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Death Comes to a Humor Blog—Flash Fiction

4/10/2020

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Picture
Jeff looked up from his computer to see his wife standing nearby glaring at him. Her arms were crossed, never a good sign. She held a piece of paper in one hand. She wasn’t talking, also a bad sign. Jeff knew he was in trouble, he just didn’t what he had done.

Finally, his wife broke her cold silence. “So, you’re the blogger of this blog?” She held out the paper. Jeff glanced at it. “You’re writing a blog called ‘Take my Wife, Please?”

Sheepishly, Jeff nodded. Jeff’s wife hit him with the printout. “You’re writing personal stuff about me, about us.”

“No, no,” insisted Jeff. “It’s not personal, just funny stuff.”

“Yesterday, you posted that I keep saying I can read minds, but I can’t because I’m telepathetic.”
“See, funny right?”

“Not funny. This morning you quoted me as saying that we that our neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work, and we should do that. Then you posted your reply, ‘How can I? I don't even know her.’ Not funny, Jeff. You make me sound stupid.”

“I’m just trying to be funny,” Jeff said in his defense. “No one thinks you’re stupid. They don’t know you.” Jeff’s wife folder her arms again. “Okay, maybe that didn’t come out right.”

“Yeah,” Jeff’s wife screamed. “Last week you wrote that I asked you to taste some meat to see if it was okay to feed the dog.” Jeff started to chuckle but stopped when his wife glared at him. “Then when I went to the butcher and asked him to cut some steaks for me, he said the meat was good because it tasted it. At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant.”

“Okay, maybe one guy knows who you are. What are the odds that anyone else who follows my blog knows you?”

“A couple of days ago, you wrote that I tried to smother you with a pillow while you were sleeping. Then the next day when I went to the store, the male cashier asked me if I was shopping for new pillows.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I meant no harm.”

“It stops right now. If you post anything else, I will smother you in your sleep.” Jeff’s wife stormed out of the room.
​
Jeff’s next post read, “It is with great sadness that I must inform all my followers that due to circumstances beyond my control, I must stop this post un penalty of death. Take care and be good your wives.”
 END
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    Monte is the author of several  e-books on Amazon and smashwords.com

    Buy Monte's e-books:
    A Head for Murder
    The Throuple Private Eye--Hate Crimes
    The Register cliff Rapist
    The Clone Murders,
    Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
    Leadership for New Managers: Book Two

    FREE E-BOOKS:
    Angels and Gargoyles

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