Blog Archives - Monte R Anderson - Author

There are Some Qualities that One Partner Must Have for a Successful Relationship

10/27/2014

I have been working on a crime novel that has morphed into a romance novel. It is about a couple falling in love and looking for a long-term relationship. They are looking for qualities that make for a good partner. I believe there are some qualities that at least one partner must possess for a happy relationship. One of the partners in a couple must:

1. Be a good cook. Many things like beauty and sex are short term, but a couple must eat for a lifetime. Going out to eat can be expensive. In a happy marriage, one partner must be a good cook.

2. Not be afraid of spiders or bugs. Can you imagine a relationship where both people are afraid of spiders? Who you gonna call?

3. Have a good sense of direction. They will save countless hours from being lost and driving in circles. It will also cut down on the number of arguments. You know the stereotype; the man will not ask for directions.

4. Have sharp senses. One partner must be able to smell, taste, hear, and see very well. One partner does not need all of these senses, but between two people all senses need to be included. Take the sense of smell for example; one person must be responsible for detecting gas leaks, fires and bad food. For hearing; one person must be able to hear the alarm, telephone and kitchen timer. For sight; one person must be able to read the fine print. I could go on but you get the idea.

5. Be a good speller. One person in the relation must have good spelling and grammar. It will save them from many embarrassing mistakes. Of course, the couple may want to avoid playing Scrabble.

6. Be good with numbers and math. That partner will handle the checkbook and budget.

7. Have a good memory for names of relatives and important dates. That partner will keep track of all the birthdays and anniversaries as well as who is married to whom.

8. Be handy around the house, a DIY type of person. Two helpless people will be at the mercy of contractors and repairpersons.

9. Have patience. Two impatient people will drive each other nuts.

10. Have a good sense of color coordination. They will also prevent embarrassing situations in fashion and decorating.

I’m sure that you can think of other qualities that one person in a relationship must possess. Please comment.

Bums, Bears and Blow Ups, Oh My

10/24/2014

I’m catching up on the news. This item caught my eye. A bank robber in #Pittsburgh has been sentenced to 10 years in prison. It seems he was apprehended after he stopped to bum a cigarette from a construction worker. He’s probably glad that he took only one. Ten years for bumming a cigarette seems too lenient. His lawyer argued that he had a life-long problem with alcohol and therefore should get a shorter sentence. Huh??? I would argue that his addictions led him to a life of crime. Asking for help AFTER he was caught is a little too late. I think he might sober up in ten years. He might even quit smoking. Good luck with that.

Here’s another item that piqued my interest. In Ashland, #Oregon a black bear cub found wandering in a drugstore will be given a year of rehab so it can return to the wild from whence it recently came. What? I should point out that one year is more rehab than #BobFilner, ex-mayor of #SanDiego received before he was returned to the wild (out of office). #RobFord, current mayor of #Toronto, took two months for rehab and still is not ready to be turned out of office. Why does this wild bear need one year of rehab? How long does it take to teach a bear to crap in the woods? I don’t know the answer.

This out of #Springfield, MO. A funeral director is sending his father’s ashes up in fireworks followed with a cookout and memorial celebration. It reminded me of a guy in #China who took a teaspoon of gun powder every day for his health. He lived to be 102 years old. When he was cremated, he blew a hole ten feet wide in the crematorium (author unknown). This is just another reason not to make an ash of yourself.

That’s all the news I care to print for now.

If the Pope Should Call, Stay Cool

10/19/2014

Don’t Panic, a Halloween Short Story, Part Two

10/15/2014

Something happened to my last post. Let's try this again. Here’s Part Two of my #shortstory in time for Halloween. If you missed Part One, scroll down to read it It’s titled, Don’t Panic. Enjoy.

“Yeah, like a voodoo head or something. Her nose too. The sewing needle’s still attached. That alone would’ve killed her. The plastic bag was just an extra measure.”

“And you consider this a suicide?” asked the Chief.

