thought I should provide some pointers for my non-Catholic friends, just in case he should call:
1. What title to use - “Your Holiness” is always appropriate, or just the humble “Father.” Please don’t refer to him as the Commander-in-Chief of the Swiss Guard.
2. His name – he has taken the name of Saint Francis of Assisi, not Saint Francis the Sissy.
3. If you get the call, stay cool. Don’t shout out, “OMG!, Holly Shit!, or Sweet Jesus!”.
4. Remember, he is not calling for your confession. This is not the time to confess about your extramarital affairs, your sexting, or any criminal activity.
5. Please do not ask for forgiveness for not paying your taxes. He has no authority in the USA.
6. If he says God bless you, don’t worry about it; you did not sneeze. It’s a Catholic thing.
7. Do not ask for any favors like damning your ex, sending a swarm of locust to your neighbor’s yard, or giving your boss hemorrhoids. He is in recruitment, not operations.
8. Do not put him on hold.
9. Do not ask him to bless your lottery numbers.
10. Do not refer to Jesus Christ and his disciples as JC and his posse.
If you follow these simple rules, your call will go well.
If Mark Twin had a cell phone he may have texted the following:
6:06 PM - Guys! Coming down w/ head cold. Any remedies? -Mark
6:06 PM – My old standby is a glass of whiskey b4 bed.-Tom
6:06 PM – Have a c. of whiskey @ bed time. - Dick
6:07 PM – 8 oz. of whiskey b4 bed should do it. -Harry
6:07 PM – I use 3 fingers of whiskey – straight up. – Nimrod
6:08 PM – Thanks. That is about 2 pints. I will try it & call you in the am.
If Julius Caesar had a cell phone he may have texted the following’
9:15 PM Hey, Julius. Did u get to Gaul? -Cicero
9:16 PM I came. –Julius
9:16 PM Did you c Paris? – Cicero
9:17 PM I saw. –Julius
9:17 PM Then what did u do? –Cicero
9:18 PM I conquered. -Julius