Intensive Rehabilitation Therapy for Harvey Weinstein
I obtained a copy of the “intense therapy” proposed for Harvey Weinstein from a confidential source. The program known as Bogus and Unauthentic Legalized Larceny and Spurious Hypocritical Intense Therapy (BULLSH*T) is used successfully to help celebrities and politicians keep their reputations. This intense therapy is intended to last for one week. Below is a copy of the curriculum.
Sunday Optional Mixer
Join us in a mixer for all attendees Sunday night at 7 PM until whenever. Meet the instructors and fellow celebrities, politicians and executives who have fallen from grace. Open bar and free #marijuana tasting (not yet available in all states).
How to Hold a Press Conference 101. Learn how to deny charges without using the telltale signs for lying. Learn how to say, “intense therapy” with a straight face. Learn how to publicly apologize and look sincere. Enjoy a panel discussion with panelists #LanceArmstrong, #EliotSpitzer, #BillClinton, and #AlexBaldwin.
Creating a Culture of Misogyny: Learn such techniques as wearing sunglasses all day to hide your eyes. Learn how to ask women (or men) in your office not to wear underwear. Instructor Bob Filner, ex-Mayor of San Diego, California, #BillCosby, actor and special guest instructor #POTUS Donald #Trump.
How to Build a Secret Family: Learn how to hide illegitimate children from expert Arnold #Schwarzenegger, ex-Governor of California.
Sexting for Beginners: Learn the basis of sexting from sexting expert #AnthonyWeiner. NOTE: This session has been canceled due to a prior engagement for Mr. Weiner. Instead we offer How to Pay Women to Keep Their Mouths Shut cohosted by #RogerAiles and #BillO’Reilly. We are sorry for any inconvenience.
Yes, You Can Keep Your Old Job. Instructors #MarkSanford, re-elected Congressman for South Carolina and #DavidLetterman, former host of the Late Show.
Closing Ceremony: Immediately following the Friday morning; Graduation ceremony for those who have not dropped out of the program or been arrested.
We wish Harvey well during his therapy.
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