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More Subtle signs You’re Drinking too Much Coffee

8/27/2018

I read with interest an article by Sarah Crow on my Lifestyle (MSN) BestLife news feed, titled “25 Subtle Signs You’re Drinking Way Too Much Coffee”. All 25 signs she listed had something to do with health issues. There are, of course, other signs that you’re drinking too much coffee. I share them with you here:
You use an IV bag and needle to inject your coffee fix.
You buy coffee in 50-pound bags.
You chew coffee beans for a quick pick-me-up.
You no longer us a coffee cup, preferring to drink it straight form the pot.
All your t-shirts are coffee colored to hide the stains.
You buy coffee flavored ice cream, candy, coffee cake, etc.
Your blue eyes are now brown.
You named your kids after coffee beans: Kona, Arabica, Colombia, Robusta, Sidamo, Harrar, Kaffa, and/or Mocha.
If you see any of these subtle signs, you’re drinking too much coffee.

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More Resume-Killers

8/25/2018

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There are many ways to kill your resume. Here are a few:
1.      Not removing your #fraternity from your resume after it is involved in a major scandal.
2.      Listing your time in prison as an extended vacation. Don’t try to convince anyone that the 4 – 7-year gap in your work summary was a vacation.
3.    Listing your fraternity or sorority. There are basically two types of fraternities; those who have done something publicly offensive and those who haven't...yet. It would be best not to admit to being a member until after you're hired. Even after you get the job, you may not want to confess.
4.      When listing skills, remember sexting isn’t a skill unless you are applying for a position in the porn industry. Also, while making pipe bombs is certainly a skill, you may want to keep that secret. Drinking beer while standing on your head isn’t a skill you should list. That also goes for stalking, coloring, field stripping an AK47, shooting an RPG, breaking and entering, cooking meth and picking locks.
5.    Listing references still in prison. Don’t list references who are still in prison or pending trial. It’s best to wait until they’re out on bail. Don’t list your parole officer as a reference. Same for your Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor.
6.    Using family as references. Don’t use family as references unless you still have copies of photographs you can use for blackmail.
7.      It may be too soon to list Trump University on your profile. Hold off on that.
8.    Misspelling the name of the university you claim to have attended.
9.    Trying to be clever in your email address, i.e. buttkicker@whatever.com.
10. Listing the jobs you had in prison.
I sincerely hope this helps you prepare your resume. Good luck.

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Subtle Signs You Aren’t Cut Out to Write a Blog

8/20/2018

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I read an article on WritersLife.org by Bethany Cadman, “5 Signs You Might Not Be Cut Out to Write”. She listed things like you aren’t enjoying writing, you don’t make an effort, you have more important goals, you resent the time you have to spend writing, and you’re sick of being rejected. I couldn’t agree more.
I write a blog and often get discouraged. There are many subtle signs that you aren’t cut out to be a blogger. These signs are:

1.      Your family unfriends you on Facebook after your most resent post.
2.      You write a controversial article but get no hate mail or threats.
3.      People who don’t follow you try to unfollow you.
4.      A writing teacher asks to use your blog as an example of poor writing.
5.      Your mother corrects your grammar.
6.      Your spellchecker underlines every other word.
7.      You get in an argument with your spellchecker.
8.      When you try to post something in your blog, your computer asks if you really want to post it.
9.      No one tries to plagiarize your work.
10. Your friends give you dictionaries for Christmas gifts.
11. You google your name, and nothing comes up.
12. Your printer refuses to print anything you write.
13. All the comments on your posts concern grammar and not the subject.
14. No one is suing you.
15. Your significant other doesn’t know what you do for a living.
16. Your kids won’t invite you to Career Day at school.
17. Your friends and family are surprised to learn that you’re still alive.
18. You went on vacation for two weeks and didn’t post anything, and no one noticed.
19. No one shares your posts.
20. President Trump isn’t denouncing you publicly.

If you notice any of these signs, maybe you should reconsider whether you want to continue writing a blog.

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Do Really Know Your Partner?

8/13/2018

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I read with interest an article on my Lifestyle newsfeed by Brittany Wong in Lifestyle “If You Can't Answer These Questions About Your Partner, You're In Trouble” She mentioned monogamy, feelings, sex drive, love, couples’ therapy and future goals – you know all the usual bull. As a community service, I will now tell you the real things you should know about your partner ASAP:
1.      Their favorite recreational drug.
2.      Will they cover for you with a good alibi?
3.      Their safe word.
4.      Their first name.
5.      Their parole officer’s name.
6.      Their exes’ names.
7.      The names of their biological children
8.      Their Face Book password (Tinder password too).
If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you’re in trouble.

