- 1. Farts are colorless. Can you imagine what the world would be like if farts were blue or green? That would take all the guess work out of who farted and let the dog off the hook.
- 2. Lobsters don’t scream when you cook them (same goes for stepping on bugs). This goes without saying. (There I said it.)
- 3. Cow can’t fly. Pigeons are bad enough. Thank goodness cows can’t fly.
- 4. Dinosaurs are extinct. Driving to work every day is enough of a hassle. Thank goodness, we don’t have to dodge dinosaurs too.
- 5. Fire. I’m not sure who invented or discovered it, but Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without fire. We’d have to eat cold turkey. What would a BBQ be without fire? Just a stack of wood or coal.
- My secret bank-account. I’m glad my wife doesn’t know about my secret bank account. Oh, wait! WTF? Never mind.
- Breathing is automatic. I’m certainly glad I don’t have to think about breathing. I’m so forgetful lately, I’d forget to breathe.
- Light bulbs. Because without light bulbs, we’d be in …wait for it… the dark ages.
- Gravity. Where would we be without gravity? Flung to the far corners of the solar system, I imagine.
- Control of my anal sphincter. Can you imagine what life would be like if humans had no control of their anal sphincters? It would be shitty for sure. You could say, “That depends.”
- Beer. Ben Franklin said, “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.” Which is why I don’t drink water. I’m thankful that beer is no longer just a breakfast drink.
- Coffee. The elixir of the gods. I plan to quit drinking coffee as soon as I find a better way to get it down.
- The thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. How does it know?
- Golf Carts. A golf cart came in handy when my good buddy Ralph had a heart attack in the middle of our golf game. If we didn’t have a golf cart, we would’ve had to drag his body from hole to hole.
- My brain. I’m thankful my mind is still tack as a sharp.
- That marijuana is harmless. Thank goodness it haade ne efftive omn me abilly to rite.
- I’m thankful for air. Can’t live without it.
- The little light in the refrigerator. It makes things easier to see at night. But where doers it go when the door is closed?
- Toilet paper. Without it we’d have to newspaper or magazines or even leaves.
- Chocolate. I love it. Can’t get enough.
It’s that time of year when we take stock (inventory?) of the things we’re thankful for. I’ve eliminated the obvious things that people list every year; family, friends, health, blah, blah, blah. Here’s my list of things I’m thankful for:
Monte is the author of several e-books on Amazon and smashwords.com
Buy Monte's e-books:
The Throuple Private Eye--Business is Booming.
The Throuple Private Eye--Hate Crimes
A Head for Murder
The Register cliff Rapist
The Clone Murders,
Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
Leadership for New Managers: Book Two
Angels and Gargoyles