Monte R Anderson - Author
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Kanye West, San Diego sea lions and virginity Oh my!

12/30/2013

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PictureKanye West
On December 14, I wrote about Kanye West’s comments. He said that when he is doing a concert, he is “...putting my life at risk, literally” and “... this is like being a police officer or something, or like war or something.” (Check my archives) I won’t mention the number of service members who were killed in the line of duty, or firepersons, or police officers, but the following item caught my attention. According to the Committee to Protect Journalists, at least 70 journalists were killed on the job in 2013. Most of those deaths occurred in the Middle East. I am still trying to determine how many hip-hop singers died during a concert. Does anyone know? I think most are killed off duty. I hate to dispute someone as smart as Kanye, but I am beginning to think that hip-hop singing may not be in the top 100 of dangerous professions.    

This item also got my attention. A Saudi news agency says a judge in Mecca ordered 20 lashes for a man who accused his wife of not being a virgin when they married. Heaven forbid. The judge said he failed to provide evidence. Apparently, in Saudi Arabia, a woman is a virgin until proven otherwise.

Speaking of oddball news, two hotels in San Diego are suing the city because of the stench of sea lion waste is driving away customers and poses a health risk. Their lawsuit, says that the city hasn't done enough to deal with the problem as promised. One restaurant owner said the city hasn't come up with any solid plan. I think he meant solid waste plan. It made me wonder where San Diego sends their waste. Do they dump it into the ocean? I think that the sea lions are trying to get even. What goes around comes around. Heaven knows that San Diego had enough solid waste when Bob Filner was mayor. I guess there is still a lot of clean up needed. Here’s a hint: don’t use a fan to get rid of the odor.      

I have long favored a Stupidity Law. Whenever someone does something stupid and it is not covered under another law, they can be prosecuted under the Stupidity Law. It may be too late to stop Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, or Kanye West but it might be a deterrent in the future. We can only hope.

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Speaking of oddball news, two hotels in San Diego are suing the city because of the stench of sea lion waste is driving away customers and poses a health risk. Their lawsuit, says that the city hasn't done enough to deal with the problem as promised. One restaurant owner said the city hasn't come up with any solid plan. I think he meant solid waste plan. It made me wonder where San Diego sends their waste. Do they dump it into the ocean? I think that the sea lions are trying to get even. What goes around comes around. Heaven knows that San Diego had enough solid waste when Bob Filner was mayor. I guess there is still a lot of clean up needed. Here’s a hint: don’t use a fan to get rid of the odor.      %I have long favored a Stupidity Law. Whenever someone does something stupid and it is not covered under another law, they can be prosecuted under the Stupidity Law. It may be too late to stop Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, or Kanye West but it might be a deterrent in the future. We can only hope.


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Let's stop hyphenating Americans

12/28/2013

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Picture
Here is a topic that has been on my mind for a while. When I saw the events unfold on 9/11, I sincerely thought that the President was going to ask all Americans to stop being hyphenated Americans. I hoped that he would say that we are all just Americans and that an attack on any one of us is an attack against all of us.

My ancestors came from Scotland, so I guess I am a Scottish-American. We have four or five generations born in America and we never referred to our family as Scottish-Americans. We are just Americans. I think it’s time that we stop being hyphenated Americans like Spanish-Americans, or African-Americans or any other hyphenated American. If you are an American citizen, you are an American. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying don’t be proud of your heritage. I just think that the hyphen divides us as a nation while the name “American” unites us. What do you think?

Justin Bieber wants to retire. Yawn.

I see that Phil Robertson from Duck Dynasty is back in the show. That's the power of social media. Now I would like everyone to petition a publisher to offer me a book deal. Go! 











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What the Duck Dy-Nasty and the use of profanity.

12/27/2013

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PictureDuck Dynasty
There is still a buzz about Duck Dynasty. Just when you thought they could not get any more publicity, they come up with more. I just read Ruben Navarrette’s article on CNN. He is a contributor to CNN and a nationally syndicated columnist with the Washington Post Writers Group. (Twitter @rubennavarrette)    

Ruben reported that Phil Robertson claimed that the producers and editors of Duck Dynasty have manipulated the show to “intensify the language and make the family appear more profane and unruly than they really are.” They inserted fake beeps to appear to bleep out profanity when there was none. Sugar! What the frick? It’s bad enough that editors bleep out the profanity and occasionally bleep out what’s not profanity. Now they insert fake bleeps? H-E double hockey sticks! Earlier, Phil said that the editors deleted the name of Jesus that the family uses in their prayers. It just confirms what many of us believe; that the show is not really a reality show. Who’d a thunk? And the Robertsons are not really unruly? Next, I suppose, they’ll tell us that they actually shampoo their beards. Gosh oh BLEEP! Heavens to BLEEP.    

