Heaven forbid that it ever happens, but there’s a possibility that at some point you may run out of toilet paper. Forget trying to borrow some from your neighbors. The public bathrooms have long since run out. The store shelves are empty. You probably don’t want to take a chance on buying hot toilet paper on the black market. It could be a sting. Now what?
Do not despair. Here is some help advice and tips:
Shower—There’s always the shower. Do your business, wash it down the drain and take a shower.
Water Hose—Buy an adaptor to connect a garden hose to your sink or tub. Use a nozzle to clean your butt.
Paper substitutes:
Carpets, blankets, comforters, quilts—Only as a last result. These will most definitely clog up your plumbing.
Other substitutes:
Rubber Gloves—A little known secret; you can use rubber gloves instead of toilet paper. Don’t try to flush the glove or it will clog up the works.
Doggy bags—Those little plastic bags that dog owners use to collect dog poop can also be used in the place of toilet paper. You may need to practice a few times to get it right. You can dispose of them anywhere that accepts doggy poop.
Plastic bags—If you’re in a state that allows plastic bags or if you still have a stash of them. They’re better than dogie bags.
Leaves—If you still have leaves that aren’t under snow, they can also be used as toilet paper. If you don’t have access to regular leaves, consider leaves from indoor plants. Rose petals are the best, but any plant leave will work. Don’t use any vines unless you know what poison ivy looks like. Don’t use red rose petals: if you miss one, you’ll think you have hemorrhoids. Also, make sure all the thorns have been removed from rose leaves.
I hope this helps you out in a tough situation.
Do not despair. Here is some help advice and tips:
Shower—There’s always the shower. Do your business, wash it down the drain and take a shower.
Water Hose—Buy an adaptor to connect a garden hose to your sink or tub. Use a nozzle to clean your butt.
Paper substitutes:
- Napkins--
- Phonebooks—If you still have old phonebooks laying around, they make a good substitute for toilet paper. Millennials may be out of luck. Do not attempt to use emails.
- Computer Paper—Not the best substitute but passible. Try using ones that you already printed on.
- Shredded paper—Most home use a shredder now days to get rid of sensitive documents and to protect personal information. A hand full of the shredded paper make excellent toilet paper.
- Paper towels—Again, not the best substitute but okay in an emergency. Cut each roll in half for two rolls of paper.
- Newspapers—An oldie but a goodie. Millennials may have to google it.
- Books—A last resort. Again, millennials may have to google it.
- Dryer sheets—They make your butt smell nice, they reduce static cling, and make your butt wrinkle free.
- Tortillas—Tortillas make an excellent substitute for toilet paper. Use the 6 inch size or cut the 10 inch ones in half. Don’t attempt to use the hard taco shells. That could result in injury.
- Bread—Don’t use the whole wheat type--the seeds hurt. Try toasting the bread.
- Pancakes—These will not hold up well unless aged for several days.
- Corn cobs—Use only as a last resort.
Carpets, blankets, comforters, quilts—Only as a last result. These will most definitely clog up your plumbing.
Other substitutes:
Rubber Gloves—A little known secret; you can use rubber gloves instead of toilet paper. Don’t try to flush the glove or it will clog up the works.
Doggy bags—Those little plastic bags that dog owners use to collect dog poop can also be used in the place of toilet paper. You may need to practice a few times to get it right. You can dispose of them anywhere that accepts doggy poop.
Plastic bags—If you’re in a state that allows plastic bags or if you still have a stash of them. They’re better than dogie bags.
Leaves—If you still have leaves that aren’t under snow, they can also be used as toilet paper. If you don’t have access to regular leaves, consider leaves from indoor plants. Rose petals are the best, but any plant leave will work. Don’t use any vines unless you know what poison ivy looks like. Don’t use red rose petals: if you miss one, you’ll think you have hemorrhoids. Also, make sure all the thorns have been removed from rose leaves.
I hope this helps you out in a tough situation.
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