St. Michael & Job (a two act play based on the Book of Job. I have changed the format to fit it to this web page.)
SAINT MICHAEL AND JOB
EARLY MORNING IN HEAVEN SET IN A CLEARING IN A FOREST. CENTER STAGE IS A TABLE WITH CHAIRS. through FOUR LARGE tree TRUNKS can be seen a beautiful sunrise. The trees are hollow with an opening hidden in back away from the audience. hidden inside thE FOUR trees are yahweh, JEHOVAH, delilah, and jezebel.
(MICHAEL and RAPHAEL are very busy setting the table and making tea. Both are wearing swords. MOTHER GOD is in the background facing the sunrise. She waves her arms gently and as she does the sunset changes colors and shapes, becoming more beautiful. Finally, she is satisfied and turns around, walks to the table and sits down. MICHAEL and RAPHAEL begin to serve her tea. LUCIFER ENTERS stage left with BELIAR and LOVE.)
LUCIFER: Excuse me, I am looking for God.
(MICHAEL moves to confront LUCIFER and RAPHAEL stands in front of MOTHER as if to protect her.)
LUCIFER: (dancing around and taunting MICHAEL) What’s the matter, Mickey? You want a piece of me? Let’s finish it right here. You and I. What do you say? Mono-on-mono?
(MICHAEL and RAPHAEL draw their swords and start moving toward LUCIFER. LOVE and BELAIR grab RAPHAEL and knock him to the ground and sit on him.)
LUCIFER: I am unarmed! You have to fight fair.
(MICHAEL ponders this for a few seconds and lays down his sword. Immediately, LUCIFER pulls out a dagger and lunges at MICHAEL. They begin to struggle over the dagger.)
MOTHER: Enough! You guys behave yourselves.
(Everyone stops. LOVE and BELIAR get off RAPHAEL. MICHAEL helps him up.)
RAPHAEL: It’s a good thing we stopped when we did, I was beginning to get angry.
(MICHAEL and RAPHAEL move back and stand behind her chair, one on each side, arms folded.)
MOTHER: I AM who AM.
LUCIFER: What? You’re God?
MOTHER: Lucifer, you know very well who I am.
LUCIFER: Ah, yes. I forgot. You can change forms.
MOTHER: As can you, you little snake.
LUCIFER: But I thought God was a man?
MOTHER: Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am the wind, or the sunshine, or a small child.
Sometimes the sick, or the homeless, or the prisoner. Sometimes I am a flower, or a
mother’s arms, or song, or a poem, or a love letter. I can be anything I want. I am many
things to many people. You, however, will always be a snake.
LUCIFER: But didn’t you make man (LUCIFER makes quotes with his fingers) in your own
MOTHER: I made mankind, male and female, in my spiritual image. Can a man be
All Seeing and All Knowing? Can he be All Powerful? Can he move mountains
and oceans? Can he be present everywhere at all times? Can he create life?
LUCIFER: No, of course not but….
MOTHER: I don’t want to argue with you. We both use many forms. If you want, I will change
into a more familiar form (standing up).
(RAPHAEL and MICHAEL bow. BELIAR and LOVE back up a few steps, unsure what MOTHER will do. MOTHER starts to walk behind a tree while talking.)
MOTHER: If you want a male father figure (MOTHER moves behind a tree. YAHWEH appears on the other side).
YAHWEH: Then so be it.
LUCIFER: That’s better. I am more comfortable with you like this.
YAHWEH: You use many forms also.
LUCIFER: Ah, yes, many, many forms. Something for everyone, that’s my motto. But even I have favorites (starting to walk behind a tree). I think you’ll recognize most of these. Here is…
(LUCIFER EXITS behind a tree. DELILAH appears from the other side wearing a very revealing dress.)
DELILAH: …one of my favorites.
(The music to the Striper plays in the back ground. DELILAH begins to walk around in time with the music, hips swaying. BELIAR and LOVE fall to their knees and begin to worship DELILAH. LOVE walks over to her on his knees with his tongue hanging out. As he nears her, she does a bump and grind and with the bump, LOVE and BELIAR fall over. RAPHAEL and MICHAEL are in shock and cover their eyes. LOVE and BELIAR stand up again.)
YAHWEH: Hello, Delilah. Many a man has lost his soul to you.
DELILAH: And a few women too. But mostly I exist in men’s minds and dreams. More of a
YAHWEH: You mean, it really is just in their heads?
DELILAH: Does it matter? They still worship me. Men will sell their souls to possess me for just
one night but never do. In the end, it is I who possess their souls. Besides, it’s fun just to
torment them and I have you to thank for it.
YAHWEH: Me? How so?
DELILAH: Wasn’t you that gave mankind, and womankind for that matter, those feeling of lust?
YAHWEH: I wouldn’t call it “Lust.” It is “Desire” and it was necessary to give it to them. I gave
them desire for one another, a desire to create live, a desire to have a family, a desire for companionship.
DELILAH: Why was it necessary?
YAHWEH: To propagate the human race.
DELILAH: Whatever, I like it. Desire is a very useful tool for me to use to capture souls.
YAHWEH: No, desire is a human emotion just the same as anger, fear, and happiness. It is
perfectly normal. However, when misused, any emotion can become evil. Desire should be used with people that you love.
DELILAH: Yeah, right. Lust, desire, love, hate–what’s the difference?
YAHWEH: Wait a minute. Love is not an emotion. It is different from desire. Love is a conscious
decision. People can decide who or what they want to love. It is you who corrupted the
DELILAH: Yeah it was, wasn’t it? One of my better ideas I think. I love that word love. That is
why I named one of my demons (gestures toward LOVE who takes a bow) Brother Love.
YAHWEH: Now the world uses the word love to describe everything from sex, to love of country,
to love of food, and to love of money, drug, or booze. People will do anything in the name
DELILAH: Great marketing plan. Sex sells don’t you know? Sure makes my job easier.
YAHWEH: I’ll bet it does but that outfit is not very subtle. It has sin written all over it.
DELILAH: You are right. It is not my most effective disguise (walking toward a tree). My most
effective form (DELILAH moves behind the tree as JEZEBEL appears on the other side
dressed in simple dress.)
JEZEBEL: …is this form. I call it ‘The Girl Next Door’.
YAHWEH: Hello, Jezebel. Yes, I can see how that would be effective. You don’t look so bad.
JEZEBEL: I know, isn’t it great? (She starts to straighten out her clothes and raises one side of her
skirt to straighten out her nylons. LOVE and BELIAR strain their necks to watch. She
looks up and smiles.) You guys. (She starts to flirt. She takes out a cigarette out of her
purse. LOVE and BELIAR rush over to light her cigarette with lighters. The lighters have
an unusually high flame.) Back off guys, you’re going to catch my hair on fire.
YAHWEH: I have a new one you haven’t seen (walking toward a tree). I can’t wait…
(YAHWEH moves behind a tree as JEHOVAH appears from the other side.)
JEHOVAH: …to try this out.
JEZEBEL: Wow! I guess looks are deceiving.
JEHOVAH: You can’t judge a book by its cover.
JEZEBEL: Hey big boy (flirting).
JEHOVAH: Get behind me Satan. Besides, you didn’t come here for a fashion show.
(JEHOVAH walks back to the table and sits down. He begins to drink His tea.)
JEHOVAH: What have you been up to? Where have you come from?
JEZEBEL: From roaming the earth and patrolling its lands.
JEHOVAH: Have you noticed my servant Job? Isn't he a great guy? So faithful!
JEZEBEL: Yeah, I noticed him. Why shouldn't he be faithful? You have surrounded
him with money, a nice home, a family, and good health. He has never suffered.
But the minute he has to endure any hardships, he'll turn on even you.
JEHOVAH: Job loves Me not because of his blessing but because he is a faithful and
JEZEBEL: It's easy to be faithful and loyal when times are good. But when the going
gets tough, the faithful take off.
JEHOVAH: Not Job! He will never desert me.
JEZEBEL: In a New York minute. You really like this guy, don’t you?
JEHOVAH: He is a faithful servant and pleases me to no end.
JEZEBEL: I see. Tell you what. Let’s make a little wager. Just let me test Job. Let
me take away his fortunes, family and job. Let me inflict him with sores and
illness. Then I bet he will forsake you.
JEHOVAH: And what would you get if he does?
JEZEBEL: His soul for eternity.
JEHOVAH: And what would I get if he rejects you? I already have his soul.
JEZEBEL: If Job rejects me and remains faithful, I will never tempt him or any
member of his family ever again.
JEHOVAH: (ponders this for a minute.) I will let these things happen to Job but you
must not kill him.
JEZEBEL: Great! Then it’s a bet. (Sticks out his hand) Shake on it?
JEHOVAH: Shake hands with the devil. I don’t think so. My word is good enough and
you know that. But I need your word that you will uphold your part of the
JEZEBEL: You would trust the word of the devil?
JEHOVAH: No, but I will hold you to it.
(LOVE and BELIAR make ‘Yes’ signs and do high fives. JEZEBEL walks over to them with both hands out. They each slap one hand and turn up their hands for JEZEBEL to return the slap but JEZEBEL ignores their hands. Together they start walking stage right.)
LOVE: Master, why is Job so important to you? There are many other souls on earth.
