​It seems there’s a news item two or three times a week about road rage. I don’t think road rage can be stopped, but it can be controlled. Data gathered by SafeMotorist.com indicates that 66% of recent traffic fatalities can be linked to aggressive driving. Of course, not all aggressive driving is a result of road rage. However, 37% of those fatalities were found to be caused by a firearm. According to a study by the AAA nearly 80% of drivers expressed significant anger, aggression or road rage while driving at least once in the past year. Not all anger ends up in road rage.
 
 Anger is a is a natural emotion, a common response to frustrating or threatening experiences or when a person thinks he has been injured or mistreated. Mix anger, driving and maybe alcohol and you have a dangerous cocktail. However, it can be controlled. Instead of stopping road rage, we can render it harmless. I think I have found the perfect control mechanism—paint balls.
 
Every driver, on a volunteer basis, of course, would be issued a paint ball gun with a special color of paint. If we use the colors found in a crayon box minus white, there are 63 colors. When a driver feels road rage, the driver can shoot the offending driver who may shoot back. If the car is the same color as the paint, the driver will have to aim for a tire or window. When the police see a car with more than five colors, they would issue a citation for reckless driving.
 
We should try this out in cities like Los Angeles or New York City for a beta trial. If all goes well, the technique can be adopted nationwide.

​Millions of people are unable to enjoy the comedy of life, because they are humorously challenged. Often, they suffer in silence, ashamed to admit that they don’t get the joke. Everyone should learn to recognize the symptoms and to help those unfortunate people who have trouble laughing. Friends do not let friends miss out on the joke. This is a curable and preventable illness. Maybe you are one of those who suffer in silence. Ask yourself these questions:
1. When someone tells a joke, do you stand there saying, “I don’t get it.” while everyone else is laughing?
2. Does everyone stop laughing and change the subject whenever you join the group?
3. Do you laugh at inappropriate times while others aren’t laughing?
4. Do you think that Saturday Night Live is a news program?
5. Do you take sarcasm as a serious statement?
6. Are you unable to laugh at yourself as well as others?
7. Do you think that Bob Hope was the Secretary of State and that Bill Clinton was a comedian?
8. Are you unable to laugh and make milk come out of your nose?
9. Do you feel pain when someone tickles your funny bone?
10. Do you think that this article is serious?

​If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be humorously challenged to some degree. Not to fear, the cure is simple, but may take years. To cure yourself from being humorously challenged, start by reading my blog at http://www.monteranderson-author.com. Once you are able to smile at my comments, start reading cartoons in the newspaper. (If you don’t know what a newspaper is, contact me privately.) Once you understand the cartoons, you may try going to a comedy club and signing up for other humorous blogs. With a little effort, you may be cured after a few years.

I haven’t felt the need to post these warnings, but in light of the current topic, I thought I had better.

WARNING! Reading this blog may cause laughter which might result in a pulled stomach muscles, injured funny bones, coffee or milk to pour from the nose, and self-inflicted wounds caused by slapping knees or foreheads.

WARNING! Reading my blog may cause eyestrain, deep thoughts (rare), raised eyebrows, furrowing of the forehead, gnashing of teeth, and shaking of the head.
If you think you have any of these symptoms, return to my blog for another dose.

Consider yourself warned.

I read with interest an article about the seven most common myths about the brain. In their latest ASAP Science video, Mitchell Moffit and Gregory Brown explain why they aren't true. I’ll just summarize the article. The myths are:
1. A bigger brain is better (smarter). Not true.
2. Alcohol kills brain cells. Not true, thank goodness.
3. Drugs create "holes" in your brain. Not true. Again, thank goodness.
4. The brain has 100 billion cells. Not true. The brain has only 86 billion brain cells. I get light headed thinking about it.
5. People use only 10% of your brain. Not true (unless you’re a politician).
6. People are either "left-brained" or "right-brained." Not true.
7. People have only five senses: sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch. Also, not true. People also have a sense of balance, temperature, time, pain and proprioception (the body awareness that helps us not walk into things all the time). Makes sense to me.

I believe that Moffit and Brown missed a few myths. As a public services, I will present them here:

1. A “No Brainer.” Not true. If someone is a no brainer, meaning they have no brain, then they are a zombie. At least, I don’t think zombies have brains.

2. “Blow your mind” or be “mind blowing.” Again, not true. If something blows your mind, once again, you become a zombie.

3. “Mind altering” or “mind expanding.” Not true. You brain is what it is. Once you become an adult, it is fully grown. It may shrink as you grow old but won’t expand. “Mime” altering is something else entirely.

