Intensive Rehabilitation Therapy for Fox News Executives
I was able to obtain from a confidential source a copy of the “intense therapy” proposed for Fox News executives. The program known as Bogus and Unauthentic Legalized Larceny and Spurious Hypocritical Intense Therapy (BULLSH*T) is used successfully to help celebrities and politicians keep their reputations. This intense therapy is intended to last for one week. Below is a copy of the curriculum.
Sunday Optional Mixer
Join us in a mixer for all attendees Sunday night at 7 PM until whenever. Meet the instructors and fellow executives who have fallen from grace. Open bar and free #marijuana tasting (not yet available in all states).
How to Hold a Press Conference 101. Learn how to deny charges without using the telltale signs for lying. Learn how to say, “intense therapy” with a straight face. Learn how to pronounce new words like “paparazzi”. Learn how to publicly apologize and look sincere. Enjoy a panel discussion with panelists #LanceArmstrong, #EliotSpitzer, #Bill Clinton, and #AlexBaldwin.
How to Create a Culture of Misogyny: Learn such techniques as wearing sunglasses all day to hide your eyes. Learn how to ask women (or men) in your office not to wear underwear. Instructor Bob Filner, ex-Mayor of San Diego, California, #BillCosby, actor and special guest instructor POTUS Donald Trump.
How to Build a Secret Family: Learn how to hide illegitimate children from expert Arnold #Schwarzenegger, ex-Governor of California.
Sexting for Beginners: Learn the basis of sexting from sexting expert #AnthonyWeiner.
Yes, You Can Keep Your Old Job. Instructor #MarkSanford, re-elected Congressman for South Carolina.
Closing Ceremony: Graduation ceremony for those who have not dropped out of the program or arrested.
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