There was a time when I used a lot of profanity. I served in the military as an infantry officer, and profanity was a staple of military life. Most conversations in Vietnam during the war would have been considerably shorter if every other word was not a cuss word. I consider myself a black belt in profanity. I didn’t use it around my children or around women. I do believe that there are situations when profanity is appropriate – not many. Sometimes it is the only way to get someone’s attention. When I retired from the Army, I retired my use of profanity. Lately it has crept back into my conversation.      

It would be easy to say never use profanity but that is not realistic. I am a writer and I can’t imagine writing dialogue for characters in which no character cusses. It isn’t real. There are some professions where profanity is appropriate. 

I wrote about the use of profanity in my book, Leadership for New Managers: Book Two, http://smashwords.com/b/30090.


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Aging less gracefully & fighting a delaying action.

12/26/2013

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PictureGetting older.
I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday. If you are, then you aren’t  one of the thousands who have no electricity. I wish you all a Happy New Year.     

This is not mine, but I thought it was so funny that I had to pass it along. I got it in an e-mail. Enjoy!    

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately!    

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper?Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!    

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up, they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they are red in the face! What do they think I am - a lip reader?     

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she did not even recognize me.    

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection. Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!    

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You are risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the street in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.    

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just whom do these people think they are fooling?    

I would like to call up someone in authority to report what is going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they have printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!    

All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.  

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!     

(I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they used to be.)


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Congress, Thai elephants, Mark Twain & Julius Caesar

12/24/2013

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PictureCongress
As the year comes to a close there is a buzz about how poor Congress has been for 2013. People point out the low number of bills passed by this Congress, and I think that is unfair. We should not judge Congress by the sheer number of laws passed but by the quality of those laws. I would rather see one great bill passed than to have one hundred lousy laws on the books. So let’s exam the quality of the laws passed by Congress in 2013. Wait a minute...Ops! Sorry. I got nothing.


You may have seen this little item in USA Today. The headline read, “Thailand: Police seize 14 elephants with fake IDs.” August 21, 2013, Thai police made several arrests and broke up a gang that smuggled elephants. The elephants had fake IDs and may be illegal aliens from neighboring Myanmar or from the wild. Now you might wonder why Thai elephants need IDs. Well, there are several reasons:
1. to show that they are legal aliens and documented.
2. so they can vote.
3. so they can drive a car.

4. as proof of age in case they want to buy alcohol.
5. so that they can carry a concealed weapon.
You may also wonder, as I did, where an elephant would carry an ID (or a driver’s license or weapon for that matter). Wait for it! Wait for it! In their trunk! Oh, ... you saw that one coming.

If Mark Twin had a cell phone he may have texted the following:
6:06 PM - Guys! Coming down w/ head cold. Any remedies? –Mark
6:06 PM – My old standby is a glass of whiskey b4 bed.-Tom
6:06 PM – Have a c. of whiskey @ bed time. –Dick
6:07 PM – 8 oz. of whiskey b4 bed should do it. –Harry
6:07 PM – I use 3 fingers of whiskey – straight up. – Nimrod
6:08 PM – Thanks. That is about 2 pints. I will try it & call you in the am.

If Julius Caesar had a cell phone he may have texted the following:
9:15 PM Hey, Julius. Did u get to Gaul? –Cicero
9:16 PM I came. –Julius
9:16 PM Did you c Paris? – Cicero
9:17 PM I saw. –Julius
9:17 PM Then what did u do? –Cicero
9:18 PM I conquered. –Julius




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Waiting on the resolution of several issues.

12/22/2013

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PictureMike Tyson
While I was thinking about something to write in my blog today, I realized that, like many of you, I am waiting on several issues in the news:
1. the trial of the Boston Marathon bomber.
2. Toronto police to charge #Rob Ford
, Mayor of Toronto for cocaine use, or for him to resign.
3. #Dennis Rodman to stop playing nice to #North Korean leader, #
Kim Jong Un.

4. Mike #Tyson to stop giving advice.
5. Alec #Baldwin to say something nice.


6. for #ChrisBrown to graduate with honors from his anger management class.
7. the trial of the #San Hose State University students who put a bike lock on the neck of their roommate.
8. the entertainment industry to start taking drug abuse seriously and to start requiring random drug testing on celebrities.
9. #Congress to accomplish anything this year.
10. Congress to make passing a drug test a requirement for office.
11. #Republicans to come up with a health plan alternative.
12. the Secret Service to make celibacy a requirement for employment.



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President Obama and offensive tweets.

12/21/2013

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PictureHelle has no fury?
President #Obama admitted in a press conference yesterday that the roll out of the Obamacare website was his biggest frustrations or mistakes of 2013. I, for one, was surprised. I thought for sure he would say that taking a selfie with the good-looking Danish Prime Minister #Helle Thorning-Schmidt during the memorial service for Nelson #Mandela while Michele was watching was his biggest mistake for 2013. That is not the first time I have been wrong. For instance, I thought for sure that the Danish Prime Minister would be furious about the look of scorn she got from First Lady #Michele Obama. Turns out that...wait for it...Helle had no fury like a woman scorned. (click to tweet)      

There is a buzz about a message tweeted by Justine Sacco, the communications director for #InterActiveCorp (IAC). In a tweet, he said, “Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!” Wow! This is interesting on several levels. First, Justine is a director for communication in a major company. IAC is the parent company of several companies, including Match.com, The Daily Beast and Dictionary.com. They also own BlackPeopleMeet.com, a dating site for African-Americans. Oh oh. He should know better than to tweet something controversial. He should also know that things posted on the internet are not private. Stating that he is white and suggesting that whites can’t get #AIDS is racism and stupid. I don’t know if Justine is married, but he has implied that he might have sex with someone in Africa. I am sure that by now Justine is out of a job. He may also be out of a significant other. I wonder if he will ever get a position in communications again. Justine needs to make a career change. How will he answer the question in his next job interview, “Why did you leave your last job?”?      

I cautioned about using social media in my book, Leadership for New Managers: Book Two, http://smashwords.com/b/300090


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Duck dynasty and Dennis Rodman

12/20/2013

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PictureDuck Dynasty
There is still a buzz about #A&E suspension of #Phil Robertson from #Duck Dynasty. (Has anyone else noticed that there is a nasty in dynasty?) Phil made some remarks about homosexuals and African-Americans during an interview with #CQ magazine (Gentlemen’s Quarterly not Gay Queens). He was interviewed by Drew Magary (@drewmagary) who asked Phil, “What, in your mind, is sinful?” Phil answered, "Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers — they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right." He also downplayed the plight of African-Americans in the South. Phil called himself a Bible-thumper. Turns out that he is a homophobic, bible-thumping redneck. In his defense, many people pointed out that he personally made thousands of duck calls and perhaps he just quacked up. Rumors abound about people coming to Phil’s aid: Alec Baldwin, Paula Deen, and Charlie Sheen.    

A&E labels Duck dynasty a “reality sitcom”, but the reality is that they don’t want too much of Phil’s reality. Rumors have it that A&E is looking for a replacement. They narrowed their search down to Pee Wee Herman, Hermit the Frog and Bill Clinton’s brother, Roger. Apparently, they considered Donald Duck but quickly shot that idea down.    

Here is an advance copy of the apology that Phil may deliver in the next few days. I can’t vouch for the validity of the source. “I was quoted in CQ magazine making some remarks about adulterers, homosexuals, and swindlers. I want to sincerely apologize to adulterers and swindlers for implying that they are homosexuals. That was not my intent. Damn, some of my best friends are adulterers. We’re like peas in a pod. I realized most of you are as straight as my crossbow. Sorry dudes.”    

Apparently, there is no truth to the rumor that CQ made an offer to hire Phil as a men’s clothing and personal grooming advisor. Too bad. I was hoping to find out how he keeps his eyebrows so bushy. This could be the end of Duck Dynasty as we know it.    

Rumor has it that now that #Dennis Rodman is in #North Korea, all of his uncles are hiding in undisclosed locations.


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Rodman, Duck Dynasty, the Obamas, & pansexuals.

12/19/2013

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PictureDennis Rodman?
Lots in the news today. Spoiler alert! #Dennis Rodman has left the country. He arrived in #North Korea today. He will meet with #Kim Jong Un later to plan the Jan. 8 exhibition basketball game marking the leader's birthday. Rumor has it that Kim asked Rodman if he had an uncle that he didn’t like. How does Rodman get through the metal detectors?    