4. Eating cold ice cream will make your “brain freeze”. Not true. Frostbite, maybe. Opening the top of your head on a cold day will freeze your brain. This shouldn’t be confused with being “cool headed”.

5. Your brain can get a “brain cramp” or a “brain fart” “Not true. Muscles cramp, not brains. Brains can’t fart either. The correct term should be “senior moment’ which can occur at any age.

6. Some people have only “half a brain”. Okay, this one might be true, especially if you are a politician. This phenomenon can be observed on the news all the time.

7. “A penny for your thoughts.” Due to inflation, the true cost is 26.5 cents for a thought. People who work for a penny a thought are under paid. This is especially true for writers and bloggers like me.

​8. Someone can get “inside your head” or “mess with your head.” Not true, unless they’re a surgeon. Alcohol can get into your head and mess with your head but not people. If you really want to mess with someone’s head just ask, “You’re not going to wear that, are you?”
 
9. “Shit for brains”. Not true. There has never been a record of anyone having do-do for brains. Sometimes though, you have to wonder.
 
10. “Bird brained” Also not true. Birds have their own brains and they are smaller than human brains. People who eat like a bird still have normal or semi-normal brains.
 
11. “Brain dump” This is a real thing. I used this in college. When I studied for a test and crammed my head full of data, it would crowd out other useful knowledge. After the test, I would do a “brain dump” and immediately make room for more information. To this day, I can’t remember what I learned.
 
12. “Changing your mind”. I wish but not true. You keep the brain you were born with until you die. Hopefully, sometime in the future, we might be able to trade our minds for a better one, or at least upgrade. 

13. “Pick your brain”. No can do. Your brain isn’t like your nose or belly button. You can’t pick it.   

14. “Your mind’s eye”. Not true. The brain has no eyes separate from the ones in the front of your head. 

15. “Laughing your head off”. Once again, there’s no record of anyone laughing their head off. 

​I hope this public service has helped to dispel some of the myths surrounding the brain.

Anyone watching the news is aware of the problems of law enforcement agencies; police being ambushed, police shooting civilians who may not be armed and lack of community outreach. I have a few tongue-in-cheek ideas and thoughts on the subject.

Law enforcement agencies need more research and development (R&D) for non-lethal weapons. It seems to me that there hasn’t been a great deal of improvement in technology for law enforcement equipment in recent years. More money should be invested in R&D to find better ways to subdue suspects without harming them, or “less lethal” methods.

The use of sonic weapons shows promise. These weapons could be made in the form of hand guns, grenades or cannons using a beam of focused sound or ultrasound. A handheld device with a selector switch for various intensities would be great. Extremely high-power sound waves attack the eardrums to cause severe pain or disorientation. Less powerful sound waves can cause nausea or discomfort. It may be possible for such a device to cause vibration of the eyeballs to distort vision. I can hear an officer shouting, “Set your weapons on stun.”

I envision another weapon like a paint ball gun. It could fire a variety of balls:
Paint. Okay, this is a regular paint ball. It could help to identify the perps when they’re rounded up later.
CS or Tear Gas. This bullet would contain enough CS or tear gas to incapacitate one person.
Dye. This bullet would contain a dye that can’t be removed from the skin, also an aid in identifying the perps.
Smoke. This bullet contains a chemical that causes clothing to smoke – not burn. The trail of smoke could be followed. No need to shoot an escaping perp.
Skunk Oil. This bullet contains thiol, an organic Sulphur compound that is very pungent, causing a burning or stinging sensation. Of course, when used, the officers may decide not to press charges.
Super Balls. Those high-energy rubber balls that seem to bounce forever.

I also think that some type of silly string might be useful. Silly String (generically known as aerosol string) creates a long plastic string as it’s propelled under pressure. If technology can develop a stronger string that can’t break easily but loses its strength after several minutes, it might be useful to subdue a suspect.

Then there’s the ever popular drone. During traffic stops and other confrontations, a drone might be released to hover overhead or nearby. Another officer in a remote location (police station) would control the drone. It could record the incident and if needed employ varies less-lethal weapons such as aerial sprays of pepper spray, silly string, water, dye or skunk oil. Maybe the drone could deploy a net on the perp. The drone could even follow a fleeing perp.

Police definitely need a device with software that can rapidly identify suspects using face recognition. The device would use three-dimensional face recognition technology coupled with thermal cameras and skin texture analysis. Other aids might include hand held devices that rapidly search fingerprint data bases and DNA data bases. While these aren’t weapons, it would be useful if they could be used at distance of 10 – 25 feet. Okay, creating a national data base with fingerprints, DNA and faces is a topic for another time.

