From time to time I have mentioned my two greyhounds, Prada and Groovy. We have had them for about 4 years. Right after we got them, I came home and my wife said, "Here, taste this."  Of course I did. It was meat. Then she asked, "does it taste okay to feed the dogs?" When my wife said those words, my position in the food chain as food taster to a pair of greyhounds was fixed. 

I will be the first to admit that our two rescued greyhounds are spoiled. I do not mean spoiled like spoiled children, or
even the way grandchildren can be spoiled. No, these pets go way beyond that.

Take their diets for example; they love barbeque! Whenever we barbeque, we throw a couple of chicken breast or salmon burgers on the grill for them. One of their favorite treats is rotisserie-roasted chicken but no skin and no bones. For a change of pace we will serve ground beef--only 95% lean ground beef; after all, these athletes have to watch their weight. For variety, we also serve them meatballs--Italian style with spices, no less. Sometimes we go to a fast food drive through to buy them hamburgers–hold the bread and onions. They also love roast beef sandwiches.

Along with my duties as official greyhound food taster, I am also the official chef for the dogs. That title was established when we first adopted the two greyhounds. My wife tried to give them medicine in the form of pills. They did not care for the pills and learned to spit them out. Soon they refused to eat anything offered by my wife. They eat only what I feed them, and they are picky eaters. Prada will not eat until Groovy starts to eat. Groovy will not eat if my wife or I are in the room; we have to leave the room. 

sometimes I think they are smart than us and are training us.

Mothers day si coming up so I thouhgt that I would share this short story. It is fictional, funny, but based on a true incident in my life. enjoy!

A Zombie’s Mothers Day
 
I hate holidays. Not the ones with a three day weekend, just the ones invented by greeting card companies. One year I forgot Mothers’ Day until the day before. Usually, I order flowers for my wife online. After all, she is the mother of two of our beautiful children, and a third not so beautiful child. In desperation, I drove to the nearest box store. 
 
The scene at the flower department was a disaster; flowers flung everywhere; stems bent, leaves torn, and flowers missing petals. I searched desperately for a gift: a small bouquet, a potted plant, or even a single rose. Nothing. 
 
Several other men in my predicament also searched in vain like zombies from the Night of the Living Dead. At some point, I bumped into the department manager. Her hair was in disarray, her blouse wrinkled and stained, and she wore no shoes. I asked if I could get a corsage. She gave me an exasperated look and shook her head. 

I decided to use my well-developed technique that seems to help in desperate situations; I began to cry. She took pity on me, put my head on her shoulder, and patted my back. 

“Perhaps,” she said. “They can make you one in the back.”

As I shuffled in the direction she pointed, I heard her shout, “Dead man walking!”

When I arrived at the rear of the store, the scene was not much better. I saw two women making corsages as fast as possible. Both had Band-Aids on every finger. The trash was full of flowers ruined by blood from pricked fingers. As fast as one was made they put it into a petite white
box.

When I asked if I could buy one, both women immediately stopped working, and looked at me as though I was the person in the elevator who farted. I was in trouble. The bigger of the two leaned forward.

“Do you realize how many local high schools have their senior proms tonight?” Pointing to the stacks of white cardboard boxes, “We still have to make 150 more corsages, and have them ready for pick up in one hour.”

I fell back on my proven technique and began to cry; my lower lip quivered and tears collected in the corners of my eyes. She softened. “Oh God, not another cry baby!” she shouted. “Okay! Okay! You can have one.”

I returned home carrying the corsage like a cat with a bird and presented it to my wife. She looked surprised and uttered those words that every man loves to hear. “You remembered!”

I am still griping about TV screenplays--back to detective shows. So many detective shows use a formula. The standard formula has the detectives question several suspects. It will appear that one of the suspects questioned is guilty. However, later the suspect’s prints or DNA do not match the evidence or their alibi checks out. Near the end of the show, the screen writer(s) reveals that the killer is one of the suspects previously questioned but assumed to be innocent. Usually, it is the suspect that looked the most innocent. I would think that by now all detectives would know that the suspect that looks the guiltiest is never the killer. 

