After torpedoing his political career, first as a congressman and then in a bid for mayor of NYC, Anthony Weiner still hasn’t learned to use Twitter to send lurid selfies. He accidentally posts them publicly. Duh. How many times does this man have to have this accident before he learns how to post his selfies privately? Now he posted one with his son in the background. He did get treatment with his addiction (perversion?) to taking selfies but never received any training on using Twitter for sexting. Someone needs to teach this guy how to use a cellphone and how to sext.  
 
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Angels and Gargoyles. Part 6
 
In 2012 I published a novella, Angels and Gargoyles and offered it for free. Since then it has been downloaded 1675 times. I thought I would post it on my blog a little at a time for your enjoyment. I’ll post it once or twice a week. If you would like a free copy, go to http:/smashwords.com/b/149430. Here is Part 6. Enjoy.
 
A few days later Garth sent a message to Three asking her to meet him at a children’s hospital in New York City around sunset. Garth had arrived earlier with a few friends to protect a crack baby.

The baby was in an isolation room to shield it against infection. A heart monitor, oxygen tube, and IV tube ran through openings in the plastic cover of the small incubator. Evil demons would try to steal the baby’s soul this night and the gargoyles intended to stop them.

Garth wore a helmet and breast plate. Around his waist was strapped a short sword. The defenders included four silver eagles from the Chrysler Building, a griffin, and a wyvern. Only Garth carried a weapon. The other would use their claws and beaks to fight. They did not have long to wait.

“Smell that? Sulfur! They are coming!” said Garth.

“They are early tonight,” said one of the eagles.

A red circle formed on one wall. The center of the circle began to glow white hot, and then burst into flames.

Garth drew his sword as the gargoyles gathered around the incubator. Using the tip of his sword Garth quickly drew a circle big enough to encircle them and the incubator. Within seconds the gate to hell opened, and a collection of demons stepped through proceeded by a yellow cloud of sulfur. The first through was a centaur followed by a collection of harpies, imps, goblins and gnomes. Each was armed with an assortment of weapons. Once the demon horde gathered in the room, the gate to hell closed.

“Oh great!” said Willie. “These demons are from the legions of heliophobic demons. It is going to be a long night.”

The scarlet-hued demons began to move counter-clockwise around the Circle of Protection drawn by Garth.  The gargoyles circled clockwise around the incubator. As long as they stayed within the circle they would be safe.  The fiendish demons would attempt to force them out of the circle and then mercilessly attack them.

The centaur suddenly stopped circling and rush directly at one of the eagles. The eagle jerked backwards striking the incubator which in turn struck the wyvern on the opposite side, knocking him off balance. To keep from falling, the wyvern stepped outside of the Circle of Protection with one foot. Immediately, three imps grabbed the proffered limb, and dragged the poor wyvern out of the circle. Several gnomes jumped on the wyvern, and maliciously began to tear his wings.
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Garth reminded everyone to stay within the circle, but watching the demons trying to pull the wyvern’s wings off was too much. All four eagles stepped out of the Circle of Protection to rescue their friend. More demons jumped into the fight, so the Griffin also left the circle to help, leaving Garth alone to stand guard over the baby.
 
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I read with interest that #Maine Gov. Paul #LePage used profanity in a message he left for Rep. Drew Gattine in which he called him a “son-of-a-b----, socialist c---sucker”. Later at a press conference, he said he wished it was 1825 so he could shoot Gattine in a duel. Paraphrasing the words of Captain Louis Renault (played by Claude Rains) in the movie #Casablanca, I am shocked, shocked to find that there is profanity in politics. However, the idea of a duel certainly hold merit and should be explored more. Apparently, there’s no truth to the rumor that the #rapper, #50Cent, who was arrested for using a particular bit of profanity during his performance in the #Caribbean island nation of St. #Kitts and #Nevis, called Gov. LePage to offer his support and advice.
 
I will admit that there were times when profanity might be appropriate based on the situation. I’m not sure that’s the case here. I guess someone accused LePage of being a racist.  In this day and age, certain words that once were profane have now become acceptable in everyday usage, if TV is any gauge. As a general rule, it’s not appropriate.
 