Robots are used more and more by law enforcement. Mainly they’re used for bomb disposal but have been used in other situations to reduce the risk for officers. Why not create a robot that can apprehend a perp; even one with a lethal weapon? The robot could be programed to act on voice commands much like a dog. It could use all the less-lethal weapons: paint balls, sonic, silly string and/or nets. Ideally, it would approach a perp and latch on to him to restrain him until the officer can cuff him. “Good robot.”

​I don’t know what the police need most, but they do need an alternative to killing a perp, even one that is armed or running.

I read with interest an article from Business Insider, 9 Signs You're a Problem Employee and Don't Even Know It, written by Richard Feloni, Aine Cain and Shana Lebowitz. They pointed out the following indicators: You're not punctual, You constantly make excuses, You do the bare minimum, You love to gossip, You're convinced you're smarter than everyone else, You're noticeably less productive than your colleagues, You don’t believe in your company’s mission or values, You don't get along with anyone and You’re always looking for a way out.
 
As usual, this list only scratches the surface. As a public service I provide more signs that you’re a problem employee:
 
You don’t have a key to the employee’s bathroom.
All your co-workers have restraining orders against you.
Your boss won’t let you cook meth in the breakroom.
All your co-workers hide their pens from you.
Your favorite food is no longer served in the company cafeteria.
Your co-workers unfriend you on the company internet and block you on the interoffice email system.
Your boss now calls you “Stupid.”
You’re the only employee without a designated parking space.
 
If you see these subtle signs, take the hint and straighten up.

​I read with interest an article from Prevention written by Korin Miller (12/31/2018), Relationship Therapists Say There Are 12 Signs You've Found Your Perfect Partner. The article mentioned that deep down that they’re right for you, the timing is right, you feel incredibly comfortable together. It went on to talk about emotions, happiness, respect, havinga lot to say to each other, love and value.

​As usual, this list only scratches the surface. As a public service I provide more signs that you’ve found your perfect partner:
Your partner starts listening to love songs.
Your partner friends you on Face Book and Twitter.
Your partner deletes his/her profile on Tinder.
Your partner changes her/her relationship to “committed.”
Your partner likes the same illegal drugs that you like.
Your partner’s willing to provide an alibi when questioned by the police.
Your partner remembers your safe word.
Your partner tells you all his/her passwords.
Your partner like to wear your underwear.
 
These are sure sign that this one is a keeper.

I read with interest an article from littlezotz.com (First Edition Design Publishing) about how writers sometime sabotage their own writing. The article included: Not preparing an outline, getting deadlines wrong, trying to do everything in the first draft and celebrating too early.

On reflection, I decided there’re many more ways writers sabotage their writing careers. As a public service to all writers I list some of them here:

All your work is obviously plagiarized.
You call your agent an ass-**le.

You refuse to write on any day of the week that has a D in it.

You write in a language that you invented.

You firmly believe that rules are meant to be broken; especially grammar, punctuation and spelling.

You’re using invisible ink.

Readers must use a decoder ring to read your writing.

You’re using Snapchat to publish your writing.

​I hope by identifying these self-destructive habits I have helped writers everywhere.

In what has become a trend, Jennifer #Lopez has a new species of water mite named in her honor. The new specie was discovered near Puerto Rico. She joins a list of famous people that have critters named after them: Mick #Jagger has a trilobite named after him, Bono has a spider and Bob #Marley has a marine parasite (ouch!)
​
I can think of some other possibilities and I am sure you can too. Here are my recommendations:
1. Justin #Bieber could have a new species of cuckoo bird named after him. His name would replace the temporary name Dumbae Rockastarus.
2. Senator Bernie #Sanders could have a new species of fish named after him. The new name would be Flipper Flopper.
3. This is my personal favorite. A new butterfly could be named after Miley #Cyrus, replacing the name, Goofus Celebritius.
4. Kim #Kardashian could have a new species of hippopotamus named after her, replacing the current name of Humongous Derrierae.
5. A new species of blood sucking leech might be named after Donald #Trump. The temporary name is Bigotus Billionairae.
6.A new species of snake might be named after Lawyer Michael #Avenatti. The new name would be Ring-necked grass snake.
7. Another nominee for having a snake named after him is Kim Jong #Un. The new name might be Dicatorae Back-biting snake.

Let’s hear your recommendations.