​I read with interest and article by Dennis Green for the Business Insider, “The 10 Worst Style Mistakes a Man can make, According to Women — and how to Avoid them. He mentioned:
jean shorts (jorts), baggy jeans, inappropriate headwear, improper grooming, fake glasses, socks with sandals, clothes that don’t fit, pleated khaki pants, loud shirts with writing, graphics, or flames, and tucked-in shirts that aren't supposed to be tucked. As usual with numerated lists, he forgot a few. Here are more fashion faux pas: 

1. Cheese head – This is okay in many parts of Wisconsin and at any Green Bay Packers’ game but should be avoided at all other times.
2. Shirtless or shoeless – okay at the beach but not a restaurant.
3. Face tattoos that cover the entire face. This is acceptable in some small groups but not for normal people.
4. Low pants with underwear showing. The style for young folks provided the underwear are clean. If the underpants are yellow in the front and brown in the back; don’t wear them.
5. Painted face and/or chest – just like cheese heads, painted faces and chest are okay at sporting events but not to be worn in public.
6. Suspenders with a belt – this conveys a basic insecurity. Make up your mind, one or the other.
7. Low riding pants with butt cleavage showing (plumper’s pants) – seldom acceptable. Pull up your pants.
8. Food stains on T-shirt – never acceptable.
9. Wearing a football helmet and/or mouth guard. WTF? Did you have brain surgery?
10. Excessive cat or dog hairs – some pet owners might overlook this but most won’t.

If you see yourself dressing like any of these, clean up your act.

I read with interest an article written by Jim Carman and posted in the Military Officers Association of America. He was writing about indicators that you have a problematic boss. He listed someone who is easily distracted or multi-tasking during your initial interview, has poor eye contact, provides terse or shallow answers to your questions, dominates the conversation with excessive emphasis on the boss’s achievements, and comments negatively about others. Those of you that follow my blog know that I always find whatever the authors omit. Here’re a list often additional indicators of a problematic boss:
Your boss:

• now calls you “That Stupid New Guy.”
• slaps you in the back of the head while passing your desk.
• asks you to buy coffee but doesn’t pay you.
• hits on your significant other.
• show excessive interest in your teenage child.
• spends all morning cleaning an AK47 and talking to it.
• spends all afternoon coloring in a coloring book.
• talks to imaginary employees in the room and/or a “Little Me” sitting on a shoulder.
• wants to know if you’re currently satisfied with your current drug dealer.
• asks you to invest in a Nigerian financial opportunity.
• pats you on the butt and lets a hand linger too long.

 
If your resume isn’t current, you need to update it.

A while back, I read on my news feed the 7 Signs You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee. The article listed these symptoms: you feel anxious, your stomach hurts, your heart is racing, you have diarrhea, you can’t sleep, you've got the jitters and you get headaches.
As usual, these types of lists always omit some
symptoms.

​Here’s what the list omitted:

1. You buy coffee colors shirts so the stains don’t show.
2. You plant coffee beans in your garden.
3. Your Starbuck’s bill is more than your electric bill.
4. You sprinkle ground coffee on your omelets.
5. You start carrying instant coffee and spoon for a quick pick-me-up instead of a snack.
6. You start looking for coffee flavoring in all your food.
7. You can smell a coffee shop one mile away.
8. Your teeth turn brown.
9. Use start using a needle to inject the coffee directly into your blood stream.
10. You think hospital coffee tastes good.

If you have any of these symptoms, you may need an intervention.

A while back, I read with interest, “The 10 Worst Jobs for the Future by Stacy Rapacon, Online Editor, for Kiplinger (7/17/2017). The list was based on an analysis of 785 popular occupations, considering their pay rates, growth potential over the next decade and educational requirements. The ten jobs they listed were in marketing, manufacturing and blue-collar workers.Of course, they missed several jobs that are dying.


​Here’s my list of additional bad jobs:

1. Press Secretary for President Trump
2. Chairperson of the Congressional Ethics Committee
3. Food taster for Kim Jong-un of North Korea.
4. Suicide bomber
5. American professor in an exchange program at a university in North Korea
6. Chief of Staff for the POTUS.
7. Javelin catcher for the Olympics
8. Moderator for the Democratic candidates’ debate.
9. Telephone book printer
10. Video and game rental store clerk.

If you have one of these jobs, update your resume.

I read with interest an article from The Motley Fool by Maurie Backman, “10 Reasons You're Not Getting Promoted.” The ten reasons included: a negative attitude, showing up late or leaving early, using vulgar or inappropriate language, too many sick days, gossiping, wasting time on social media, being messy, wasting time chatting with coworkers and taking too many personal calls. Sometimes you can guess the reason as when the boss’ son gets promoted over you. The article missed the real reasons you aren’t getting that big promotion.
​

​Here they are:
You thought causal Friday was clothing optional.
Your boss just discovered that funny video of you drunk and falling into a wedding cake.
HR discovered that you didn’t actually graduate form Trump University.
The boss’ secretary showed HR the sext message you sent her.
You asked the boss for a date.
You brought your AK47 to work.
You won’t use the same drug dealer that the rest of the office uses.
You used the copy machine for pornography without permission.
HR discovered that hilarious video of the office party you posted on YouTube.
You showed too much interest in the boss’ son/daughter
You said the boss’ idea was stupid.
Of course, you may never know the truth. All you can do is to give your very best effort and kiss up to the boss.

I read a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that found people who partially confessed to a misdeed ended up feeling worse than those who fully confessed. Apparently, a full confession is good for the soul - good news for Catholics. The study stated a partial confession eases the guilty feeling but still lets us get away with some bad behavior. We sometimes use a partial confession to make ourselves look better in the eyes of others. A partial confession often seems more believable. I’m not sure if the timing of this study had anything to do with Mueller’s investigation. The study looked at such issues as cheating, breaking the law, infidelity, stealing, drug use, and lying. I found it interesting that these significant issues weren’t considered:

 1. Farting. This could be in bed, in the living room or in an elevator. It is a compelling reason to own a dog.    
2. Eating the last doughnut. When confronted with this accusation, it is best not to have the tell-tale powdered sugar on your face or clothes. You ate only the low-cal ones.   
3. Not reading the entire agreement before clicking on “I agree” or “I have read all the terms of the agreement.” Guilty! No comment.    
4. Removing the tag on bedding that says, “DO NOT REMOVE UNDER PENTALITY OF LAW.” I know you did it because sometimes you need to feel a little wild – an outlaw.   
5. Denying that you were looking at a woman’s cleavage or a man’s tight jeans. I’m not sure how you could partially confess to this. Could you say you had one eye closed and it was your bad eye? Or you could fake blindness. Works for me.    
6. Stating that you have no idea how you gained weight while on a diet. Again, guilty. It couldn’t be the wine you drink – wine comes from grapes – a fruit. It can’t be chocolate candy – chocolate comes from the coco bean – a vegetable.
7. Telling your significant other you weren’t flirting with his/her best friend. No, you are just being friendly. Not your type anyway.
8. Telling the police officer that pulled you over you had no idea how fast you were driving. You were just trying to blow out the carbon from the engine. Maybe you thought the officer was your ex stalking you. Could work.
9. Telling your significant other you aren’t sneaking a smoke after you swore to give up smoking. Of course not! You gave your word and if anything, your word is good.
10. Telling your doctor you feel just fine. You don’t want any new meds. You can’t afford the fee. Whatever. Don’t tell the doctor about the chest pains. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
​
Those are just a few issues that the study failed to address. I am sure that you readers can think of more. Let me know.

I just read an article by Oleg Vishnepolsky of the DailyMail Online Uk posted on Linked In. He wrote,
“You did not get HIRED even though you were fully qualified for the JOB. They did not even get back to you. Here are 5 reasons why.
1. They want to hire a friend or a relative, but they "need" to go through the motions of interviewing people.
2. They simply wanted to pump you for information, "free consultation".
3. You were "too good" and the insecure hiring manager saw you as a threat to his own position.
4. They wanted someone younger, someone they think they can boss around.
5. They wanted someone with more experience, but they don't realize that it is not the number of years, but their quality that matters.

You know what, in all these cases, they don't deserve you! The right company will hire you, keep on going!”
 
Of course, he may be right, but there are many other reasons you didn’t get hired. Here’s a list:
 

1. You rendered the Nazi salute, or did a fancy handshake like the hand jive, high fives or Boy Scout/Cub Scout/Girl Scout secret handshakes.
2. You pushed on the pull door.
3. You picked your nose during the interview,
4. You threw your leg over the armrest of the chair or lit up a cigar or put your feet up on the interviewer’s desk.
5. You wore an old suicide bomber vest to the interview.  
6. You talked to your imaginary friend during the interview.
7. You left your coloring book in the waiting room.
8. You wore a fraternity/sorority pin or ring despite the recent bad news.
9. You wore badges, tie tacks, cuff links or belt buckles made from bullets.
10. You winked at the interviewer.
11. You forgot to sanitize your FaceBook page (or Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, or Tumblr).
12. You wore a Superman/Supergirl T-shirt under your white shirt.