#A&E suspended #Phil Robertson of "#Duck Dynasty" indefinitely after he made some remarks in an interview published in GQ magazine about homosexuals, adulterers and swindlers. It is unclear who complained the most, but it appears that the adulterers and swindlers were the silent majority. I am not sure what the network expected form Robertson. He was true to himself; a redneck bigot.      

Turns out the three young giant #pandas at #Atlanta's zoo are actually females, not males. This isn’t the first time that the Atlanta zoo has mistaken the gender for pandas. Come on people! How hard can it be? Just check in their jeans (genes?).      

Okay, by now you have all seen the pictures of the #Obamas at the service for Nelson #Madela; the one of the President talking to the good-looking Danish Prime Minister #Helle Thorning-Schmidt and snapping a selfie. You must have seen the look on the First Lady’s face; the scorn. Some say that she disapproved of the total lack of propriety shown at a memorial service. Just for the record, the proper way to take a selfie at a funeral is to include the deceased. In addition, if you take a selfie of a married man, it is polite to include his wife if she is present. What I want to know is what #Michael Obama said to her husband afterwards. I think she was mad about the flirting, not the selfie. Has that come up at a press conference? The President has the sympathies of men everywhere. It shows he is one of us.    

It seems no matter what ads the government publishes about Obamacare, someone has to criticize. Now all the networks are talking about the stupid and tasteless ads directed toward young people. There is a lesson to be learned here. I am having problems selling my books, so I am working on a tasteless and stupid ad campaign. Now, please, everyone talk about it.    

I just read an article in New York magazine (12/23/2013) about #Angel Haze the rapper. The author referred to her as a “pansexual” and a virgin. She came out before as a lesbian. If you are an active lesbian, are you still a virgin? Would someone tell me what a “pansexual” is? I know I am out of touch, but I thought I understood the five major sexual orientations: heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual, egotistical, and lonely. This, of course, does not include the various deviants like pedophiles and chocolate lovers. Now there is a pansexual? I guess that means all of the above. I am not sure if that is a sexual orientation or a gender. There used to be four genders: male, female, both and none of the above. Is a pansexual all of the above? Maybe the giant pandas at the Atlanta zoo are pansexual. I am not sure about the Prime Minister of #Denmark. Please explain.




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White Santa, Egypt and political comedy

12/18/2013

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PictureSanta's white?
#Bill O'Reilly is defending Fox News #Megyn Kelly who claimed that #Santa is white. Personally, I think only a bigot would think that it matters. However, I could not let this pass: award-winning Pastry Chef Mahesh Weerasinghe in Houston created a 1,000-pound Santa in his chair, accompanied by his elves and a wagon full of toys, all made ...wait for it. Dark chocolate.      

On Sunday, Egypt presented the draft for its constitution under a huge banner showing five people. The people were not real. Three were Westerners found on the Internet. In addition, they misspelled "Egyptians." That does not bode well for the wording in the new constitution. The Egyptian authorities have apologized.      

I read an interesting article by Dean Obeidallah, a political comedian whose articles sometime appear on CNN. He was blasting Bob Beckel of Fox News about a comment he made. Beckel said that Muslims should not be allowed to build any more mosques in American until they denounce terrorism. Of course, as Dean pointed out, that would be a violation of the constitution. This assumes also that Muslims are guilty until proven otherwise. However, Beckel may be on the right track. Here are my suggestions on the same thread:    

1. People must prove they do not hear voices in their head, are not mentally ill, are not wanted for murder, are still taking their meds, and have a legitimate reason to buy a fully automatic rifle and hundreds of rounds of ammo before purchasing guns.    

2. Aryan Nation members should not be allowed to build another camp until they renounce racism, can prove they do not hear voices in their head, and can prove that they are not married to a sibling.     

3. Republicans should not be allowed to run for congress until they can prove they will actually work.    

4. Democrats should not be allowed to run for office until they can prove that they are not having an affair, using hookers, sexting, or sexually harassing others.    

5. Commentators should not be allowed on TV until they can prove they will not say stupid things. Good luck with this last one.


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    Author

    Monte is the author of several  e-books on Amazon and smashwords.com


    Buy Monte's e-books:
    The Throuple Private Eye--Business is Booming.
    ​​The Throuple Private Eye--Hate Crimes
    ​
    A Head for Murder
    The Register cliff Rapist
    The Clone Murders,
    Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
    Leadership for New Managers: Book Two

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    Angels and Gargoyles

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