote garage door opener, and I was able to hack into the perp’s internet. His name is Watt…”

“What?” the Captain asked.

“Affirmative,” answered Ralph. “How did you know?”

“Know what?” Tim asked.

“You know Watt? Wow, what a coincident,” Ralph said.

Tim rolled his hand in a circular motion. “Just continue.”

“Yes, sir,” Ralph continued. “He’s a direct descendent of James Watt, the Scottish inventor who invented the Watt steam engine in the eighteenth century.”

Tim raised his eyebrows. “What steam engine?”

“Affirmative. He invented it.”

“Who invented what steam engine?”

“Negative, Hugh’s ancestor invented it. It’s called the Watt steam engine.”

Tim raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Stop talking… Sally, in English please, explain about this perp.”

“Yes, sir,” Shirley said. “His first name is Hugh, H.U.G.H. His last name is Watt, W.A.T.T.”

“Hugh Watt? Is that a real name?” Tim shook his head, “It has to be child abuse to name a kid Hugh Watt. Did we arrest this Hugh Watt person?”

Shirley answered, “We staked out his house, but he never showed up. The contractor who cleans up DNA and prints showed up again.”

Tim stood up and walked around his desk and folded his arms on his chest. “Surely, you jest?”

“Negative, sir,” Shirley answered. “I’m serious. The same guy. Can you believe it?”

Tim placed his hands on his hips and stepped closer to Shirley. “No, I can’t.”

“You don’t suppose he’s an eyewitness, do you?’ Dick asked. “Or a person of interest?”
​
The End of Part Six

“I’m still working on that. I’ll get back to you. By the way, I checked the Smyth’s home security system before I left. It wasn’t armed.”

Dick frowned. “That’s odd.”

It was late by the time Shirley and Dick found the address. The non-descript house in the Miami suburbs appeared to be empty--no cars outside or lights inside. They decided to stake out the house in hoping the perp might show up. They parked on a cross street, away from streetlights where they could see the house in the dark. Dick and Shirley settled down for a long stakeout. Both had coffee and snacks. They also had shotguns propped up on the seat between them, a box of shells nearby. After ten minutes, a woman knocked on Dick’s window. Dick rolled down his window. “Can I help you, miss?”

The woman smiled. Her miniskirt that just covered her assets. Her blouse was held together with one button. She smiled at Dick. “Can I ask you a question?”

Dick nodded.  “Sure.”

The woman bent over to talk in Dick’s window revealing amble cleavage. “I see you have a shot gun and ammo. I believe in the barter system. Would you be interested in trading ammo for sex?”

Dick thought about it for a few seconds. “Maybe. What type of ammo do you have?”

Before the woman could answer, Shirley leaned forward and said, “Buzz off, sister, before I arrest you for soliciting.”

The woman straightened up. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you’re already taken. Besides, I was bartering, not soliciting.”

Shirley chuckled. “I’ll bet you’d trade sex for money.”

The woman smiled. “How much money we talking about?”

Shirley yelled, “Get!”

The woman turned around and ran away. After a couple of hours, a patrol car parked behind them, lights flashing. A patrol officer exited the patrol car and sauntered up to the driver side. Dick rolled down the window and asked. “Is there a problem, officer?”

“Can I see some ID?”

Dick and Shirley showed their badges to the officer. “We’re on a stake out here. You need to leave now,” Dick said.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were on a stake out. We had a complaint from the neighbors that a hooker was plying her business on this corner.”

“Why would anyone think that?” Shirley asked.

“Well, Detective Kelly, you both are sitting in the back seat with your pants off and Detective Andrew has his face buried in your crotch.”

“When we go under cover,” Dick explained. “we go all the way.”

“I thought you were on a stake out? Also, I found these panties on the roadway outside this window.” The office held up a pair of panties. “Does this belong to one of you.”

“Why would you even think they belong to one of us?” Shirley asked.

The officer held up a cellphone. “Well, a neighborhood watch person sent us this video of one of you throwing them out this window.”

Dick smiled. “Oh, are those blue? Yeah, those are mine.” He took the panties from the officer.
“Well, you’ll have to move now. Your cover’s blown. Just a word of advice; in the future, use the Cold Case Room like everyone else but be sure to hang a hat over the security camera.” The officer returned to his car as Dick and Shirley got dressed and returned to the front seat.

Shirley broke the silence, “OMG! I just realized something; did you know there was a security camera in the Cold Case Room? Didn’t we have sex in there a few times?”

“Yeah, more than a few times.”

“Dick, we’ve got to erase those security tapes.”

“Why? We can just download porn from the internet like we always do.”

“Don’t you realize, you idiot? If the Captain sees those tapes, we could be busted. We need to find them and erase them. Do you think he has seen them already?”

“I don’t think he has seen them. If he did, he’d remember our names. Ralph can find them for us and erase them.”

Shirley looked at Dick. “How long have you been wearing panties?”

Dick shrugged his shoulders. “Ever since you found them in my glove compartment.”

Shirley thought for a moment. “Are you sleeping with that blonde in vice who goes undercover as a hooker?”

“She’s not a detective; she’s only the admin assistant. That’s just the way she dresses.”

Shirley turned to face Dick. “You didn’t answer the question. Are you sleeping with her?”

Dick chuckled. “I wish.” He could tell by the way Shirley frowned, that was not the best answer. “I meant to say, I should be so lucky.” Again, he realized that might not have been the best answer. “I mean, in my dreams.” Dick was desperate now. “I meant to say, not a wink.” He closed his eyes; waiting for Shirley to slap him.
​
Instead, Shirley pointed at the house. “Look! A light is on in the house.”

The Curious Kidnapping Case of Who What—A Short Story Part Four

“How about the guy you saw leaving?” Dick asked.
 
“I didn’t get a good look. The sun wasn’t quite up yet.”
 
“Did you clean up already?” Shirley asked.
 
“’Fraid so. Sorry. I didn’t know he was a kidnapper.”
 
“Okay,” Shirley said. “You can go. She turned toward Dick. “I’ll call the forensic guys and have them tear this place apart. Maybe they can find something. Let’s head back to the office and see what Ralph turned up.”
 
As they climbed up the steps to their precinct, a man ran between them wearing a patrol cap, ski mask, a pair of running shoes and nothing else.
 
 Dick was startled as the naked man ran past. “Who was that streaker?”
 
Shirley smiled a sly grin. “I don’t know, but he isn’t from our precinct.”
 
Dick stopped walking and scowled as Shirley’s remark sunk in. Finally, he shrugged his shoulders. “Must be paying off a bet.”
 
Dick and Shirley walked into the cyber-lab where Ralph worked. “Ralph James, any luck with that remote garage door opener?” Shirley asked.
 
“The name’s Jones, not James.”

Dick was wide-eyed. “What? You told the Captain your name was James.”

Jones laughed. “Yeah, I know. I was just messing with him. He can’t remember names.”

Shirley laughed too. “That’s mean. I like it.”

“So anyhow,” Ralph continued. “it appears to be a standard garage door opener. This is great, because I can find him with this.”

Dick’s jaw went slack. “What? How?”

“Well, all remote garage door openers operate on a radio frequency.  All I need to do is reprogram the opener, so I can hack his computer using his Wi-Fi freq.”

“But don’t you need to know the frequency of the remote?” Shirley asked.

Jones laughed. “No problem. Remotes have a limited number of frequencies; ten or twelve. I’ll just try them all until I find the right one.”

Dick was doubtful. “But if the remote is so common, there must be millions of them,” Dick said.
“About 25 million of this brand and model, to be exact. But we know he was here in Miami, so he must live in a 200-mile radius.

Shirley shook her head. “Even so, you’re going to hack into thousands of home computers. That will take time.”

“Not so. I just screen for key words on all computers. Words like crime, kidnap, Smyth, 711, etc.
“But won’t that take hours?” Dick asked.

Ralph smiled. “No. There, I’m done. There’s your guy.” He handed Dick a print out. “His name is Hugh Watt.”

Shirley raised her eyebrows. “Who?”.

Jones answered, “The perp.”

Dick shook his head. “The perp what?”

“Not what, Watt,” Jones answered.

Dick shook his head again. “Watt what?”.

“Hugh.”

“Who what?” Shirley asked.

“Affirmative.”

“Affirmative?” Dick asked still confused.

Jones answered, “The perp’s name is Watt, Hugh Watt.”

“How should we know?” Dick asked, somewhat annoyed. “We asked you to find out.”

Ralph held up his hands in surrender. “I’ll write it down.” He wrote the name on a piece of paper and gave it to Dick.

Dick and Shirley both read it aloud, “Hugh Watt.”

It was Dick’s turn to raise eyebrows. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”

“Anyway,” Ralph continued. “he used MapQuest this morning to get directions. I just reversed the directions. Here you go. Go get him, Tigers. Oh, you may want to call the news. I may have opened all the overhead doors in a 250-mile radius.”

Shirley asked, “Anything else?”

“Yeah. Dick was right about that pollen… well half right. It was pollen, and it does come from an island, but it’s inhabited-- Haiti. I think the perp smuggles drugs from Columbia to Haiti and then in country.”

Shirley frowned. “He’s probably on the run by now. I’ll put out a BOLO to arrest him.”

“Let stake out his address in case he returns,” Dick suggested. “We might get lucky. What about that number on the remote?”

The End of Part Four

Dick looked at Ralph who returned his look with a nod of his head. Dick grabbed the telephone from Bill. “Look jerk off, quit calling or I’ll have you arrested for interfering with a police investigation.”
 
“And to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?” The caller asked.
 
“Listen you a-hole, I’m a police detective with the Miami PD. Stop calling this number.” Dick disconnected. Before he could speak, the cellphone rang again. He held up three fingers to remind Bill. Shirley tapped Ralph on the head, and he gave a thumbs up. After three rings, Bill answered.
 
“Good morning, this is Tom Billingsly and I represent the End All Insurance Company. Is this the Smyth residence?”
 
Dick grabbed the telephone before Bill could say another word and yelled into the phone, “That’s it. I’m sending a squad car to arrest you.”
 
The voice laughed. “Better send a boat. My real name is Singh and I live in India. Have a nice day.”
 
As Dick disconnected, a small girl ambled into the living room. The Smyths jumped up, rushed over shouting, “Kaitlin!” They hugged their daughter.
 
After everyone settled down from all the excitement, Dick and Shirley sat down with Kaitlin. After a few preliminary questions, Shirley asked, “Why didn’t your abductor call your parents?”
 
“He tried, but every time he called, the line was busy. Finally, he gave up and decide to wait until tonight.”
 
“He?” Dick asked. “Only one perp?”
 
“Yeah.”
 
“How did you get away?” Shirley asked.
 
Kaitlin laughed. “My kidnapper was so stupid. He ordered pizza. When the pizza arrived, he gave me money and told me to pay the pizza guy. I opened the door, paid the guy and ran home.”
 
“Wow,” Shirley said. “And how far was that?”
 
“Oh, not far. Five blocks maybe.”
 
“What?” both Dick and Shirley said as they jumped up. “Do you remember the address?”
 
“Sure. It was 711 just straight down this street.”
 
“What!” Shirley yelled. “He held you captive in a 7 Eleven?”
 
“No, you idiot,” answered Kaitlin. “Not a 7 Eleven; the street address is 711.” Kaitlin looked at her mother. “Well don’t just stand there, bitch. Get me something to eat, I’m starving.” She looked at her father. “What are you looking at? Go run my bath. That place was filthy.” The Smyths jumped and did as they were told.
 
Shirley started issuing orders to mobilize the other detectives and police officers. They drove down the street with sirens blaring. At the house, Shirley ordered police to cover all the exits and windows around the house. The house was a non-descript house with a for sale sign posted in the front yard. Once everyone was in place, Shirley stood behind a Swat team member with a weighted battering ram ready to smash in the door.
 
“Wait one,” said Dick. He turned the doorknob and the door opened. “Wasn’t locked.” Dick and Shirley rushed in with guns drawn. The house had no furniture. A noise in the kitchen drew their attention and they rushed in. In the kitchen stood one man wearing gloves and holding a squirt bottle of cleaner in one hand. “Freeze!” Dick yelled.
 
“Whoa, Whoa,” the man yelled, dropping the squirt bottle. “I’m not armed. What’s this all about?”
 
Shirley took out her handcuffs. “You’re under arrest for the kidnapping of Kaitlin Smyth.”
 
“No, no,” protested the man. “It wasn’t me. I just got here a few minutes ago. It must’ve been the man who left here as I pulled up.”
 
Dick patted the man down. “Who are you?”
 
“I’m a contractor. I get hired by people to clean up after them. I remove any traces of DNA and fingerprints. I was hired by some guy to clean this place.”
 
Shirley holstered her weapon and put her handcuffs away. “Never heard of that type of contractor. It doesn’t sound legal.”
 
“No, no. It’s legit. I’m on Craig’s List. People contact me by e-mail and pay me by Pay-Pal -- mostly husbands and wives cheating on their spouses. I don’t do crime scenes. If I see blood, I’m out of there.”
 
Dick put his pistol away. “Okay, who hired you? Can you describe him?”
 
The man put his hands down. “No. I never met the guy. I just had his e-mail address, but he did pay in advance.”
 
END of Part Three

“I can make you some coffee” Mary said. “It’s Kopi or civet coffee, very expensive. It comes from coffee beans eaten by the Asian palm civet and defecated.”
 
Shirley and Dick made faces. “No thanks,” Shirley said.  “I had poop for dinner. What I need now is regular coffee.”
 
The telephone rang. Dick held up one finger at Bill while placing a head set on his head. “Don’t answer until the third ring.”
 
Bill sat with his finger posed above the talk button. On the second ring, he answered. Dick and Shirley rolled their eyes.  “Hello, this is Mr. William Smyth.”
 
A male voice asked, “Is this the Smith residence?”
 
“No, my name is Smyth, not Smith. You have the wrong number.”
 
Dick jumped to his feet and made a stretching motion with his hands for Bill to continue the conversation.
 
“Hang on for a minute,” said Bill, covering the handset with one hand. He looked at Dick. “What?’
 
Dick repeated the hand motion. Bill shrugged his shoulders. Dick mouthed the words, “Keep talking.” Bill shook his shoulders again. Dick whispered, “Keep talking.”
 
Bill nodded his head. “Okay, I’m back.”
 
“Okay, Mr. Smyth,” the voice on the other end said. “can I call you Bill? My name is Tom Billingsly, and I represent the End All Insurance Company. Would you mind if I ask if you have life insurance?”
 
Bill sighed. “I’m sorry. Could you call back later? I am in the middle of something right now.”
 
Dick held up a note on which he wrote. It might be a trick. Keep talking. Bill saw the note and nodded. “On second thought, I do have time. Want do you want to know?”
 
“Well, sir,” the voice started. “Have you thought about what would happen to your family should anything happen to you?”
 
Dick made a circular motion with his hand, indicating to keep talking. All eyes were now on Ralph in the dining room. After a few minutes, he gave a thumbs up. Dick strode over to him.
Ralph whispered, “He checks out. He’s calling from the End All Insurance Company.”
 
Dick strode into the living room and grabbed the telephone from Bill’s hand. “Look you jerk. You are interfering with a police investigation. Hang up.” The voice stopped talking and hung up. Dick looked at Bill. “And what is with you? I said let it ring three times. We need time for James to start tracking the call.”
 
Bill answered. “I’m sorry. I thought you meant on the third ring, not after.”
 
Shirley said, “It’s okay. You’re nervous. We understand.” She removed the garage door opener from her pocket. “Does belong to either of you?” Both Smyths looked at the opener and shook their heads. Ralph sauntered over and handed Shirley a cup of coffee.
 
Dick took the opener and examined it. “Look, there’s a number on the back. Looks like a serial number. Maybe we can trace it.”  He turned it over in his hands. “It looks like pollen on it. I think I recognize it.”
 
Shirley chuckled. “You recognize the pollen without a microscope?”
 
“Yeah. It comes from a rare bush that is only found on a remote island in the Caribbean. The island has no inhabitants.”
 
“How rare?” Shirley asked.
 
Dick handed the opener back to Shirley. “So rare it hasn’t been discovered yet.”
 
“That’s pure bull shit.” Shirley walked over to Ralph and handed him the door opener. “See if you can find out anything about this. I think the perp may have dropped it in the driveway.” Ralph nodded his head.
 
The telephone rang again. Dick held up three fingers and Bill nodded his head. After the forth ring, Bill answered, “Hello, this is William Smyth.”
 
Shirley was standing behind Ralph and looked down at him. His eyes were closed, and his head was bobbing up and down. She tapped his shoulder. “Ralph!” He removed his head set and looked at her.  “Are you tracing this call?”
 
“Oh, shit. Why didn’t someone tell me?” Ralph flipped a switch and gave a thumbs up.
 
The voice on the telephone continued, “This is Tom Billingsly and I represent the End All Insurance Company. Would you mind if I ask if you have life insurance?”
 
Bill sighed. “You just called a few minutes ago.”
 
End of Part Two

Dick Andrews and Shirley Kelly, Miami police detectives, laid sleeping in bed when their cellphones rang. Both stirred and Shirley sat up in bed, pulling up the covers to cover naked body. A glance out the window told her it was still too early for their alarm. She began to frantically search for her cellphone.

Dick rolled over. “Don’t answer that!”

Shirley shook her head. “We have to. We’re on call.”

Dick sat up on his side of the bed. “I thought you said you put your phone on vibrate.”

Shirley gave him a dirty look. “That’s how much you listen. I said I have to turn off my vibrator so I can charge it. Get up and answer your phone – we both have calls.”

Dick rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Make sure you have your own phone. We don’t want the Captain to know we are dating. What the hell time is it anyway?”

Shirley picked up a cellphone from the nightstand and handed it to Dick. “Here’s yours.” She looked on the floor and found her phone.

Both answered their phones, listened and said, “I’ll be right there.”

Dick quickly dressed as Shirley headed for the shower. “I told you not to answer it.”

Dick and Shirley drove to the location given by their Captain, a large house in an upscale residential suburb of Miami and arrived just as the sun was dawning. On the walk up the long driveway, Shirley spotted a garage door opener and bent over to pick it up.  Dick couldn’t resist from admiring her butt. “Stop looking at my ass!” She pointed the remote at the large double car garage and pushed the button; nothing happened.

Captain Tim Barnaby met them in the spacious hallway as they entered the house. He motioned for them to follow him into the living room. A very distraught couple sat on the couch wearing robes. Tim said, “This is Mr. William Smith and his wife Mary. Their daughter was kidnapped last night or early this morning. Her abductors left a note saying they would call later. I want you two to take point on this case. Dickhead, you handle the ransom demand and pay off from here. Stacy, you try to find the kidnappers.”

“Dick or Richard,” Dick said.

“What?” the Captain asked.

“You called me ‘Dickhead.’ My name is Richard or you can call me Dick for short.”

“Sorry. Freudian slip.”

Shirley interjected, “And my name is Shirley, not Stacy.”

“Since when?” the Captain asked.

“Since I was born.”
​
“Whatever. Let’s get to work.” Tim turned back toward the couple. “Okay, Mr. Smith, the kidnapers should call any minute with their ransom demands.”
 
Bill said, “Smyth. The name is Smyth, not Smith. Smyth and please call me Bill.”
 
“Whatever. Anyway, Jones here is our computer tech.” Tim pointed to a young man seated at the dining room table in front of a computer. “He’s a Greek.”
 
“James,” the tech said. “You always call me Jones, but my name is Ralph James. And it’s ‘geek’, not ‘Greek.’”
 
“Whatever. As I was saying before I was interrupted, ...James here will trace the call, but you need to keep the kidnappers talking for at least one minute. Are we clear?”
 
“I think so,” Bill replied.
 
“Good. Mr. Smyth, I promise we will get Kathleen back.”
 
“Kaitlin. her name is Kaitlin,” Mary Smyth said.
 
Tim raised his eyebrows. “That’s what I said.”
 
Bill tilted his head. “No, you said Kathleen.”
 
“Give me a break.” Tim turned toward Dick and Shirley. “Any questions?”
 
Dick took out his smart phone and clicked on the recorder.  “How did the kidnappers get Kaitlin out of the house without making any noise?”
 
Tim held up a washcloth. “Chloroform.”
 
Shirley stepped closer for a better look. “Are you sure it’s chloroform?”.
 
Tim held out the washcloth. “Here, take a sniff and you tell me.”
 