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Senior Moments

8/10/2018

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I getting to that point in my life where my memory doesn’t serve me. I make notes to remind myself of everything. I have shopping lists, do lists, passwords and reminders for appointments. I find if I put something in my line of sight, I’ll remember it. To help myself remember or to remind myself of future events, I post notes to remind myself, mark up my calendar and use visual aids. I put them on my computer, refrigerator, and kitchen counters. I even put outgoing mail near the door where I’ll see it as I leave the house.
The other day I went to buy groceries at our favorite big box store. When I got inside, I realized I forgot my shopping list at home. After berating myself for one minute, I told myself to put on my big boy pants and try to remember everything on the list.
I decided if I went down every aisle, whenever I saw thing that I use, it would remind me to buy it if I needed it. I went down every aisle and loaded up my cart. By time I was done, the cart held twice the amount of groceries that I usually buy. I figured it was all consumable so no waste, no harm done. I was proud of myself for shopping without my usual list. When I got outside, it hit me; I forgot where I parked.
My memory is a strange beast. I think now that I’m older, my brain can’t retain any more data. Therefore, it seems to be doing a data dump. It pulls up an old memory file that I haven’t thought about in years. For example, it might pull up a name of someone from high school. Then my brain asks, “Do we need to keep this file?” If I don’t immediately try to contact that person, my brain dumps that memory. It’s lost forever. That leaves a little storage space for a new memory. I’ve learned how to use this to my advantage. Before I fall asleep, I might ask my brain to find the name of a long-lost friend. Bingo, the next morning, my brain shows me the file.
The other day I forgot what day it was. I thought it was trash day. I got up early and took out the trash. When the trash truck didn’t come, I figured out I was a day early. No sweat, lots of folks take out their trash the night before. I was just early. The problem is that I have done this before.
My memory was never very good anyway. Many, many years ago, my wife gave me a birthday card. I thought it was funny, so I laughed. She said that she couldn’t do it anymore; she had given me that same card ten years in a row. I often run into a person I haven’t seen for a while and can’t remember their name. I have on a couple of occasions, let the dog out and forgot to let her back in.
In my experience, there seems to be three types of memory lost: the first is a total loss of memory of names, places or events; the second is a mixed match of memories (not remembering correctly or mixing two separate events together); and finally, false memories (remembering things that never happened – duh).
What I really hate is remembering things that never happened. For example, I was trying to remember if I took my morning meds and decided that I did. Later, I discovered that I hadn’t taken: them. I was remembering something that never happened.
As we grow older, our memories are often the best things we have. I hate losing them. They say the memory is the second thing to go as you get old. I forgot what the first thing was. I thought I’d better write this blog before I forget.

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We Need a Stupidity Law -- Now

8/3/2018

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I’ve said it before, we need a Stupidity Law. Whenever someone does something stupid not covered under another law, authorities could use the Stupidity Law to prosecute, if it’s really stupid. It may be too late to stop Donald Trump, Justin Bieber or Kanye West, but it might be a deterrent in the future. We can only hope. Here are some incidents, which might fall under the Stupidity Law:

In July, someone in Fairfax County, VA crashed a $300,000 Mc Laren 720S after owning for one day. Police tweeted.
Police stopped a 31-year old woman who was doing 92 mph in a 75-mph speed zone in a 2018 Ford Mustang. They issued her a ticket and she promptly accelerated away at 142-mph.

In Illinois, State Rep. Nick Sauer, of Lake Barrington, a Republican lawmaker appointed to the General Assembly's sexual harassment task force resigned following his ex-girlfriend's allegations of improper sexual activity. He sent nude photos of her to other men online.

A 15-year-old teen suffered second-degree burns to his face and body after his friends allegedly poured boiling hot water on him as he slept in a bid to complete the “Hot Water Challenge.” Whoever thought up this challenge needs to be prosecuted for stupidity.

Rapper Drake's song from his album "Scorpion" has sparked a new dance challenge called the "#InMyFeelingsChallenge." Comedian Shiggy introduced the newest dance challenge when he posted a video of himself on Instagram dancing to Drake’s latest single. People have been injured attempting to post videos of themselves dancing after exiting a moving vehicle. They have fallen and been struck by cars. Shiggy and all those people leaving a moving car need to be indicted.

Are there others?

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More Subtle signs You’re Drinking too Much Coffee

More Resume-Killers

Subtle Signs You Aren’t Cut Out to Write a Blog

More LinkedIn Mistakes that Kill Your Job Hunt

Do Really Know Your Partner?

Senior Moments

We Need a Stupidity Law -- Now

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