JEZEBEL: Yes, but I want Job for a couple of reasons. First, he is God’s favorite. If I
can get him to forsake God, then God will be very disappointed and that will
make me happy. Second, if I can get Job’s soul, then I know I can get anyone’s
soul. No one will be safe from me.
(JEZEBEL, LOVE and BELIAR EXIT stage right.)
MICHAEL: (Waits until JEZEBEL is out of sight). Are you going to let Satan do these
things to Job, Lord?
JEHOVAH: Michael! Are you questioning me?
MICHAEL: (falling to his knees) No, my Lord. I could never question your decisions.
You are God. I am but dust.
JEHOVAH: What exactly is “butt dust?” (smiles and pats MICHAEL on the head then
gestures for MICHAEL to rise.
MICHAEL: (rises and begins serve cookies to JEHOVAH.) I have just one little question.
(JEHOVAH smiles and nods His head as if to say 'Go on')
MICHAEL: What are you doing?
JEHOVAH: (smiling) It's all part of my plan. You have to learn to trust me.
MICHAEL: Is Satan going to hurt Job?
JEHOVAH: Satan has no power over Job or anyone else.
MICHAEL: But he patrols the earth, setting snares and traps for men.
JEHOVAH: He has no power except the power I grant him. He only puts temptations
in front of people and it is they who must decide what to do. The choice is theirs,
MICHAEL: Why don't you just get rid of Satan?
JEHOVAH: His time will come but for now he serves a purpose. It is all part of the
MICHAEL: What purpose can he possible serve except to cause trouble in heaven and
JEHOVAH: Man must choose to love Me or to worship Satan. Without Satan, there is no
MICHAEL: But why must man choose?
JEHOVAH: Because I want man to love Me of his own Free Will. He must choose
between fire and water.
MICHAEL: But all the hosts of heaven love you. I love you. You don't need man's love.
JEHOVAH: It's not the same Michael. You heard me tell Satan that love is a
conscious decision not an emotion like desire. Therefore, love requires a Free
Will. I never gave you or anyone of the heavenly hosts any Free will. You can
not make a conscious decision to love me. You could never choose to do
anything but to serve me. It is not the same as true love.
MICHAEL: I choose to love you.
JEHOVAH: No, Michael, you do not have Free Will. You cannot choose. You serve
me. That is all.
MICHAEL: But if I had a choice, I would choose you.
JEHOVAH: Would you Michael? Yes, I think you would, but you can't choose. You
don't have Free Will. I never gave you that.
MICHAEL: Yes, I can, Lord. Test me! I can do it.
JEHOVAH: Okay Michael. A simple test to prove my point. (picking up the tea pot and
a cup) Would you like some tea?
MICHAEL: If it pleases my Lord, I will have some tea.
JEHOVAH: No, Michael. It does not please me one way or another. I want you to
MICHAEL: Well, then. If it does not please my Lord, I won't have some tea.
JEHOVAH: I will be pleased with either decision but I want you to choose.
MICHAEL: Okay, Okay. I will have some tea….unless, of course, it does not please my
Lord, in which case, I won't have some tea…unless, of course, that doesn't
please my Lord, in which case, I will have some tea.
JEHOVAH: Michael, you're driving me crazy.
MICHAEL: Could my Lord just give me a hint?
JEHOVAH: No, Michael. This just proves my point. You can't choose because it is not
in your nature. I did not give you Free Will. You will always be faithful and
MICHAEL: Please, Lord, give me another test. I can do it.
JEHOVAH: Okay, Michael. Just so you will understand. Walk over there (pointing to a
spot about 10 feet away). MICHAEL moves to the spot and turns around to face
JEHOVAH) Now, Michael. Listen carefully. I want you to disregard the next
command I give you and stay there. Do you understand?
MICHAEL: Yes, my Lord (a determined look on his face).
JEHOVAH: Come to me, Michael
MICHAEL: (walking over to JEHOVAH then pauses for a moment.) I screwed up,
didn't I, Lord?
JEHOVAH: No, you did what you thought was right. I wish everyone could be as
loyal as you.
MICHAEL: (falling to his knees.) Forgive me, Lord. I have failed you.
JEHOVAH: No, Michael. You could never fail me, not in a million years. You serve me
well, now get up. (helps him stand up and wipes a tear way.) Now stop. You are
a good angel, a damn good one.
MICHAEL: I just want to help Job. I wish there was something I could do.
JEHOVAH: There is, Michael. I have plans for you.
JEHOVAH: Yes, really. In fact, you could say that you are the key man in my plans. I
have got to go now. You stay here until I return and I will explain everything to
(JEHOVAH starts to leave then turns and gestures toward the sunrise which becomes even more beautiful. JEHOVAH EXITS stage right)
RAPHAEL: (admiring the sunrise) Most artists sign their works of art. Why doesn’t
God sign his works of creation?
MICHAEL: Artists don’t sign their work until they are done. God is never done with
creation. Every new day is like a clean canvas for God to paint.
RAPHAEL: (cleaning up the dishes) Michael, what did God mean when he said man
must choose between fire and water?
MICHAEL: (also cleaning up) Water (holding up a glass of water) is the symbol for
life, in this case, eternal life. Fire is the symbol for death, eternal damnation.
God meant that man must choose between life and death, between God and Satan.
That is why God gave them Free Will and keeps Satan around.
RAPHAEL: Well, then what is Free will? Is it the ability to make decisions or
MICHAEL: No, I think it more than that. A machine can make decisions. A roll of the
dice can determine choices. I don’t know what it is but I want it too.
RAHAEL: You do? But why?
MICHAEL: Because it seems to please God when people love him of their own Free
Will. Remember what God said about desire? I think I desire Free Will.
RAPHAEL: But why? What would you do with it.
MICHAEL: Like I said, I would use my Free Will to choose to love God.
RAPHAEL: But God said that you can’t love. You can only serve God. Free Will,
love, and desire! I don’t understand any of those things.
MICHAEL: I don’t either but I desire to be able to love God of my own Free will.
RAPHAEL: Nothing you just said makes any sense to me.
MICHAEL: I know. I didn’t understand it either.
RAPHAEL: What if you get Free Will but make the wrong choice? How do you know
what choice to make?
MICHAEL: I don’t know. This is all new to me. But I just know I could make the
RAPHAE: Well, when people make the wrong choice, why doesn't God just punish
MICHAEL: I think that if they are punished whenever they do something wrong, they
would not have Free Will. They must choose on their own. Therefore, the sun
shines on the good and the bad. Good and evil people alike prosper or suffer.
RAPHAEL: It doesn’t seem fair. I'm glad I don't have to choose. I'm glad I'm not a
MICHAEL: Yes, we will always be here to serve God forever. But when people, of
their own Free Will, chooses to love God, they honor and worship God in a very
special way which is very pleasing to God and which we could never do. That
makes them very dear to God.
MICHAEL:I wonder what Yahweh is planning to do about Job?
early in the morning at the Anderson house. There is no light in the kitchen. the coffee pot is on. there is a candle on the table. A pair of men’s shoes and a briefcase are near the door center stage. JOB ENTERS stage left, walks over to the table and lights the candle. He is dress in a suit but without shoes. He sits down at the center of the table facing the audience and places a Bible that he was carrying on the table in front of him.
JOB: (folding his hands and bowing his head) Dear heavenly Father, I thank you for
your many blessings. I thank you for my health and my job. I thank you for my
loving wife and my two beautiful children. I thank you for this home that we love
so much. I pray that you will continue to bless my family. Amen. (He opens the
bible and starts to read, mumbling the words.)
JOB: Lord, I need your help here. Give me the wisdom to understand this scripture.
(YAHWEH ENTERS center stage, walks over to the table and puts a hand on Job’s shoulder.)
YAHWEH: Yes, my son. What is it that you do not understand?
JOB: I am reading right here (JOB points to a page in the Bible but YAHWEH does not look at it) about Cain and Able and how Cain killed Able.
JOB: Well, Cain made an offering from the fruit of the ground while Able made an offering from his flock. You were pleased with Able’s offering but not Cain’s. Why didn’t you like Cain’s offering?
YAHWEH: That’s not really clear there (pulls out a chair and sits down). Able’s offering
was made with a pure heart. He was thankful for the blessings I had bestowed
upon him. But Cain’s heart was full of pride. He had labored long in the fields
and gave me no credit for the sun, the rain, and the rich soil. He was proud of
what he had accomplished and took full credit for it. Then he made an offering
that was only a fraction of his surplus wealth. No, this did not please me at all.
JOB: Can’t we take pride in our work?
YAHWEH: You should take pride in your work but give credit where credit is due.
Give create to your coworkers who support you, to your family, and to me.
JOB: But somehow I think I am missing the whole point. Is there more to this story
than a mere history lesson? Is this only about the first two children and the first
murder? What is the point?
YAHWEH: Now you are starting to gain wisdom, my son. No, it is not a history lesson.
Able represents that part of man that is good. Cain represents the evil side of
man. There is a Cain and Able inside of each person. Sometimes people are good
and pleasing to me and other times they are evil and not pleasing to me. Cain and
Able constantly fight each other. Sometimes times Cain wins and Evil defeats
Good and people go out and commit sin. Other times, Able wins and Good wins
over Evil and people go out and perform wonderful deeds.
JOB: I think I am beginning to understand.
