Two news worthy items caught my eye. You may have seen them too. Monkeys in Indonesia took selfies in the Indonesian jungle in 2011 (long story). While monkeys have starred in many porno films (in the name of science, of course), this may be the first time that monkeys took control of the camera. There is no truth to the rumor that the monkeys sent selfies to Anthony #Weiner. Elsewhere, an art museum in #Colorado art museum has mounted #iPads to the shells of three tortoises. The artist may have thought they were Monitor Lizards. I think this is a misuse of modern technology as well as cruelty to animals. We are using the wrong animals. Here is a list of the animals I recommend that we mount with monitors, iPads, or cellphones for closer monitoring. Their lives need to be more transparent.
1. Slow-Moving, Do Nothing Sloths. Habitat: Can be found in the House of Representatives in Washington DC and could be elected from any state. This species moves so slowly that it often mistaken for dead. They seem to come alive around election time.
2. Forked Tongued Snakes in the Grass. Habitat: Usually found in the mayor’s office of major cities like San Francisco or Toronto. Just when they appear to be hunted to extinction, another one pops up somewhere. How they get elected is still a mystery.
3. Cheating Flightless Game Cocks. Habitat: Can be anywhere but is often living in Governors’ mansions or other political offices. They are sometimes confused with the Male Chauvinist Pigs but are rarer.
4. Self-Centered Big Assed Peacocks. Habitat: Commonly reside in #Hollywood. Usually found sending selfies on social media. This species is not hard to find as they love to hear themselves talk. They love to parade around showing off their asses feathers.
5. Red Coated Russian Bear. Habitat: Usually found as the President of #Russia. This bear is very aggressive and often tries to take over the territory of its neighbors. It is sometimes confused with the Yellow Bellied Dragon of #China.
6. Male Chauvinist Pigs. Habitat: These creatures are mostly found in #Africa and the #MiddleEast, but are very adaptive and can be found everywhere. There are females of the species, but they are rare and hard to find. It’s hard to imagine that this species can bred, and yet, they are still around. These pigs are very aggressive and will attack any female of another species.
7. #AnthonyWeiner Dog. Habitat: Once lived in congress along with the Slow-Moving, Do Nothing Sloths. This species is not part of the dog family. (That would be an insult to all dogs). One was spotted in #NYC running for mayor. It loves to take pictures of various body parts and email them to strangers. There is no truth to the rumor that the monkeys of Indonesian are on the e-mail list.
8. Red Necked Bigoted Pig. Habitat: National Basketball League. This species is not part of the pig family. (That would be an insult to all pigs). Rumor has it that one of the species is about to get clipped.
9. Upper Crusted Glutinous One Percenters. Habitat: Usually found in gated communities. This creature is very rare but owns 99% of everything. This species was well known but was not popularized until the last presidential election.
10. Common Freeloading Non-Taxpayer Forty Seven Percenters. Habitat: USA. In spite of the name, this species is not related to the One Percenters, although they would like to be related. They don’t need cellphones or iPads mounted to them. I just want to give them a free computer. I think they’re entitled to it.
11. Celebrated Cuckoo Bird. Habitat: Hollywood. Part of the loon family, this species originated in #Canada but migrated south. It has been observed throwing its eggs at a neighbor’s nest in Hollywood. It likes to urinate in odd places like on pictures of ex-presidents.
If you know of another species that needs closer monitoring, please comment.
1. Slow-Moving, Do Nothing Sloths. Habitat: Can be found in the House of Representatives in Washington DC and could be elected from any state. This species moves so slowly that it often mistaken for dead. They seem to come alive around election time.
2. Forked Tongued Snakes in the Grass. Habitat: Usually found in the mayor’s office of major cities like San Francisco or Toronto. Just when they appear to be hunted to extinction, another one pops up somewhere. How they get elected is still a mystery.
3. Cheating Flightless Game Cocks. Habitat: Can be anywhere but is often living in Governors’ mansions or other political offices. They are sometimes confused with the Male Chauvinist Pigs but are rarer.
4. Self-Centered Big Assed Peacocks. Habitat: Commonly reside in #Hollywood. Usually found sending selfies on social media. This species is not hard to find as they love to hear themselves talk. They love to parade around showing off their asses feathers.
5. Red Coated Russian Bear. Habitat: Usually found as the President of #Russia. This bear is very aggressive and often tries to take over the territory of its neighbors. It is sometimes confused with the Yellow Bellied Dragon of #China.
6. Male Chauvinist Pigs. Habitat: These creatures are mostly found in #Africa and the #MiddleEast, but are very adaptive and can be found everywhere. There are females of the species, but they are rare and hard to find. It’s hard to imagine that this species can bred, and yet, they are still around. These pigs are very aggressive and will attack any female of another species.
7. #AnthonyWeiner Dog. Habitat: Once lived in congress along with the Slow-Moving, Do Nothing Sloths. This species is not part of the dog family. (That would be an insult to all dogs). One was spotted in #NYC running for mayor. It loves to take pictures of various body parts and email them to strangers. There is no truth to the rumor that the monkeys of Indonesian are on the e-mail list.
8. Red Necked Bigoted Pig. Habitat: National Basketball League. This species is not part of the pig family. (That would be an insult to all pigs). Rumor has it that one of the species is about to get clipped.
9. Upper Crusted Glutinous One Percenters. Habitat: Usually found in gated communities. This creature is very rare but owns 99% of everything. This species was well known but was not popularized until the last presidential election.
10. Common Freeloading Non-Taxpayer Forty Seven Percenters. Habitat: USA. In spite of the name, this species is not related to the One Percenters, although they would like to be related. They don’t need cellphones or iPads mounted to them. I just want to give them a free computer. I think they’re entitled to it.
11. Celebrated Cuckoo Bird. Habitat: Hollywood. Part of the loon family, this species originated in #Canada but migrated south. It has been observed throwing its eggs at a neighbor’s nest in Hollywood. It likes to urinate in odd places like on pictures of ex-presidents.
If you know of another species that needs closer monitoring, please comment.
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