I read with interest and article on my newsfeed written by Rachel Sokol in Reader’s Digest, “12 LinkedIn Mistakes that can Cost you the Job.” She listed skimping on work history, hiding your skills, forgetting to brand yourself, neglecting keywords in your summary, ignoring your profile, forgetting to add location, posting political or controversial things, forgetting where and when you met someone, not asking for recommendations, not uploading your whole resume, and not downloading your connections. Of course, whenever people write these lists, they omit major things. As a community service, with tongue in cheek, I want to add to the list:
 
13.       Don’t mention your fraternity or sorority. If your fraternity or sorority hasn’t been in the news recently for some stupid stunt, it will be. Best not to mention it until after you’re hired.
14.       Remember that funny video of you drunk and falling into a wedding cake? Yeah, don’t post that video.
15.      Check the background of any pictures you post. Make sure you don’t have things like Confederate flags, your pot bong, your collection of Playboy magazines, your exes, or your KKK hood.
16.      It may be too soon to list Trump University on your profile. Hold off on that.
17.      Remember, drinking beer while standing on your head is not a skill you should list. That also goes for making pipe bombs, stalking, and coloring.
18.      Sexting is not a skill. Maybe you’re very good at it or maybe you’re very good looking, but nevertheless, don’t list it.
 
Keep these tips in mind as you build you LinkedIn profile.
 
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I read with interest and article on my newsfeed written by Katie Askew in Reader’s Digest, “12 Things You Should Really Never Microwave.” She mentioned eggs, meat, breast milk, all types of containers, certain plates, travel mugs, nothing (an empty microwave), cups of water, and old mugs you might have made at summer camp.   Of course, whenever people write these lists, they omit major things. As a community service, with tongue in cheek, I want to add to the list:
 
1.      Your hair. Even if your hair is long enough to put into the microwave oven and get the door closed, don’t do it. Use a blow dryer.
2.      Your underwear. The microwave isn’t a short cut to cleaning your underwear. Use a washing machine.
3.      Your pets. It might seem logical to dry your pet in the microwave. Bad idea, believe me. I learned that the hard way.
4.      Your feet. Trust me on this one. The microwave will not cure foot fungus.
5.      Your daughter’s new boyfriend. Okay, this one I haven’t tried. It might work.
6.      Gun powder. That includes all ammunitions, pipe bombs, fireworks, and hand grenades. Just don’t try it.
7.      Rocks for sauna or hot rock massage. Just doesn’t work. Use your BBQ.
8.      Container of gasoline or diesel fuel. Well duh! You shouldn’t bring gas or flammable fuel into your home.
 
I hope these guidelines help you to known what you can’t microwave.
 
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I read with interest an item on my newsfeed. “11 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before You Get Married.” It listed things like love, family, debt, values, emotions and other such nonsense. As usual with these list, they missed some very important questions you should ask your partner before you get married. Of course, several questions should be asked while dating or courting such as age, religion, identity gender, illegal immigrant, extraterrestrial, are you living with your mom, registered sex offender, etc. Here are the other questions that should be asked and answered before getting married:
 
12.  How fast can you field strip an AK47 or M16? The answer to this question is insightful. Whether it’s a deal breaker or not is up to you.
13.  Do you know how to make pipe bombs? This is like the question above, however, it isn’t a timed event.
14.  What did the voices in your head say about me? It’s important that the voice like you. If they don’t, there will be problems later.
15.  Are you terminally ill? This might be a deal breaker. A follow-on question might be, “How much insurance do you have?”
16.  Are you legally single? Don’t accept anything but a yes answer. “My divorce is pending,” is not a good answer. “I’m thinking about it.” is even worst.
17.  Do you have you have biological children? You probably should answer this question also.
18.  Were you ever on America’s Most Wanted or The Hunt with John Walsh? This could be a deal breaker.
 
I hope this helps you and your partner to make the big decision.
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It’s that time of year when we take stock of the things we’re thank for. I have been working on this list for weeks. I’ve eliminated the obvious things that people list every year; family, friends, health, blah, blah, blah. Here’s my list of things I’m thankful for:
 
1.      Farts are colorless. Can you imagine what the world would be like if farts were blue or green? That would take all the guess work out of who farted and let the dog off the hook.
2.      Lobsters can’t scream when you cook them (same goes for stepping on bugs). This goes without saying.
3.      Cow can’t fly. Pigeons are bad enough. Thank goodness cows can’t fly.
4.      Dinosaurs are extinct. Driving to work every day is enough of a hassle. Thank goodness we don’t have to dodge dinosaurs too.
5.      Fire. I’m not sure who invented or discovered it, but Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without fire. We’d have to eat cold turkey. What would a BBQ be without fire? A stack of wood or coal.
6.      My secret bank account. I’m glad my wife doesn’t know about my secret bank account. Oh, wait! WTF? Never mind.
7.      Breathing is automatic. I’m certainly glad I don’t have to think about breathing. I’m so forgetful lately, I’d forget to breathe.
8.      Light bulbs. Because without light bulbs, we’d be in …wait for it… the dark ages.
9.      Gravity. Where would we be without gravity? Fling to the far corners of the solar system, I imagine.
10.  Control of my anal sphincter. Can you imagine what life would be like if humans had not control of their anal sphincters? It would be shitty for sure. You could say, “That depends.”
11.  The election is over. Now maybe the news channels will start reporting real news, if they remember how.
12.  Beer. Ben Franklin said, “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” Which is why I don’t drink water.
13.  Coffee. The elixir of the gods. I plan to quit drinking coffee as soon as I find a better way to get it down.
14.  The thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. How does it know?
15.  Golf Carts. A golf cart came in handy when my good buddy Ralph had a heart attack in the middle of our golf game. If we didn’t have a golf cart, we would’ve had to drag his body from hole to hole.
16.  My brain. I’m thankful my mind is still tack as a sharp.
17.  That marijuana is harmless. Thank goodness it haade ne efftive omn me abilly to rite.
 
Perhaps you have some non-traditional things to be thankful for. Let’s hear them.
 
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I obtained a copy of President Elect Trump’s agenda for his fourth week in office from a super-secret confidential source. If you missed his first three weeks’ agendas, scroll down. Here’s President Trump’s 4th week agenda once he takes the oath of office:

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1.      Pay off the national debt.
2.      Balance the budget.
3.      Rescind the Obama Administration’s guidance that transgender students be treated with dignity and allowed to use restrooms that match their gender identity.
4.      Lay the first brick in the wall along Mexican border.
5.      Appoint Gary Sinise Secretary of Veteran Affairs.
6.      Replace Senator John McCain.
7.      Challenge ex-Vice President Joe Biden to a fight.
8.      Repeal Roe vs. Wade
9.      Write thank you note to FBI Director James Comey.
10.  Fire the cast of Hamilton.
11.  Change the locks on the doors to the press room and don’t let the press in.

This agenda should give us some insight on what to expect the fourth week of the new administration.

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I obtained a copy of President-elect Trump’s agenda for his third week in office from a super-secret confidential source. If you missed his first two weeks’ agendas, scroll down. Here’s President Trump’s 3rd week agenda once he takes the oath of office:

1.      Send invoices to non-paying members of NATO and bomb the hell outa them if they don’t comply.
2.      Get rid of gun-free zones on schools and military bases.
3.      Cancel the nuclear deal with Iran, renegotiate the treaty and bomb the hell outa them if they don’t comply.
4.      Make it illegal for American companies to manufacture anything outside of America and bomb the hell outa them if they don’t comply.
5.      Get rid of Common Core. Make kids study the three Rs: Reading, Riting and Rithmetic.
6.      Deport U.S. District Court Judge Gonzalo Curiel (who is trying the Trump University case) back to Mexico and Heidi Klum back to Germany.
7.      Debunk the global warming hoax.
8.      Legalize marijuana.
9.      Shut down New York Times.
10.   Rein in the Federal Reserve and fire chairwoman Janet L. Yellen.

This agenda should give us some insight on what to expect the third week of the new administration.
​
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Press SecretaryI obtained a copy of President-Elect Trump’s agenda for his second week in office from a super-secret confidential source. If you missed his first week agenda, scroll down. Here’s President Trump’s 2nd week agenda once he takes the oath of office:
1.      Revoke ex-President Obama’s green card.
2.      Shut down the media.
3.      Appoint Chris Christy Secretary of Transportation, Ben Carson Surgeon General and Billy Bush as White House Press Secretary.
4.      Withdraw the lawsuit about the election being rigged.
5.      Get Howard Stern fired.
6.      Arrest Mitt Romney, Jeb Bush, Karl Rowe, Bob Dole, John McCain and Carly Fiorina.
7.      Repeal Obamacare and replace it with ?????
8.      Fire Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
9.      Publish my tax returns.
10.  Send thank notes to WikiLeaks and Julian Assange.
 
This agenda should give us some insight on what to expect the second week of the new administration. I also have his following week’s agenda. I’ll post that next.
 
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President Trump’s 1st Week Agenda
I obtained a copy of President-Elect Trump’s agenda for his first week in office from a super-secret confidential source. Here’s President Trump’s 1st week agenda once he takes the oath of office:
1.      Cancel Saturday Night Live.
2.      Shut down the government then reopen it and take the credit.
3.      Make taking polls illegal.
4.      Arrest Hillary Clinton.
5.      Save the economy.
6.      Solve the immigration issue.
7.      Replace Paul Ryan.
8.      Invite Vladimir Putin to White House.
9.      Defeat ISIS.
10.  Ban Muslims from entering country.

This agenda should give us some insight on what to expect the first week of the new administration. I also have his following week’s agenda. I’ll post that next.
​
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I thought you might enjoy something a little different. I didn't write this --some guy named William Shakespeare did. It will resonate with veterans. It's from his play Henry V. It’s the speech that Henry V made to the English army shortly before the Battle of Agincourt on the morning of 25 October 1415. Here is the St. Crispin’s Day speech from William Shakespeare’s play, Henry V. Enjoy.
 
WESTMORELAND: O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!

KING HENRY: What's he that wishes so?
My cousin, Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say "To-morrow is Saint Crispian."
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say "These wounds I had on Crispin's day."
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words--
Harry the King, Bedford and Exter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester --
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
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