I read with interest and article on my newsfeed written by Rachel Sokol in Reader’s Digest, “12 LinkedIn Mistakes that can Cost you the Job.” She listed skimping on work history, hiding your skills, forgetting to brand yourself, neglecting keywords in your summary, ignoring your profile, forgetting to add location, posting political or controversial things, forgetting where and when you met someone, not asking for recommendations, not uploading your whole resume, and not downloading your connections. Of course, whenever people write these lists, they omit major things. As a community service, with tongue in cheek, I want to add to the list:
1.      Don’t mention your fraternity or sorority. If your fraternity or sorority hasn’t been in the news recently for some stupid stunt, it will be. Best not to mention it until after you’re hired.
2.      Remember that funny video of you drunk and falling into a wedding cake? Yeah, don’t post that video.
3.      Check the background of any pictures you post. Make sure you don’t have things like Confederate flags, your pot bong, your collection of Playboy magazines, your exes, or your KKK hood.
4.      It may be too soon to list Trump University on your profile. Hold off on that.
5.      Remember, drinking beer while standing on your head is not a skill you should list. That also goes for making pipe bombs, stalking, and coloring, sexting, cooking meth, field stripping an AK47, shooting an RPG, breaking and entering, and picking locks. 
6.      Don’t list references who are still in prison.
7.      Do not list your time in prison as an extended vacation.
8.      Don’t use family as references unless you still have copies of photographs you can use for blackmail.
9.      Don’t list your parole officer as a reference. Same for your Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor.
10.  Don’t misspell the name of the university you claim to have attended.
11.  Don’t try to be clever in your email address, i.e. buttkicker@whatever.com.
​Keep these tips in mind as you build you LinkedIn profile.

I read with interest an article on my Lifestyle newsfeed by Brittany Wong in Lifestyle “If You Can't Answer These Questions About Your Partner, You're In Trouble” She mentioned monogamy, feelings, sex drive, love, couples’ therapy and future goals – you know all the usual bull. As a community service, I will now tell you the real things you should know about your partner ASAP:
1.      Their favorite recreational drug.
2.      Will they cover for you with a good alibi?
3.      Their safe word.
4.      Their first name.
5.      Their parole officer’s name.
6.      Their exes’ names.
7.      The names of their biological children
8.      Their Face Book password (Tinder password too).
​If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you’re in trouble.

I getting to that point in my life where my memory doesn’t serve me. I make notes to remind myself of everything. I have shopping lists, do lists, passwords and reminders for appointments. I find if I put something in my line of sight, I’ll remember it. To help myself remember or to remind myself of future events, I post notes to remind myself, mark up my calendar and use visual aids. I put them on my computer, refrigerator, and kitchen counters. I even put outgoing mail near the door where I’ll see it as I leave the house.
The other day I went to buy groceries at our favorite big box store. When I got inside, I realized I forgot my shopping list at home. After berating myself for one minute, I told myself to put on my big boy pants and try to remember everything on the list.
I decided if I went down every aisle, whenever I saw thing that I use, it would remind me to buy it if I needed it. I went down every aisle and loaded up my cart. By time I was done, the cart held twice the amount of groceries that I usually buy. I figured it was all consumable so no waste, no harm done. I was proud of myself for shopping without my usual list. When I got outside, it hit me; I forgot where I parked.
My memory is a strange beast. I think now that I’m older, my brain can’t retain any more data. Therefore, it seems to be doing a data dump. It pulls up an old memory file that I haven’t thought about in years. For example, it might pull up a name of someone from high school. Then my brain asks, “Do we need to keep this file?” If I don’t immediately try to contact that person, my brain dumps that memory. It’s lost forever. That leaves a little storage space for a new memory. I’ve learned how to use this to my advantage. Before I fall asleep, I might ask my brain to find the name of a long-lost friend. Bingo, the next morning, my brain shows me the file.
The other day I forgot what day it was. I thought it was trash day. I got up early and took out the trash. When the trash truck didn’t come, I figured out I was a day early. No sweat, lots of folks take out their trash the night before. I was just early. The problem is that I have done this before.
My memory was never very good anyway. Many, many years ago, my wife gave me a birthday card. I thought it was funny, so I laughed. She said that she couldn’t do it anymore; she had given me that same card ten years in a row. I often run into a person I haven’t seen for a while and can’t remember their name. I have on a couple of occasions, let the dog out and forgot to let her back in.
In my experience, there seems to be three types of memory lost: the first is a total loss of memory of names, places or events; the second is a mixed match of memories (not remembering correctly or mixing two separate events together); and finally, false memories (remembering things that never happened – duh).
What I really hate is remembering things that never happened. For example, I was trying to remember if I took my morning meds and decided that I did. Later, I discovered that I hadn’t taken: them. I was remembering something that never happened.
As we grow older, our memories are often the best things we have. I hate losing them. They say the memory is the second thing to go as you get old. I forgot what the first thing was. I thought I’d better write this blog before I forget.
​