YAHWEH: The American Indians have a similar story of two wolves; one good and the
other evil. They fight inside of each person every day.
JOB: Who wins?
YAHWEH: The one you feed.
JOB: So, who’s winning inside of me?
YAHWEH: It is a battle that starts fresh every day, is it not? It is like the Super Bowl of
life. I am please to say that Able is way ahead in the series. Keep up the good
work. I am very please with you, Job.
JOB: Speaking of which, who is going to win the Super Bowl?
YAHWEH: Never mind.
(A noise can be heard off stage as if someone is coming. YAHWEH EXITS center stage. LOU ENTERS stage left and stops at the door of the kitchen. She also is wearing a robe with slippers. She turns on a light switch and walks over to JOB.)
LOU: Good morning, Dear. (kisses him on the top of his head.). Why are you sitting in
JOB: (continues to read) Good morning. Oh, I kinda like it dark when I pray and read
the Bible. It helps me to stay focused. I made coffee. I think it’s ready if you
LOU: I thought I heard voices out here. (LOU pours two cups of coffee and gives one
cup to JOB. Then she walks over to the refrigerator and starts to make
sandwiches for lunches.)
JOB: That was God. I was asking questions about the Bible.
LOU: (Laughing) She always comes to tutor you when you study the Bible, doesn’t
JOB: ‘He!” What is on your agenda today?.
LOU: Nothing much. I have a doctor’s appointment. Just my annual check up. I can’t
eat anything though. They want to do blood work. Then I am off to work at
JOB: Still reading. I don’t think you guys do any work there. Every time I call you all
I hear is everyone laughing.
LOU: It is a fun place to work and everyone is so nice. I really enjoy being the
receptionist there. You meet some wonderful people and I get to help them
sometimes. Here, eat this. (LOU hands JOB a slice of meat. JOB takes it and
eats it without looking up from his reading. Do you think it’s okay to feed it to
the kids? Does it taste funny?
JOB: (JOB jumps up, goes over to the trash and spits in the trash.) Why do you always
do that to me? How long has it been in the refrigerator?
LOU: About a month. Don’t carry on so. I can’t feed the kids something that will make
them sick, now can I?
JOB: What about me? What if I get sick or die?
LOU: You never get sick. Anyway, if you die, I can always get another husband but I
don’t think I can have any more kids.
JOB: Not when you treat me like this.
LOU: (As if talking to a child.) You poor baby. (She rubs his head.) (getting
serious) Job, if I die would you remarry?
JOB: What do you mean? I’m the one who ate the meat.
LOU: (turning to face Job) Be serious for a minute. If I died would you remarry?
JOB: I don’t know. Besides, women usually out live men.
LOU: Just answer the question.
JOB: Well, I’m only 42. Yes, I suppose I would, if I met the right person.
LOU: Would you live in this house?
JOB: Well, I really like this house and I have a lot of equity in it. I guess if she liked it,
we would live here.
LOU: Would you sleep in our bed?
JOB: Well, that bed is real comfortable and I like it. Yes, I guess we would sleep in our
LOU: Would you let her wear my clothes?
JOB: You have a lot of money invested in those clothes. If they fit and she liked them,
I guess I would let her wear them.
LOU: Would you let her use my golf clubs?
JOB: Absolutely not! That’s where I draw the line.
LOU: Why not? They’re good clubs. They’re practically new.
JOB: Well, for one thing, she’s left-handed.
LOU: You rat! (picks up a slice of meat and throws it at JOB). I thought you were
JOB: I was. (picking up the meat) No wonder the meat tastes funny. (throws the meat
in the trash.)
(JOB continues to read and LOU finishes up the lunches and sets them on the table. She takes out a marker and writes ‘PETER’ on one and ‘MARY’ on the other. She then draws a big heart around each one.)
LOU: Peter! Mary! Come on kids, you’ll be late for school
PETER and MARY: (off stage) Coming, Mother.
(LOU sits on JOB lap and puts her arms around JOB’s neck and starts kissing him and biting his ear. JOB acts distracted at first but then gives in and kisses her back. He puts a bookmark in the Bible, closes it and puts the Bible down on the table.)
LOU: (in a sexy voice) I have an idea. Why don’t we both call in sick?
JOB: (in a sexy voice also) Keep talking. I’m listening. (JOB begins to slide his hand
up LOU’s leg.)
LOU: The kids will be in school. No one will know.
JOB: (in his normal voice) I don’t think so. The last time we did something like that
you ended up pregnant with Mary. Besides, you can’t miss your doctor’s
appointment. Anyway, I can’t miss work, I have a very important meeting today.
Corporate has some big announcement to make and they want everyone there.
LOU: Let’s do it right here on the kitchen table.
JOB: Lou, if the kids ever found out they’d never eat another meal off that table.
LOU: That will make it exciting. It will be our secret and years later we’ll tell them.
JOB: I don’t think that table will hold one of us let alone both of us.
LOU: Okay. Okay. So what is your fantasy?
JOB: To be able to watch an entire golf tournament without interruption.
LOU: I mean your sexual fantasy.
JOB: All right, that would be to watch an entire golf tournament without being
interrupted for sex.
LOU: I have never interrupted a golf tournament for sex.
JOB: That’s why it’s only a fantasy.
(PETER ENTERS stage left carrying several books but stops short when he sees his parents. LOU, embarrassed, jumps off JOB’s lap and brushes down the front of her robe. JOB picks up his Bible upside down and pretends to be reading.)
PETER: (grinning) Hey, come on now you two! Get a room for Pete’s sake. (laughs at
his own little pun. JOB groans. PETER walks over to the coffee pot and pours
himself a cup of coffee.)
LOU: (picks up PETER’s lunch and gives it to him.) Here’s your lunch, son. Have a
PETER: (looking at the heart on the bag.) Gee Mom, do you have to draw hearts on
every lunch bag? Everyone thinks I have a girl friend or something. (He puts it
on the counter top.)
LOU: You do! Me! Besides, you love it.
PETER: Well, I can’t eat it today. A bunch of the guys are going out for pizza. Which
reminds me. Dad, can I have ten dollars for pizza?
JOB: (Pulls out his wallet and takes out ten dollars.) Why don’t you have the baloney
sandwich? It’s cheaper (handing PETER the money).
PETER: Later! (PETER makes the sign for ‘I love you’ and EXITS center stage.)
JOB & LOU: (LOU makes the same sign.) Bye.
JOB: That boy is getting too smart for his own good.
(LOU reaches over and turns JOB’s Bible right side up. JOB grins at her. She winks at him. MARY ENTERS the room and picks up her lunch bag. She is carrying a book bag.)
MARY: (picking up PETER’s lunch bag and mimicking her brother) Gee Mom, do you
have to draw hearts on every lunch bag? Everyone thinks I have a girl friend or
something (opens the refrigerator and takes out a piece of fruit.) He’s just trying
to act like a Big Man on Campus. It will be a cold day in hell when he gets a girl
friend. Besides, he really does like your lunches.
JOB: Be nice, Mary. I’ll eat his lunch (takes the lunch from MARY).
MARY: Well, I think they’re cute. See you both later. (MARY makes the sign for “I love you”) Bye. (MARY EXITS center stage)
JOB & LOU: (BOTH make the same sign.) See you later.
LOU: I wish they wouldn’t grow up so fast. The Lord has really blessed us. They are a
couple of great kids.
JOB: Yes they are. The Lord has really blessed us.
(LOU sits down at the table and drinks her coffee. JOB continues to read.)
JOB: Honey, it says here in Paul’s letter that wives should be submissive to their
husbands. Maybe we could try that some time.
LOU: Sure, Job. You have a birthday coming up. We could try it then.
JOB: My birthday isn’t for another nine months.
LOU: Then you’ll have something to look forward to.
JOB: (putting the bookmark in the Bible and closing it.) Well, I better hit the road or
I’ll miss my train.
(JOB finishes his coffee and puts the cup in the sink. He looks around for his shoes, finds them by door and puts them on. JOB walks over to LOU who stands up and puts his arms around her and gives her long kiss.)
JOB: (with his arms around LOU) God has blessed me with you too.
LOU: Do you like me better than your left-handed golf player?
JOB: You’re still my favorite wife.
LOU: (playing with his tie)You could still call in sick.
JOB: Nope, can’t do it. I didn’t eat the baloney. I’ll take a rain check. (JOB lets go and
picks up his briefcase. He takes it to the table, opens it up and puts the Bible
inside. He then walks toward the center stage. He stops at the door, blows her a
kiss, flashes the “I love you” sign.) Good luck on your doctor’s appointment. See
you later. Love you! (JOB EXITS stage center)
LOU: (making the same “I love you” sign) Bye, Love you too.
(LOU EXITS stage left. LOU ENTERS stage left wearing shoes, a coat, a purse and with car keys in her hand. LOU EXITS center stage.)
JOB’S OFFICE IN THE MORNING. NO ONE ELSE IS THERE
(JOB ENTERS stage left, goes to his cubicle, put down his brief case and lunch sack. He turns on the computer and then puts the sack lunch into the refrigerator. He sits down and starts to work. The two fallen angels , BELIAR and LOVE ENTER stage left wearing bib overalls. BELIAR puts wedges in the doors to hold them open. LOVE carries work gloves, tape and flattened cardboard boxes. BELIAR appears to be in charge and has a clip board and a dolly.)
