#Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday for many years. I like it because:
1. You do not have to send out cards if you don’t want to.
2. You do not have to buy gifts.
3. It is all about food.
4. It is all about family and friends.
5. It is all about football.
6. It is all about parades.
7. It falls on a Thursday so many folks get a four-day weekend.
8. It is the start of the Christmas season with shopping and putting up outdoor lights.
9. There is leftover turkey for the next three days.
10. There may be turkey pilaf, hot turkey sandwiches, cold turkey sandwiches, and/or turkey hash for the next week. 
 
Another rich, good-looking celebrity is accused of using cocaine and marijuana. Ho-hum. Who care? The rich and famous can afford the cocaine and marijuana. There rest of us are stuck with alcohol and coffee (my personal choice). #NigellaLawson, celebrity chef is accused by her ex, Charles
Saatchi, of allowing her personal assistants to spend as much as £100,000 a month on credit
cards, as long as they were quiet about her cocaine use. That sure jacks up the price of cocaine. You can expect the usual confession, public apology, “intensive rehab”, etc. Nigella and Charles divorced after a picture of Charles choking Nigella made the front-page news. Now, it turns out that he was merely trying to keep her from inhaling cocaine. 

#MikeTyson is still talking. He told #PiersMorgan on Piers Morgan Live that Obamacare "...just really went horrible.” Now there’s a man whose opinion I really respect.* I do not want to belittle the man’s intelligence.* I am sure he is an expert* on healthcare, but mainly I do not want him to get mad at me. The only time I am interested in Tyson’s opinion is when he says to me, “Punk! I am going to kick your ass.”
 *Sarcasm (I need to add this asterisk for those of you who have difficulty identifyi .

President #Obama, following White House tradition pardoned a turkey on
Wednesday. The turkey’s name was Kathleen #Sebelius, the Health Secretary.
He also pardoned a couple of birds.

Recently CNN reported that the #CIA recruited #spies from the terrorists held at the #Guantanamo Bay prison. That the CIA tries to recruit double agents comes as no surprise. Anyone who watches TV knows that. It is the fact that the CIA revealed
it now that has people puzzled. Why would the CIA publically acknowledge that?
&I don’t understand why people can’t figure this out. We know that some of these detainees will return to their terrorist organizations and resume their activities when released. It has happened. To counter this, the CIA states that it has recruited double agents. Now no terrorist organization will accept them back. Very simple.

I get these random thoughts and I don’t know where they come from - perhaps from the voices in my head. You need not worry about the voices in my head; I don’t pay any attention to them. However, the voices in your head are beginning to annoy me. 

Schofield Barracks on #Oahu instituted a fashion police "Courtesy Patrol" to crack down on civilian and off-duty soldier attire. We old timers know that courtesy patrols are not new. In the past, they focused more on picking up drunken soldiers and sailors to keep them out of the civilian jails. I suspect that this is still one of the missions of the courtesy patrol. The more things change the more they stay the same.

The perennial red buckets for charities are coming out. I suppose that in every city there is a
volunteer supervisor who has a list of the locations of all the buckets. You may have guessed it already: it is called the “Bucket List.” Oh, you saw that coming?

#BlackFriday has arrived on Thursday this year. I suppose that Friday the 13th will move  to Thursday too.

CNN reported today that a man on fire walked into a church seeking help. Police suspect that the man may not have  been on fire when he walked into the church but burst into flame after he was struck by lightning upon entering the church. That would confirm the suspicions of many people who have avoided church for that very reason. (Too soon?)

