In my dreams. Some time ago while I was still working (I have been retired now for two years), my wife asked me if I was having an affair with my secretary. I am always quick with a flip answer, so without thinking I said, “I should be so lucky.”
Now I was married long enough to know by the look on her face that my answer was not the correct one. I knew that I had maybe two seconds to come up with a better answer. I said, “I meant in my dreams.” Once again, I could tell by her face that I gave the wrong answer. I knew if I ever wanted sex this year I had better come up with something fast, so I said, “I meant I wish.” You married men know, as I do, that sometimes there is no right answer. It is hard to know what answer a woman is looking for. Wives and significant others would be well advised to tell us men what the correct answer is and not make us guess. For example, in the illustration I just gave, my wife could have saved me many sexless night if instead of asking me she had told me, “You are not sleeping with your secretary.” Then I would have said something profound like, “Yes, dear,” and that would be the end of it. Women should always tell men the correct answer or, at least, give us a hint. Men are clueless.
Another example is the perennial question, “Does this dress make me look fact?” If you tell the truth, you are in trouble. If you lie, women can sense the fear and they know you are lying. It’s a lose-lose situation. Wouldn’t it better if women would just say, “You don’t think this dress makes me look fat.” Then we would answer with the intellectually stimulating, “Yes, dear.”
Then there is the challenging question, “Do you still love me?” This is not a yes-dear situation. Your answer must use the word love or you are in serious trouble. Wouldn’t it be better if women made it a statement rather than a question? They would say, “You still love me.” Now men can say without danger, “Yes, dear.”
Now I was married long enough to know by the look on her face that my answer was not the correct one. I knew that I had maybe two seconds to come up with a better answer. I said, “I meant in my dreams.” Once again, I could tell by her face that I gave the wrong answer. I knew if I ever wanted sex this year I had better come up with something fast, so I said, “I meant I wish.” You married men know, as I do, that sometimes there is no right answer. It is hard to know what answer a woman is looking for. Wives and significant others would be well advised to tell us men what the correct answer is and not make us guess. For example, in the illustration I just gave, my wife could have saved me many sexless night if instead of asking me she had told me, “You are not sleeping with your secretary.” Then I would have said something profound like, “Yes, dear,” and that would be the end of it. Women should always tell men the correct answer or, at least, give us a hint. Men are clueless.
Another example is the perennial question, “Does this dress make me look fact?” If you tell the truth, you are in trouble. If you lie, women can sense the fear and they know you are lying. It’s a lose-lose situation. Wouldn’t it better if women would just say, “You don’t think this dress makes me look fat.” Then we would answer with the intellectually stimulating, “Yes, dear.”
Then there is the challenging question, “Do you still love me?” This is not a yes-dear situation. Your answer must use the word love or you are in serious trouble. Wouldn’t it be better if women made it a statement rather than a question? They would say, “You still love me.” Now men can say without danger, “Yes, dear.”
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