Monte R Anderson - Author
  • Monte's Blog
  • About Monte
    • Monte's Resume
    • Monte's Bio
  • Fiction
    • Novels and Books >
      • Night Predator
      • The Clone Murders
      • Angels and Gargoyles
      • Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardos da Vinci's Mentor
      • The Register Cliff Rapist
    • Short Stories >
      • The Tyranny of GPS
      • Ash Wednesday Storm of 1962
      • Good Neighbors
      • What God Hath Joined
    • Plays/Screenplays >
      • St. Michael & Job
      • How to Write a Screenplay for a TV Detective Show
      • Detective Show Spoof
      • Angels and Gargoyles Screenplay
      • Archimedes of Syracuse Screenplay
  • Non-Fiction
    • Leadership for New Managers: Book Two
    • Facility Management Series: Types of Maitenance Programs
  • Stories from Elmira

Pope Francis, Mark Twain, and Julius Caesar 

8/28/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
Apparently, the Pope has been calling some of the faithful. There has been some concern over what to say when the Pope calls. This may seem silly but it a serious concern. I
thought I should provide some pointers for my non-Catholic friends, just in case he should call:

1. What title to use - “Your Holiness” is always appropriate, or just the humble “Father.” Please don’t refer to him as the Commander-in-Chief of the Swiss Guard.
2. His name – he has taken the name of Saint Francis of Assisi, not Saint Francis the Sissy.
3. If you get the call, stay cool. Don’t shout out, “OMG!, Holly Shit!, or Sweet Jesus!”. 
4. Remember, he is not calling for your confession. This is not the time to confess about your extramarital affairs, your sexting, or any criminal activity. 
5. Please do not ask for forgiveness for not paying your taxes. He has no authority in the USA.
6. If he says God bless you, don’t worry about it; you did not sneeze. It’s a Catholic thing. 
7. Do not ask for any favors like damning your ex, sending a swarm of locust to your neighbor’s yard, or giving your boss hemorrhoids. He is in recruitment, not operations.
8. Do not put him on hold.
9. Do not ask him to bless your lottery numbers. 
10. Do not refer to Jesus Christ and his disciples as JC and his posse.

If you follow these simple rules, your call will go well.
 
If Mark Twin had a cell phone he may have texted the following:

6:06 PM - Guys! Coming down w/ head cold. Any remedies? -Mark
6:06 PM – My old standby is a glass of whiskey b4 bed.-Tom
6:06 PM – Have a c. of whiskey @ bed time. - Dick
6:07 PM – 8 oz. of whiskey b4 bed should do it. -Harry
6:07 PM – I use 3 fingers of whiskey – straight up. – Nimrod
6:08 PM – Thanks. That is about 2 pints. I will try it & call you in the am.
 
If Julius Caesar had a cell phone he may have texted the following’

9:15 PM Hey, Julius. Did u get to Gaul? -Cicero
9:16 PM I came. –Julius
9:16 PM Did you c Paris? – Cicero
9:17 PM I saw. –Julius
9:17 PM Then what did u do? –Cicero
9:18 PM I conquered. -Julius


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    Monte is the author of several  e-books on Amazon and smashwords.com


    Buy Monte's e-books:
    The Throuple Private Eye--Business is Booming.
    ​​The Throuple Private Eye--Hate Crimes
    ​
    A Head for Murder
    The Register cliff Rapist
    The Clone Murders,
    Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
    Leadership for New Managers: Book Two

    FREE E-BOOKS:
    Angels and Gargoyles

    LINKS
    linkedin.com
    twitter.com
    brandyourself.com










    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.