Monte R Anderson - Author
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      • Night Predator
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    • Plays/Screenplays >
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More Side Effects for Marijuana Smokers

8/30/2019

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I read with interest “Smoking Weed May Permanently Change How You Walk” by Lizette Borreli in the Medical Daily. Researchers at the University of South Australia found marijuana users smokers walk differently than non-users. Marijuana smokers “…moved their knees faster when swinging their leg forward to walk but tended to move their shoulders less.” The researchers concluded that “marijuana use can lead to subtle changes in the way people move.”
Of course, the study looked only at the mechanics of walking and didn’t report other strange changes.

​Rumor has it that the following were also observed in marijuana smokers:
  1. Walking into stop signs and lamp posts.
  2. Tripping on curbs.
  3. Bumping into people.
  4. Forgetting where they are going.
  5. Getting run over by vehicles.
  6. Falling asleep on the sidewalk.
  7. Trying to catch their own shadows.
  8. Waiting for an eclipse of the sun in the middle of the night.
  9. Asking a police officer for a light.
  10. Urinating in public.
 
Needless to say, smoking marijuana affects your behavior.

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More Signs of a Toxic #Relationship

8/26/2019

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​I read with interest 5 Questions That Reveal Whether You're in a Healthy Relationship or a Toxic One by Korin Miller in Women's Health 10/31/2016. She listed these questions:
Does your relationship make you feel good?
Does my relationship make me feel good about myself?
Am I dressing differently than I use to?
How do I feel before I see my partner?
How often do I see my friends now?
Of course, she missed several obvious signs that you’re in a toxic relationship. Here are the signs she missed:
  1. Your SO buys you a one-way ticket to the Dominican Republic.
  2. Your SO unfriends you on Facebook.
  3. Your partner “accidently” shoots in your direction when you go hunting.
  4. You find a pistol under your partner’s pillow.
  5. Your SO keeps trying to feed you expired food.
  6. You find several containers of anti-freeze in the garage and you don’t own a car.
  7. Your partner won’t introduce you to her/his family and friends.
  8. Your SO won’t walk next to you in public.
  9. Your partner won’t tell her/his name.
  10. You come home and find all the locks changed.
  11. Your partner makes you take a polygraph test every time you come home late.
  12. Your SO keeps forgetting your safe word.
  13. Your partner keeps cooking meat that has been recall.
  14. The voices in your head are no longer on speaking terms with the voices in your partner’s head.
  15. Your SO tries to hand you the blow dryer while you’re in the shower.
  16. Your partner changes their status to “still looking”.
  17. You discover she/he is using Tinder.
If you see any of these signs, you may be in a toxic relationship.

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Buying #Greenland is no Joke

8/23/2019

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People think that President #Trump was joking when he suggested trading #PuertoRico for Greenland. At first, I thought it was a joke, but upon reflection I realize it may not be a joke.
There are three reasons to take this seriously: The immigrant issue, the real estate angle and the cost of keeping Puerto Rico.
​

First the immigrant issue. The courts have rule that the Border Patrol can now keep illegal immigrants with kids indefinitely. The problem become when the facilities are overwhelmed with illegal immigrants, where to house them while their cases are being processed. The simple answer? Greenland. There’s plenty of room. It moves the focus away from the southern borders.

Then there’s the real estate issue. If the US acquires Greenland, the cost of land in Greenland will be cheap. Trump’s real estate corporation and buy up as much land as possible. As climate change melts the glaciers worldwide and the sea rise, flooding the east and west coast, many big companies will have to relocate to higher ground, like Greenland.

Why trade Puerto Rico. The damage caused by Hurricane Maria was around $91.61 billion. Trading it for Greenland as a “fixer-upper” would pass the cost of repairs to Denmark.

I hope that Denmark continues to turn down the offer.
​

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Stop Demonizing People Who Fart

8/19/2019

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We must stop demonizing people who fart in public. This has gone on for far too long. It’s a total miscarriage of justice. Farters have been ostracized, shamed and humiliated unfairly. They have had to hide in closets, bathrooms or other places away from sight or smell. It’s time for society to accept farts for what they really are.

Farts are nothing more than gas, or more accurately flatus. They consist of hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane combine with hydrogen sulfide and ammonia. The average person farts 15 and 20-times per day. It’s a natural process that relieves abdominal discomfort, and yet we treat it with distain, banishing the poor farter for doing what comes naturally. This must stop. Farting is the result of a healthy, complex ecosystem in the intestines.
​
It’s time to accept farting as part of human nature.

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How to Tell a Push Door from a Pull Door

8/16/2019

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Are you one of those people who always seems to be pushing on the “pull” door or pulling on the “push” door? There’s no need to be embarrassed; there’s still hope for you. Here are several clues to determine if a door you’re approaching is a pull door or a push door:
Check out the hardware. If there’s no handle, then it might be a push door. If there’s a big handle, then it might be a pull door.
Ignore the hinges. Hinges can go either way or both ways.
If you see a sign that says, “Emergency Exit Only Alarm Will Sound” it’s probably a push door but don’t push it.
Some doors have magnetic door holders to keep them open. If you see these holders the door is a pull door.
Push doors must be pushed open. Therefore, there’re usually fingerprints, hand prints, dirt, grease or grime on the door from people pushing it. It’s a push door.
Look for sign that say “OUT” or “IN”.
If you still have no clue, wait for someone heading your direction and follow them.
If no one is going your direction, wait for someone to come from the outside and see if they push or pull.
Here’s a great clue. Usually push doors have a sign that says “PUSH” and pull doors have signs that say, “PULL”.
If all else fails, trip the fire alarm and watch what people do as they exit the building.
Hopefully, these clues will save you from embarrassment. Good luck.
​

