Cooking and eating roadkill isn’t new. There are even several roadkill cafes and dinners across the country including in Arizona, Missouri, Pennsylvania and Michigan. Whether they serve real roadkill is another question. There used to be a Roadkill Helper, but they stopped production after a lawsuit in 1994. Too bad.
This bill will open a whole new dining experience for most people. However, there is a protocol when dealing with roadkill:
- Remember, the roadkill must be unintentional. You can’t deliberately drive out of your way to kill your dinner. Under no circumstances should you attempt to run over buffalos, bears or moose.
- When picking up roadkill, wear gloves and make sure the roadkill is dead. Some roadkill such as possums will try to fool you. Snakes will bite you in the ass. Approach the roadkill slowly. If it moves, drive over it again.
- If you cook poisonous snakes, it’s a good idea to remove the venom glands first.
- There’s no good way to cook skunk. Pass it up. The same goes for porcupine.
- Remember that alligators are cold-blooded and like to sun themselves on the highway. There many recipes for cooking alligator, but no matter how you cook it, alligator always tastes like lizard--only bigger (pause for laughter). Make sure you park well off on the shoulder. You don’t want to become roadkill yourself.
- When cooking roadkill, a stew is always a safe bet, especially if you are using squires, small birds, snakes and/or frogs. If you have a small stew, add some rabbit meat. Make sure to use rabbit meat and not hare meat. No one want to find a hare in their stew (pause for laughter).
- If you have enough, frog legs are delicious cooked by themselves like chicken or chicken wings. (Frog wings???)
- Be sure to try some of the more exotic roadkill such as dog, cat, wolf and fox. If you find a large turtle or armadillo, cook it like a large roast.
- Large birds are excellent roadkill. Cook wild turkeys, pheasants and ducks like you would a turkey at Thanksgiving. Be sure to remove the feathers first.
- Moose, deer and buffalo meats are an excellent substitute for beef. Grill them.