“I’m still working on that. I’ll get back to you. By the way, I checked the Smyth’s home security system before I left. It wasn’t armed.”
Dick frowned. “That’s odd.”
It was late by the time Shirley and Dick found the address. The non-descript house in the Miami suburbs appeared to be empty--no cars outside or lights inside. They decided to stake out the house in hoping the perp might show up. They parked on a cross street, away from streetlights where they could see the house in the dark. Dick and Shirley settled down for a long stakeout. Both had coffee and snacks. They also had shotguns propped up on the seat between them, a box of shells nearby. After ten minutes, a woman knocked on Dick’s window. Dick rolled down his window. “Can I help you, miss?”
The woman smiled. Her miniskirt that just covered her assets. Her blouse was held together with one button. She smiled at Dick. “Can I ask you a question?”
Dick nodded. “Sure.”
The woman bent over to talk in Dick’s window revealing amble cleavage. “I see you have a shot gun and ammo. I believe in the barter system. Would you be interested in trading ammo for sex?”
Dick thought about it for a few seconds. “Maybe. What type of ammo do you have?”
Before the woman could answer, Shirley leaned forward and said, “Buzz off, sister, before I arrest you for soliciting.”
The woman straightened up. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you’re already taken. Besides, I was bartering, not soliciting.”
Shirley chuckled. “I’ll bet you’d trade sex for money.”
The woman smiled. “How much money we talking about?”
Shirley yelled, “Get!”
The woman turned around and ran away. After a couple of hours, a patrol car parked behind them, lights flashing. A patrol officer exited the patrol car and sauntered up to the driver side. Dick rolled down the window and asked. “Is there a problem, officer?”
“Can I see some ID?”
Dick and Shirley showed their badges to the officer. “We’re on a stake out here. You need to leave now,” Dick said.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were on a stake out. We had a complaint from the neighbors that a hooker was plying her business on this corner.”
“Why would anyone think that?” Shirley asked.
“Well, Detective Kelly, you both are sitting in the back seat with your pants off and Detective Andrew has his face buried in your crotch.”
“When we go under cover,” Dick explained. “we go all the way.”
“I thought you were on a stake out? Also, I found these panties on the roadway outside this window.” The office held up a pair of panties. “Does this belong to one of you.”
“Why would you even think they belong to one of us?” Shirley asked.
The officer held up a cellphone. “Well, a neighborhood watch person sent us this video of one of you throwing them out this window.”
Dick smiled. “Oh, are those blue? Yeah, those are mine.” He took the panties from the officer.
“Well, you’ll have to move now. Your cover’s blown. Just a word of advice; in the future, use the Cold Case Room like everyone else but be sure to hang a hat over the security camera.” The officer returned to his car as Dick and Shirley got dressed and returned to the front seat.
Shirley broke the silence, “OMG! I just realized something; did you know there was a security camera in the Cold Case Room? Didn’t we have sex in there a few times?”
“Yeah, more than a few times.”
“Dick, we’ve got to erase those security tapes.”
“Why? We can just download porn from the internet like we always do.”
“Don’t you realize, you idiot? If the Captain sees those tapes, we could be busted. We need to find them and erase them. Do you think he has seen them already?”
“I don’t think he has seen them. If he did, he’d remember our names. Ralph can find them for us and erase them.”
Shirley looked at Dick. “How long have you been wearing panties?”
Dick shrugged his shoulders. “Ever since you found them in my glove compartment.”
Shirley thought for a moment. “Are you sleeping with that blonde in vice who goes undercover as a hooker?”
“She’s not a detective; she’s only the admin assistant. That’s just the way she dresses.”
Shirley turned to face Dick. “You didn’t answer the question. Are you sleeping with her?”
Dick chuckled. “I wish.” He could tell by the way Shirley frowned, that was not the best answer. “I meant to say, I should be so lucky.” Again, he realized that might not have been the best answer. “I mean, in my dreams.” Dick was desperate now. “I meant to say, not a wink.” He closed his eyes; waiting for Shirley to slap him.
