Monte R Anderson - Author
  • Monte's Blog
  • About Monte
    • Monte's Resume
    • Monte's Bio
  • Fiction
    • Novels and Books >
      • Night Predator
      • The Clone Murders
      • Angels and Gargoyles
      • Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardos da Vinci's Mentor
      • The Register Cliff Rapist
    • Short Stories >
      • The Tyranny of GPS
      • Ash Wednesday Storm of 1962
      • Good Neighbors
      • What God Hath Joined
    • Plays/Screenplays >
      • St. Michael & Job
      • How to Write a Screenplay for a TV Detective Show
      • Detective Show Spoof
      • Angels and Gargoyles Screenplay
      • Archimedes of Syracuse Screenplay
  • Non-Fiction
    • Leadership for New Managers: Book Two
    • Facility Management Series: Types of Maitenance Programs
  • Stories from Elmira

The Advantages to Being over 70 Years Old.

7/27/2016

0 Comments

 
Now that I have achieved the ripe old age of 70, I’m trying to count my blessing and see the advantages of being ancient. Here’s what I came up with so far:
 
1.      You’re too old to die young. Besides, only the good die young.
2.      You no longer have to remember things like birthdays, anniversaries, names of your grandchildren, the name of your significant other, etc. People will assume you have the early stages of dementia.
3.      You get the senior discount. Actually, you get the senior discount usually starting at 55.
4.      Most clerks will stop asking for ID. After a while you’ll look so damn old, everyone will assume you’re over 21.
5.      You can retell the old jokes because the youngest generation never heard them. That’s if you can remember them.
6.      Smoke, eat whatever, and drink. It won’t shorten your life by much.
7.      Your significant other won’t have high expectations in the bedroom. As a side note, any sex after 70 is great.
8.      You get a break on your taxes. The best thing to do is to spend your children’s inheritance.
9.      People will assume you’re wise whenever you give advice. Old folks just look wise. People assume if you live long enough, you should learn something. The wisest thing to do is to not give any advice.
10.  You can easily embarrass your children and grandchildren. My favorite is to wear black socks with Bermuda shorts and sandals. A great prank is close your eyes and hold your breath as long as you can. My other favorite is to grab your chest and yell, “I’m coming Martha. It’s the big one.” That last one if from Sanford and Son, a 70’s TV show (just google it).
 Perhaps you can think of a few others – let’s hear them.
 
For e-books by me, visit http://smashwords.com/profile/view/monteranderson.
Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/monteranderson
Follow my blog at http://monteranderson-author.com or http://monteranderson.wordpress.com.
​
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    Monte is the author of 8 e-books: 3 novels, 3 non-fiction, 1 collection of short stories, and 1 novelette.

    Buy Monte's e-books:
    The Register cliff Rapist
    The Clone Murders,
    Archimedes of Syracuse: Leonardo da Vinci's Mentor,
    Leadership for New Managers: Book Two

    FREE E-BOOKS:
    Angels and Gargoyles

    LINKS
    linkedin.com
    twitter.com
    brandyourself.com










    Archives

    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.