I worked as a facility manager in a hospital and two nursing homes for a few years. We were required to post numerous signs throughout the facility. Most signs were required by OSHA, Joint Commission, the National Fire Protection Association, or state and local laws. The prevalent consensus was that no one reads signs. I believed that until I saw this sign in a factory, “Do not look directly into the laser with your remaining eye.” That got my attention. I concluded people will read signs if they are written correctly. Signs must not blend into the background or be commonplace. Here is the proper way to write signs to get readers’ attention:
1. No Smoking: Instead of this sign, try “Smoking in this Area May Result in an Explosion that will Blast Your Ass into the Next county.”
2. No Cell Phone Use: Instead of this sign, try “If the Life Support Equipment Stops Working Because You Used a Cell Phone, Notify the Nurses’ Station Immediately.”
3. No Parking: Instead of this sign, try “Cars Parked Here will be Towed, Crushed and Compacted into a 3-foot Cube.”
4. Beware of Dog: Instead of this sign, try “Beware of Flesh Eating Virus.”
5. Hard Hat Area: Instead of this sign, try “Do not Try to Catch Falling Objects with Your Head.”
6. Authorized Personnel Only: Instead of this sign, try “Authorized Personnel Only, Zombies Have Not Been Feed.”
7. Shop Lifters Will Be Persecuted: Instead of this sign, try “Shoplifters will be Shot on Sight, Dragged Through the Store and Dumped in the Street.”
8. No Trespassing, Keep Out or Private Property: Instead of these signs, try “Property Patrolled by Armed Robots of Low Artificial Intelligence.”
9. Alarm will Sound if Door is Opened: Instead of this sign, try “Opening this Door Will Set Off IED.”
10. No Weapons: Instead of this sign, try “Radiation in this Area Will Cause Concealed Weapons to Discharge.”
11. Warning Wet Floor: Instead of this sign, try “This is NOT the Olympics – Stay off the Wet Floor.”
12. High Voltage: Instead of this sign, try “High Voltage Will Fry Your Ass.”
13. No Exit: Instead of this sign, try “Beware of Booby Trapped Door.”
If these signs fail to work, no sign will work. Sorry.
For e-books by me, visit http://smashwords.com/profile/view/monteranderson.
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1. No Smoking: Instead of this sign, try “Smoking in this Area May Result in an Explosion that will Blast Your Ass into the Next county.”
2. No Cell Phone Use: Instead of this sign, try “If the Life Support Equipment Stops Working Because You Used a Cell Phone, Notify the Nurses’ Station Immediately.”
3. No Parking: Instead of this sign, try “Cars Parked Here will be Towed, Crushed and Compacted into a 3-foot Cube.”
4. Beware of Dog: Instead of this sign, try “Beware of Flesh Eating Virus.”
5. Hard Hat Area: Instead of this sign, try “Do not Try to Catch Falling Objects with Your Head.”
6. Authorized Personnel Only: Instead of this sign, try “Authorized Personnel Only, Zombies Have Not Been Feed.”
7. Shop Lifters Will Be Persecuted: Instead of this sign, try “Shoplifters will be Shot on Sight, Dragged Through the Store and Dumped in the Street.”
8. No Trespassing, Keep Out or Private Property: Instead of these signs, try “Property Patrolled by Armed Robots of Low Artificial Intelligence.”
9. Alarm will Sound if Door is Opened: Instead of this sign, try “Opening this Door Will Set Off IED.”
10. No Weapons: Instead of this sign, try “Radiation in this Area Will Cause Concealed Weapons to Discharge.”
11. Warning Wet Floor: Instead of this sign, try “This is NOT the Olympics – Stay off the Wet Floor.”
12. High Voltage: Instead of this sign, try “High Voltage Will Fry Your Ass.”
13. No Exit: Instead of this sign, try “Beware of Booby Trapped Door.”
If these signs fail to work, no sign will work. Sorry.
For e-books by me, visit http://smashwords.com/profile/view/monteranderson.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/monteranderson
Follow my blog at http://monteranderson-author.com or http://monteranderson.wordpress.com
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