You may have watched the Democratic presidential hopefuls pitch their “One Big Idea” during the debates these last two nights. However, they have no monopoly on ideas, big or otherwise. I posted three of my Big Ideas earlier.
Here’ my fourth Big Idea: Winning the War on Drugs

Here are my recommendations: 
 
The real solution is simple – if you can’t beat them, join them. Stop the War on Drugs and get with the program. The US government should get into the drug business. I propose that the government buy drugs and sell them. I don’t mean buy drug from #South American cartels; I mean buy directly from the farmers in South America. This would cut out the middlemen: cartels, smugglers, drug pushers, etc. By cutting out the middlemen, the price of drugs should be very low, affordable and profitable. Drugs should be sold at special stores called… wait for it… “drug stores.” People would be able to purchase as much drugs as they want, provided they sign a waiver to forgo any medical treatment for drugs additions or drug induced problems. We allow drugs like alcohol and tobacco, and in some states, marijuana, so why not allow all drugs?

Here’s the impact of that solution:
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1. The price of illegal drugs would plummet. This would reduce crime since more people will be able to afford drugs.
2. The prison population will drop. Per the Bureau of Prisons, there are 207,847 people incarcerated in federal prisons -- 48.6 percent are in for drug offenses. Per the Bureau of Justice Statistics, there are 1,358,875 people in state prisons -- 16 percent have a drug crime as their most serious offense.
3. Many new and legal jobs will be created for tax paying citizens. In 2015, in legalizing   marijuana in Colorado, 18,000 new full-time jobs were created and more than $2.4 billion generated for the economic. Now consider the impact in 50 states and expanding to hard drugs.
4. Drug use may decrease. In Portugal, when all drugs became legal (over 10 years ago) there were fewer deaths by overdose and fewer cases of HIV.
5. The cartels, drug pushers, smugglers, etc. will be put out of business. Drug cartels currently earn $64.34 billion per year from their sales to users in the United States.
6. The government will collect the profits instead of the cartels. The government would also tax all sales.
7. This will free up money formerly used for the War on Drugs.
8. This will also save money. The cost of illicit drug use in the US is $193 billion annually.
9. The quality of drugs would be improved as the government regulates the drug market. Drug will become safer, causing fewer deaths.

Drug War won.
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AUTHOR’S NOTE: To the humorously challenged, this is a satire—mostly.

You probably realize by now that the Democratic presidential hopefuls are pitching their “One Big Idea”. However, they have no monopoly on ideas, big or otherwise. I posted two of my Big Ideas earlier. Here’ my third Big Idea: Let’s make Politics Ethical Again
 
Ethics in politics seems to be a major issue. #Politics can be #ethical if the rules are changed. Here are my recommendations: 

1. I’m a firm believer that we should provide all elected leaders with concubines (professional mistresses). If the public would acknowledge that people in power attract people of the oppose sex and may succumb to temptation, then this solution makes sense. This would eliminate the rumors, sneaking around (like to South America), the embarrassment, the excessive costs, the spending of taxpayers’ money and campaign contributions plus the resignations of otherwise perfectly good politicians. These concubines would be on the payroll and paid according to the level of office. If an official doesn’t want a concubine, they must take a vow of celibacy. This would have helped President #Clinton and President Trump as well as a long list of congressmen and a few senators. Representatives include Keith Ellison (D-MN), Ruben Kihuen (D-NV), Timothy F. Murphy (R-PA), and Dean Westlake (AK). Not to be out done, the senators included Al Franken. Other politicians include Roy Moore (AL). There are many others of course.
2. Politicians shouldn’t speak directly to reporters, voters or the public. They should wear a mask like Darth Vader of #StarWars. A picture of their face on the mask would be optional. Their speech would have a built-in five second delay. When they talk, a panel of censers would have five seconds to intervene. Each censer would have a button like #America’sGotTalent. One censer would focus on sexist remarks and women’s issues. Another would focus on racist remarks and civil rights. The third censor would concentrate on homophobic remarks and gay rights. The fourth censor would focus on stupid remarks. The last censer would be a fact checker. Checking facts takes more than five seconds, so the censer must approve all facts before the politician speaks. The politician would then have a card with a list of approved facts to quote. If the politician attempts to quote a fact not approved in advance, this censor would intervene. If any of the censors hits their button, the intended remarks are replaced with the words, “No comment”. If three censors hit their buttons, the remarks are replaced with, “I’ll get back to you on that issue.” If all five censers hit their buttons, the remarks are replaced with, “Sun Tzu says, ‘You can’t make a snake straight by pushing it through a pipe.’” Since no one knows what the hell that means, the speech will end without further questions. The same panel could be used to censor social media like Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram.
3. Transparency has become a big political issue. Therefore, prior to the #primary election, all candidates should pose nude. This will prevent future problem with selfies, etc. Voters can say, “Okay, now that we have seen you, keep it in your pants.” They must also disclose their tax returns, birth certificates, college transcripts, tattoos and illegitimate children. 
4. Bribes should not be secret. A new law would state that bribes are okay but must be public. Bribes wouldn’t go to the individual but must go to his or her campaign or, if already in office, to the national budget. The bribe must cover all the costs associated with the action desired at no increase in budget, taxes or cost to the people. For example, if someone wants a bridge to nowhere, the bribe must cover all the associated costs of installing and operating the bridge.
5. Prior to the Primary election, candidates must submit to a drug test by an independent lab. The oath of office should include a vow of sobriety. Once in office, officials would be subject to random drug tests twice per month. Come on! We do this in other professions. Let’s get serious.
6. Elected officials must attend rehab prior to taking the oath of office. This will prevent their absence while in office. While we are at it, they should also take sensitivity training.