“Yeah. The woman in the other room is her sister. She said the vic was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia so she called her every day. When she didn’t get an answer for 24 hours, she called the police. She IDed the body.”

The Chief ordered one of the officers, “Check the medicine cabinets. See what she was taking.” Turning back toward Sam, “What else?”

“No sign of forced entry. The door was locked and bolted from the inside. We can’t find any other fingerprints except for the vic’s. Also, no sign of a struggle. No sign of sexual assault.”

“Any note?”

“Nope. We checked her e-mails too. Her sister thinks it was suicide.”

An officer strode over and handed the Chief a hand full of pill bottles.

The Chief examined the bottles. “No. No. Ah Ha! ”Holding up two bottles for Sam to see, “Olanzapine and fluoxetine! Commonly used for the treatment of schizophrenia. Both empty.”

“How’d you know that?” asked Sam.

“I just know things,” said the Chief, handing the bottles back to the uniformed officer. “Call the pharmacy and find out if she called in a subscription. But why go to all the trouble of sewing your mouth and nose shut? That had to be painful. Wouldn’t be easier just to overdose with pills?”

“But if she was hallucinating maybe she didn’t feel the pain.”

“Could be. Keep checking for clues that someone else was here.”

“Chief!” called an officer from the phone, “The pharmacy says she called in a refill four days ago but never picked it up.”

“Thanks.” Then half aloud, “She ran out of her meds.”

The Chief walked over and stood over the body to examine one of the dolls.

The doll looked at him and said, “What are you looking at, fat boy?”

The chief picked up the doll and put it into his coat pocket. Okay, don’t panic. The doctor said this might happen occasionally. It is just a hallucination. Forgot to take my meds this morning, that’s all.

THE END

Don’t Panic, a #Halloween Short Story, Part Two

10/15/2014

Don’t Panic, a Halloween Short Story, Part One

10/13/2014

Here’s another short story in time for Halloween. It’s a little long so I will post it in two parts. It’s titled, Don’t Panic. Here’s part one. Enjoy.

His shiny black eyes stared up at her from her lap as she admired his permanent red smile. Fingering his tiny overalls, she pictured the little ones' faces, pressed against the icy windowpanes, waiting for her to arrive with another basket of her homemade gifts. She put the last strand of hair was in place. As she inserted the needle to tie a knot, the doll lurched in her hand, and a high-pitched voice yelled, “That hurt!”

She stared at the doll squirming in her hand.

Okay, don’t panic, she thought. The doctor said this could happen. This is not real.

The doll grabbed the needle and stabbed her leg. She jumped up, dropping the doll to the floor. She watched in disbelief as the doll ran into her bedroom.

Well, I certainly felt that. She lifted up her dress and saw a small drop of blood where the needle stuck her. She touched her finger to the drop of blood and then put her finger into her mouth. It tastes like blood. I need to renew my prescriptions.

She walked toward the bedroom to get her jacket. She never saw the lamp cord strung ankle high across the doorway. Tripping and falling fell forward, she struck her head on the corner of her dresser and landed on the floor unconscious.

Twenty-four hours later.

Chief Williams flashed his badge at the officer at the door and walked inside. He saw detective Sam talking to a young woman in the living room. Sam looked up and came over to greet him.

“What have we got, Sam?” Chief Williams asked.

“I think we have a suicide, but you won’t believe it. Take a look and then let me explain.”

Sam gestured toward the bedroom and both men walked over to the door.

“Brace yourself!” said Sam. You ain’t seen no suicide like this.”

Chief Williams entered the room. On the floor was a young woman laying on her back. A plastic bag was over her head and tied around her neck with a lamp cord. One of her arms was tied by the wrist to a leg of the bed with a cord while the other arm was tied to the dresser. All around the body lay pint-sized homemade dolls.

The Chief looked at Sam, “She’s tied up.”