It’s official now - the F-word, or least that variation of it that ends in “er” is a
racist word and politically correct and/or sensitive people can no longer use
it. 
In a recent research study, an ethnic groups called the F*#%ers has been
identified. Genealogists were surprised at their findings and how this ethnic
group survived so long without recognition as a distinct ethnic family. 
     Apparently, they have existed in plain sight for centuries all over the world.
They blend in well since they are not of any distinct color or do they have any
distinguishing features. There are mother F*#%ers, father F*#%ers, little F*#%ers, and even stupid F*#%ers. The stupid, mother F*#%er, a much rarer variation, also exists. 
Many live and work in Washington D. C., but researcher found them in most state capitals. Many elected officials are F*#%ers. A disproportional number work for the DMV in most states. They seem to be attracted to jobs that require a great deal of red tape and bureaucracy. They are well suited for managerial positions.
Few actually acknowledge that they belong to the ethnic group, but there is no doubt that they are F*#%ers. One researcher, who asked not to be identified for fear he might turn out to be a F*#%er, says that he is happy that the work to identify all the F*#%ers can now begin because many of the F*#%ers do not know that they belong to the family of F*#%ers. 
We welcome this latest ethnic group and wish them well. In all fairness, it would not be correct to label someone as a F*#%er until the genealogists complete their work. However, many F*#%ers are self-evident by their life style. Research will confirm this one way or another.
PS. During my research, one of the genealogists checked my DNA, and it turns out that I am a
F*#%er too. What a surprise. Who knew?
If you like my humor, check out my collection of short stories, Montes Shorts at http://smas

I am about 2,000 words behind in the National Novel Writing Month Contest. I am writing an historical novel based on the Maccebees from the Old Testament. I will be brief today.
The November 25 issue of New York magazine had an article about several heists involving food. These included 140,000 lbs. of walnuts in November in California; 26,000 lbs. of frozen chicken wings in January in Georgia; $75,000 worth of Campbell’s soup in Florida; 195 bottles of bourbon in October in Kentucky; 3,000 cartons of hamburger patties in April in New Jersey; and 42,000 lbs. of Muenster cheese in March in Wisconsin. Duh! Come on people. It’s a potluck BBQ! Just connect the opposite points; where they intersect is the location of the BBQ. Bring buns if you are coming - we forgot them. (Oh, and ice)
The #FAA is going to allow passengers to use their cell phones while airplanes are in flight. I hope that does not include pilots.
#Psychic Sylvia Browne died. I guess she predicted that.
I saw an article on CNN about a UK company that is making underwear that filters out farts. The product is called Shreddies. Sometimes when you hear about a new innovation, you just know it is
something that you need. 
The #WillisBuilding in Chicago challenged the #OneWorldTradeCenter in New York City about whose was bigger. One World Trade Center won out. I guess size does matter.
For more humor, see my e-book, Monte's Shorts, http://smashwords.com/b/214041.

Have you been following the news about the hate crime
at San Hose State University in California? The university has suspended four students for bullying a black roommate, locking a bicycle chain around his neck, using racial slurs,
locking him in his room, and hanging a Confederate flag and pictures of Adolf Hitler in their shared dormitory suite.
The police charged the students with a misdemeanor hate crime and with misdemeanor battery. They face a maximum one-year jail sentence if convicted as charged.
Duh! I am no lawyer but reading the news report, I would think there should be charges of felony assault, imprisonment and maybe kidnaping.      

It reminds me of a case that occurred while I was the Professor of Military Science (#ROTC) at #Hofstra University on Long Island. A law student was charge with fondling a fellow female student in an elevator. There was not enough evidence for criminal charges, so the university convened a disciplinary board. They asked my department to provide one officer for the board. They normally did not ask us, because we had a reputation for being hardnosed. In this case, that is what they wanted. I decided to be on the board.    
The student brought his own lawyer, of course. I recommended a suspension. The lawyer argued that if the student was suspended it would ruin his career as a future lawyer. I said that is exactly
the point. Colleges and universities have a responsibility to weed out people that should not be in certain professions. I said the law profession should not want a person who assaults women to become lawyers. The board took my side and the student was suspended.    
I think the same principle applies in this San Hose State case. These students are outed for who
or what they are – racists. The school should kick them out and no other college should accept them. If they argue that it was all a bad prank gone wrong with no ill will intended, then I would argue that it shows a major lack of sound judgment and that alone should be enough to eliminate them.

I wrote about bullying in the workplace in my e-book, Leadership for New Managers: Book Two, http://smashjwords.com/b/300090.

