As a public service, I will list some things to take out of your resume:
1. Remove your fraternity or #sorority. There are basically two types of fraternities; those who have done something publicly offensive and those who haven't...yet. It would be best not to admit to being a member until after you're hired. Even after you get the job, you may not want to confess.
2. When listing skills, remember #sexting isn’t a skill unless you are applying for a position in the porn industry. Also, while making pipe bombs is certainly a skill, you may want to keep that secret. Drinking beer while standing on your head isn’t a skill you should list. That also goes for stalking, coloring, field stripping an AK47, shooting an RPG, breaking and entering, cooking meth and picking locks.
3. Remove references who are still in prison or pending trial. It’s best to wait until they’re out on bail. Don’t list your parole officer as a reference. Same goes for your Drugs Anonymous sponsor.
4. Remove your Face Book page unless you have sanitized it.
5. Remove any family as references unless you still have copies of photographs you can use for blackmail.
6. It may be too soon to list #Trump University under Education. Remove that.
7. Don’t try to convince anyone that the 4 – 7-year gap in your work summary was a vacation.
8. Don’t misspell the name of the university you claim to have attended.
9. Don’t try to be clever in your email address, i.e. email@example.com.
10. You probably should remove the jobs you had in prison.
Hopefully, these pointers will help you clean up your resume and get a job.