I recently blogged about debunking myths about the brain. I thought today I would continue in that vein and debunk the myths about butts (asses):
1. Some people have their “head up their ass.” Not true. You can try this at home. No way will your head fit up your butt or anyone else’s butt. This is like someone who “can’t find their butt with both hands”.
2. Some things are “half assed.” Okay, this one’s true. People can live with half an ass. Of course, they must be careful not to fall into the toilet. In some cases, surgeons might remove half an ass. In normal cases, individuals have been known to lose half their ass on a diet.
3. People may say that they “lost their ass” in an investment or gambling. Not true. No one would want to accept an ass as an investment or a wager.
4. It is possible to get an “ass chewing.” Okay, this one is true too but not the way you think. While it is possible to eat an ass, it is not recommended except in extreme circumstances. However, in the case of consenting adults in the privacy of their bedroom, some ass chewing may occur.
5. Some people are “butt heads” or “ass holes.” Not true - heads and butts are not interchangeable parts in spite of what some surgeons might say. The butt has no brain. Stupid people should correctly be called “brain dead”, clueless or thoughtless but “butt head” or “ass hole” is simply not correct. While it’s possible to “butt heads” (note the use of “butt” as a verb) with someone, that is an entirely different thing and usually ends in one of the parties being injured or fired.
6. It is possible to “kick ass” or “kick butt.” This is true. This phenomenon happens often in professional sports. It shouldn’t be taken: literally, but sometimes people do need a swift kick in the pants.
7. Some people are “ass kissers” or “brown nosers.” This one is also true but not in the way most people think. The common misperception is that it applies to a worker who kisses up to the boss. It would be rare if there was any real “ass kissing” taking place. Real “ass kissing” takes in the bedroom between consenting adults (read #4, reference “ass chewing” above). “Brown nosers” are really “ass kissers” who have gone too deep or missed the mark.
8. People may “butt-in” or “butt-out”. This should not be confused with belly buttons that are either inner or outers. Yes, some butts, in fact must, stick out and may be called “butt-outs”. The “butt-in” is very rare.
9. Someone could be the “butt of a joke”. This might even be called a “rump roast”. It is true, someone could be the butt of a joke. It might be humorous but it’s cruel, especially if the victim doesn’t realize it.
10. Might “bust your butt”. This is a thing. You might bust your butt. Thank means you have broken your coccyx, a small, bone at the bottom of the spine. It’s very painful but seldom fatal.
11. Your “butt is on the line”. This usually means you could get fired for something you have done. If you’re lucky, you’ll just get the traditional “ass chewing”. (See number 4 above.)
12. “butt floss”. Not a thing. You can’t buy butt floss. You will still have to use toilet paper.
13. You might “work your butt off” or “bust your ass” or even “work your tail off”. Not true. You can’t work your butt off. You can work hard, but your butt will still be there. In some cases, you might lose half your butt while dieting.
14. You could have a “pain in the butt” or a “pain in the ass”. This is a thing. IT is a symptom of the busted butt (Number 10 above). See your doctor right away.
15. You might be called “butt ugly”. This might be a thing. The truth is that most butts aren’t ugly. In fact, some might be called cute. Still, it’s considered an insult.
I hope this helps to debunk the numerous myths about butts.
1. Some people have their “head up their ass.” Not true. You can try this at home. No way will your head fit up your butt or anyone else’s butt. This is like someone who “can’t find their butt with both hands”.
2. Some things are “half assed.” Okay, this one’s true. People can live with half an ass. Of course, they must be careful not to fall into the toilet. In some cases, surgeons might remove half an ass. In normal cases, individuals have been known to lose half their ass on a diet.
3. People may say that they “lost their ass” in an investment or gambling. Not true. No one would want to accept an ass as an investment or a wager.
4. It is possible to get an “ass chewing.” Okay, this one is true too but not the way you think. While it is possible to eat an ass, it is not recommended except in extreme circumstances. However, in the case of consenting adults in the privacy of their bedroom, some ass chewing may occur.
5. Some people are “butt heads” or “ass holes.” Not true - heads and butts are not interchangeable parts in spite of what some surgeons might say. The butt has no brain. Stupid people should correctly be called “brain dead”, clueless or thoughtless but “butt head” or “ass hole” is simply not correct. While it’s possible to “butt heads” (note the use of “butt” as a verb) with someone, that is an entirely different thing and usually ends in one of the parties being injured or fired.
6. It is possible to “kick ass” or “kick butt.” This is true. This phenomenon happens often in professional sports. It shouldn’t be taken: literally, but sometimes people do need a swift kick in the pants.
7. Some people are “ass kissers” or “brown nosers.” This one is also true but not in the way most people think. The common misperception is that it applies to a worker who kisses up to the boss. It would be rare if there was any real “ass kissing” taking place. Real “ass kissing” takes in the bedroom between consenting adults (read #4, reference “ass chewing” above). “Brown nosers” are really “ass kissers” who have gone too deep or missed the mark.
8. People may “butt-in” or “butt-out”. This should not be confused with belly buttons that are either inner or outers. Yes, some butts, in fact must, stick out and may be called “butt-outs”. The “butt-in” is very rare.
9. Someone could be the “butt of a joke”. This might even be called a “rump roast”. It is true, someone could be the butt of a joke. It might be humorous but it’s cruel, especially if the victim doesn’t realize it.
10. Might “bust your butt”. This is a thing. You might bust your butt. Thank means you have broken your coccyx, a small, bone at the bottom of the spine. It’s very painful but seldom fatal.
11. Your “butt is on the line”. This usually means you could get fired for something you have done. If you’re lucky, you’ll just get the traditional “ass chewing”. (See number 4 above.)
12. “butt floss”. Not a thing. You can’t buy butt floss. You will still have to use toilet paper.
13. You might “work your butt off” or “bust your ass” or even “work your tail off”. Not true. You can’t work your butt off. You can work hard, but your butt will still be there. In some cases, you might lose half your butt while dieting.
14. You could have a “pain in the butt” or a “pain in the ass”. This is a thing. IT is a symptom of the busted butt (Number 10 above). See your doctor right away.
15. You might be called “butt ugly”. This might be a thing. The truth is that most butts aren’t ugly. In fact, some might be called cute. Still, it’s considered an insult.
I hope this helps to debunk the numerous myths about butts.
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