I’ve said it before, we need a Stupidity Law. Whenever someone does something stupid not covered under another law, authorities could use the Stupidity Law to prosecute, if it’s really stupid. It may be too late to stop Donald Trump, Justin Bieber or Kanye West, but it might be a deterrent in the future. We can only hope. Here are some incidents, which might fall under the Stupidity Law:  

In July, someone in Fairfax County, VA crashed a $300,000 Mc Laren 720S after owning for one day. Police tweeted.
Police stopped a 31-year old woman who was doing 92 mph in a 75-mph speed zone in a 2018 Ford Mustang. They issued her a ticket and she promptly accelerated away at 142-mph.

In Illinois, State Rep. Nick Sauer, of Lake Barrington, a Republican lawmaker appointed to the General Assembly's sexual harassment task force resigned following his ex-girlfriend's allegations of improper sexual activity. He sent nude photos of her to other men online.

A 15-year-old teen suffered second-degree burns to his face and body after his friends allegedly poured boiling hot water on him as he slept in a bid to complete the “Hot Water Challenge.” Whoever thought up this challenge needs to be prosecuted for stupidity.

Rapper Drake's song from his album "Scorpion" has sparked a new dance challenge called the "#InMyFeelingsChallenge." Comedian Shiggy introduced the newest dance challenge when he posted a video of himself on Instagram dancing to Drake’s latest single. People have been injured attempting to post videos of themselves dancing after exiting a moving vehicle. They have fallen and been struck by cars. Shiggy and all those people leaving a moving car need to be indicted.
​
Are there others?

​

I read with interest an article from The Motley Fool by Maurie Backman, “10 signs you need to quit your job”. He mentioned boredom, being underappreciated, your manger isn’t helpful, your coworkers aren’t supportive, your work-life balance is nonexistent, you don’t like the company culture, your health is suffering, you’re in a dead-end position, your compensation sucks, and you no longer care about your performance. All these are good reason to quit but I think Maurie missed a few. Here are a few more reasons to quit you job:

1.      Your boss asks you for a date and his/she is married.
2.      Your boss doesn’t like your drug dealer.
3.      Office policy won’t allow using the copy machine for pornography.
4.      Management won’t let you go home early if you come in late.
5.      Office policy won’t allow for a clothing optional day.
6.      You show up at work and your company has moved without leaving a forwarding address.
7.      You arrive at work and a SWAT team is about to break down the front door.
8.      Your favorite food is no longer served in the company cafeteria.
​
​If you see these signs, you need to quit your job.

I read with interest an item on my newsfeed. “11 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before You Get Married.” It listed things like love, family, debt, values, emotions and other such nonsense. As usual with these list, they missed some very important questions you should ask your partner before you get married. Here are the other questions that should be asked and answered before getting married:
How fast can you field strip an AK47 or M16? The answer to this question is insightful. Whether it’s a deal breaker or not is up to you.
Do you know how to make pipe bombs? This is like the question above, however, it isn’t a timed event.
What did the voices in your head say about me? It’s important that the voice like you. If they don’t, there will be problems later.
Are you terminally ill? This might be a deal breaker. A follow-on question might be, “How much insurance do you have?”
Are you legally single? Don’t accept anything but a yes answer. “My divorce is pending,” is not a good answer. “I’m thinking about it.” is even worse.
Do you have you have biological children? You probably should answer this question also.
Were you ever on America’s Most Wanted or The Hunt with John Walsh? This could be a deal breaker.
What cult do you belong to? This is a trick question. If your partner is in a different cult than you, it could be a deal breaker.
Is your birth gender the same as your current gender? This may or may not be an issue with you but it’s good to know.
Are you in this country legally? Make him/her show you their green card.
Are you an extraterrestrial? No green card in this case. 
Do you have your own place or are you living with your parents?
Are you a registered sex offender, or on parole or work release program?
Do you remember my safe word? This will be important if you take things to the next level.​

I hope this helps you and your partner to make the big decision.

