​It’s flu season (once again), but this year, the flu bug is particularly vicious. Health experts say the influenza season is more severe than usual. Many more people are sick with the flu compared with the same time last year. Medical experts report that the dominant strain of influenza, H3N2, may be more resistant to treatment while the flu vaccine is less effective against it. It might be time to consider more extreme methods to avoid the flu bug. Here are my recommendations on how to avoid becoming a victim of the flu:
 

1. Avoid touching your face, particularly your eyes, nose or mouth. I know you have all heard this, but if you’re like me, as soon as someone tells you to not touch your face, you get this overwhelming urge to do so. The best way to not touch your face is to wear gloves. Latex gloves are fine, but you may want to use something better like mittens or boxing gloves (I prefer the 16 oz. gloves). A hasty solution if you don’t have gloves is to use duct tape around each hand. Be careful not to tape your hands together. Another hasty solution is to wear handcuffs. Cuff yourself with your hands behind your back. If you absolutely must touch your face, use a back scratcher.

 

1. Cover your mouth and nose when you cough or sneeze. This is another preventive method I know you already know. Don’t use your hand or you will have the virus on your hands. This is another time that the gloves come in handy. I know you’ve seen people sneeze or cough in their elbow. If you have trouble reaching your elbow, use someone else’s elbow. Coughing into your knee is better, if you can pull it off.

 

1. Wash your hands. Soap and water can only go so far. Using alcohol-based hand sanitizer is better, but you might not have that available. In a pinch, try sticking your hands in a fire or place them on the stove. If you can microwave your hands – even better. Ultraviolet light can kill the flu virus. Therefore, get plenty of sunshine or go to a sun tanning salon. Sandblasting also works.

 

1. Avoid shaking hands, hugging or kissing. If you still must touch, as in the case of significant other or family, try the popular chest bump. If that isn’t your style, then use the hip bump or the butt bump. A technique that is gaining popularity is the elbow touch—just the outer side. Avoid the Eskimos nose kiss. Whatever works.

 

1. Don’t touch anything. Flu viruses can be spread by touching contaminated surfaces and then touching the mouth or eyes. (See above about wearing gloves.) The best technique is to avoid touching anything. Wrap yourself in several layers of clothing, bubble wrap or duct tape. The best thing to do is to lock yourself in your home starting in September and don’t come out until May. Hey, bears do it.  

 

1. Avoid people, especially people who are sick. Well, duh! If you must leave home, then avoid people – all people. That will eliminate the problem of shaking hands, hugging and kissing. You must also avoid birds, swine and Russians.

 
Please stay healthy this year and get a flu shot.

​I read with interest an article on my news feed by Kate Villa, the “6 Things You Should Never Do on Your Work Computer”. Kate list these things:

• Never Save Personal Files to Your Desktop. ...
• Don't Go to Any Sites You Wouldn't Show Your Boss. ...
• Don't Have Personal Conversations Over Office Chat. ...
• Fight the Urge to Shop Online. ...
• Don't Use Your Personal Email. ...
• Don't Search for Jobs at Other Companies.

As usual when people make these lists, Kate missed the mark by a mile. Here’s my list of the additional things you never should do on your work computer. Your work computer should never be used to:

• Sext: clients might be interested in the junk your company sells, but they aren’t interested in your junk.
• Order food delivery to you at the office—unless you order enough for everyone.
• Gossip—unless it’s really juicy gossip.
• Participate in teleconferences in your underwear.
• Troll for dates.
• Setting alarms to wake you up—use a wind up alarm or your iPhone.
• Purchase drugs—use the regular office dealer.
• Watch porn—unless, of course, your company is in that industry.
• Gamble—unless, of course, the entire office participates.
• Write a tell all expose about your company. If you want to be a whistleblower, use you home computer.
• Write the next great American novel on company time.
• Connect to the hidden cameras you installed in the restrooms.
• Plagiarize from co-workers.

 
I hope this will keep you out of trouble and employed.

Wisdom from an Old Man; You’ll know you’re a ghost when the motion detectors don’t activate the lights or doors for you.
​

I read with interest an item in our local paper about a driver who was stopped by the police for not wearing a seat belt. In his glove compartment the police found an unloaded pistol. It was registered to the driver.
​Apparently, he argued with the police, because these are the charges:
Failure to wear a seat belt while driving – first degree.
Failure to wear a seat belt while driving – second degree.
Failure to wear a seat belt while driving – third degree.
Concealing a weapon without a permit to carry a concealed weapon. (It was in his glove compartment.)
Failure to properly secure a concealed weapon. (The glove compartment wasn’t locked.)
Failure to properly notify police of concealed weapon in a car when stopped for not wearing a seat belt.
Failure to fully cooperate with police while they conducted an illegal search of automobile.
Making non-verbal faces at police during illegal search of automobile.
Failure to not memorize the serial number of a concealed weapon.
Failure to have committed a more serious crime worth citing.