BELIAR: Just put that stuff over there (pointing to a place against the wall).
LOVE: Okay, boss (putting the tape, and boxes down and starting to put together boxes.)
BELIAR: Let's see. (looks over the clip board, taking inventory. He looks at objects in
the room and then checks them off on a paper on the clip board. LOVE finds a chair and sits down.) Uh huh, check, uh huh, check. One, two, three, check, check, check.
JOB: Can I help you gentleman?
BELIAR: Did you hear that, Joe? He called us “Gentlemen.” That's a laugh. (Both BELIAR and LOVE laugh) No Sir, we can handle it. Won't take long. We'll be gone before you know it.
JOB: No, I mean, what's going on?
BELIAR: Don't know for sure but rumor has it that your company is going bankrupt.
LOVE: Out of business! Kaput! Down the tubes! Chapter 11! Heading south!
BELIAR: At least that's the rumor.
JOB: No one told me.
LOVE: That's the way they do it. They don't want to give you a chance to steal everything.
JOB: Steal? Steal what? [LOVE and BELIAR start to take the cubicles apart.]
LOVE: Anything that's not nailed down. Any thing of value. Wouldn't blame you for helping yourself after the way they treated you. Gave you the shaft, didn't they?
BELIAR: Go ahead and take whatever you want. Joe and me won't tell anyone. No skin off our noses.
JOB: No, I'm not going to steal anything. I'm going to call my boss. Don't move anything. (JOB picks up the telephone and dials a number. BELIAR and LOVE sit down on chairs.)
LOVE: Won't do you any good. Better get what you can before someone else does. (JOB listens on the telephone and then looks surprised and hangs up.)
BELIAR: No answer?
JOB: The number is no longer in service.
LOVE: What did I tell you? Your boss is long gone by now. Probably had his next job all lined up ahead of time. I’ll bet he had one of those silver parachutes too.
JOB: Golden parachute. I don't believe it! (Drops into his chair. BELIAR goes over and disconnects the telephone, wraps the cord up and puts it into one of the boxes.)
BELIAR: Mister, you better put your personal stuff in a box. Joe, give him a box
(LOVE brings a box over and hands it to JOB. Slowly, JOB begins to put his stuff into
the box. BELIAR and LOVE start to remove everything, taking it off stage left through
the doors. TOM ENTERS stage left and looks around in disbelief.)
TOM: Job, I just heard the news.
JOB: Where, what news?
TOM: It was on the radio. Your company is going out of business. Chapter 12 or something. I came straight over.
JOB: Chapter 7, I think. Apparently, I am the last to know.
TOM: What are you going to do? (TOM finds a chair and sits down near JOB.)
JOB: I don't know. I haven't had time to think about it. I guess I have to start looking for a job.
BELIAR: (comes in and looks in the refrigerator. He pulls out Job's lunch.) This yours?
JOB: You can have it, I just lost my appetite.
BELIAR: (Holding up the lunch bag) Oh, how cute! You shouldn't have, Pete.
JOB: That was my son's lunch. His name is Peter.
BELIAR: Oh, you stole it, huh? Must be good. (BELIAR opens the bag and looks in.
He takes out the sandwich and removes the wrapping. He throws the wrapping on
the floor. He starts to eat the sandwich.) Hey, this meat tastes funny.
JOB: (laughs) Tell me about it.
BELIAR: Oh, well. (He eats the sandwich.)
(DICK ENTERS stage left. He stops and looks at BELIAR and LOVE who ignore him.
He looks at TOM and JOB.)
DICK: I came over as soon as I heard. I couldn't believe it. I had to see for myself. That
news sure came out of the blue. What’s happening? What’s going on here?
TOM: Job is losing his job!
DICK: Well, you have some time. These things take time. You probably have a couple
of months or more. Besides, they have to pay you for your vacation time and
everything, don’t they?
JOB: I had better call my wife. No telling what she has heard. (JOB reaches where the telephone use to be and then realizes that it is gone. He looks at BELIAR who just shrugs.)
DICK: Here, use my mobile communications device. (He hands Job a cellular telephone. JOB takes it and dials a number.)
TOM: I thought that was called a cell phone?
JOB: (dialing a number, pauses) No answer. She must still be at the doctor's office.
LOVE: (LOVE reaches under an empty desk and pulls out a briefcase.) Hey, hey, hey, what have we here? (Everyone looks at him. He opens the briefcase and pulls out a large sum of money.) Bingo! (Everyone get up and gathers around LOVE, all talking at once.)
JOB: Where did you find that?
LOVE: It was right here under this desk.
BELIAR: Finders-keepers, I always say.
TOM: Must be the payroll.
DICK: I don't think so. No one pays in cash any more. It's all direct deposit or a check. All electric transfers.
TOM: There's no name or identification on the briefcase.
BELIAR: They told us every thing had been cleared out.
JOB: No one has had that cubicle for a while.
BELIAR: How much is in there? (LOVE starts counting, mumbling under his breath.)
LOVE: It's all one hundred dollar bills. There must be $100,000 here.
BELIAR: I say we split it. We each would get… (He pauses as if trying to do the math in his head)
DICK: Twenty thousand each.
BELIAR: Yeah, that’s right. No one would know. Tax free too.
JOB: (grabbing the briefcase.) I would know. That money belongs to someone and I am going to report it.
LOVE: Probably drug money. Or maybe someone stole it from the company.
JOB: None the less, it gets reported. (putting the briefcase on his desk.)
BELIAR: We'll never see that money again.
(DELILAH ENTERS stage left wearing a mini skirt, and a mink coat. She ignores
everyone as she walks around the office checking light switches, the walls, floors, etc.
BELIAR and LOVE fall to their knees and begins to worship her. TOM, DICK and JOB
DELILAH: (To BELIAR and LOVE) Knock it off. (they stop and get back to work.)
JOB: Can I help you?
DELILAH: (turning on the charm) Oh, I certainly hope so.
TOM: (TOM jumps up and offers her his chair.) Sit here.
DELILAH: Why thank you, Handsome. (DELILAH removes her coat and hands it to TOM and sits.) I heard you guys were going out of business and I thought I might buy this building.
DICK: Boy, it didn't take long for the vultures to gather.
DELILAH: Hush now, you silly boy. Vultures are such delightful birds. Beside, I was talking to Job.
JOB: How did you know my name?
DELILAH: Well, Honey, we have never actually met but I have had my eye on you for some time now.
TOM & DICK: You have?
DELILAH: Why, of course. A good looking guy like you. I know all about you. I know you are quite the ladies' man.
TOM & DICK: He is?
JOB: I am?
DELILAH: (turning to TOM and DICK) Did you two park out front, a BMW and a Volvo? [TOM & DICK just nod their heads.] I saw a meter maid writing out tickets for you.
TOM & DICK: (TOM & DICK EXIT stage left and yelling.) Wait a second - I'm coming.
DELILAH: (turning to JOB) Now where were we? Oh, yes. I know all about you. (crossing legs. JOB gets embarrassed and quickly stands up and looks the other way. DELILAH comes over to JOB and begins to straighten his tie.) I could use a man like you.
JOB: In your company?
DELILAH: Oh! There too, I suppose. Tell you what, why don't I buy this company and you come with it. I'll pay you double what you make now?
JOB: What would I be doing?
DELILAH: I think you know what you would be doing.
JOB: I don't know.
DELILAH: Okay, I'll spell it out for you. (She pulls him closer by his tie and whispers in his ear. With the other hand she grabs his butt.)
JOB: (Removes her hand and frees his tie.) I'm an happily married man.
DELILAH: (Looks at him for a few seconds.) So what's your point?
JOB: I don't think so. (Backing away)
DELILAH: (following him.) Okay, I'll pay you triple what you make now.
JOB: I don't think so.
DELILAH: Don't be a fool. (Job moves behind his desk and tries to keep the desk between them. She tries to move around the desk to get closer.) We're both adults here. I could fulfill your wildest dreams and make you rich besides.
JOB: I don't dream. (DELILAH grabs his tie so he can't get away and moves around to the end of the desk.) Wait….Wait.
DELILAH: (holds onto his tie with one hand. With the other hand she gives the briefcase
to BELIAR. She clears off the desk with a sweep of her hand. She then turns JOB around so his back is to the desk.)
(BELIAR and LOVE EXIT stage left)
JOB: Wait, wait
DELILAH: I have waited long enough. (pushing him onto the desk on his back and climbing on top of him, straddling him. she begins to untie his tie and un-button
his shirt and kisses him.)
JOB: Wait, wait.
(MICHAEL ENTERS stage right. He is dressed like a janitor. He has on bib overalls with a big ring of keys on his belt. He carries a push broom. He looks much older, with gray hair and glasses. He walks with a slight stoop.)
MICHAEL: hat in the devil is going on here? (He walks over to the desk and looks at the floor.) Who is going to clean up this mess?
(DELILAH jumps off of JOB and walks stage left and stands looking out the window.
Her arms are crossed and she is tapping one foot. She is frowning. She avoids looking at
MICHAEL. JOB gets up and straightens out his tie and shirt. MICHAEL begins
sweeping and eventually sweeps right up behind DELILAH.)
MICHAEL: Well, well, well, if it isn't Delilah in the flesh.