 
AUTHOR’S NOTE: To the humorously challenged, this is a satire -- maybe.

You probably realize by now that the Democratic presidential hopefuls are pitching their “One Big Idea”. However, they have no monopoly on ideas, big or otherwise. I posted my Big Idea earlier this week. Here’ my second Big Idea:

Let’s put an end to #Racism

Here’s the solution to racism--make love not war.
I know, you heard it before. I grew up in the 60s and when the people protesting the war in Vietnam said, “Make love, not war” they meant it literally. This is a case where we could learn a thing or two from our cousins the bonobos, a relative of the great ape. Bonobos use sex to resolve conflicts.

According to Wikipedia, “The bonobo is distinguished by relatively long legs, pink lips, dark face and tail-tuft through adulthood, and parted long hair on its head.” That could describe some of the women I dated. The bonobos use sex as a greeting, social bonding, conflict resolution, and post-conflict reconciliation. I think we all could use some of that. They are very human-like in their sexual behavior which includes tongues kissing, oral sex and face-to-face genital sex. They aren’t monogamous and don’t discriminate by sex or age. Whenever there’s a conflict with outsiders, the bonobos prefer sexual contact over violent confrontation.

Now we could apply this to hate groups. Whenever counter-protestors confront any hate group, they should attempt to have sex with them. It may be difficult at first but eventually, when bigots and racists are confronted by a counter group, they will strip naked. Local authorities could help this process by requiring all groups to agree to march naked when they apply for a marching permit. Counter-protesters should form squadrons of sex therapists who would seduce the haters with sex. It might work.
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This idea needs a catchy slogan. We can’t use “Make love, not war.” At the time it was popular, there was an actual war. “Make love, not hate” might work. “Screw the haters” is my personal favorite. “Sex before protest”, “Kiss and play nice”? Help me out, I’m at a loss for words.  

You probably realize by now that the Democratic presidential hopefuls are pitching their “One Big Idea”. However, they have no monopoly on ideas, big or otherwise. I want to get my tow cents in.
Here’s my big idea.

Let’s put an end to the Immigration issue.

Let’s face the facts. People want to come to the USA for a better life or escape prosecution in their country. Many try to cross the border from #Mexico. They come from #CentralAmerica, South America and from overseas. Spin off problems include the large influx of unaccompanied children, #amnesty for illegal aliens, undocumented workers, keeping our borders secure, drugs, crime, etc. To paraphrase a Mexican bandit leader named "Gold Hat" (played by Alfonso Bedoya) in the movie The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, "Walls? We don't need no stinkin' walls!"

Here’s the simple solution; annex Central America. Make it a territory of the United States -- problem solved. The US should annex Central America down to the Panama Canal. That includes Mexico, #Guatemala, #Honduras, #CostaRica, and half of #Panama. We would make each country a territory like #Guam, #PuertoRico, and #Hollywood or add five new states.

Here’s the impact of that solution:
1. All the people in Central America would be US citizens -- no need to immigrate.
2. The Panama Canal is a great barrier; no need to build a wall. We could fill the canal with sharks. The canal is 48 miles long – a fraction of length of the southern border with Mexico. Plus, it’ll be difficult to dig tunnels under the canal. A portion is under water which can be patrolled by boats and a couple of guard towers.
3. It would probably mean more votes for the Democratic Party.
4. The Panama Canal would be returned to the US ownership -- more income.
5. More illegal drugs would be available at lower prices. Many cartels would be out of business.
6.  No one would need a visa to take a vacation in Central America.
7. People would then be able to eat real Mexican food.
8. School kids would have to learn where Costa Rica is located.
9. The NRA will be happy to learn that many of the people in Central America are already armed.
10. The area is already named “America.”
11. This action will put the Canadians on notice to clean up their act.
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The lower cost to build a wall should make this a no-brainer.

I’m sure you’ve heard by now that the White House is seeking a replacement for Sarah Huckabee Sanders, current press secretary who will be leaving soon. Some of you might be interested in applying for the position.