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More Worst Styles for Men

8/12/2019

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​I read with interest and article by Dennis Green for the Business Insider, “The 10 Worst Style Mistakes a Man can make, According to Women — and how to Avoid them. He mentioned:
jean shorts (jorts), baggy jeans, inappropriate headwear, improper grooming, fake glasses, socks with sandals, clothes that don’t fit, pleated khaki pants, loud shirts with writing, graphics, or flames, and tucked-in shirts that aren't supposed to be tucked. As usual with numerated lists, he forgot a few. Here are more fashion faux pas: 
  1. Cheese head – This is okay in many parts of Wisconsin and at any Green Bay Packers’ game but should be avoided at all other times.
  2. Shirtless or shoeless – okay at the beach but not a restaurant.
  3. Face tattoos that cover the entire face. This is acceptable in some small groups but not for normal people.
  4. Low pants with underwear showing. The style for young folks provided the underwear are clean. If the underpants are yellow in the front and brown in the back; don’t wear them.
  5. Painted face and/or chest – just like cheese heads, painted faces and chest are okay at sporting events but not to be worn in public.
  6. Suspenders with a belt – this conveys a basic insecurity. Make up your mind, one or the other.
  7. Low riding pants with butt cleavage showing (plumper’s pants) – seldom acceptable. Pull up your pants.
  8. Food stains on T-shirt – never acceptable.
  9. Wearing a football helmet and/or mouth guard. WTF? Did you have brain surgery?
  10. Excessive cat or dog hairs – some pet owners might overlook this but most won’t.
If you see yourself dressing like any of these, clean up your act.

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Additional Indicators of a Problematic Boss

8/9/2019

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I read with interest an article written by Jim Carman and posted in the Military Officers Association of America. He was writing about indicators that you have a problematic boss. He listed someone who is easily distracted or multi-tasking during your initial interview, has poor eye contact, provides terse or shallow answers to your questions, dominates the conversation with excessive emphasis on the boss’s achievements, and comments negatively about others. Those of you that follow my blog know that I always find whatever the authors omit. Here’re a list often additional indicators of a problematic boss:
Your boss:
  • now calls you “That Stupid New Guy.”
  • slaps you in the back of the head while passing your desk.
  • asks you to buy coffee but doesn’t pay you.
  • hits on your significant other.
  • show excessive interest in your teenage child.
  • spends all morning cleaning an AK47 and talking to it.
  • spends all afternoon coloring in a coloring book.
  • talks to imaginary employees in the room and/or a “Little Me” sitting on a shoulder.
  • wants to know if you’re currently satisfied with your current drug dealer.
  • asks you to invest in a Nigerian financial opportunity.
  • pats you on the butt and lets a hand linger too long.
 
If your resume isn’t current, you need to update it.

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Additional Signs You May Be Addicted to Coffee

8/6/2019

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A while back, I read on my news feed the 7 Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee. The article listed these symptoms: you feel anxious, your stomach hurts, your heart is racing, you have diarrhea, you can’t sleep, you've got the jitters and you get headaches.
As usual, these types of lists always omit some
symptoms.

​Here’s what the list omitted:
  1. You buy coffee colors shirts so the stains don’t show.
  2. You plant coffee beans in your garden.
  3. Your Starbuck’s bill is more than your electric bill.
  4. You sprinkle ground coffee on your omelets.
  5. You start carrying instant coffee and spoon for a quick pick-me-up instead of a snack.
  6. You start looking for coffee flavoring in all your food.
  7. You can smell a coffee shop one mile away.
  8. Your teeth turn brown.
  9. Use start using a needle to inject the coffee directly into your blood stream.
  10. You think hospital coffee tastes good.
If you have any of these symptoms, you may need an intervention.
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The Worst Jobs

8/2/2019

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A while back, I read with interest, “The 10 Worst Jobs for the Future by Stacy Rapacon, Online Editor, for Kiplinger (7/17/2017). The list was based on an analysis of 785 popular occupations, considering their pay rates, growth potential over the next decade and educational requirements. The ten jobs they listed were in marketing, manufacturing and blue-collar workers.Of course, they missed several jobs that are dying.


​Here’s my list of additional bad jobs:
  1. Press Secretary for President Trump
  2. Chairperson of the Congressional Ethics Committee
  3. Food taster for Kim Jong-un of North Korea.
  4. Suicide bomber
  5. American professor in an exchange program at a university in North Korea
  6. Chief of Staff for the POTUS.
  7. Javelin catcher for the Olympics
  8. Moderator for the Democratic candidates’ debate.
  9. Telephone book printer
  10. Video and game rental store clerk.
If you have one of these jobs, update your resume.

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    Author

    Monte is the author of several  e-books on Amazon and smashwords.com


    Buy Monte's e-books:
    The Throuple Private Eye--Business is Booming.
    ​​The Throuple Private Eye--Hate Crimes
    ​
    A Head for Murder
    The Register cliff Rapist
    The Clone Murders,
    Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
    Leadership for New Managers: Book Two

    FREE E-BOOKS:
    Angels and Gargoyles

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