DELILAH: Hello, Michael. (She turns and glares at him.) Your timing is impeccable as
usual. What in hell’s name are you doing here?
MICHAEL: Oh, I’m just here to keep things on the up and up, you might say.
DELILAH: We have a bet.
MICHAEL: Yes, and up to now you don’t seem to be doing so well.
DELILAH: (walking over to Job and rubbing his cheek with the back of her hand) Too bad. We could have had such fun together. Let me give you something to remember me by. (reaching for JOB.)
MICHAEL: Remember, you can't kill him!
DELILAH: I wouldn't think of it. (she taps Job on the shoulder very lightly.)
JOB: Ow. (grabbing his shoulder in pain.)
(DELILAH hits JOB in the stomach and JOB doubles over, hanging onto the desk to keep from falling. HARRY ENTERS stage left just as DELILAH EXITS stage left. MICHAEL goes to JOB's aid.]
HARRY: (staring at DELIAH) All my life I have dreamed of meeting a woman like that.
JOB: Apparently, you only have to file for bankruptcy.
HARRY: Chapter 7, I suppose from the looks of things.
MICHAEL: What is Chapter 7?
HARRY: With Chapter 7, the company stops all operations and goes completely out of business. A trustee is appointed to sell the company's assets and the money is used to pay off all the debts. I am not surprised. You guys expanded too fast and never really captured your proper share of the market. Profit to Loss ratios were just not good enough to sustain the rapid growth. (realizing that JOB is hurt, he rushes over to him.) Job, are you okay?
MICHAEL: (to JOB) You had better sit down.
(HARRY and MICHAEL help JOB, who is in pain, to sit down)
JOB: Where did Tom and Dick go?
HARRY: They had to move their cars. They’re looking for parking spaces and then they
will be in. You okay? You don’t look so good.
JOB: I don’t feel so good. My stomach hurts. All my joints hurt. I felt fine this
morning but since that woman….
JOB: Whatever. Since she was here, I hurt.
MICHAEL: She has that effect on people.
(TOM and DICK ENTER stage left holding traffic tickets)
DICK: Who was that woman?
TOM: The meter maid.
DICK: Not that woman! The good looking one.
JOB, MICHAEL and HARRY: Delilah!
DICK: Who is she?
MICHAEL: She is the personification of everything evil in this world.
TOM: She is beautiful.
MICHAEL: Evil often looks beautiful.
HARRY: She looks familiar.
MICHAEL: You have seen her in your dreams, perhaps.
JOB: But you knew her name. Do you know her?
DICK and HARRY: You know her?
MICHAEL: Let’s just say we have tangled before.
TOM: I’d like to tangle with her.
JOB: I don’t think so.
MICHAEL: This isn’t the first time I’ve had to throw her out.
DICK: Oh, Really?
MICHAEL: Oh yes. We go way back.
HARRY: Way back? She looks so young.
MICHAEL: Oh, she is timeless, forever young and as ancient as the hills.
TOM: And who are you?
JOB: Aren’t you Mike, the custodian? You work here.
MICHAEL: I prefer to be called Facility Engineer Michael.
TOM: Facility Engineer?
JOB: I am glad you came in when you did, Michael. I am afraid I wasn’t
handling that situation very well.
MICHAEL: Well, if you are okay, I had better finish cleaning up.
DICK: You’re a mess. (wiping off lipstick with a handkerchief and buttoning JOB’s shirt)
TOM: I think that woman told that meter maid to give us tickets.
HARRY: Gee, Do you think?
(LOU ENTERS stage left looking depressed. JOB stands up)
JOB: Hello, Kido. (going over and kissing her)
TOM, DICK and HARRY: Hi, Lou.
LOU: What are you guys doing here?
TOM: We heard what happened so we…
HARRY: (Hits TOM on the arm) Oh, we just stopped by to see Job.
LOU: Is something wrong?
DICK: No, we were just leaving. Right, guys?
TOM: We were?
DICK: Come on TOM. Go to work. Make lots of money. Then go home. Remember the routine? Let’s leave these two alone.
TOM: Oh…yeah. Right. Gotta get to work anyway. See you later Job.
HARRY and DICK: See you later, Job.
LOU: They’re sure acting strange. More than usual.
JOB: I’ll tell you all about it. Did you see the doctor?
LOU: I just came from there.
JOB: What did he say? Was everything okay?
LOU: Job, you had better sit down.
JOB: (sitting down) That sounds serious.
LOU: (sitting down) It is. (pausing) Job, the doctor says that I have cancer.
JOB: Oh no!
LOU: Yes! He found it on my pancreas. All the tests; the blood work, the X-rays, the MRI, everything confirms it.
JOB: There must be some mistake. It can’t be!
LOU: There is no mistake. It is a classic case. The truth is, I haven’t felt like myself for a some time. I just thought it would go away but it didn’t.
JOB: (JOB and LOU get up and hug. they both start to cry.) I’m so sorry, Lou. I‘m so sorry. Can he operate?
LOU: No. He said it has spread to my other organs. It is on the stomach, liver and lungs. An operation could never get it all. There is just too much and it’s everywhere.
JOB: What about chemo-therapy or radiation?
LOU: He wants me to start next week. It won’t help much, just give me a few more weeks. I don’t know if I even want to go through all that.
JOB: Did he say how long?
LOU: Not long. Just a few months. I’ll (choking up) be gone before Christmas.
JOB: Oh God! (they hug again for a long time. finally, LOU sits and then JOB sits. both are crying.) Lou, I love you so much. What can we do?
LOU: There’s not much we can do except pray a lot. I want to make all the funeral arrangements while I still have my mental faculties. I’ll call the funeral home tomorrow and set up an appointment. (She pauses for a moment and looks straight at Job) Job, you will have to take care of Peter and Mary. Peter is not as tough as he thinks. He will need your support more than ever. And Mary is my baby. Take really good care of her.
JOB: Of course I will.
LOU: I don’t worry about them so much, they’re young. I worry about you. I thought I was going to look after you forever but I guess not. You’re so helpless in so many ways.
JOB: I know. You always take good care of us.
LOU: I don’t think I am afraid of dying so much but, Job, I don’t want to be in a lot of pain. Please make sure I don’t suffer a lot of pain.
JOB: Okay. I will. I promise.
LOU: The only thing I don’t like about dying is all the things I will miss. I wanted to see Peter and Mary graduate from college and get married. I am so proud of those two. They are such good kids. I love them so much. I’ll never see any grandchildren. (sobs) I wanted grandchildren so much. I wanted to spoil them. Be a good grandfather, will you? Spoil those grandkids.
JOB: You know I will.
LOU: Worst of all I am going to miss you. I love you so much. You will have to learn to take care of yourself.
JOB: I love you too. I am really going to miss you. What am I going to do? You always took good care of me. You bought all my clothes. You made my favorite meals. You nursed me when I was sick. Best of all, you laughed at all my jokes.
LOU: That last part wasn’t always easy. (pauses) Job, I am going to tell everyone that I am dying from AIDS.
JOB: Why in the world would you say that?
LOU: So the women will leave you alone.
JOB: (laughing) You are my best friend. I don’t know how I can survive without you.
LOU: You have to for the sake of the children. I’ll give you my secret recipe for baloney sandwiches.
JOB: I think I know it. Age the meat for one month, right? (They hug again and kiss)
LOU: What was it you wanted to tell me?
JOB: Oh nothing. Now it doesn’t seem so important now.
the anderson house. The scene is Job’S home. There are vases of flowers and baskets of plants around the room. there is a basket of fruit and a dish of candy on the table.
(JOB ENTERS stage left wearing a suit and appears to have sores on his hands and face. He is limping. He takes off his jacket and sits at the table and puts his head in his hands. LOU and RAPHAEL ENTER center stage. RAPHAEL is wearing a white suit. LOU is dressed in all white. She goes over to JOB and begins to stroke his hair. JOB cannot see them.)
LOU: poor Baby.
RAPHAEL: He can’t hear or see you. I don’t think this is a good idea. We shouldn’t be
LOU: I know. I was just worried about Job. I wish I could comfort him some how.
RAPHAEL: You can’t. We really need to be leaving.
LOU: I know, I know. Can’t I just leave a sign to let him know that I am okay?
RAPHAEL: That’s not allowed.
LOU: I just feel so bad for him.
RAPHAEL: He’ll be okay. God has plans for him.
LOU: Plans? What kind of plans?
RAPHAEL: I don’t know. You’ll have to ask God.
(LOU and RAPHAEL EXIT center stage. LOU ENTERS center stage runs over to the refrigerator and takes out a slice of baloney and drops it on the floor. LOU EXITS center stage.)
HARRY: (Sticking his head in the room from stage left.) You okay, Job?
JOB: Yeah, I just needed a break for a few minutes.
HARRY: Do you want to be alone?
JOB: Not really.
(TOM , DICK, and HARRY ENTER stage left. All are wearing suits with a flower in the lapel. TOM goes to the refrigerator and get four beers. He opens them and gives one to each person. HARRY pats JOB on the shoulder. They all loosen their ties. Everyone sits down and starts to drink the beer.)
HARRY: Great funeral.
DICK: Yes, yes it was. Lou had lots of friends, Job. Many people loved her. (Everyone
nods their head.)