 
There may be other reasons that you didn’t get hired. Hey, suck it up.

Okay, someone spilled the beans and leaked the secret plans for the raid on Area 51. The Air force has had plenty of time to relocate the aliens. Now we have a new plan. Please keep this secret.

We’ll still meet at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction on September 20 as previously planned. That will be a distraction for the Air Force. A handpicked squad of space commandos will then use a time machine to go back in time anywhere from one to three years. Using a transporter, the commandos will beam inside the warehouse at Area 51. Once inside, the commandos will free as many aliens as possible, beams them outside and then time travel with them back to the present. Once freed, the aliens will be sent to safe houses until the next phase can be planned. That’s the plan; plain and simple.

Here are some guidelines for proper etiquette when meeting aliens:

1. Remember that the aliens are our guests.
2. DO NOT hand your cellphone to an Extra-Terrestrial (ET) and say, “ET, call home.” It’s not funny anymore.
3. DO NOT feed the aliens, especially Reese’s Pieces. We don’t know their dietary requirements.
4. DO NOT eat anything an alien may offer you.
5. DO NOT extend your hand to an alien unless the alien extends an appendage to you first.
6. Some aliens may not be pretty. DO NOT show disgust or fear when you meet one. Remember, you may appear ugly to them also.
7. DO NOT take an alien home. The plan is for them to go to a safe house. Do not let an alien adopt one of your children.
8. Aliens may not understand some of our languages. Raising your voice doesn’t help them to understand you any better and is just rude.
9. DO NOT bring your pets. We don’t know the aliens’ dietary requirements.
10. DO NOT ask for autographs; photographs and selfies are okay.
11. DO NOT try to mate with an alien. They are a completely different species. There is no guarantee of what will happen.
12. Most of the aliens probably do not read out languages. DO NOT give them any literature, especially religious or political.
13. If you were abducted and probed by aliens, this isn’t the time or place to resolve those issues. Stay home.

Here are some guidelines for you if you plan to join us:

1. Firearms can’t be discharged at any time. That includes rifles, pistols, grenades, phasers, lasers, pulse cannons, plasma cannons, phase cannons, disruptors, and phased polaron cannons. Squirt guns with H2O are okay.
2. There’s plenty of free parking in the desert. Sand is free. Take some home.
3. If you plan to fly your own spacecraft, make sure you have enough deuterium, antimatter and dilithium crystals for a round trip. There are no facilities to supply these. DO NOT attempt to fly over Edwards Air Force Base air space. The Air Force may shoot you down.
4. If you plan to drive, bring extra cans of gasoline and diesel fuel.
5. Bring plenty of water (it’s a desert, folks). Bring extra water for one or two aliens.
6. Food should not be a problem. There are food trucks coming from Las Vegas, LA and San Diego. Celebrity chef Guy Fieri is offering free radioactive ribs. Bud Light has offered free Bud Light for any alien that makes it out.
7. There won’t be enough porta potties. Bring shoves and bury your s**t. Bring plenty of toilet paper too.
8. Plastic bags are banned. Use only paper bags or eco-friendly bags. Take your trash home with you. We want to leave the desert cleaner than before we arrived.
9. Open fires are banned including BBQ grills. We don’t want to start a brush fire and kill any aliens.
10. Keep phasers on stun with the safeties on. We don’t want any incidents like last time.

​Remember, the plan is to meet and greet some aliens and have fun.

I have seen several articles lately about the subtle signs you are about to be terminated. What about the obvious, not so subtle signs? Here is a list of some of the indicators that you may be the next employee terminated:
​
1. You show up at work and your company has moved without leaving a forwarding address.
2. You arrive at work and a SWAT team is about to break down your office door.
3. Your car is towed out of the company parking lot.
4. A new employee is sitting at your desk.
5. Your favorite food is no longer served in the company cafeteria.
6. Housekeeping drops off a bunch of cardboard boxes at your desk.
7. Your administrative assistant is sending out resumes.
8. Recruiters start calling you at home.
9. You’re not notified of an emergency meeting of a committee that you’re on.
10. Your password to the company computer doesn’t work.
11. No one returns your calls or e-mails.
12. People cancel appointments with you.
13. Your telephone has been disconnected.
14. Your key to the executive bathroom doesn’t work. (Take the hint.)
15. A new roster of employees no longer lists you.
16. A new organization chart no longer shows your department.
17. Your department is not mentioned in the new budget.
18. Your friends start sending you e-mails asking if you’re okay.
19. Coworkers stop by your office to say that they will miss you.
20. A coworker steals your chair and desk lamp.
21. The mail room want to know where to forward your mail.
22. Your ID card won’t let you in the building.
23. A security guard follows you to your office.
24. Your return flight on a business trip is cancelled along with your corporate credit card
25. Your boss won’t look you in the eyes.

These less than subtle signs should tell you that you are soon to be history at that company.
​

​Hello, my name is Monte R. Anderson and I’m a blogger. I’ve been blog-free now for six months.  I would’ve continued in my downward spiral if it hadn’t been for an intervention by my family and close friends. I owe them my life. I came home one day and was greeted at the door by wife. She took both my hands in hers and led me into the living room. There stood my two best friends, my two children, my brother and sister.
 
“Monte, sit down here,” my wife said. Then she leaned on the arms of the chair until her face was inches from mine. “First, we want you to know that we all love you.” Everyone nodded in agreement or echoed, “We love you.”
 
I think I said something profound like, “Sup?”
 
My best friend, Mike, stepped forward and said, “Bro, this is an intervention. We know what you’ve been doing.  We all know. It has got to stop. You have got to stop now.”
 
“What are you talking about?” I asked, trying to play innocent.
 
My other friend, Pat, said. “You’ve been blogging, bro. We know. We’ve watched you destroy your life.”
 
“So, I’ve been blogging. What’s wrong with that?”
 
My wife raised her voice. “You’re a writer not a blogger. You are supposed to be writing the great American novel, not wasting your time on a blog.”
 
“We found your novel manuscript on your computer.” Pat held up some paper.
 
“There you go. I have been writing.”
 
Pat laughed. “It’s only four pages.” He peeled off the pages one by one and threw them on the floor. “The cover which is blank except for the title. Apparently, the working title is “To Be Determined”. Seriously? Then the title page with your name, a table of contents with just chapter numbers and the acknowledge page where you thanked your family for their support. That’s not a novel, Monte.”
 
“So, I blog a little bit. What’s the harm in that?”
 
My wife was back in my face. “A little bit! I didn’t mind when you blogged once or even twice a week, but lately, you’ve been at it every day; sometimes twice a day. You’re destroying our family. You’re killing yourself.”
 
“WTF?”
 
“Look at yourself, Monte,” Mike said. “When is the last time you shaved, or took a shower?” I shrugged my shoulders. Mike continued, “You’ve been wearing those same clothes for two weeks now. You’re eating pop tarts for every meal. Do you even know how much coffee you drink?”
 
“I need a little caffeine now and then,” I answered.
 
Mike held up eight K-cups. “Try eight today.”
 
Pat held up four energy drink cans. “Not to mention these energy drinks we found in your trash today.”
 
I just hung my head. My secret was out. I felt so ashamed.
 
My young son stepped forward. “Dad, you haven’t gone to one of my games this season. You said you’d watch me play.”
 
“Okay, okay, son. I’ll come to your next soccer game.”
 
Tears formed in my son’s eyes. “That was last season. I’m playing basketball now.” He turned and ran away.
 
It was now my daughter’s turn. “Dad, I need you. I need you to come to my high school graduation and my college graduation. I need you walk me down the aisle when I marry.”
 
It was my turn to cry. “Baby, I’m planning to do that.”
 
She shook her head. “No, you won’t,” she shouted. “You’ll stay home to write your stupid blog.”
 
The room was quiet for a moment before I broke the silence. “I’m truly sorry. I didn’t realize. You’re right. You’re all right. I need help.”
 
My wife was back holding my hands. “It’s not too late. We’re here to help you.”
 
“What should I do,” I asked.
 
My wife straightened up. “First… stop blogging.”
 
You mean cold turkey? Just like that?”
 
“We’ll help,” Mike said. “We’ve already hidden your computer.”
 
“But my followers.”
 
“They’ll understand,” said Mike.
 
Pat handed me a brochure. “We’ve enrolled you in a rehab program. The first week you must live on site and the second week you live in a halfway house with other recovering bloggers. After that there’s BA – Bloggers Anonymous. They meet every week.”
 
I completed the rehab program and attended the BA meetings. I was assigned a sponsor. He was an older blogger. He looked like a zombie – lifeless eyes and slow movements. Now, months later, I do feel better. I’m happy. My family’s happy. I felt so good about my experience that I decide to share it with you followers on this secret blog.
 
THE END