Episodes also upset me where the killer takes a hostage. The detective confronts the killer who holds a gun to the head of the hostage. As long time TV viewers, we all know that if the detective shoots the killer between the eyes, the killer would die instantly and could not shoot the hostage. I guess the detectives that lay down their weapons are poor shots. Usually, the detective does not know the hostage and is not related to the hostage. The detective should merely say, “Go ahead and kill the hostage and I will kill you. Nobody will know how it went down. Your choice.” I could add, "Make my day."

Occasionally, the screenwriter has the hero do something completely out of character. I saw a recent episode of Person of Interest. The hero seldom kills anyone but rather shoots him or her in the leg, although I have not seen him shoot a woman. However, in this episode, the person of interest is poisoned and has only 24 hours to live. (spoiler alert) Our hero helps the victim hunt down the killer and poison him in revenge. Even if justified, that is murder. Why did the writer have the protagonist murder someone when in previous episodes the writer went to great lengths to avoid murder? The whole idea that a doctor, the first victim, would want to spend his last 24 hours seeking revenge is absurd. The doctor could have sent out an e-mail to the police explaining what happened and then spend the rest of his time getting ready to die: setting out his will, printing out all his passwords, finding his insurance policies,  and leaving all his keys out with a farewell note. Hopefully, he will remember to delete all the porn from his computer.

Lately I have been vetting my complaints about TV screenplays. Next on my list is TV shows about hospitals. Very often, the show depicts nurses wearing hats. I have worked for many years in healthcare and I have never seen a nurse wear a hat. Nurses hate hats. If they even own one, they wore it for graduation from nursing school and have not worn it since. 

Sometimes, on a show, a doctor and a nurse will go into a linen closet for sex. When I see that, my first thought is, where do they find these closets? All the linen closets I have seen are too small for sex. In a hospital, the patient rooms are moneymakers. Hospitals convert any room big enough for sex into a patient room. When you see a small patient room in a hospital, usually big enough for one patient, you can assume that it was a linen closet before conversion. If it were too small for a patient room, someone would covet it for an office. 

Then there is the unbelievable idea that a nurse and doctor, or even worse, two doctors, could disappear from a ward into a linen closet. Believe me, when a doctor is on a ward, every single nurse knows their
location--many of the married ones too. They do not have to use a linen closet. All hospitals have rooms where doctors can sleep and lock the door.

The other problem that I have about nurses disappearing with doctors is that one of the performance indicators for hospitals is how fast nurses answer the call lights (the button or light that patients use to summons a nurse). No wonder the answer rate is so low. Of course, the doctors and
nurses could conduct their little romps during breaks, but breaks are usually 15 minutes. What do they do for the other 13 minutes?

Just a reminder that all my books are free until May 27. I have links to all my books on the side bar. Angels and Gargoyles is always free, as well as Leadership for New Managers. For the sequel, Leadership for New Managers: Book Two, use coupon code WL23B. For The Clone Murders, use code CA95X. For Archimedes of Syracuse, use code TY53V.

I attended a local job fair yesterday. There were over 100 companies looking for employees. It was a lot like speed dating but with a lot more flirting. A good friend of mine had his picture taken by the Star Gazette and made the front page. It was interesting because he was dressed for an interview. I wore what you see in my picture to the left. We were in the minority. The picture in the Star Gazette showed job seekers in a variety of dress, anywhere from camo and jeans to T-shirts. I do not know if it really matters, but I would hope so. I think that the job seekers who dress up demonstrate that they are serious.  

The support people at the fair wore buttons that said, "Ask me!" I asked one where the coffee was located. She did not know. It is so hard to find good people now days. There was an entertainment company there. I asked them if they were looking for standup comics. Turns out that they do not entertain, they just provide tents, chairs, and games. I guess my dream will have to wait.

I think the fact that there were so many companies there is a good sign that the economy is improving. I hope so.

I see that I had a typo in yesterday's heading-not very professional. I have always had a problem with proof reading.

Last week I saw an item on Fox News. It seems that a survey found that women prefer their dogs to their boyfriends. I am sure that you read this you are thinking, No kidding. Many will agree and say that it is because pets are more faithful, as if they had a choice. I do not think it is a matter of faith but one of loyalty. My wife and I adopted two greyhounds. They immediately took to us and made a new home here. We never heard them compare us to their old kennels or say that the food is not as good as the last place. They changed loyalties from the racetrack to us without a whimper, no winning or pouting.