HARRY: Thanks for letting us be pallbearers. It was really special.
DICK & TOM: Yeah, thanks.
DICK: What happens now?
JOB: We’ll just continue with this reception until everyone leaves and then clean up.
DICK: No, I meant what is going to happen to you? What are you going to do? Have
you thought about it?
HARRY: Leave him alone. The funeral was just today. Give the man time to sort
DICK: I’m sorry. I was just trying to help.
TOM: Why do bad things happen to good people?
DICK: Bad things happen to bad people too.
HARRY: And good things happen to good and bad people.
TOM: Well, it’s not fair. I thought God took care of his people. Job and Lou were the
best Christians I knew. Is this how God rewards his followers?
DICK: You know better than that, Tom. The sun shines on everyone, good and bad. Into
every life a little rain must fall.
HARRY: Everyone dies sooner or later. Some sooner than later. When it’s your turn to
go, you go. No ifs, ands, or buts. It is part of the cycle of life. You are born, you
live, and you die. Pure and simple.
TOM: So where does faith enter in? Is there no reward?
DICK: Not in this world. That comes later.
TOM: I don’t buy it. If you fight the good fight, there has go to be some earthly reward.
I think Lou’s death is a punishment from God. She must have committed some
sin we don’t know about. Or maybe you did, Job. Maybe you are being punished
for some sin you committed.
JOB: Lou and I did nothing to deserve this. I know we weren’t perfect but we did our
best and we went to confession and did our penitence.
TOM: There has got to be a reason. Nothing happens without a reason.
JOB: Naked I came forth from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I go back again.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
DICK: God’s only promise was eternal life after death.
HARRY: I think it has to do with Free Will.
HARRY: It has to do with Free Will. That’s what makes us different from the angels.
God wants us to love him out of our own Free Will. If he rewards us for
believing in him then there is no Free Will. He wants us not to be influenced by
the earthly rewards or by fear of punishment.
TOM: What are you talking about?
HARRY: Here let me show you. ( He picks up an apple and the dish of candy and
sits them on the table in front of TOM. He then gets a spatula out of the drawer.
He sits back down across from TOM.) Let’s pretend that I am God and you are
DICK: Oh that will be hard. (DICK stands up to see better.)
HARRY: Now Tom, here you have an apple and a dish of candy and you are hungry.
Now you know that candy has a lot of calories and sugar. It makes you fat but it
tastes sooo good. You also know you should eat more fruit. You know apples are
good for you. Your doctor told you to lay off the sweets and eat more fruit. But
you are stubborn and you think you have Free Will. Now (pause) which would
you like to have?
TOM: Well, to tell you the truth, right about now I could use some candy.
HARRY: Go ahead and have some.
TOM: (TOM reaches for the candy dish. HARRY swats his hand with the spatula) Ow!
What did you do that for?
HARRY: I am punishing you for making the wrong choice. You should have picked the
TOM: But I wanted the candy.
HARRY: I know you did but it was the wrong choice. If you are punished for making
the wrong choice then you don’t really have Free Will. You are no different than
lab mice that get shocked for doing the wrong thing.
TOM: You’re crazy, you know that? (rubbing his hand) That hurt.
HARRY: I’m sorry. Here, have some candy.
(TOM reaches for the candy and HARRY swats his hand with the spatula)
TOM: Damn! (He jumps up shaking his hand and walking around)
HARRY: You are a stiff necked people, a slow learner.
DICK: What the hell as gotten into you?
HARRY: I am just trying to make a point about Free Will. If you are punished or
rewarded for decisions you make in this world then you do not have Free Will.
No one would feely choose to be punished. Do you get it now?
TOM: No! But if you do that again, you’re going to get it.
HARRY: I’m sorry, Tom. I was just trying to demonstrate a point. Here, sit down.
Have some candy.
TOM: I don’t want any candy.
HARRY: OK. Have some fruit.
TOM: I don’t want any fruit either. In fact, I don’t want anything.
HARRY: Ah come on, Tom. Don’t be mad.
TOM: I’m just not hungry any more. I don’t want anything.
(They sit quietly for a while drinking beer)
JOB: Do you guys tell your wives that you love them? (wiping away tears.)
TOM: My wife knows that I love her. Some things just don’t have to be said.
DICK: I have always had trouble saying that. It seems like she should know that. I am
more like that guy in the movie, Ghost, who just says “Ditto”.
HARRY: I guess I do. When she says she loves me I always say, “Me too”. But I really
do love her. I think she knows it.
JOB: I think in all the years that Lou and I were married, we must have told each other
“I love you” thousands of times. When she got cancer, I know I said those words
a few hundred times and she did too. But near the end she couldn’t say them.
Between the painkillers which made her dopey and her body wasting away
physically, she just couldn’t talk at all. I so desperately wanted to hear
those three words. I guess I just wanted confirmation that she still loved me. I
wanted to know that she had no regrets; that she would not have changed anything
in our marriage. That she wasn’t sorry for marrying me or having children. That
all the times I changed jobs and moved the family were okay. I wanted to hear
her say that in the end she still loved me after everything.
So a few days before she died I told her once more that I loved her. I didn’t know
if she even understood what I was saying or if she could hear me. She looked at
me but didn’t say anything at first. I couldn’t tell if she just couldn’t speak or if
her brain just could form the words. Then she held up her hand and signed, “I
love you”. (JOB holds up one hand and makes the sign for I love you.) My heart
nearly leaped out of my chest. It was as if she shouted to me, “I love you, Job
Anderson”. Everything was okay then. I knew she still loved me. It could not
have been any clearer. She loved me! I never doubted it, but I needed to hear it
and I did. She loves me. (TOM, DICK, and HARRY start to wipe away tears)
That was the last time she told me told that she loved me. She got worst after that
and never said another word. She held on longer than anyone thought she could.
Several times we thought she breathed her last breath. But she held on and died
on Valentines Day. It was as if with her last ounce of strength, in her final act of
dying, she told all of us, “I love you all”.
TOM: That’s beautiful!
JOB: Guys, I am telling you, if you love your wives, tell them so. Tell them a lot. You
can’t say it enough. When your time comes you’ll be glad that you did.
DICK: I never thought about.
JOB: Everything reminds me of her, even this table. You know, (pauses) she wanted to
make love on this table.
JOB: We never did, of course.
(TOM, DICK and HARRY put their beers back on the table.)
TOM: Job, I don’t think that table would hold two people.
DICK: (standing up) Excuse me. I have to tell my wife something. (EXITS stage left)
HARRY: I’ll bet he is going to tell his wife he loves her.
HARRY: We should do that too.
TOM: I don’t think DICK’S wife wants to hear that from us.
HARRY: I meant to our wives, idiot.
TOM: I knew that.
HARRY: You know, I always have great sex after a funeral.
TOM: You’re weird.
HARRY: I mean with my wife. She is always so grateful that it wasn’t me who died.
TOM: (standing up) Excuse me for a minute. (TOM grabs an apple, pauses, then puts it
back. Then takes a piece of candy, pauses, and takes a piece of fruit too. TOM
EXITS stage left)
HARRY: (standing up) Me too. I’ll be right back.
(HARRY EXITS stage left. JOB puts his head in his hands on the table. LUCIFER ENTERS center stage with LOVE. LOVE is dressed like a biker. MICHAEL ENTERS stage left wearing a suit. JOB can’t see LUCIFER)
MICHAEL: ( to LUCIFER) I thought you might show up. What are you doing here?
LUCIFER: I came for the children
MICHAEL: You can’t have them.
LUCIFER: Oh, no. God and I have a deal, remember? Job will lose his children. I
am going to take them with me.
MICHAEL: No! I will stop you.
LUCIFER: God and I have a deal. He said I could have the children.
MICHAEL: No. He said the Job would lose his children, not that you could have
LUCIFER: It’s all the same thing.
MICHAEL: I won’t allow it. (Barring the doorway stage left)
LUCIFER: Okay, (moves over by Job) I’ll take Job.
MICHAEL: You can’t. God said you can’t kill him.
LUCIFER: Oh, I won’t kill him. (Holding up his hands with fingers pointed at Job)
I’ll just give him a heart attack or maybe a stroke. Okay, if you want to play
games with me let’s play hard ball. What’s going to be Mickey, Job or the
children. You can’t stop me from both.
(MICHAEL hesitates and moves toward JOB. When he does LOVE slips by him and EXITS stage left. LUCIFER steps back slowly toward center stage.)
LUCIFER: We’ll settle this latter, Mickey. I won’t condone this interference.
(LUCIFER EXITS center stage. MICHAEL pulls up a cahir and sits down by JOB. DICK and TOM ENTER stage left)
MICHAEL: Job, are you okay?
JOB: (looking up at MICHAEL) Oh, hello Michael. I didn’t hear you come in. I’m
(JEZEBEL sticks her head in the door at center stage and sees JOB and MICHAEL talking. JEZEBEL ENTERS center stage. JEZEBEL runs and EXITS stage left. MICHAEL jumps up but is too late to stop her. He runs to stage left but stops and looks back at JOB. He pauses and then return to his chair by JOB)
JOB: Who was that?
MICHAEL: I think it was JEZEBEL.
JOB: Who is that?
MICHAEL: You don’t want to know. But you can bet she is here to cause trouble.
JOB: Was she a friend of Lou’s?