Shirley held up her hands in surrender and took a step back. “Oh, no. I’m not falling for that trick… again.”
 
Tim raised his eyebrows but decided not to pursue Shirley’s remark. “I have to get ready for a press conference. Keep me informed.” He turned on his heel and marched out the door.
 
Shirley looked the Smyths over. Bill Smyth was a short, slender man with glasses. He reminded Shirley of an accountant. Mary reminded her of a trophy wife. Her perfume permeated the air. She wondered how she found the time to put on make-up and do her hair when her daughter was kidnapped. She turned toward a small group of police officers standing in the dining room. “Canvas the neighborhood and see if anyone saw anything. Also, check all the security tapes within a 100-mile radius and see what comes up. Check the ATMs while you’re at it and get me a cup of coffee.” The police officers mocked her by slapping their foreheads as if they had never thought of that.
 

Chris Andrews could not believe his incredible luck. He went to the art show looking for an expensive addition to his extensive art collection and met Judy, an art dealer. They seemed to click right away and when he invited her to see his new luxury condominium, she said yes. She was appropriately impressed when the valet drove up in his Porsche 911. Chris had a couple of excellent years as a hedge fund manager and decided to enjoy the fruits of his labors. If his luck continued tonight, he would be in bed with her in twenty minutes – tops.
 
“Wow!” Judy exclaimed when she walked into Chris’s new condominium. “You go first class all the way.”
 
Chris smiled. “It suits my needs.”
 
Judy stood close to Chris and patted his chest. “I’ll bet you have a lot of needs. Oh my gosh! Is that suit handmade?”
 
“Yes. It is a William Fioravanti suit. I would be embarrassed to tell you the price.”
 
“I’ll bet. Very nice. I like it. It has to be at least $5,000.” Judy stepped back to admire the suit, but she noticed Chris’s passion being to show through his trousers. She laughed. “Are you happy to see me or is that a rabbit in your pocket?”
 
Chris laughed. “A cliché but cute!” He put his arm around her and started to kiss her.
 
Judy pulled her head back. “What is that cologne? I love it.”
 
“Clive Christian No. 1,” answered Chris as he tried to find the latch on the back of her dress.
 
“I thought so. Over $800 a bottle and worth every penny.” Judy reached back, unhooked the top of her dress, and turned around for Chris to unzip her.
 
Chris unzipped her dress halfway when, “Oh, oh! My watch snagged on your dress. Hold still.” He untangled his watchband and unzipped her dress the rest of the way.
 
Judy turned around and looked at his watch. “Nice watch. Rolex?”
 
“Of course not. It is a Carrera.”
 
Judy started to untie tie his tie. “Silk tie. Nice touch of class. Dyed, not printed – 100% silk. Italian?’
 
“Good guess. It is from Napoli Coast - only the best.”
 
Judy removed his tie and folded over it a chair. She then helped Chris out of his jacket and folded it over the chair. She removed the pen from his coat pocket. “Montblanc,” she said half to herself.
 
Chris removed his shirt and handed it to her. Judy rubbed her hand over the shirt. “Egyptian cotton, of course,” she said. “Are these real diamond studs?
 
“Yes,” answered Chris, as he kicked off his Tanino Crisci shoes. “They match the white diamonds on the cufflinks.”
 
Judy slipped out of her dress. “They match your rings too. You are one classy guy. How much did this condo set you back?”
 
Chris looked Judy in the eyes. “I am not sure if I’m comfortable with this conversation. Why do you ask that?”
 
Judy put her arms around Chris and rubbed noses with him. “Because I like you and I might just stay the night. Undo my bra, will you?”
 
Chris stepped back and held her at arm’s length. “Now I am really uncomfortable with this conversation. I don’t like where this is going.”
 
Judy laughed. “I thought it was going toward the bedroom.”
 
“Judy, I am sorry, but I don’t think this is such a good idea after all. Let me call you a cab.”
 
“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re joking, right?”
 
“Are you attracted to me just because of my money?”
 
Judy laughed. “What makes you think that? I think you are very handsome, but I would still be attracted to you if you had only money.”
 
“On second thought, the doorman will call you a cab.” Chris handed Judy her dress. “Good night, Judy.”
 
THE END