I often blog to try and help stupid criminals stay out of trouble by providing guidelines, but stupid criminals are so ubiquitous that it seems to be an overwhelming task. I will try once more. I just read about these incidents:
Massachusetts police arrested a man who broke into a home and cooked himself some corn on the cob. He was charged with breaking and entering with intent to commit a felony and assault and battery (salt and butter?). The report did not state what happened to the corn. I can only assume that the police ate it.
New York State Police arrested a man after he was found with marijuana, cocaine and LSD hidden inside a stuffed lion doll wearing a D.A.R.E. shirt. He was charged with criminal possession of a controlled substance and unlawful possession of marijuana. You have to admit that it was a clever attempt to hide the drugs. Does that make the stuffed lion a mule?
Police in Tennessee arrested man after dispatchers heard him discussing drugs on an accidental 911 call. (Butt dial?) He was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia.
Police in Florida arrested a man who broke into a house to steal and fell sleep next to a bag of jewelry he was stealing. He was charged with charged with burglary.
Police in Michigan arrested a woman who was shoplifting in Walmart and tried to get away in a motorized wheelchair shopping cart. She was charged with shoplifting.
Here are some more rules for stupid criminals:
1. If you are going to burglarize a house, get to it. Do not stop to cook or sleep.
2. Criminals and cellphones don’t mix. Between butt dialing, discussing drugs while on the phone and selfies taken with stolen goods, it never ends well. Leave the cellphones at home, your home – not the victim’s home.
3. Plan your getaway well. A motorized wheelchair is not the best getaway vehicle.
4. Get a good night’s sleep before you burglarize. The average burglar needs at least eight hours of sleep.
5. Try to be inconspicuous while shoplifting. Using a motorized cart is not inconspicuous.
6. Hide your drugs well. Do not use stuffed animals
Massachusetts police arrested a man who broke into a home and cooked himself some corn on the cob. He was charged with breaking and entering with intent to commit a felony and assault and battery (salt and butter?). The report did not state what happened to the corn. I can only assume that the police ate it.
New York State Police arrested a man after he was found with marijuana, cocaine and LSD hidden inside a stuffed lion doll wearing a D.A.R.E. shirt. He was charged with criminal possession of a controlled substance and unlawful possession of marijuana. You have to admit that it was a clever attempt to hide the drugs. Does that make the stuffed lion a mule?
Police in Tennessee arrested man after dispatchers heard him discussing drugs on an accidental 911 call. (Butt dial?) He was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia.
Police in Florida arrested a man who broke into a house to steal and fell sleep next to a bag of jewelry he was stealing. He was charged with charged with burglary.
Police in Michigan arrested a woman who was shoplifting in Walmart and tried to get away in a motorized wheelchair shopping cart. She was charged with shoplifting.
Here are some more rules for stupid criminals:
1. If you are going to burglarize a house, get to it. Do not stop to cook or sleep.
2. Criminals and cellphones don’t mix. Between butt dialing, discussing drugs while on the phone and selfies taken with stolen goods, it never ends well. Leave the cellphones at home, your home – not the victim’s home.
3. Plan your getaway well. A motorized wheelchair is not the best getaway vehicle.
4. Get a good night’s sleep before you burglarize. The average burglar needs at least eight hours of sleep.
5. Try to be inconspicuous while shoplifting. Using a motorized cart is not inconspicuous.
6. Hide your drugs well. Do not use stuffed animals
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