The idea of a duel has merit. Dueling to settle matters is way better than drive by shootings. By LePage’s logic, when someone calls you a racist, ‘them’s fightin’ words’ and call for a duel. That means we might expect a duel between Hillary #Clinton and Donald #Trump. If the Clinton/Trump duel is on Pay-Per-View, I’d pay to watch. Wouldn’t that be more interesting that watching two people at a debate throwing barbs at each other with no one getting hurt? Don’t get the wrong idea; I’m not in favor of killing anyone. There are many ways to have a duel other than guns and swords.
 
When I was in the Army, we always carried boxing gloves wherever we went. If two soldiers had a dispute, we could take out the gloves to settle it. Usually the soldiers would settle their differences before the gloves were tied on. Even when the match went on, no one was seriously injured. Here are a few ideas: snowballs, paint balls, laser tag, water balloons, pillows, water pistols, cream pies or pugils sticks (google it). If that’s too physical for the opponents then try a board game like chess, checkers, Monopoly or Risk. A card game might be interesting, say poker (strip poker?).
 
Any other suggestions for a duel?
 
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If you have followed my previous postings, you know that I’m writing an exposé that will reveal the code of silence of the brotherhood of men. It is a little long for a blog, so I am posting it in series. If you missed Parts 1, 2 & 3, scroll down (way down, like January).
Myth Number 16. Men don’t cry.
The Truth: Absolutely false. Men do cry; for example, when our favorite sports team loses, or our Alma Mater loses, or the best player on one of our teams gets traded. Men just don’t cry in public.
Myth Number 17. Men don’t have feelings.
The Truth: Men do have feelings. For example, we feel hungry.
Myth Number 18. Men don’t like to hug other men.
The Truth: This is a another myth. Men hug as long as they can slap each other on the back.
Myth Number 19: Men have fragile egos.
The Truth: I resemble that remark. I couldn’t disagree more. Our egos are just find as long as no one hurts our feelings.
Myth Number 20: Men are basically color blind.
The Truth: Okay, this one is basically true. Of course, there are some exceptional men who are fashion designers and interior decorators.  The rest of us have no idea what teal, periwinkle, mauve, marsala and ochre are.
 
I hope this helps you women who are trying to understand men.
 
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“We should get to work,” said Three, trying to overlook his remarks. “What will these computers do for angels?”

“I don’t know yet. Why don’t you tell me how your Guardian Angel Division works, and I will try to figure it out.”

“Okay, that is a good start. Whenever someone needs a guardian angel to protect them, we assign one of our angels to that person. It is the guardian’s job to keep evil spirits away, and to prevent the person from being seriously injured.”

“How do you know when anyone needs a guardian angel?”

“They have to pray and ask for one.”

Garth thought about that for a few seconds. “What if they are too young to pray?”

“Oh, anyone can pray for them. If a mother or father, or even a friend asks for a guardian angel for someone, we answer that prayer.”

“How long does that take?”

“Once someone prays for a guardian angel, we can assign one instantly. That is why I don’t understand why we need computers. The system we have used for centuries has worked.”

“What if someone needs a guardian angel, but does not ask for one?”

“Garth, we cannot answer prayers that don’t exist. Someone has to ask to get an angel.”

“But what if they cannot pray or no one prays for a guardian?”

“Don’t be ridiculous! Why would anyone not pray for someone who really needs a guardian angel?”
“I was thinking about babies.”

“But Garth, that is my specialty. That is what I am talking about.”

“I mean babies like crack babies.”

Three was puzzled, “What’s a crack baby?”

“They are babies born to women addicted to crack cocaine. If the women have drugs in their system, their babies are born addicted and start going through withdrawal. Many of them die within a few days. Some of the mothers are too stoned to pray.”

“Why that is terrible! They must have someone who can pray for them.”

“No, Three, they don’t. That is my point. Many crack babies need guardian angels, and yet have no one to ask for one. Do you help them?"
“No, I don’t think so. If no one asks, we don’t send one. How would we even know?”

“We might be able to fix that. Think about it! Every person that is born is one of God’s creations. It is called procreation; man and God working together to create life.  Therefore, somewhere in heaven is a file or a record of the birth that is instantly created. What if, when a child is born and a record of that birth started, an e-mail is sent to your division? That e-mail could tell you if that child needs a guardian angel, but has no one to pray for it.”

“Is that possible?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking aloud, but it may be possible.”

“Garth, I am having a hard time grasping the problem. Could you show me one of these crack babies?”

“Yes, I can arrange that. Actually, we gargoyles have been trying to help these crack babies. I have been going to a hospital in New York. The next time a crack baby is born, I’ll take you there.”

Three and Garth finished their coffee. Three patted Garth’s hand. “Garth, I can see into your heart, and I see you are very nice, in spite of your appearance.”

Immediately, Garth’s skin darkened.

“Oh my! What just happened? Your skin got dark gray for a few seconds.”

Garth smiled, “You made me blush.”

“Blush?”

“Yes. Your compliment embarrassed me so I blushed. It is a reaction. I cannot control it.”

“Oh. I never heard of that. Angels don’t blush. At least I don’t think they do.”
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Garth laughed, “Angels have nothing to blush about.”
 
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Many folks think just because Ryan Locthe fabricated a story about a robbery, he may lose multi-dollar endorsements. May not. True, Speedo dropped him like a hot potato. I guess they thought it wasn’t a good fit. However, rumors have it that several companies are still considering him for a spoke person. The list might include hair coloring companies, Just for Men, Clairol and Revlon. Apparently, there’s no truth to the rumor that the Hair Club for Men was ready to sign him up as spoke person. Also American Media, Inc. can’t be ruled out. They publish the superstore rags The National Inquirer, Star, The Globe, National Examiner, Sun, and Weekly World News. Another contender could be True Confession Magazine. Let’s not forget the National Rifle Association. Hey, if he was armed, he never would’ve been robbed by an armed security person.
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Are there any other companies considering using Lochte for endorsements?

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I read with interest an item (Wichit News) on my news feed about the seven questions you should ask your date on the first date. The questions concerned things like hobbies, careers, passions, goals and relationships. I Was surprised because not only did I never ask these questions on the first date, I would never have thought of them. They seem impractical. As a public service I now present the more practical questions you should ask on a first date:
1.      Are you over 18? This should be your first question. Trust me. It’ll save you a lot of problems later on. Don’t trust the answer – ask for two forms of ID.
2.      Were you followed? This question is not a “yes” or “no” question. A yes or no answer is the wrong answer. The correct answer would be along the lines of, “Huh? What?”
3.      Are you a registered sex offender? You probably should check this out prior to your date. The answers can be tricky. If the answer is “yes”, that’s a deal breaker. If the answer is “no”, then follow up with “Are you an unregistered sex offender? To could save time by simply asking. “Are you a sex offender?”
4.      Were you ever on America’s Most Wanted or The Hunt with John Walsh? Here’s another question you should check into prior to your date. If the answer is “yes”, proceed with caution – might have been the victim.
5.      Does your significant other or mom know you’re here? This is a trick question.  ‘Of course not.” is not an acceptable answer. If the significant other or mom tags along, you have your answer.
6.      Are you an extraterrestrial, or illegal alien? Whether this is a deal breaker or not is up to you.
7.      What’s your safe word? This question used to be saved until the third date, but times change. Better to know ahead of time.
8.      Are you terminally ill? If the answer is yes, then follow up with, “How much time do you have?” This will determine how many dates you can have.
9.      What’s my name? If your date can’t remember your name that will tell how the date will go or whether your date has dementia.
10.  Is your divorce finalized? This is another question where a simple “no” answer may not be sufficient. If the answer is “no”, the next question should be, “When will it be final?”
11.  What did the voices in your head say about me? The answer to this question will be revealing.
12.  Did you dress yourself? This simple question is deep on many levels. It says something about your date’s mental health, significant others, health and color coordination. Having the belt and shoes match is not enough.
13.  Are you packing? You always need to know about concealed weapons. You may want to carry a weapon or mace yourself.
14.  Anything else I should know about you? Medical? Mental? Emotional?
15.  Are any of your exes in law enforcement, criminals or mental patients? Can’t be too careful.
I hope this helps those of you on a first date.
 
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You may have heard that #Olympic gold medalist Ryan #Lochte and three other US swimmers were robbed at gun point in Rio de Janeiro, #Brazil (CNN). You may not have heard that the incident established a new Olympic record for the most Olympic medal winners robbed at gun point during the Olympics. Rumor has it that upon hearing this, Russia, China, Japan and England sent out teams of five or six medalists riding all night in taxis trying to get robbed. Apparently, there’s no truth to the rumor that the #Fiji Olympic #rugby team went out and robbed three Brazilians without using any firearms.