I like TV. Okay, I may watch too much TV, and I tend to be critical, because I’m a writer. I’m getting sick and tired of some ridiculous actions and mistakes that so many scriptwriters make in TV scripts. When I see them, I want to scream. I know it’s fiction, but I do expect fiction to make some sense. Here’s what I’m talking about.:

Violating Newton’s Laws of Gravity. I know you’ve all seen this one. The hero throws a rope or chain around the villain’s neck and throws the other end over a beam or tree branch. Then, believe it or not our hero hoists the villain off the ground. Here’s the problem – there’d no advantage without a pulley. The hero must weigh considerably more than the bad guy for this to work. It’s simple mechanics – Newton’s 2nd Law of Gravity (the sum of the forces on a mass). Therefore, the force applied by pulling down on the rope must be greater than the weight of the object, in this case, the villain, to raise the object. It doesn’t matter how strong the hero’s arms are unless his/her feet are anchored.

Karate kicks that are too powerful. Here’s another common sight – our hero kicks an opponent and the opponent goes flying backwards through the air. No way. I have a second-degree black belt in Tae Kwan Do, so I know a little about it. Once again, it’s mechanics -- Newton's third law (for every force there is an opposite and equal force) If one person kicks another hard enough to make them fly backwards, the kicker also will fly backward. Think about it – the foot or fist is small compared to the body. It would be like a chisel hitting a stone. The target wouldn’t fly backwards, but a rib or two would break.

Parking directly in front of building. This is another scene that bugs me. Our hero pulls up to a build and finds a parking spot right in front and there’s no meter. It what universe would that happen? I have lived in NYC, LA, Chicago, Washington D.C. and a few other big cities. It never happens. People must arrive very early to park in front, and there’s usually a meter. Our hero would have to park in a parking garage or parking lot farther away. It might happen in a rural area, small town or suburb but not in a big city.

Ridiculous stake outs. The scene shows one or two detectives sitting in a car on a stakeout right in front of suspect’s house or work place. Usually, there seems to be a light under the dash. No one challenges them or even notices. It… would… never… happen. A nosey neighbor or neighborhood watch would notice. Even in a high crime area, people would suspect the detectives were drug dealers or narcs and alert the suspect.

Extremely explosive hand grenades. You know the scene. Our hero throws a hand grenade and it explodes in a huge fire ball and people fly up into the air. That just blows my mind. Most grenades are fragmentation grenades that look like baseballs. They use a small explosive surrounded by a notched wire – no gas or fuel. Incendiary grenades look like beer cans and burn rather than explode. A hand grenade would not have a huge fire ball and wouldn’t blow people up into the air.
Bad guys who are terrible shots. You would think that professional killers could at least hit the side of a barn when shooting. But no, our hero kills someone with every shot while the professional killers can’t seem to hit anything. The hero can run from cover to cover or through open terrain and it’s as if the bad guys are shooting blanks. Give me a break.

Popping up to shoot. Our hero is behind a rock or some other bullet proof cover and periodically pops up to shot. Yeah, right. That would never work. The bad guys would take aim at that spot and shoot our hero as soon as he/she pops. It might work if our hero could move to a different spot before popping up.

Breaking necks with a twist of the hands. Our hero grabs the head of a bad guy with two hands and twists, killing him instantly. Theoretically, it might work, but here’s the problem; the neck muscles are very strong. Even if the villain is totally relaxed and surprised, the body’s natural reaction is to resist. If it were that easy, there would be more deaths in wrestling. I have wrestled off and on for ten years. It ain’t that easy. Now there are way to break a person’s neck, but I won’t disclose them here. Also, a broken neck doesn’t always mean instant death.

One punch knockout. This is like the broken neck. I’ve done a little boxing and a lot of karate, and on a few rare occasions I have seen one-punch knockouts, but they are rare. In some cases, the person has a glass jaw.

Throwing knives. When I was in junior high, I wasted a lot of my time practicing throwing knives. It wouldn’t be the best choice to kill an opponent. If the thrower misses, the intended victim could use the knife. Throwing knives to cut wires or ropes – forget it.

Ticking bombs. It’s a tense scene. Our hero must figure out which wire to cut while a clock nearby counts down the time in bold, red letters. What a laugh. Most bombs consist of a power supply (or just a switch), an initiator that causes the bomb to explode (often a blasting cap), an explosive and maybe something for shrapnel. If the explosive is like C-4, the bomb maker just sticks the blasting cap in the C-4. Therefore, if possible, the quickest way to render a bomb harmless is to pull out the blasting caps. Be sure to move them far away from the explosive.

Stereotypical detectives. It seems in every detective show; the protagonist keeps some evidence secret or lies about it. They also chase leads and clues without backup and never call ahead to the local law enforcement to secure the suspect. Come on! They can’t all be rogues.

Not wearing head protection. I am appalled when I see our heroes joining the SWAT team without heads protection. Say it ain’t so. At least they don’t get shot in the head.

Holding the rope during rappelling. I love this one. Our hero rappels down a cliff while his/her partner (anchor) holds on to the other end. This might be possible if the anchor person is sitting and has some way to brace the feet. Otherwise, the anchor would be pulled over the cliff.

Getting confidential information on patients from nurses and doctors. I go crazy when I watch a TV show where a detective (Chicago PD) or fireman (Chicago FD) goes up to the nurses’ station (Chicago Med) and asks about the status of a patient and is told. It’s a clear violation of HIPAA (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). It’s illegal for medical personnel to divulge medical information on patients without the patient’s consent. It could happen but probably won’t except in Chicago.

Romance after a near death experience. I know you’ve seen this. Our hero and the significant other barely survive disaster. It could be a group of assassins, a natural disaster or space aliens trying to conquer the earth. Immediate the two decide this would be a great time to make out. Duh? I would think it would be a good time to change underwear, stay alert in case the monster returns or one of the killers is merely wounded, or catch some shut eye.

Sex in the hospital linen closet. This is why I don’t like hospital shows. I used to work in a hospital. Believe me, if the linen closet was big enough for sex, the hospital would turn it into a patient room. It’s all about business and profit and loss.

No sense of urgency. I know you’ve seen this. The captain tells detectives that they have only a few minutes to save the day (stop the bomber, the killer, rescue the damsel) and they slowly walk off.
​
Sneaking up on the bad guys with a flashlight. I hate this. The police or heroes are sneaking up on the villains using flashlights. It’s the best way to alert them that the police are coming. Apparently, criminals can’t see a flashlight.

Crawling in duct work. This mistake drives me nuts because I used to be a facility manager. To begin with, ducts aren’t made to support the weight of a person or persons. They’re suspend from the ceiling or beams by thin strips of metal. With one or two people inside, they would come crashing down. On TV, they appear to be 16X16 which is big. Ducts work like this, they come out of a furnace or air handler and progressively downsize as they supply heat or AC to a room. A duct vent in a room could be 12X4 – hardly big enough to crawl inside. They’re also filled with things like filters, smoke dampers and fire dampers. The best ducts are round, not rectangular. Just once I would like to see our hero fall into the furnace.

Unlimited ammo. Writers are getting better at this, but there’re still scenes where our hero never runs out of ammo.

Super lightweight machinegun ammo. This one is a little complicated. In the scene, our hero grabs a machinegun and begins killing hordes of zombies or whatever. So far so good. If he/she grabbed a M249 light machine gun (LMG), it weighs only 22 lbs. The ammo is the standard light 5.56x45mm NATO round. The M249 can fire 725-rounds per minute. If our hero carries 200 rounds of ammo, that’s about 7.2 lbs. That means he/she can shoot for about 15 seconds. But does our hero pick up the M249? No. Our hero picks up a M61 Vulcan, a hydraulically driven, six-barrel, Gatling-style rotary cannon which fires 20 mm rounds at a rate of 6,000 rounds per minute. Our hero would need a wagon or truck to carry enough ammo for one minute, and they’re heavy.

Instant hacks. The crime TV shows give the impression that computer nerds can hack anything instantly. Not true. I expect to see a show where the electric tooth brush gets hacked.
High speed transportation local and international with no jet lag. I know you’ve seen this one. Our hero has 48 hours to stop the criminal master mind before a weapon of mass (WMD) destruction is detonated in NYC. To stop the master mind, our hero must first fly to Moscow to locate the master mind’s partner, then fly to Antarctica to get the code book needed to defuse the WMD, then return to NYC during rush hour to save the city – all within 48 hours. Yeah, right.

Licking cooking spoon. This one I love. The scene is in the kitchen. The world renown chef is cooking something on the stove. He takes a spoon, tastes whatever is in the pot and places the germ-infested spoon with all his DNA and other bodily fluids back into the pot. No way. No professional chef would risk food poisoning or salmonella. I love to cook and even I know better than to do that.

Noise in space. Here’s another one that drives me nuts. In outer space, there’s no air – it’s a vacuum (mostly). To make sound there must be air or something to transmit the sound. So why do we watch a space craft soar by with a roaring engine? It wouldn’t happen.

Ear buds not detected. I enjoy watching TV shows like Scorpion, Quantico and Agents of Shield. If you are a fan, you know when the agents go undercover they use ear buds that transmit and receive so they can communicate. Everyone knows that. So why is it that the mega-corporate outfits that are behind all the evil in the world never bother to check in their ears when they do a pat down? Surely, at least one employee has a TV and watches the shows. 
   