MICHAEL: I doubt it. JOB, I know that this may seem to be your darkest hour but it is
all part of God’s plan. Just trust in the Lord.
JOB: I know that but it doesn’t make it any easier. I don’t find much comfort in it right
now. I don’t understand why Lou had to die. She was still young. Parents aren’t
suppose to die before their children. What are we going to do?
(TOM, DICK and HARRY ENTER stage left and go to the refrigerator and get a beers. They open the beers and sit down. PETER ENTERS stage left with JEZEBEL. PETER has a suit on and is carrying a suitcase. They walk in with one arm around each other. Everyone stands up)
PETER: Dad, this is Jill. Jill, this is my dad.
(JOB extends his hand to JEZEBEL but she acts as if she doesn’t notice. TOM, DICK, HARRY and MICHAEL sit down. JOB, PETER and JEZEBEL remain standing)
PETER: Dad, I know this is a bad time but I need to get this over with. I met Jill at
school a few months ago. We have decided to move in together at her place. I
know what you are going to say but my mind is made up. I’m not a kid any more
and you can’t keep here against my will. You won’t need to support me or
anything. I’ll get a job. It will be better this way.
(JEZEBEL lights up a cigarette. She looks at TOM who is staring at her.)
JOB: Where will you go? Is it near the college?
PETER: Actually, we’re going to Florida.
JOB: What about your education?
PETER: Dad, I’m dropping out of school. It’s a bunch of nonsense any way. It’s not
relevant to the real world. It’s just a waste of my time and your money. I think
I’ll be better off if I start working in the real world now.
JOB: But Peter, your education?
(JEZEBEL looks around for an ashtray and finding none, flicks her ash in TOM’S beer. TOM just stares at his beer)
PETER: Don’t try to talk me out of this. My mind is made up.
JOB: Peter, you’re under a lot of emotional stress right now. Why don’t you wait a
week or two and until things settle down and we can talk about it?
PETER: I have thought this through and this is what I want to do.
JOB: Wait a week or two. If you want, Jill can move in here. We have room.
PETER: No Dad. It won’t work.
JOB: Peter, don’t throw away your college education. You have so much invested. So
PETER: It was time wasted on stupid stuff. I’m through with college.
(JEZEBEL starts looking for a place to put her cigarette butt. TOM, DICK and HARRY cover the mouths of their beers. She drops it on the floor and steps on it.)
JEZEBEL: Pete, we better get on the road before it gets late. (She starts for the door)
PETER: Bye, Dad. Gotta go.
JOB: How can I contact you?
PETER: Don’t worry about me. I am on my own now. I’ll be in touch
when we get settled.
(PETER EXITS center stage. Job makes the “I love you” sign but Peter doesn’t look back.)
JEZEBEL: (Teasing) Bye you’all. (JEZEBEL EXITS center stage)
(Job flops into a chair.)
TOM: Boy, talk about kicking a man when he’s down.
DICK: Why the ingratitude!
TOM: Sharper than a shark’s tooth.
DICK: Serpent’s tooth.
DICK: The expression is, “Sharper than a serpent’s tooth.” You said “shark’s tooth.”
(ENTER MARY and LOVE holding hands. LOVE is dressed like a biker. He is chewing on a cigar, not lit. MARY is also dressed like a biker. Both have leather jackets with “Born to Raise Hell” on the back. LOVE is carrying a backpack with a sleeping bag on top. MARY is carrying a sleeping bag.)
MARY: Dad, I came to say goodbye. I owe you that much. I only stayed this long
because Mom was so sick. I know this is bad timing but I just have to get out of
MARY: I’m leaving. I’m leaving with Bob here.
JOB: But why?
MARY: Dad, I need some space. I feel so confined here. I feel like I am choking to
death. I can’t stand it any more. I need to get out and find myself.
JOB: Where are you going?
MARY: We are going out on the open read. Bob has a cool bike. We are going to find
the real America. We are going to go wherever the wind blows us. We’ll sleep
under the stars. We’ll watch sunrises and sunsets. We’ll find a place we like and
stay there until we get bored and then move on. It will be great.
JOB: What about school?
MARY: It sucks, Dad. They never teach you anything useful. It’s just a bunch of
garbage I’ll never use. The teachers are clueless about the real world.
JOB: But what about your education?
MARY: I am going to learn about what really matters. Bob knows more about real life
(pointing to LOVE who smiles) than those phony teachers. I’ll learn about life on
the road, the school of hard knocks. I’ll discover the real me. Beside, I have
made up my mind. (to LOVE) We need to get on the road (handing LOVE her
LOVE: Okee-dokee. (Takes the bag.)
MARY: Dad, I don’t know where I’ll be so don’t ask. Don’t try and find me either. I’ll
be all right. I’ll drop you a post card from time to time. Bob said he would take
good care of me. (kissing JOB on the cheek.) I love you, Dad. Goodbye.
JOB: (jumping up, yelling, and attacking LOVE) You can’t do this. I’ll have you
arrested. She is just a child.
(TOM, DICK, and HARRY restrain JOB)
MARY: Dad, stop! (stepping between JOB and LOVE.) Leave him alone! I love him.
Besides I am eighteen, I’ll do whatever I want. You can’t make me stay here. (to
LOVE) Wait outside.
(LOVE EXITS center stage)
JOB: Mary, I love you. Please don’t go.
MARY: (starts toward the door) Bye, Dad. Take care of yourself. (MARY EXITS center stage.
(JOB starts to cry. JOB makes the “I love you” sign but MARY doesn’t return it. TOM, DICK, and HARRY let go of JOB. Everyone sits down)
DIK: Man! Talk about a kick in the teeth.
TOM: I think that kick was a lot lower than that.
HARRY: That Bob guy seems like a right fart smeller.
DICK: They couldn’t even wait for their mother’s body to get cold. Lou must be turning
over in her grave. The problem with the school of hard knocks is that you get
knocked around a lot.
TOM: Or knocked up.
(DICK hits TOM’S arm to shut him up. TOM covers his mouth, realizing he should not have said that. JOB continues to cry. They sit in silence for short period. JOB starts to rub his knee.)
HARRY: (to JOB) What did the doctors say?
JOB: Well, nothing good. Let’s see now… I have arthritis in all my joints, the hips
especially. I can take medication for the pain but that upsets my new ulcer in my
stomach. The doctor is not sure if stress caused it or the fact that I am now a
diabetic. I may have to start taking insulin shots soon.
DICK: What about the skin sores?
JOB: The skin thing is a mystery. The doctors can’t figure out what it nor how to treat
it. One of them wants to do a study and present a paper. He is hoping to have it
named after me if it is entirely new. Meanwhile, he is calling it the “Pox from
Hell”. It won’t heal and it hurts.
TOM: (standing up, going over to the trash and throwing his beer can in it.) That doesn’t
DICK: Idiot! It is never good to have an illness named after you.
JOB: Perish the day on which I was born. Isn’t a man’s life on earth a drudgery?
TOM: Hey, (bending over and picking up the piece of baloney) There’s a piece of
baloney on the floor.
The scene is a subway car but only one side is shown. It is at a 45 degree angle to the audience and set on stage right, leaving much of the stage empty. There are subway type benches and seats. Several people are already in place, holding onto to poles and straps. The doors are in the center of the car. Most of the commuters are dressed identical. They are wearing dark navy blue suits and carrying a brief identical briefcases. Each also has a cellular telephone (not seen yet), and pager. They are all seated and reading the a paper. Their faces can not be seen. Standing near the center is LOVE but dressed like a hermit. He has a long beard and a stocking cap on his head. He is wearing regular socks and sandals. He carries a sign that says, "Repent - The End is Near" on one side. On the other, it says, "This space for rent". For time to time LOVE rotates the sign. When the curtain opens the first side is visible. The angel is also there but wearing regular clothes. In the back ground the sounds of a subway are playing. An ANNOUNCER can be heard, announcing stops. As the subway slows for a stop, everyone braces and leans. When the subway starts up again, they sway the opposite direction.
ANNOUNCER: Lincoln Square, next stop, Lafayette Station.
(The subway sound stops, Two RIDERS EXIT center stage and two RIDERS ENTER center
stage. After a brief period the subway comes to another stop. The doors open and two RIDERS
EXIT center stage. JOB, TOM, DICK, and HARRY ENTER center stage. TOM has a set of
blue prints. The doors close. The subway starts up again. They to keep their balance as they find
separate seats. JOB works his way forward toward an empty seat. Background sounds start to
fade. They all take out something to read. Harry has the Wall Street Journal, Dick has the Law
Review, and Tom has a comic book. JOB takes out his bible and starts to read.)
ANNOUNCER: Next stop, Columbus Station.
JOB: Dear Heavenly Father, I need some help here. I don't know what to do. Please speak to
me and tell what's going on in my life." [He then prays silently, moving his lips and
ANNOUNCER: Columbus Station.
(The subway stops and the doors open. JEHOVAH ENTERS center stage. The doors close again
and the subway starts up again. JEHOVAH moves forward, trying to keep his balance and sits
down to next to JOB]
ANNOUNCER: Next stop, Midway.
JOB: Lord, where are you when I need you?
JEHOVAH: "I'm right here."
JEHOVAH: "I am here, JOB."
