Now I was married long enough to know by the look on her face that my answer wasn’t the correct one. I knew that I had maybe two seconds to come up with a better answer. I said, “I meant, in my dreams.” Once again, I could tell by her face that I gave the wrong answer. I knew if I ever wanted sex this year I had better come up with something fast, so I said, “I meant, I wish.” You married men know, as I do, that sometimes there’s no right answer. It’s hard to know what answer a woman’s looking for. Wives and significant others would be well advised to tell us clueless guys the correct answer and not make us guess. For example, in the illustration I just gave, my wife could’ve saved me many sexless night if instead of asking me, she just told me, “You are not sleeping with your secretary.” Then I would have said something profound like, “Yes, dear,” and that would be the end of it. Women should always tell men the correct answer.
Another example is the perennial question, “Does this dress make me look fat?” If you tell the truth, you’re in trouble. If you lie, women can sense the fear and they know you’re lying. It’s a lose-lose situation. Wouldn’t it better if women would just say, “You don’t think this dress makes me look fat.” Then we would answer with the intellectually stimulating, “Yes, dear.”
Then there’s the challenging question, “Do you still love me?” This isn’t a yes dear situation. Your answer must use the word love or you’re in serious trouble. Wouldn’t it be better if women made it a statement rather than a question? They would say, “You still love me.” Now men can say without fear, “Yes, dear.”