Cellphone reception. This is like the ear bud scenes above. Our hero is underground in a cave or under water in a submarine. He/she pulls out a cellphone and makes a call. WTF? I can’t even get reception in an elevator.

Giving away the conspiracy. I think screenwriters do this for the audience. It happens in two ways: The criminal mastermind explains his/her plan, or the detectives explain their theory. You know the scenes. The mastermind is about to kill our hero. But before killing, he decides to explain to our hero his entire manifesto for world domination and enslaving mankind. Why? Because he like to hear himself talk, I guess. In the second scene, the detectives bring in their prime suspect, and during the interrogation revel to the suspect their working theory and all the evidence they have so far. Why? Because they’re stupid. I guess they think the suspect will confess on the spot.

Liars. On TV crime shows every suspect, person of interest and witness is lying. Really? Has society sunk that low? Never mind.

Too close for comfort. This is another space thing. Our heroes fly in their space craft to rescue some space station or colony that is under attack by some other aliens. So, do they use their long-range scanners and engage from miles away with an advanced form of cruise missile or death ray? No, of course not. They get close enough to hit the aliens with a golf ball.

Planets much too big or too close. Artistic license?

Agreeing to a date and then not getting the phone number, setting a time or arranging a meeting place. I guess they’ll use ESP.

Entering a house and leaving the door open. Same for refrigerators. Are they trying to heat/cool the outdoors?

I hope these tips help your budding screenwriters. Best wishes.
​

​With the recent heat waves, I thought I would repost this short story.
 
Water, Water, Everywhere, But Not One Drop To Drink – A Short Story
 
With blistered, salty skin, and matted hair, she was down to her last sips of fresh water. A recreational day at sea had turned into a fight for continued existence. Slumped on the bow, searching for any hint of a breeze to soothe her burning face, her eyes widened when she noticed something fast approaching in the distance.
 
Was it real or was it just a mirage caused by the simmering heat waves dancing off the surface of the hot water? She could not tell; her brain was on fire from thirst and heat. When she dozed off, she dreamed of cool, refreshing water; swimming in it, drinking it, washing her face and hair in it. When she was awake, she hallucinated about skiing down an ice cream covered slope or diving naked into a mountain of shaved ice. The dreams and hallucinations were far better than the reality.
 
She reached for her sunglasses but remembered that she had knocked them overboard hours ago. Shielding her eyes from the sun, she looked again at the approaching image. It was real, but she could not tell what it was yet. Squinting did not help. She tried closing one eye and that helped. She could make out a figure moving toward her at a rapid pace. At least it looked like it was moving toward her. She prayed that it was moving toward her. Whatever it was did not matter now; salvation or death, she did not care anymore. This torture had to end one way or another.
She looked at her skin. It was turning bright red. Before long, it would blister if she did not get some relief from the scorching sun. If only she had some suntan lotion, but that fell overboard with her sunglasses. Without the lotion, her skin would start to blister and look like leather very soon.
 
This is how it ends! she thought. Burnt to a crisp and left to die alone. No human being to hear my cries and hold my hand. No friends to say farewell or to remember me. My youth dried up like a raisin in the sun. My beauty just a fading memory. My dreams rolled up and tossed overboard with my sunglasses.
 
She looked again for the approaching figure. Yes! It was coming toward her; for her, to her. Would it arrive in time? She was afraid to get her hopes up but also afraid not to. It was the figure of a man. Waving took too much effort, so she decided to wait, and when he was near to try to smile, if her parched lips could part enough for a smile.
 
What if he isn’t coming to save me? What if he just sails on by without stopping? What if he doesn’t see me? The thoughts came into her dulled brain. She tried to drive them out; to keep hope alive. If he does not rescue me then I will just die, she thought. I am prepared for that. Death would be a relief. Death would cool me down. She looked again at the man, and the sight of him, so close and yet so far, jerked her mind away from the thoughts of death.
 
She decided to get try again to get his attention to make sure he saw her. It took all her energy, but she was able to raise one arm. She steadied it for a moment. It weighed a ton. It tried to fall; to pull her down with it and overboard like her glasses. She fought the weight of her arm-- the pull of gravity. With a deep breath, she waved her hand. It was a small wave, but it was a wave. Her arm dropped back down by her side, and she looked again at the man. He waved back. He saw her! He acknowledged her wave! It was the sign she needed. Whatever happened, she knew that she would survive. Her spirits began to soar.
 
An instant later, he stepped from the dock onto the bow. “Here you go,” he said. “One cool, bottle of water, on bottle of suntan lotion, and one ice cream cone. I cannot believe you made me walk all the way back to the boathouse for this. You turn into such a drama queen when you run out of water.”
 
THE END