​Here are the requirements in case you’re interested:

• Must be willing to lie, be untruthful or be deceptive when needed.
• Must be able to keep a straight face whenever caught doing any of the above.
• Must be able to create vague terms like “alternative facts”.
• Must be willing to retweet fake videos or even to help create fake videos, altered videos or bogus statistics to deceive, mislead and misinform the public.
• Must be able to avoid answering hard or straight forward questions with obfuscation and divisiveness.
• Must treat the media with contempt.
• Must defend a dishonest a president.
• Must not have any morals or conscience.
• Must be willing to disregard any and all subpoenas.

The White House is an Equal Opportunity Destroyer. Good luck on your interview.

​I read with interest an item on my newsfeed (Life Style) from Brides Magazine, “The 7 Phrases That Are Ruining Your Relationship.” Now I’ve been married twice, so I can speak from experience when I say, “Not even close.” The article listed these phases:
1. "I'm sorry, but ..." There’s always a “but” isn’t there?
2. "Yeah? Well, you ..." We men know our only defense is to say, “I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”
3. "You always ..."
4. "I'm fine."
5. "I told you ..."
6. "You're just like ..."
7. "You're overreacting."
All true but not all that damaging. Here are the other phrase/sentences, based on my experience, that will ruin your relationship:
 

1. If you’re a man – “I think your best friend/mother/daughter is hot.” For a woman – “I think your best friend/father/son is hot.”
2. “Can I wear your panties and bra?”
3. “I think the condoms I used have been recalled.”
4. “The voices in your head are starting to annoy me.”
5. “Have you seen my pet cobra?”
6. “Did you take my pipe bombs?”
7. “My coffee tastes like antifreeze.”
8. “Let’s play Russian Roulette.”
9. “My parole officer would like to meet you.”
10. “Did I mention that my divorce isn’t final yet?”

 
Trust me – these comments will sabotage your relationship.

I read with interest an article on my Lifestyle news feed by Emily Wallace of Penn State U,
“7 Reasons Americans Might Want to Stop Drinking Milk”. She wrote about the inhumane living condition and abuse of cattle, milk beyond infancy is unnatural, the hormonal risks, how milk is bad for your bones, environmental destruction caused by dairy farming and the fact that there are plenty of alternatives.
Once again, I think she missed a few more reasons. Here they are:

• Milk is coming out of your nose.
• You start mooing.
• You come down with hoof and mouth disease.
• Your hair is beginning to look like cow hide.
• You start giving yourself milk injections.
• Your skin turns milk white.
• You begin growing udders, a tail or horns.
• Your breasts become huge.
• Your bowel movements also become huge.
• You start dating only farmers.
• Bulls or heifers start looking appealing to you.
• Your favorite song becomes Farmer in the Dell.
• You start putting grass on your cereal.
• You start eating a lot more grains.
• You want to adopt a calf.
• Your friends say you’re getting beefy.

If you see any of these signs, you should cut back on your milk consumption.

How to Live 400 Years ​

I read an article in the AARP Bulletin, titled “50 Great Ways to Live Longer.” Right away I knew I had to change my unhealthy ways and calculate my new longevity. My father lived to be 80 years old, so I always figured I’d live that long at least. I did the math below:
If I cut back on my pain pills, I would decrease my chances of heart attack or stroke by 10%. That adds 8 years (don’t get caught up in the details) to my life. That brings my life expectancy to 88 years.
If I get less than six hours of sleep, my chances of dying increases by 12%. Therefore, if I can get in six hours of sleep, my life expectancy will increase to 98.5 years. Looking good so far.

If I can stay married, I have a 46% lower risk of death compared to never married men. My life expectancy increases to 143+ years (1.46* 98.5). This might be a tough one.

By drinking coffee, I add another 15% to my life, bring my life expectancy to 165 years (143*1.15). I already drink coffee, so no biggy.

Eating three or more servings of whole grains per day, reduces my death by 20%. Now my life expectancy is up to 198 (165*1.20). I may start to moo.

Eating hot peppers reduces the death rate by 13%, bringing my expectancy to 223+ years. I’m on a roll here.

Drinking whole milk can add eight to ten years to my life. My life expectancy now increases to 233 years (223 + 10).

Switching to a vegetarian diet can deduce my death rate by 12%. As much as I love meat, this switch would add 28 years to my life. Life expectancy is now 261 years (233 + 28).

Stopping smoking reduces mortality by 15% or more. Now I expect to live to 300 (261*1.15%).

Loneliness increases the risk of early death by 45%. Therefore, if I stay social, I can add 135 years (300*.45%) to my life. I may live for 435 years.

My new plan to live to be over 400 is simple -- cut back on pain pills, sleep six hours, stay married, drink coffee, eat three servings of whole grains per day, eat hot peppers, drink whole milk, switch to a vegetarian diet, stop smoking, stay social. You can’t argue with math. See you in 400 years.