“I know Chief, but I have seen it before. She made a loop like a noose on one cord and tied it to the bed. Then when she was ready, she tied the other hand, lay down and slipped her wrist through the loop. Once pulled tight, she could not untie it. That way if she panicked, she could not chicken out. Check the knot on her right wrist. It’s a slip knot.”

Chief Williams bent down to exam the knot. Then he glanced over to the young woman’s face.

“Damn!” he exclaimed and stepped back.

“That’s the part I was warning you about,” said Sam.

“Are her lips sewn together?”

End of Part One.

Beijing Inspects Suspicious Doves Before Ceremony

10/12/2014

You probably read this item in the news. It seems that the authorities in Beijing inspected 10,000 doves that were later released in a ceremony for China's National Day. They inspected the wings, legs and anus on each dove looking for dangerous materials liked bombs. The doves were then released at sunrise in Tiananmen Square on Oct. 1 holiday to celebrate the 65th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China. It is unclear if these were Chinese doves or foreign doves.

I’m not sure that violating 100,000 doves is a good idea. The doves will seek out those responsible and take revenge. As soon as the doves can find the cars of the government officials responsible, they will descend upon the cars and bury them in a ton of dove poop.

Secret Government Sites Revealed.

10/9/2014

Good Neighbors, Part Two

10/6/2014

Good Neighbors, Part One

10/4/2014

Everyone is buying pumpkins this time of year. I wrote this short story a couple of years ago as part of a contest. I thought you might enjoy it. The title is, Good Neighbors. It’s a little long so I will post it in two parts. Here is part one. Enjoy.

Weeks of obsessive tending and gentle turning ensured a blue ribbon next weekend for his biggest pumpkin. His chest puffed with impending pride as he fantasized about the envious stares of the other town folk, including that attractive, stuck-up woman next door, who always looked through him, not at him.

An easterly wind was starting as he watched the sky darken. The wind felt cool against his skin compared to the moist warm weather earlier that soaked him in sweat as he hoed around his pumpkin. As bright, painted leaves rained on his crop, he heard an infant's cry and turned his head toward the top of the hill. Under the old maple, his stuck-up neighbor was shielding a bundle from the wind, fumbling with her blouse. Probably trying to breast-feed the baby, he thought. He felt a little sorry for her; a single mother with an infant. He tried to be a good neighbor, but her stuck up attitude kept him at a distance. Maybe she did not trust men any more. He paid her no mind. He was single too and had his own problems.

He wondered what she was doing at the top of the hill but then recalled seeing her walking the narrow path to her girlfriend’s house about half a mile beyond his own house. His hat was torn from his head as the wind grew stronger. He looked at the distant clouds moving at a great speed toward him. The horizon was a solid wall of clouds that gave a greenish tint to the sky. He had seen enough to recognize the signs–tornado!

Looking back at the maple tree, he could see the mother had knelt down by the base to shelter her baby. Realizing that a tornado could tear the old tree apart in seconds, he shouted to warn her but his voice was drowned out in the strong wind. He ran to the top of the hill as fast as he could. When he reached her he shouted, “You can’t stay here. Too dangerous!” Half pulling, half jerking, he got her up with the baby.

“Where?” she yelled. The noise was as loud as the 7:20 freight train that passed through town every night without stopping.

He looked back at his house; too far! He looked at her house; even farther! He yelled back at her, “Come with me.” He cradled the baby in one arm and then led her by the other. If they could make to his pumpkin patch, and lie down behind his prize pumpkin, they just might have enough protection. Placing the baby as close to the pumpkin as possible, he had the mother shield it with her body as he covered her body with his.

The wind grew stronger and louder then it grew quiet again. Peering over the top of the pumpkin, he saw the tornado rise up into the clouds and pass overhead without doing any damage. They had been spared along with their houses. He looked over at his crop fields to see how much damage was done to the corn and saw a wall of hail the size of golf balls cutting through the corn as clean as a sickle, destroying everything in its path.