Predictions for 2014 My top predictions for 2014:
1. #Rob Ford, the drugged Mayor of Toronto, will undergo intensive therapy. He will follow the script.
2. #Miley Cyrus will do a spread for Playboy. Why do they call them spreads? Oh. Wait. Never mind. I figured it out.
3. #Congress will actually accomplish something. This is more of a hope and a prayer than a prediction.
4. Mike #Tyson will become a syndicated advice columnist.
5. North Korea Leader Kim Jung Un will reveal that he is gay and in love with Dennis Rodman. Dennis won’t deny nor confirm it.
6. Edward #Snowden will reveal secret e-mails between President #Obama and the Prime Minster of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt. First Lady, Michelle Obama will make him sleep on the Lincoln couch for two nights.
7. Secretary of State, John #Kerry, will ask Dennis #Rodman to negotiate a settlement between #China and #Japan over the #Senkaku Islands. Rodman will propose a basketball game; winner gets the islands.
8. The leader of North Korea, #Kim Jung-Un will father a daughter. He will name her after his friend, Dennis Rodman. Her name will be Dennis Rodman Jock-Un.
9. #Kanye West will record a remake of Rocky Mountain High. It will rocket to number one on the hip-hop charts. It will highlight legal pot in Colorado.
10. Justin #Bieber will retire in Colorado to smoke pot. He will come out of retirement before the end of the year.
11. #Phil Robertson from #Duck Dynasty will be a guest on #Dancing with the Stars.
12. I will sell enough books to change my tax status from hobby to business. This also is more of a hope and a prayer than a prediction.
Remember, you saw it here first.
1. #Rob Ford, the drugged Mayor of Toronto, will undergo intensive therapy. He will follow the script.
2. #Miley Cyrus will do a spread for Playboy. Why do they call them spreads? Oh. Wait. Never mind. I figured it out.
3. #Congress will actually accomplish something. This is more of a hope and a prayer than a prediction.
4. Mike #Tyson will become a syndicated advice columnist.
5. North Korea Leader Kim Jung Un will reveal that he is gay and in love with Dennis Rodman. Dennis won’t deny nor confirm it.
6. Edward #Snowden will reveal secret e-mails between President #Obama and the Prime Minster of Denmark, Helle Thorning-Schmidt. First Lady, Michelle Obama will make him sleep on the Lincoln couch for two nights.
7. Secretary of State, John #Kerry, will ask Dennis #Rodman to negotiate a settlement between #China and #Japan over the #Senkaku Islands. Rodman will propose a basketball game; winner gets the islands.
8. The leader of North Korea, #Kim Jung-Un will father a daughter. He will name her after his friend, Dennis Rodman. Her name will be Dennis Rodman Jock-Un.
9. #Kanye West will record a remake of Rocky Mountain High. It will rocket to number one on the hip-hop charts. It will highlight legal pot in Colorado.
10. Justin #Bieber will retire in Colorado to smoke pot. He will come out of retirement before the end of the year.
11. #Phil Robertson from #Duck Dynasty will be a guest on #Dancing with the Stars.
12. I will sell enough books to change my tax status from hobby to business. This also is more of a hope and a prayer than a prediction.
Remember, you saw it here first.
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