Edgar Allen Poe uses a cellphone

Ever wonder what he would say if Edgar Allen Poe had a cellphone? I do. Here is what I think he would say to the raven.

POE: Hello. This Edgar ... I know it is u, Raven. I have caller ID. Y don’t you say something?

RAVEN: Nevermore.

POE: Wretch, thy God hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee. Respite- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!

RAVEN: Quaff? What’s a Quaff? What’s nepenthe? I’m just a raven so dumb it down a little.

POE: Prophet!' Thing of evil!- prophet still, if bird or devil!

RAVEN: Prophet? Devil? Don’t start w/ the names! Nevermore

POE: Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!

RAVEN: Gilead? Been there, done that. Nevermore

POE: B that word r sign in parting, bird or fiend. Bye.

RAVEN: So, call u later?

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