There are many ways to kill your resume. Here are a few:
1. Not removing your #fraternity from your resume after it is involved in a major scandal.
2. Listing your time in prison as an extended vacation. Don’t try to convince anyone that the 4 – 7-year gap in your work summary was a vacation.
3. Listing your fraternity or sorority. There are basically two types of fraternities; those who have done something publicly offensive and those who haven't...yet. It would be best not to admit to being a member until after you're hired. Even after you get the job, you may not want to confess.
4. When listing skills, remember sexting isn’t a skill unless you are applying for a position in the porn industry. Also, while making pipe bombs is certainly a skill, you may want to keep that secret. Drinking beer while standing on your head isn’t a skill you should list. That also goes for stalking, coloring, field stripping an AK47, shooting an RPG, breaking and entering, cooking meth and picking locks.
5. Listing references still in prison. Don’t list references who are still in prison or pending trial. It’s best to wait until they’re out on bail. Don’t list your parole officer as a reference. Same for your Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor.
6. Using family as references. Don’t use family as references unless you still have copies of photographs you can use for blackmail.
7. It may be too soon to list Trump University on your profile. Hold off on that.
8. Misspelling the name of the university you claim to have attended.
9. Trying to be clever in your email address, i.e. buttkicker@whatever.com.
10. Listing the jobs you had in prison.
I sincerely hope this helps you prepare your resume. Good luck.
1. Not removing your #fraternity from your resume after it is involved in a major scandal.
2. Listing your time in prison as an extended vacation. Don’t try to convince anyone that the 4 – 7-year gap in your work summary was a vacation.
3. Listing your fraternity or sorority. There are basically two types of fraternities; those who have done something publicly offensive and those who haven't...yet. It would be best not to admit to being a member until after you're hired. Even after you get the job, you may not want to confess.
4. When listing skills, remember sexting isn’t a skill unless you are applying for a position in the porn industry. Also, while making pipe bombs is certainly a skill, you may want to keep that secret. Drinking beer while standing on your head isn’t a skill you should list. That also goes for stalking, coloring, field stripping an AK47, shooting an RPG, breaking and entering, cooking meth and picking locks.
5. Listing references still in prison. Don’t list references who are still in prison or pending trial. It’s best to wait until they’re out on bail. Don’t list your parole officer as a reference. Same for your Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor.
6. Using family as references. Don’t use family as references unless you still have copies of photographs you can use for blackmail.
7. It may be too soon to list Trump University on your profile. Hold off on that.
8. Misspelling the name of the university you claim to have attended.
9. Trying to be clever in your email address, i.e. buttkicker@whatever.com.
10. Listing the jobs you had in prison.
I sincerely hope this helps you prepare your resume. Good luck.
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