It seems the new record is still intact as of this report (8/17/2016). However, the Olympics aren’t over yet and there are many challengers.
 
UPDATED 8/18/2016. Officials have declared a false start against the USA team who claimed they were robbed at gun point. According to the Associated Press, Ryan Lochte may have fabricated the whole story about being robbed at gunpoint. Swimmers Conger and Bentz told police that the robbery story had been fabricated. Rumors have that the investigation is complicated by twelve taxis cab drivers coming forward and saying they were the driver involved. Immediately twenty-one criminals confessed to be the gunman. Apparently, the Olympic Committee declined to investigate whether Lochte fabricated winning the 4x200-meter freestyle relay. Apparently, there is no truth to the rumor that Lance Armstrong called Lochte to give him advice.
 
Regardless of the outcome of this incident, the USA team will be disqualified for the gold medal and world record for the most Olympic medal winners robbed at gun point during the Olympics. That leaves the filed wide open for the Russians, Chinese, Japanese and English to go for the gold. Not sure if we should wish them luck or not.
 
On the bright side, Lochte and the other swimmers may have earned a gold medal for spinning the best fictitious short story about the Olympics. Rumor has it they are also being considered for an award for generating the most publicity for the Olympics.

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In 2012 I published a novella, Angels and Gargoyles and offered it for free. Since then it has been downloaded 1675 times. I thought I would post it on my blog a little at a time for your enjoyment. I’ll post it once or twice a week. If you would like a free copy, go to http:/smashwords.com/b/149430. Here is Part 3. Enjoy.
 
 
The next day the two archangels suggested to St. Peter that the convention should be held on Pluto. Peter approved it. A week later they presented him their plans for the convention, and selected co-chairpersons for the two sub-committees. After much discussion and compromise, St. Peter approved their plans. St. Peter suggested that the co-chairpersons start planning and working together right away--months before the actual convention.

Michael selected an angel named One Million Three as co-chairperson of the computer sub-committee. God never found time to name all the angels so each one was called by the number in the order they were created. La Gorgouille selected a hard working grotesque named Garth to represent the gargoyles as co-chairperson.

One Million Three and Garth held their first meeting at the popular St. Joseph’s coffee house. Garth was punctual as all gargoyles are. He stood when he saw a beautiful angel enter five minutes late as all angels usually are. One Million Three saw him stand, and forced a smile as she sauntered over to his table.

“Are you Garth, the gargoyle who is supposed to help us learn computers?”

Garth stretched his body to his full height of four feet in a vain attempt to match her towering height of six feet. For the first time in his 1,600 years he felt self-conscious about his shortness.

“I am a grotesque actually, but you can call me a gargoyle if you wish,” said Garth, extending his gray hand as he had seen humans do.

Three stepped back from his outstretched hand, and stood with her hands folded at her waist. “My name is One Million Three, but you can call me Three.”

Garth had never met a real angel before. He felt awkward standing in front of one of God’s most beautiful creations. Three felt awkward too with a grotesque staring at her. She brushed her blond hair behind her ear. Her long curls covered her shoulders and surrounded large blue eyes set in chiseled features above a small nose and prefect teeth.

Garth always knew that he was not handsome but as a creature of the night that was never an issue before. Now in the light of day he realized how repulsive he really was. He withdrew his outstretched hand, placing both hands behind his back to hide the scars and yellow nails. He gestured for Three to sit down figuring that the table would help to hide his huge feet.

As Three sat down, Garth said, “Perhaps we should tell each other about our background before we start working together. That will help us to know each other better--our strengths and talents.”

“Very well, you go first.”

“As I said, I am a grotesque. I had several assignments in France over the centuries. My last position there was to protect Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. After that, I was sent to the Chrysler Building in Manhattan in 1930. When the building computerized, I learned all about computers. Now you!”
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Three forced another smile, “I don’t have much to tell. I have always worked in the Guardian Angel Division.  My specialty is babies. I guess I may have had one hundred babies that I protected over the centuries. Now I am head of the baby department. Archangel Michael wants us to computerize our process of assigning angels, so I guess that is why I am here.”
 
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