Remember to always cooperate with law enforcement officers.
​

​I read with interest an article on my newsfeed written by Lia Sestric, “6 Really Dumb Ways Americans Waste Money.” Lia mentioned overspending on education, purchasing expensive diapers, buying unnecessary baby stuff, betting on lottery tickets, failing to shop for bargains, and insisting on lavish weddings. In my opinion, she wasn’t even close. Here is my list of more ways people waste money:

1. Sending money to someone in Nigeria who claims you inherited a large sum of money. This is a scam, folks.
2. Using your savings to invest in your brother’s or brother-in-law’s stupid ideas. In the case of the brother-in-law, you can’t stand the guy anyway, but you married his sister. Your brother or sister is a different issue. This is a tough one. Never lend money to family -- period. Good luck with this.
3. Enrolling in Trump University. I’m sure you thought this was a god deal. It’s overpriced folks. Go to the local community college.
4. Buying swamp land that might be drained. You don’t see this one much anymore. Here’s a hint; if you can’t see it, don’t buy it.
5. Spending a lot of money to buy a map to the Lost Dutchman's Gold Mine. Think About it; so many maps to the mine have been sold that someone must have found the gold by now.
6. Spending money to claim a prize someone says you won even though you never entered a contest. Another scam, folks.
7. Spending a lot of money on drugs (prescription drugs, over the counter drugs, under the counter drugs, meth, pot, cocaine, heroin, coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, candy, sugar and liquorish). Enough said.
8. Buying bottled water. Tap water is just as good, and it has fluoride for your teeth. The bottles are made of plastic which comes from oil – bad for the landfill and the environment. Just drink tap water and save. You can reuse the old water bottles and fool your snobbish friends.
9. Paying too much for sex. Sex should be free. If you must pay for it, you’re wasting money. Now, “good” sex is something else. That’s going to cost you.
10. Spending too much on pets. Pets shouldn’t cost anything. If you have a dog or cat, yes, it’s expensive. Pets should be free. Forget dogs or cats; cockroaches make great pets and they don’t eat much. They never bark.

 
I hope this helps everyone to cut expenses.

​I may have figured out a way to count the number of stars in the universe. Follow these steps:

1. 1. Section off a portion of the sky about a million square miles. You may have to eyeball this.
2. 2. Count the number of stars in this section. Take your time.
3. 3. Now multiple that number by infinity.

That should give you a rough estimate of the number of stars in the universe. If you have trouble doing this, try it at night.

I read an article on WritersLife.org by Bethany Cadman, “5 Signs You Might Not Be Cut Out to Write”. She listed things like you aren’t enjoying writing, you don’t make an effort, you have more important goals, you resent the time you have to spend writing, and you’re sick of being rejected. I couldn’t agree more.
 I write a blog and often get discouraged. There are many subtle signs that you aren’t cut out to be a blogger. These signs are:
Your family unfriends you on Facebook after your most resent post.
You write a controversial article but get no hate mail or threats.
People who don’t follow you try to unfollow you.
A writing teacher asks to use your blog as an example of poor writing.
Your mother corrects your grammar.
Your spellchecker underlines every other word.
You get in an argument with your spellchecker.
When you try to post something in your blog, your computer asks if you really want to post it.
No one tries to plagiarize your work.
Your friends give you dictionaries as Christmas gifts.
You google your name, and nothing comes up.
Your printer refuses to print anything you write.
All the comments on your posts concern grammar and not the subject.
No one is suing you.
Your significant other doesn’t know what you do for a living.
Your kids won’t invite you to Career Day at school.
Your friends and family are surprised to learn that you’re still alive.
You went on vacation for two weeks and didn’t post anything, and no one noticed.
No one shares your posts.
President Trump isn’t denouncing you publicly.
You don’t like coffee.

​If you notice any of these signs, maybe you should reconsider whether you want to continue writing a blog.
​

It’s that time of year when we take stock (inventory?) of the things we’re thankful for. I’ve eliminated the obvious things that people list every year; family, friends, health, blah, blah, blah. Here’s my list of things I’m thankful for:

1. 1. Farts are colorless. Can you imagine what the world would be like if farts were blue or green? That would take all the guess work out of who farted and let the dog off the hook.
2. 2. Lobsters don’t scream when you cook them (same goes for stepping on bugs). This goes without saying. (There I said it.)
3. 3. Cow can’t fly. Pigeons are bad enough. Thank goodness cows can’t fly.
4. 4. Dinosaurs are extinct. Driving to work every day is enough of a hassle. Thank goodness, we don’t have to dodge dinosaurs too.
5. 5. Fire. I’m not sure who invented or discovered it, but Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without fire. We’d have to eat cold turkey. What would a BBQ be without fire? Just a stack of wood or coal.
6. My secret bank-account. I’m glad my wife doesn’t know about my secret bank account. Oh, wait! WTF? Never mind.
7. Breathing is automatic. I’m certainly glad I don’t have to think about breathing. I’m so forgetful lately, I’d forget to breathe.
8. Light bulbs. Because without light bulbs, we’d be in …wait for it… the dark ages.
9. Gravity. Where would we be without gravity? Flung to the far corners of the solar system, I imagine.
10. Control of my anal sphincter. Can you imagine what life would be like if humans had no control of their anal sphincters? It would be shitty for sure. You could say, “That depends.”
11. Beer. Ben Franklin said, “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.” Which is why I don’t drink water. I’m thankful that beer is no longer just a breakfast drink.
12. Coffee. The elixir of the gods. I plan to quit drinking coffee as soon as I find a better way to get it down.
13. The thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. How does it know?
14. Golf Carts. A golf cart came in handy when my good buddy Ralph had a heart attack in the middle of our golf game. If we didn’t have a golf cart, we would’ve had to drag his body from hole to hole.
15. My brain. I’m thankful my mind is still tack as a sharp.
16. That marijuana is harmless. Thank goodness it haade ne efftive omn me abilly to rite.
17. I’m thankful for air. Can’t live without it.
18. The little light in the refrigerator. It makes things easier to see at night. But where doers it go when the door is closed?
19. Toilet paper. Without it we’d have to newspaper or magazines or even leaves.
20. Chocolate. I love it. Can’t get enough.

Perhaps you have some non-traditional things to be thankful for. Let’s hear them.

​Another boring debate among the Democratic Presidential Candidates is over. I say boring because there’re too many candidates, the debates aren’t competitive and there’re too many debates. The topics are limited by the time allotted. There isn’t enough time for each candidate to fully express their position on various topics. Viewers/voters must wait until the next day to discover the winners and losers. Usually there’re more than one winner and several losers.
 
I have some recommendations on how to improve the debate and gain more public interest (viewers/voters):
​

• Run the debates like an actual competitive event like March Madness. User a bracket like tennis does for Grand Slam Tournaments. Pit the highest rated candidate--based on polls—against the lowest and so on down the line. Run the debate like a real debate with a winner and loser each time. I think a double elimination tournament would work great. The debate could be judged by a panel of experts. Continue until there’s only one winner.  
• Televise only one-on-one debates, maybe two or three per day.
• Limit the number of candidates to 16. That’s the number that fits nicely into a bracket.
• Spread the debates over several days.
• The final winner would be the Democratic nomination for President. Runner up could be the Vice President nomination.

 
This should make the debates more interesting. At least viewers/voters would have more knowledge about each candidate.

​     I'm getting to that point in my life where my memory doesn’t serve me. I make notes to remind myself of everything. I have shopping lists, do lists, passwords and reminders for appointments. I find if I put something in my line of sight, I’ll remember it. To help myself remember or to remind myself of future events, I post notes to remind myself, mark up my calendar and use visual aids. I put them on my computer, refrigerator, and kitchen counters. I even put outgoing mail near the door where I’ll see it as I leave the house.
     The other day I went to buy groceries at our favorite big box store. When I got inside, I realized I forgot my shopping list at home. After berating myself for one minute, I told myself to put on my big boy pants and try to remember everything on the list.
     I decided if I went down every aisle, whenever I saw things that I use, it would remind me to buy it if I needed it. I went down every aisle and loaded up my cart. By time I was done, the cart held twice the amount of groceries that I usually buy. I figured it was all consumable, so no waste, no harm done. I was proud of myself for shopping without my usual list. When I got outside, it hit me; I forgot where I parked.
     My memory is a strange beast. I think now that I’m older, my brain can’t retain any more data. Therefore, it seems to be doing a data dump. It pulls up an old memory file that I haven’t thought about in years. For example, it might pull up a name of someone from high school. Then my brain asks, “Do we need to keep this file?” If I don’t immediately try to contact that person, my brain dumps that memory. It’s lost forever. That leaves a little storage space for a new memory. I’ve learned how to use this to my advantage. Before I fall asleep, I might ask my brain to find the name of a long-lost friend. Bingo, the next morning, my brain shows me the file.
      The other day I forgot what day it was. I thought it was trash day. I got up early and took out the trash. When the trash truck didn’t come, I figured out I was a day early. No sweat, lots of folks take out their trash the night before. I was just early. The problem is that I have done this before.
     My memory was never very good anyway. Many, many years ago, my wife gave me a birthday card. I thought it was funny, so I laughed. She said that she couldn’t do it anymore; she had given me that same card ten years in a row. I often run into a person I haven’t seen for a while and can’t remember their name. I have on a couple of occasions, let the dog out and forgot to let her back in.
     In my experience, there seems to be three types of memory lost: the first is a total loss of memory of names, places or events; the second is a mixed match of memories (not remembering correctly or mixing two separate events together); and finally, false memories (remembering things that never happened – duh).
     What I really hate is remembering things that never happened. For example, I was trying to remember if I took my morning meds and decided that I did. Later, I discovered that I hadn’t taken them. I was remembering something that never happened.
     As we grow older, our memories are often the best things we have. I hate losing them. They say the memory is the second thing to go as you get old. I forgot what the first thing was. I thought I’d better write this blog before I forget.