Instead, Shirley pointed at the house. “Look! A light is on in the house.”
Dick frowned. “That’s odd.”
It was late by the time Shirley and Dick found the address. The non-descript house in the Miami suburbs appeared to be empty--no cars outside or lights inside. They decided to stake out the house in hoping the perp might show up. They parked on a cross street, away from streetlights where they could see the house in the dark. Dick and Shirley settled down for a long stakeout. Both had coffee and snacks. They also had shotguns propped up on the seat between them, a box of shells nearby. After ten minutes, a woman knocked on Dick’s window. Dick rolled down his window. “Can I help you, miss?”
The woman smiled. Her miniskirt that just covered her assets. Her blouse was held together with one button. She smiled at Dick. “Can I ask you a question?”
Dick nodded. “Sure.”
The woman bent over to talk in Dick’s window revealing amble cleavage. “I see you have a shot gun and ammo. I believe in the barter system. Would you be interested in trading ammo for sex?”
Dick thought about it for a few seconds. “Maybe. What type of ammo do you have?”
Before the woman could answer, Shirley leaned forward and said, “Buzz off, sister, before I arrest you for soliciting.”
The woman straightened up. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you’re already taken. Besides, I was bartering, not soliciting.”
Shirley chuckled. “I’ll bet you’d trade sex for money.”
The woman smiled. “How much money we talking about?”
Shirley yelled, “Get!”
The woman turned around and ran away. After a couple of hours, a patrol car parked behind them, lights flashing. A patrol officer exited the patrol car and sauntered up to the driver side. Dick rolled down the window and asked. “Is there a problem, officer?”
“Can I see some ID?”
Dick and Shirley showed their badges to the officer. “We’re on a stake out here. You need to leave now,” Dick said.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize you were on a stake out. We had a complaint from the neighbors that a hooker was plying her business on this corner.”
“Why would anyone think that?” Shirley asked.
“Well, Detective Kelly, you both are sitting in the back seat with your pants off and Detective Andrew has his face buried in your crotch.”
“When we go under cover,” Dick explained. “we go all the way.”
“I thought you were on a stake out? Also, I found these panties on the roadway outside this window.” The office held up a pair of panties. “Does this belong to one of you.”
“Why would you even think they belong to one of us?” Shirley asked.
The officer held up a cellphone. “Well, a neighborhood watch person sent us this video of one of you throwing them out this window.”
Dick smiled. “Oh, are those blue? Yeah, those are mine.” He took the panties from the officer.
“Well, you’ll have to move now. Your cover’s blown. Just a word of advice; in the future, use the Cold Case Room like everyone else but be sure to hang a hat over the security camera.” The officer returned to his car as Dick and Shirley got dressed and returned to the front seat.
Shirley broke the silence, “OMG! I just realized something; did you know there was a security camera in the Cold Case Room? Didn’t we have sex in there a few times?”
“Yeah, more than a few times.”
“Dick, we’ve got to erase those security tapes.”
“Why? We can just download porn from the internet like we always do.”
“Don’t you realize, you idiot? If the Captain sees those tapes, we could be busted. We need to find them and erase them. Do you think he has seen them already?”
“I don’t think he has seen them. If he did, he’d remember our names. Ralph can find them for us and erase them.”
Shirley looked at Dick. “How long have you been wearing panties?”
Dick shrugged his shoulders. “Ever since you found them in my glove compartment.”
Shirley thought for a moment. “Are you sleeping with that blonde in vice who goes undercover as a hooker?”
“She’s not a detective; she’s only the admin assistant. That’s just the way she dresses.”
Shirley turned to face Dick. “You didn’t answer the question. Are you sleeping with her?”
Dick chuckled. “I wish.” He could tell by the way Shirley frowned, that was not the best answer. “I meant to say, I should be so lucky.” Again, he realized that might not have been the best answer. “I mean, in my dreams.” Dick was desperate now. “I meant to say, not a wink.” He closed his eyes; waiting for Shirley to slap him.
Instead, Shirley pointed at the house. “Look! A light is on in the house.”
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