                Intensive Rehabilitation Therapy for Politicians
    
I was able to obtain from a confidential source a copy of the “intense therapy”
that seems to be so popular now with politicians who misbehave. The program
known as Bogus and Unauthentic Legalized Larceny and Spurious Hypocritical
Intense Therapy (BULL SH*T) is used through the USA to help politicians keep
  their elected position. I published the first part of the curriculum yesterday.
  Check my archives. Here is the rest. Enjoy!
 
                                                          BULLSH*T Curriculum
Wednesday  Sessions
Drug Users and Alcoholics: Recreational Drugs for the Whole Family. Learn the proper way to use a bong. Instructor – #RobFord, Mayor of #Toronto 
Sexual Perverts and Harassers: Learn how to hide illegitimate children from expert Arnold #Schwarzenegger, ex-Governor of California. 
Racists and Homophobes: The Right to Bear Arms. Learn all about the #SecondAmendment.
Learn how to set up a neighborhood watch program. Instructor - #GeorgeZimmerman 

Thursday Sessions
Drug Users and Alcoholics: Stings are my Favorite Things. Learn to identify a sting operation. Learn the best hiding places for your drugs. Learn how to avoid a body cavity search. Instructor - Congressman #TreyRadel. 
Sexual Perverts and Harassers: Sexting-Fun for the Hole Family. Learn how to sext from expert #AnthonyWeiner, ex-congressman and ex-candidate for New York City Mayor.
Racists and Homophobes: Homophobic 101. Learn how to use different words when confronted by paparazzi. Instructor #AlexBaldwin, actor.
Bonus Session (optional). When Is It OK to use the #N-word? Learn from the expert #PaulaDeen.
Second Bonus session: You Are So Gay. Learn how to get along with a gay sibling from expert #LizCheney, straight Republican candidate for the Senate. 
  
Friday Sessions
All Tracks: 
Session 1. Yes, You Can Be Re-elected. Instructor - #MarkSanford, re-elected Congressman for South Carolina. 
Session 2. How to Publically Apologized and Look Sincere. Enjoy a panel discussion with panelists Bob Filner, Anthony Weiner, Eliot Spitzer, Alex Baldwin, Rob Ford, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Closing Ceremony: Graduation ceremony for those who have not dropped out of the program or were arrested.

for more of my humor, check out Monte's Shorts, http://smashwords.com/b/214041.

I was able to obtain from a confidential source a copy of the “intense therapy”
that seems to be so popular now with politicians who misbehave. The program
known as Bogus and Unauthentic Legalized Larceny and Spurious Hypocritical
Intense Therapy (BULL SH*T) is used through the US to help politicians keep
their elected position. Below is a copy of the curriculum. 
 
                                       BULLSH*T Curriculum
This intense therapy is intended to last for two weeks. The last week is a self-paced on-line session that attendees may complete in the comfort of their home. There are three tracks. Attendees must all attend the sessions on Monday and Friday and then one session per day for Tuesday through Thursday. Attendees may take the sessions in one track or may take one session from each track. The three tracks are Drug Users and Alcoholics, Sexual Perverts and Harassers, Racists, and Homophobes. 
 
Sunday Optional Mixer. Join us in a mixer for all attendees Sunday night at 7 PM until ?  Meet the instructors and fellow politicians who have fallen from grace. Open bar and free #marijuana tasting (not yet available in all states).
 
Monday Session
All Tracks: Mandatory session: How to Hold a Press Conference. Learn how to deny charges without using the telltale signs for lying. Learn how to say “intense therapy” with a straight face. Learn how to pronounce new words like “paparazzi”. Panel discussion with panelists #BobFilner, #AnthonyWeiner, #EliotSpitzer, #AlexBaldwin, #RobFord, and #ArnoldSchwarzenegger.

Tuesdays Sessions
Drug Users and Alcoholics: Alcoholism 101. Learn the signs of #alcoholism and how to hide them. Learn how to avoid being videotaped while smoking #cocaine and being totally blasted. Learn how to pat down people for hidden cameras and microphones while hugging them. Instructor –Rob Ford, Mayor of #Toronto

Sexual Perverts and Harassers: Let No Woman’s Body Escape Your Eye – Deny-Deny-Deny.
Learn such techniques as wearing sunglasses all day to hide your eyes. Learn how to ask women (or men) in your office not to wear underwear. Instructor Bob Filner, ex-Mayor of #SanDiego, California.

Racists and Homophobes: Racism 101. Learn how to harass your college roommate and lock   him/her in a bicycle lock. Instructors: a student team from #SanHoseStateUniversity.

My blog is all about celebrities today. Singer #ChrisBrown has failed in his
attempt to graduate with honors from his anger management treatment. He
shattered his mother’s car window with a rock right outside the rehabilitation
center. His mom?? He will be lucky to graduate at all. Soon he will violate his
probation and head back to jail. At least that seems to be the plan. MikeTyson has advised Brown that “...if you keep doing that stuff, people      will turn on you.” Duh! A little late for that advice don’t you think, Mike? How bad do things have to get to start getting advice from Mike Tyson? (click to tweet)   
Speaking of Tyson, he has made an ad with Footlocker retuning #EvanderHolyfield’s ear. You may recall that in their fight in 1997 Tyson bit off a chunk of Holyfield’s ear. I hope Evander ran a DNA test to make sure it was his ear and not someone else’s’ ear. When Tyson called Holyfield about the ad and spoke of a rematch, Holyfield did not initially understand that he was talking about matching his ear with the missing piece.    
#DennisRodman has left the country (hold applause). He headed off to #NorthKorea to coach their basketball team. You can expect new demands from North Korea when they win the Olympics in basketball. (click to tweet) Because of this action, the State Department has warned American citizens not to travel to any country that has Dennis Rodman in it. Good advice.

Another politician is in the news for doing drugs. Freshman Rep. Trey Radel, R-Fla., pleaded guilty Wednesday to possession of 3.5 grams of cocaine. The Tea Party helped elect him, but apparently, he drinks more than just tea. He has publically apologized and will take a leave of absence while undergoing treatment. No truth to the rumor that he conferred with #Toronto Mayor #RobFord about staying in office. You may recall that Ford confessed to using
   cocaine but was not charged. I wrote this generic apology in hopes that it may help some of our elected officials when they are caught.   

“I want to publically apologize to the voters for getting caught in a misdeed. I especially want to apologize to my wife and family who have supported me and helped me cover up my flaws for years. I do not plan to resign because I need the money and because more nasty stuff will be revealed very soon. I am planning to undergo a period of intense therapy on the golf course and in the privacy of
my home. In the future I will be more careful and try not to get caught. Thank you for being stupid enough to put me in office in the first place.”   

Come on now! When I was in the Army, I had to submit to random drug testing at least once a year.
After the military, I worked in the healthcare industry where passing a drug test was a requirement for employment. Why aren’t politicians required to take drug test? (Click to Tweet)  The first test should be when they are running for office, then annually. It should be a constitutional amendment. Actually, I would love to see a candidate volunteer for a drug test and make it public the way they do their taxes. That would be a start.

It’s that time of year when #People magazine picks the #Sexiest Man Alive. They picked Adam #Levine from #The Voice. Once again, People did not select me. Every year this upsets me. Maybe they think that 67 is too old or the fact that I am married and unavailable. I really think it is because People magazine never considered me at all. I find that hard to believe, since I am so darn good looking, but I think it may be true. I am just not popular ...yet.   

Here is what I would like to do. I would like each of who read my blog (thank you, BTW) if you subscribe to People, please cancel your subscription and tell them you cancelled because they did not consider me. If you don’t subscribe, please do so and then cancel. Maybe after
they get a couple of cancellations they will remember me next time.    

Rob #Ford (Mayor of Toronto) still in the new even though I asked the news media to stop giving the man airtime. Now he says he has not had a drop of alcohol in three weeks. I guess the news media thinks that when a Canadian stops drinking that is news (click to tweet), but I know how that works. I had a friend who used to say the same thing. Every time he would buy a drink, he would stick his finger in it and remove one drop; the one he would not drink. I think a person could make a profit by encasing one drop of booze in plastic and making key fobs, necklaces, bracelets, and paperweights. Add the quote, “I did not drink one drop.” Might be a best seller (especially in  Canada).