It was like a professional ball player that is traded to a new team. The player wears the new jersey and immediately switches loyalty. I mean this in a good way. One of the anchors on Fox News suggested an experiment; place the pet dog and boyfriend in the trunk of your car and drive around for one hour. Then open the trunk and see which one is glad to see you. I would add a slight twist. A woman should put her boyfriend and pet dog in her trunk and drive over to her best girlfriend's house. Let the best girlfriend open the trunk and watch the reaction. There may be an insight there.

Like many of you, I have been watching a lot of news this last week. One thing that I find annoying about the news is when they go to a field reporter for an update. The reporter has nothing but seems unable to say so. Instead, the reporter repeats everything three or four times. For example, the reporter might say, "Here we are in the flooded town of YourTown, where it has flooded, and continues to be flooded." About the third repetition, I am ready to change channels.

I am not an expert on written skill, but most people are so poor at it that they make me look good. Below is more from Chapter 8--Written Communications from my e-book, Leadership for New Managers: Book Two, http://smashwords.com/b/300090. Use coupon code WL23B for a free copy. We are discussing the various types of written communications.

2. Effective Writing
The ability to write well is a necessity in today’s information hungry world. In an article, Robert Perry, suggests a five-step process for effective writing. 
 
a. Prewriting

The first step is prewriting. Writing effectively requires three key elements: the purpose for writing, the audience, and the occasion. Clearly state these three elements. I recommend turning off the auto-correction feature on word processing software. It will change unfamiliar words to undesirable
words.

b. Rough draft(s)

The second step is to create a rough draft. Begin with getting all of the information on paper, while keeping the purpose, audience, and occasion in mind. Do not worry about spelling, structure, or complete sentences at this point; it is important to write freely and fast to capture the ideas. Sometimes it helps to take a break and write for more than one sitting. 

Here are some suggestions on writing clearly and effectively:
-Omit no key words. Do not make up words. Use plain words.
-Avoid ambiguity
-Avoid overstuffing sentences.
-Avoid multi-noun modifiers.
-Use the active voice whenever possible, not the passive voice.
-Use uncomplicated sentences.
-Avoid long introductory phase; get right to the point.
-Avoid needless repetition.
-Be concise in word usage.
-Use a topic sentence to introduce the central idea.
-Leave out irrelevant details.

Yesterday I wrote how I am critical of TV shows. While I am on the subject, there are a couple of things that annoy me about detective shows. The first is when the hero decides to go rogue
and tries to capture the criminals single-handed. He or she does not call for  back up. When the hero does not call for back up, there will be a shootout, guaranteed. Even when the hero has a partner, you can bet they will enter the front door with no one covering the back exit. The hero’s partner will be two feet behind the partner so that when the shooting starts, the shooter will pin them both down. You can count on it. 

After the shooting stops, the “Chief” will merely say, “Don’t do that.” I would think it would be against department policy and a cause for dismissal. Maybe the chief does not fire them because they only do it once per episode. 

If the hero has a nice car, there will be a chase scene-another guarantee. I can do without the obligatory chase scene and go for more dialogue. 
 
Another pet peeve is when the detective or detectives decide to break and enter a residence without a warrant. Any time detectives enter a place without a warrant they will find a key clue, a piece of evidence or a dead body. Of course, none of that will be admissible in a court of law because there was not probable cause. The detectives will tell the judge that they thought they heard a noise or some such excuse that the judge, in his entire career on the bench, has never heard before and will accept.

Below is part of Chapter 8, Written Communications, from my lastest e-book, Leadership for New Managers: Book Two, http://smashwords.com/b/300090. Use coupon code WL23B for a free copy.

Chapter 8—Written Communication

Leader/mangers need to write well. In some cases, it may be the primary means of communications
between the leader and associates. Usually, the higher the position, the more writing is required and the less oral communication. If the writing is not clear, it will lead to misunderstandings. Poor writing reflects negatively upon a leader. It may indicate foggy thinking. Being able to express one’s self in writing strengthens self-esteem.

1. General Information

Written communications are appropriate for sending general information, for messages that require action, for documentation, for permanent files, for long messages, for for policies and procedures. Most word processing software have samples and templates available. Some of the more common forms are: