I read with interest an article from The Motley Fool by Maurie Backman, “10 Reasons You're Not Getting Promoted.” The ten reasons included: a negative attitude, showing up late or leaving early, using vulgar or inappropriate language, too many sick days, gossiping, wasting time on social media, being messy, wasting time chatting with coworkers and taking too many personal calls. Sometimes you can guess the reason as when the boss’ son gets promoted over you. The article missed the real reasons you aren’t getting that big promotion.
​

​Here they are:
You thought causal Friday was clothing optional.
Your boss just discovered that funny video of you drunk and falling into a wedding cake.
HR discovered that you didn’t actually graduate form Trump University.
The boss’ secretary showed HR the sext message you sent her.
You asked the boss for a date.
You brought your AK47 to work.
You won’t use the same drug dealer that the rest of the office uses.
You used the copy machine for pornography without permission.
HR discovered that hilarious video of the office party you posted on YouTube.
You showed too much interest in the boss’ son/daughter
You said the boss’ idea was stupid.
Of course, you may never know the truth. All you can do is to give your very best effort and kiss up to the boss.

I read a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that found people who partially confessed to a misdeed ended up feeling worse than those who fully confessed. Apparently, a full confession is good for the soul - good news for Catholics. The study stated a partial confession eases the guilty feeling but still lets us get away with some bad behavior. We sometimes use a partial confession to make ourselves look better in the eyes of others. A partial confession often seems more believable. I’m not sure if the timing of this study had anything to do with Mueller’s investigation. The study looked at such issues as cheating, breaking the law, infidelity, stealing, drug use, and lying. I found it interesting that these significant issues weren’t considered:

 1. Farting. This could be in bed, in the living room or in an elevator. It is a compelling reason to own a dog.    
2. Eating the last doughnut. When confronted with this accusation, it is best not to have the tell-tale powdered sugar on your face or clothes. You ate only the low-cal ones.   
3. Not reading the entire agreement before clicking on “I agree” or “I have read all the terms of the agreement.” Guilty! No comment.    
4. Removing the tag on bedding that says, “DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENTALITY OF LAW.” I know you did it because sometimes you need to feel a little wild – an outlaw.   
5. Denying that you were looking at a woman’s cleavage or a man’s tight jeans. I’m not sure how you could partially confess to this. Could you say you had one eye closed and it was your bad eye? Or you could fake blindness. Works for me.    
6. Stating that you have no idea how you gained weight while on a diet. Again, guilty. It couldn’t be the wine you drink – wine comes from grapes – a fruit. It can’t be chocolate candy – chocolate comes from the coco bean – a vegetable.
7. Telling your significant other you weren’t flirting with his/her best friend. No, you are just being friendly. Not your type anyway.
8. Telling the police officer that pulled you over you had no idea how fast you were driving. You were just trying to blow out the carbon from the engine. Maybe you thought the officer was your ex stalking you. Could work.
9. Telling your significant other you aren’t sneaking a smoke after you swore to give up smoking. Of course not! You gave your word and if anything, your word is good.
10. Telling your doctor you feel just fine. You don’t want any new meds. You can’t afford the fee. Whatever. Don’t tell the doctor about the chest pains. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
​
Those are just a few issues that the study failed to address. I am sure that you readers can think of more. Let me know.

I just read an article by Oleg Vishnepolsky of the DailyMail Online Uk posted on Linked In. He wrote,
“You did not get HIRED even though you were fully qualified for the JOB. They did not even get back to you. Here are 5 reasons why.
1. They want to hire a friend or a relative, but they "need" to go through the motions of interviewing people.
2. They simply wanted to pump you for information, "free consultation".
3. You were "too good" and the insecure hiring manager saw you as a threat to his own position.
4. They wanted someone younger, someone they think they can boss around.
5. They wanted someone with more experience, but they don't realize that it is not the number of years, but their quality that matters.

You know what, in all these cases, they don't deserve you! The right company will hire you, keep on going!”
 
Of course, he may be right, but there are many other reasons you didn’t get hired. Here’s a list:
 

1. You rendered the Nazi salute, or did a fancy handshake like the hand jive, high fives or Boy Scout/Cub Scout/Girl Scout secret handshakes.
2. You pushed on the pull door.
3. You picked your nose during the interview,
4. You threw your leg over the armrest of the chair or lit up a cigar or put your feet up on the interviewer’s desk.
5. You wore an old suicide bomber vest to the interview.  
6. You talked to your imaginary friend during the interview.
7. You left your coloring book in the waiting room.
8. You wore a fraternity/sorority pin or ring despite the recent bad news.
9. You wore badges, tie tacks, cuff links or belt buckles made from bullets.
10. You winked at the interviewer.
11. You forgot to sanitize your FaceBook page (or Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, or Tumblr).
12. You wore a Superman/Supergirl T-shirt under your white shirt.

 
There may be other reasons that you didn’t get hired. Hey, suck it up.

Okay, someone spilled the beans and leaked the secret plans for the raid on Area 51. The Air force has had plenty of time to relocate the aliens. Now we have a new plan. Please keep this secret.

We’ll still meet at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction on September 20 as previously planned. That will be a distraction for the Air Force. A handpicked squad of space commandos will then use a time machine to go back in time anywhere from one to three years. Using a transporter, the commandos will beam inside the warehouse at Area 51. Once inside, the commandos will free as many aliens as possible, beams them outside and then time travel with them back to the present. Once freed, the aliens will be sent to safe houses until the next phase can be planned. That’s the plan; plain and simple.

Here are some guidelines for proper etiquette when meeting aliens:

1. Remember that the aliens are our guests.
2. DO NOT hand your cellphone to an Extra-Terrestrial (ET) and say, “ET, call home.” It’s not funny anymore.
3. DO NOT feed the aliens, especially Reese’s Pieces. We don’t know their dietary requirements.
4. DO NOT eat anything an alien may offer you.
5. DO NOT extend your hand to an alien unless the alien extends an appendage to you first.
6. Some aliens may not be pretty. DO NOT show disgust or fear when you meet one. Remember, you may appear ugly to them also.
7. DO NOT take an alien home. The plan is for them to go to a safe house. Do not let an alien adopt one of your children.
8. Aliens may not understand some of our languages. Raising your voice doesn’t help them to understand you any better and is just rude.
9. DO NOT bring your pets. We don’t know the aliens’ dietary requirements.
10. DO NOT ask for autographs; photographs and selfies are okay.
11. DO NOT try to mate with an alien. They are a completely different species. There is no guarantee of what will happen.
12. Most of the aliens probably do not read out languages. DO NOT give them any literature, especially religious or political.
13. If you were abducted and probed by aliens, this isn’t the time or place to resolve those issues. Stay home.

Here are some guidelines for you if you plan to join us:

1. Firearms can’t be discharged at any time. That includes rifles, pistols, grenades, phasers, lasers, pulse cannons, plasma cannons, phase cannons, disruptors, and phased polaron cannons. Squirt guns with H2O are okay.
2. There’s plenty of free parking in the desert. Sand is free. Take some home.
3. If you plan to fly your own spacecraft, make sure you have enough deuterium, antimatter and dilithium crystals for a round trip. There are no facilities to supply these. DO NOT attempt to fly over Edwards Air Force Base air space. The Air Force may shoot you down.
4. If you plan to drive, bring extra cans of gasoline and diesel fuel.
5. Bring plenty of water (it’s a desert, folks). Bring extra water for one or two aliens.
6. Food should not be a problem. There are food trucks coming from Las Vegas, LA and San Diego. Celebrity chef Guy Fieri is offering free radioactive ribs. Bud Light has offered free Bud Light for any alien that makes it out.
7. There won’t be enough porta potties. Bring shoves and bury your s**t. Bring plenty of toilet paper too.
8. Plastic bags are banned. Use only paper bags or eco-friendly bags. Take your trash home with you. We want to leave the desert cleaner than before we arrived.
9. Open fires are banned including BBQ grills. We don’t want to start a brush fire and kill any aliens.
10. Keep phasers on stun with the safeties on. We don’t want any incidents like last time.

​Remember, the plan is to meet and greet some aliens and have fun.

I have seen several articles lately about the subtle signs you are about to be terminated. What about the obvious, not so subtle signs? Here is a list of some of the indicators that you may be the next employee terminated:
​
1. You show up at work and your company has moved without leaving a forwarding address.
2. You arrive at work and a SWAT team is about to break down your office door.
3. Your car is towed out of the company parking lot.
4. A new employee is sitting at your desk.
5. Your favorite food is no longer served in the company cafeteria.
6. Housekeeping drops off a bunch of cardboard boxes at your desk.
7. Your administrative assistant is sending out resumes.
8. Recruiters start calling you at home.
9. You’re not notified of an emergency meeting of a committee that you’re on.
10. Your password to the company computer doesn’t work.
11. No one returns your calls or e-mails.
12. People cancel appointments with you.
13. Your telephone has been disconnected.
14. Your key to the executive bathroom doesn’t work. (Take the hint.)
15. A new roster of employees no longer lists you.
16. A new organization chart no longer shows your department.
17. Your department is not mentioned in the new budget.
18. Your friends start sending you e-mails asking if you’re okay.
19. Coworkers stop by your office to say that they will miss you.
20. A coworker steals your chair and desk lamp.
21. The mail room want to know where to forward your mail.
22. Your ID card won’t let you in the building.
23. A security guard follows you to your office.
24. Your return flight on a business trip is cancelled along with your corporate credit card
25. Your boss won’t look you in the eyes.

These less than subtle signs should tell you that you are soon to be history at that company.
​

​Hello, my name is Monte R. Anderson and I’m a blogger. I’ve been blog-free now for six months.  I would’ve continued in my downward spiral if it hadn’t been for an intervention by my family and close friends. I owe them my life. I came home one day and was greeted at the door by wife. She took both my hands in hers and led me into the living room. There stood my two best friends, my two children, my brother and sister.
 
“Monte, sit down here,” my wife said. Then she leaned on the arms of the chair until her face was inches from mine. “First, we want you to know that we all love you.” Everyone nodded in agreement or echoed, “We love you.”
 
I think I said something profound like, “Sup?”
 
My best friend, Mike, stepped forward and said, “Bro, this is an intervention. We know what you’ve been doing.  We all know. It has got to stop. You have got to stop now.”
 
“What are you talking about?” I asked, trying to play innocent.
 
My other friend, Pat, said. “You’ve been blogging, bro. We know. We’ve watched you destroy your life.”
 
“So, I’ve been blogging. What’s wrong with that?”
 
My wife raised her voice. “You’re a writer not a blogger. You are supposed to be writing the great American novel, not wasting your time on a blog.”
 
“We found your novel manuscript on your computer.” Pat held up some paper.
 
“There you go. I have been writing.”
 
Pat laughed. “It’s only four pages.” He peeled off the pages one by one and threw them on the floor. “The cover which is blank except for the title. Apparently, the working title is “To Be Determined”. Seriously? Then the title page with your name, a table of contents with just chapter numbers and the acknowledge page where you thanked your family for their support. That’s not a novel, Monte.”
 
“So, I blog a little bit. What’s the harm in that?”
 
My wife was back in my face. “A little bit! I didn’t mind when you blogged once or even twice a week, but lately, you’ve been at it every day; sometimes twice a day. You’re destroying our family. You’re killing yourself.”
 
“WTF?”
 
“Look at yourself, Monte,” Mike said. “When is the last time you shaved, or took a shower?” I shrugged my shoulders. Mike continued, “You’ve been wearing those same clothes for two weeks now. You’re eating pop tarts for every meal. Do you even know how much coffee you drink?”
 
“I need a little caffeine now and then,” I answered.
 
Mike held up eight K-cups. “Try eight today.”
 
Pat held up four energy drink cans. “Not to mention these energy drinks we found in your trash today.”
 
I just hung my head. My secret was out. I felt so ashamed.
 
My young son stepped forward. “Dad, you haven’t gone to one of my games this season. You said you’d watch me play.”
 
“Okay, okay, son. I’ll come to your next soccer game.”
 
Tears formed in my son’s eyes. “That was last season. I’m playing basketball now.” He turned and ran away.
 
It was now my daughter’s turn. “Dad, I need you. I need you to come to my high school graduation and my college graduation. I need you walk me down the aisle when I marry.”
 
It was my turn to cry. “Baby, I’m planning to do that.”
 
She shook her head. “No, you won’t,” she shouted. “You’ll stay home to write your stupid blog.”
 
The room was quiet for a moment before I broke the silence. “I’m truly sorry. I didn’t realize. You’re right. You’re all right. I need help.”
 
My wife was back holding my hands. “It’s not too late. We’re here to help you.”
 
“What should I do,” I asked.
 
My wife straightened up. “First… stop blogging.”
 
You mean cold turkey? Just like that?”
 
“We’ll help,” Mike said. “We’ve already hidden your computer.”
 
“But my followers.”
 
“They’ll understand,” said Mike.
 
Pat handed me a brochure. “We’ve enrolled you in a rehab program. The first week you must live on site and the second week you live in a halfway house with other recovering bloggers. After that there’s BA – Bloggers Anonymous. They meet every week.”
 
I completed the rehab program and attended the BA meetings. I was assigned a sponsor. He was an older blogger. He looked like a zombie – lifeless eyes and slow movements. Now, months later, I do feel better. I’m happy. My family’s happy. I felt so good about my experience that I decide to share it with you followers on this secret blog.
 
THE END

I love crime shows. I love the way the detectives follow the clues, interviews the suspects and comes up with theories of how the perp committed the crime. What I don’t like is when during the last five minutes, the writer reveals previously unknown clues and facts, a new suspect and an off the fall theory. Seems to me that the writers are trying to wrap things up at the last minute. It looks like this:
Detective Tracy: “Okay, Smudley, we know you did it so confess.”
Suspect Smudley: “Look. I’m telling you I’m innocent and I have an iron clad alibi.”
Detective Dick: “Your alibi didn’t check out. We know you did it so you might as well confess.”
Smudley: “I’m telling you I’m innocent. Yeah, I slept with my partner’s wife, knocked up his daughter and gave his mistress a STD, but I would never do anything to hurt him.”
Tracy leans forward and speaks in low voice: “Here’s the deal, Smudley. There’s only five minutes left in the show. The director says no one goes home until we wrap up this scene. Now play ball with us so we can all go home.”
Smudley: “But I have to get home tonight. It’s my son’s birthday.”
Dick: “Yeah, we’d all like to get home in time for dinner with our family for a change. Maybe spend some time with our kids before they go to bed. You going to help us?”
Smudley: “Okay, I understand. I’ll confess.”
Tracy: “That’s better. During the commercial break we got a search warrant and searched your place. Guess what we found?”
Smudley: “You found the gun I used to kill my business partner.”
Dick and Tracy both drop their heads and sigh. Dick: “Didn’t you read the script?”
Tracy: “You stabbed your partner.”
Smudley: “Yeah, that’s what I meant. You found my big hunting knife that I used to kill my partner.”
Dick: “And guess what we found on your knife?”
Smudley: “My partner’s blood?”
Tracy: “Damn right and your fingerprints. That puts you at the scene of the crime. You had motive.”
Dick: “You’ve been stealing from your company for years and your partner finally figured it out.”
Smudley: “Okay, I confess. Can we go now?”
Tracy: “Stand up and place your hands behind you back.” Tracy handcuffs Smudley. “How old is your son?”
Smudley: “He’s nine.”
THE END
​

During his July 4th speech, President #Trump said, “The Continental Army… manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over #airports, it did everything it had to do.”

I fact checked the #POTUS’s statement about the Continental Army taking over the airports during the #RevolutionaryWar and here’s what I found out:

FACT: There’s no documentation that any British aircraft were able to take off from Colonial territory during the Revolutionary War. I know this is hard to believe so I checked it twice and it’s true.
FACT: There were very few airports in 1776. Therefore, seizing them would not require a lot of troops. This is just common sense.
FACT: The Continental Army enjoyed air superiority during the entire war. I couldn’t find this specifically stated in any history books, but it can be deduced from the facts above.
FACT: There is no record of any causalities from seizing the airports. This means that seizing the airports was one of the few or only bloodless battle of the war. Of course, records of causalities were sketchy at best.
FACT: It’s no coincidence that the symbol of the United States is a bird.
Possible FACT: Concerning the Continental Army “manning the air” ...There’s some speculation that Ben Franklin proposed developing an air corps using large kites. It was abandoned after lighting struck the first prototype.
Possible FACT: There’s some speculation that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow originally wrote in his poem, Paul Revere's Ride" (1860), that there were three courses of action the British might take toward the Colonials and the signal would be lanterns hung in the Old North Church (North Boston) tower: one if by sea, two if by land, and three if by air. However, because of the high cost of printing which charged by the letter, he deleted the third option and other words to cut costs.

​Based on my discovery of these facts, we should stop this pointless criticizing of the POTUS’s speech. #RevolutionaryWarAirportStories

My Sixth “Big Idea”—Solving Homelessness in America.

You may have watched the Democratic presidential hopefuls pitch their “One Big Idea” during the debates this last week. However, they have no monopoly on ideas, big or otherwise. I posted four of my Big Ideas earlier.

Here’ my sixth Big Idea: Solving Homelessness in America.
Let’s face facts; we have problems that need to be solved. Homelessness is one such problem. In January 2015, there were 564,708 homeless on a given night in the US. Of that number, 83,170 are considered "chronically homeless”. Usually, the solutions put forth by politicians are so complex no one can understand them, let alone implement them. Politicians think to be acceptable, a solution must be complex. Not true. Sometimes the right solution is simple and maybe even counter intuitive or hard to implement. Two of the causes for homelessness are lack of shelter or housing and unemployment for the homeless.
Employment: Here are some ideas for employment for the homeless:

1. Rent a Zombie for a Day. Volunteer makeup artists make the homeless look like zombies who then hire out by the hour or day for parties.
2. Tour a Zombie Zone. Areas where homeless congregate could be turned into zombie zones for tour buses. Again, volunteer makeup artists would be needed.
3. Rent a Boyfriend/Girlfriend. People could hire a homeless person as a boyfriend or girlfriend to make parents shut up about finding someone and stop trying to set up dates.
4. Rent a Plus One. No one needs to go single to another wedding or party when they can rent a homeless person. Veterans would cost extra (12% of all homeless adults are vets).
5. Rent a Snitch. Police could pay homeless people for leads. They could supply them with body cams to catch criminals.
6. Rent a Vote. Politicians could hire homeless to vote. They could even be bused into Massachusetts.
7. Rent a Homeless Person to Impress Your Friends (vets cost extra). People could hire a homeless person to impress their friends or to impress college admittance boards.
8. Rent a Protester. Political activists could hire homeless people to swell the ranks of protesters. They could even hire them as counter protesters for staged confrontation to ensure making the evening news.
9. Trash Pick-up. Homeless people already pick up aluminum cans and copper for cash from recycle yards. If cities would offer a flat rate for trash – say one dollar a pound – the homeless could keep parks and roads clean.
10. Rent a Passenger. People who live in big cities sometimes need a passenger so they can use the High Occupancy Vehicle (HOV) lane. Pick up a homeless person for a passenger. 
    Cost will vary by distance.
11. Rent a Line Up. Police always need warm bodies for police line ups. Why not hire homeless persons?
12. Save a Parking Space. Often when people want to attend a popular sporting or entertainment event, they can’t find a parking spot. Homeless people will camp out on a parking spot and save it for a fee.
13. Save a Place in Line. Sometime people would like to go shopping on Black Friday or buy tickets to a popular event but hate to stand in line. Rent a homeless person to camp out in line to save a space.
14. References. Need references for your resume or job application? Hire homeless references. 
15. Extras for Zombie or Disaster Movies. Zombie or disaster movies need lots of extras. Homeless people could fill the need, Zombie movies will require some make up, but homeless people are ready made for disaster movies. Standard pay is $50 per day plus lunch.

 
Shelter: Here are some ideas for shelter for the homeless:

1. The simplest solution to the homeless problem is for people with homes adopt a homeless person. There are 43.7 M residences in the US. That’s 77+ homes for each homeless person. Done deal – except no wants to adopt a homeless person.
2. Another solution would be to use vacant houses or building as shelters for homeless. According to Amnesty International USA, vacant houses outnumber homeless people by five times. Some charities have bought buildings to develop into housing for the homeless.
3. Cities could also allow homeless people to live in their car, if they have a car, in city owned parking lots.
4. Certain cities could allow homeless to camp out in small tents on city property.
5. Here are some ideas for shelters:

Dumpsters – A dumpster turned on its side with the covers propped open makes a nice home with a porch.
Shipping containers make an even larger shelter.
The cardboard from two or three mattress boxes can be made into a shelter. A little plastic, and it’s waterproof.
Over passes often have unused space under them that can be converted into shelters.
Let’s not forget using empty jails cells. Jails would provide free meals.
​
Of course, there’re other serious issues concerning the homeless, but shelters and employment are high on the list. Causes of homelessness in the US include, but are not limited to lawful eviction, PTSD, mental health, natural disasters, drug abuse, gambling, and low-paying jobs.
 

​You may have watched the Democratic presidential hopefuls pitch their “One Big Idea” during the debates this last week. However, they have no monopoly on ideas, big or otherwise. I posted four of my Big Ideas earlier.

Here’ my fifth Big Idea: Solving Wealth Inequality

Let’s face facts; we have problems that need to be solved. Wealth inequality is one such problem. Only the top 10% of Americans are seeing their wealth grow while the rest get less and less wealth. Everyone is aware of this national problem.
Here are more statistics:
The gap between the top 10% and the middle class is over 1,000%; that increases another 1,000% for the top 1%. Per PolitiFact and others, in 2011 the 400 wealthiest Americans "have more wealth than half of all Americans combined."

Usually, the solutions put forth by politicians are so complex no one can understand them, let alone implement them. Politicians think to be acceptable, a solution must be complex. Not true. Sometimes the right solution is simple and maybe even counter intuitive or hard to implement.
Most people think that it can be solved by taxing the rich and giving to the poor through tax breaks. Yeah, right. It hasn’t worked yet. I will attempt to point out the obvious and simple solution to wealth inequality. The problem is excessive profits, excessive inheritance, excessive wealth and excessive salaries. Note the word “excessive”.

Here are my recommendations: 

Excessive Profits: Consumers pay too much for products and services that provide excess profits to the rich. There should be better transparency on the real cost of products and services. We already have labels for nutrition and the country where the product is made. I propose adding more information to the label. Here are the items that should be placed on a label on all products and disclosed for all services:

• The actual percent of the cost that is contributed toward profit. If we knew this, most of us would not purchase anything with excessive mark up. I think 10% or less is a fair profit.
• The salaries of the CEO, the Chairman of the Board, the CFO and the salary of the lowest paid employee. It must include all the perks, stock options and golden parachutes.
• The percentage of the product or service that is from outside of the US.

 
Excessive Inheritance: We all know people, or know of people, who are born with a “silver spoon” in their mouth. It gives them a substantial head start in life with access to the best education and employment. The rich just keep getting richer and so do their kids. According to the Institute for Policy Studies, "over 60 percent" of the Forbes richest 400 Americans "grew up in substantial privilege".

I propose that the government establish limits on inheritance. No one should inherit more than $1M. Anything above that goes to the government.

Excessive Wealth: The media reported that the top wealthiest 1% possess 40% of the nation’s wealth; the bottom 80% own only 7%. That’s not right. I propose that the government establish limits on wealth. No one have more wealth than established by the government. Pick a number. I think $10M is a good number. Anything above that goes to the government.
​
Excessive Income and Salaries: The media reported, the "richest 1% in the US now have more additional income than the bottom 90%". The media goes on to say that the average employee "needs to work more than a month to earn what a CEO earns in one hour.” That’s not right.

• I propose that the government establish a ratio between the salary of the CEO and the lowest paid employee. It must include all the perks, stock options and golden parachutes. Pick a number. I think 300 to 1 is a good ratio.
• If the CEO gets a raise, everyone must get a raise.
• All for-profit companies must have profit sharing.

This won’t solve the inequality, but it’s a start.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: To the humorously challenged, this is a satire. I think.