I wrote this short story a couple of years ago. I hope you like it.
Hits-R-Us
“Hello Mr. Smith. Please have a seat.” The huge man behind the desk motioned to a chair.
John sat down. “Actually, my name is…
“Whoa, whoa,” Big Man shouted and held up both hands, palms forward. “No names, please. Here at Hit-R-Us we call all our clients ‘Mr. Smith’. We’ve been in business a long time, because we are careful. No names, please. You can call me, Jack.”
John was taken back. “Sure… Jack. Of course, no names.”
“Now, Mr. Smith, what can we do for you today?”
“Well,” John’s hands shook as he talked. “I’d like you to kill my wife.”
“Whoa, whoa. We don’t like to use that type of language. Just say you want to end your relationship with your wife.”
John cleared his throat. “Yes, of course. I want to end my relationship my wife.”
“Very well,” Jack said as he pulled out several forms from his desk. “We can certainly do that. But first, who referred you to us, Mr. Smith.”
John shifted in his chair. “I friend of mine, Mr. Tony… Smith. You helped him end his relationship with his wife. He said you were the best.”
“Ah, yes, Tony Smith. I remember that contract. I’m glad he referred you to us. As you can imagine, we rely exclusively on referrals. Mr. Tony Smith took our standard package deal. Did Tony talk to you about payment?”
“Yes, he said $10,000 cash.”
Jack smiled. “That’s the standard package. It includes a clean hit; three shots: two to the heart and one to the head. It’s our most humane package—practically painless. It includes a solid alibi.”
“What other options do you offer?” John asked.
“Well, we do offer custom hits,” Jack answered. “For example, we could stage a hit to appear like a burglary gone bad or frame someone like a lover. Or if you wanted to inflict extreme pain like shots in the knees.”
“How about a shot in the groin?” John asked.
“Now, Mr. Smith. We don’t recommend anything personal like that. The cops will make you a suspect right off the bat.”
“So how do you do it?” John asked. “Do you have hit men on staff?”
Jack laughed. “No, nothing that formal. We post contracts on the dark web and hire our hit men like that.”
John thought for a few moments. “Okay, I guess I’ll take the standard package.”
Jack smiled and adjusted the forms in front of him. “Excellent. Let’s get started. I’ll need some information. How soon would you like your relationship with your wife ended?”
John shook his head. “The sooner the better.”
THE END
Hits-R-Us
“Hello Mr. Smith. Please have a seat.” The huge man behind the desk motioned to a chair.
John sat down. “Actually, my name is…
“Whoa, whoa,” Big Man shouted and held up both hands, palms forward. “No names, please. Here at Hit-R-Us we call all our clients ‘Mr. Smith’. We’ve been in business a long time, because we are careful. No names, please. You can call me, Jack.”
John was taken back. “Sure… Jack. Of course, no names.”
“Now, Mr. Smith, what can we do for you today?”
“Well,” John’s hands shook as he talked. “I’d like you to kill my wife.”
“Whoa, whoa. We don’t like to use that type of language. Just say you want to end your relationship with your wife.”
John cleared his throat. “Yes, of course. I want to end my relationship my wife.”
“Very well,” Jack said as he pulled out several forms from his desk. “We can certainly do that. But first, who referred you to us, Mr. Smith.”
John shifted in his chair. “I friend of mine, Mr. Tony… Smith. You helped him end his relationship with his wife. He said you were the best.”
“Ah, yes, Tony Smith. I remember that contract. I’m glad he referred you to us. As you can imagine, we rely exclusively on referrals. Mr. Tony Smith took our standard package deal. Did Tony talk to you about payment?”
“Yes, he said $10,000 cash.”
Jack smiled. “That’s the standard package. It includes a clean hit; three shots: two to the heart and one to the head. It’s our most humane package—practically painless. It includes a solid alibi.”
“What other options do you offer?” John asked.
“Well, we do offer custom hits,” Jack answered. “For example, we could stage a hit to appear like a burglary gone bad or frame someone like a lover. Or if you wanted to inflict extreme pain like shots in the knees.”
“How about a shot in the groin?” John asked.
“Now, Mr. Smith. We don’t recommend anything personal like that. The cops will make you a suspect right off the bat.”
“So how do you do it?” John asked. “Do you have hit men on staff?”
Jack laughed. “No, nothing that formal. We post contracts on the dark web and hire our hit men like that.”
John thought for a few moments. “Okay, I guess I’ll take the standard package.”
Jack smiled and adjusted the forms in front of him. “Excellent. Let’s get started. I’ll need some information. How soon would you like your relationship with your wife ended?”
John shook his head. “The sooner the better.”
THE END
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