JEHOVAH: "It's me, GOD. You called me. You said you wanted to talk to me. Well, here I am. What do you want?"
JOB: "You're GOD?
JEHOVAH: "JOB, JOB, JOB. Let's not go through this again. Of course, I am GOD. You called for me and I came as soon as I could."
JEHOVAH: "JOB, surely you, of all people, know that I come in all shapes and sizes. I am in the wind,. I am in the snow. I am in the heart of a small child. And, today I in this form. Is that so hard to comprehend?"
JOB: "It is just that I didn't expect this."
JEHOVAH: "Of course not. And is this so unbelievable?"
[JOB suddenly falls to his knees in front of GOD and begins to bow down.]
JEHOVAH; "No, no, no. Get up JOB, you're embarrassing me. Sit with me and let's talk. Take off that shawl. You don't need to make a spectacle out of yourself. Speak what is heavy on your heart and I who sees everything will answer you."
[JOB get up and sit on the seat. He removes the shawl and puts it back into his briefcase.]
JOB: "Lord, all hell is breaking loose on me. My wife, Lou, is very sick and the doctors say she will die for sure. I am sick for the first time in my life. I have diabetes, an ulcer, some kind of skin disease, and arthritis. I wake up most days in pain. Very time the weather changes, I can feel it in my bones. My company is going out of business and soon I won't have a JOB. My kids are mad at me for something. I guess they blame me for everything that has happened. My life is going down the sewer and I don't have nay control over it."
JEHOVAH: "JOB, what is you want from me?"
JOB: "I don't want to loose my wife, Lord. Please let her live."
JEHOVAH: "JOB, it's not in the Plan. She has been a good wife and friend to you. She has given you two children. She has been a helpmate to you and a faithful servant to me. Would you deny her just rewards now that she has won the race? She has fought the good fight and won. Now I have other plans for her."
JOB: "Why Lord? Can't you take me instead? The kids need her so badly."
JEHOVAH: "No JOB. It's not in the Plan. I other Plans for you."
JOB: "Lord, I will do anything. I'll give everything I own to the poor. I'll become a monk. Anything, just let her live."
JEHOVAH: "JOB, you know you can't bargain for her."
JOB: "But why her, Lord? Please take someone else. She has always done the right thing. She is such a good person. Her faith in you is strong. She goes to church every day. She is good to e everyone. Everybody LOVEs her. Please, please don't let her die."
JEHOVAH: "JOB, I have need of her."
JOB: "Lord, the kids need her. They are so young and I don't think I can raise them by myself. Lou is too young to die. How will they get by without their mother? Consider all that that Lou will be missing. Mary will graduate soon. Can't you at least let her live until graduation? Peter and Mary will marry some day. Lou need to be here for that. Mary will need her to handle all the details. I can't do that. What about grandchildren? Lou always thought she would have grand kids to play with and to baby sit someday."
JEHOVAH: "JOB, you will have to learn to handle all of that."
JOB: "What about me, Lord? I am going to miss her so much. I am going to be so lonely. I LOVE her so much, Lord. I don't think I can live without her. I always thought we would grow old together. She takes such good care of me. She knows what I like. She laughs at all my jokes. She cooks the way I like things cooked. She remembers everybody's name. I can never remember anything without her."
JEHOVAH: I will be with you always, Job. You know that."
JOB: "But why me, Lord? What did I do to deserve this? I pray to you every day. I go to church every week, sometimes twice. I try to be as good a Christian as I can. I give ten percent of my income to charity. Now I am losing my Job. I am sick. My wife is dying. Why me? Why can't you answer my prayers?
JEHOVAH: "I did answer you prayers. The answer is 'No'. I never promised you a bed of roses in this world if you believed in me, did I? Did you think that just by being good you would have all the blessing of this world? It doesn't work that way, JOB. People die every day. It is as natural as being born. It is the normal cycle of life. No one lives forever. There is a time and a place for everything under the sun. Now is the time for Lou to leave this world and pass into the next. You time will come later. I know it a sad thing, but it must be. It is My Plan. People get sick all the time too. It is not an evil thing. Some of my most faith are very ill and don't whine as much as you are. Quit complaining and get on with your life. As for you losing your JOB, people lose their JOBs all the time. What's the big deal? Did anyone promise your life time employment? Did you think Christians can't be unemployed? Beside, JOB, what was so great about your Job? Look at you. You are in a rat race. That company that you have been slaving away for doesn't care about you or anyone else. They only care about the bottom line. With them it was 'money, money, money'."
[Suddenly, all the people who are dressed alike drop their newspapers. Each one has a rat's nose.
They get up with their brief cases and move toward the center stage and form up in a line facing
the audience. They begin a dance like a chorus line, running all over the stage. They check their
watches whenever they stop. Suddenly, their cellular telephones all go off at once and they
answer. Then their pagers all go and they check them and make another telephone call all the
while dancing. They open their brief cases to reveal lots of money.]
JOB: "You are right, Lord. It is a rat race. Can't you send a prophet to tell them?"
JEHOVAH: "I have, JOB, but they corrupt them. Watch!"
(JEHOVAH signals to LOVE and motions for him to go to the rats. LOVE picks up his sign and
slowly walks over to the rats. He raises his arm to speak but before he can say anything, the rats
begin to run in a circle around him. The cluster around LOVE very closely so that the audience
cannot see clearly what is going on. They take away his sign and hand him a cordless
microphone. They strip of his robe to reveal a dark business suit like theirs. They take off his
sandals and put shoes on his feet. All the items they take off are thrown out of the circle. They
remove his beard and hat and comb his hair. They stop and step back so the audience can see
BROTHER LOVE. LOVE’s hair is long but combed and he is clean shaven and all smiles.)
LOVE: (Moving all over the stage area and talking into the cordless microphone as a TV evangelist. Music starts playing. The rats line up like a chorus and begin to clap and sing.) "Welcome to the Brother LOVE Salvation Show.
Rats: Halaluya brothers.
LOVE: Somebody give me an Amen.
One rat: Amen, BROTHER LOVE
LOVE: (to the audience) Everybody say Amen.
LOVE: This is the BROTHER LOVE Salvation Show. I am here to save you brothers and sisters. But first, let us pray."
(RATS begin to hum)
LOVE: (Loudly, with his eyes shut.) Oh mighty Lord, bless us tonight and bless this ministry. I pray that all these good people in the television audience will be blessed. Open up their generous heart and wallets so that they will know the blessed feelings that comes from giving until it hurts. I want them to know the joy of donating money to my ministry. No amount of money is too small. It is better to give than to receive. Amen"
RATS: [RATS sing) Amen.
LOVE: It’s time for a healing.
(The RATS brings up fellow RATS with various ailments who are then healed by LOVE: blind, crippled, deaf, etc. LOVE heals each one by tapping them on the forehead and they fall backwards into the waiting arms of fellow RATS.)
LOVE: Your faith has healed you.
(All the RATS line up one more time to be healed. As each one is healed, he/she is caught by the
RAT behind. The last RATS has no one to catch him/her and falls to the floor.)
LOVE: I have a message from God that someone in the viewing audience needs healing.
(The RATS line up and begin to hum.)
LOVE: All right, everyone at home, I want you to place both hands on the TV screen. (Closes eyes) I feel your pain. Let me take away your pain. Wait!...Wait!... Something is blocking my healing power. If you need a healing, I want you to take your right hand and remove your wallet. Take out all the money and put it on top of the TV.Okay, that’s better. Now repeat after me, “I will send this money to brother Love. I will send this money to Brother Love.” Thank you. Thank you. As soon as your donation arrives, you will be healed. Amen.
RATS: Amen, Brother.
LOVE: I have a special announcement to make tonight.
RATS: (Singing) Hallelujah!
LOVE: (Turning toward the RATS) Now yet, you idiots! (Turning back to the audience) We are starting a new program tonight, and we want to give all of you viewers a chance to participate. Now you know that we are all going to Heaven. That’s a fact! All of you who have donated to this mission are going to Heaven. Your names are in the Book of Life. We have to do that for tax purposes. You can have your very own copy of the Book of Life for $19.95 while supplies last. But that is old news and not the announcement I want to make. Nooo, sir! As I was saying, you are all going to heaven, and you know that because your name is in the Book of Life, and I have told you so. But did you know that there are different levels in Heaven? That’s right brothers and sisters. There are seven levels in Heaven.
RATS: (Singing) Hallelujah!
LOVE: Now you have all heard the expression, Seventh Heaven. The Seventh Heaven is the highest level. All of you are going to First Heaven, the lowest level; sort of the entry level. It’s okay but it like flying coach, if you know what I mean. Many of you will be happy there, but, I have to tell you, it is a no frills Heaven. You get no halo. You get no harp. You get no wings. And the food is just so-so. However, for a limited time, you can get into a higher level of Heaven.
RATS: (Singing) Hallelujah!
LOVE: That’s right, folks! You do not have to settle for First Heaven. As you know, God and I are like this (holds up two fingers in a V) And He has authorized me to make this one time offer. For a limited time you can make a donation that will guarantee you a higher level of Heaven.
RATS: (Singing) Amen. (LOVE stares at the RATS) (Singing) Hallelujah!
LOVE: It works like this: everyone gets the basic plan which is First Heaven. If you make an additional donation of one thousand dollars, you will get Second Heaven. That includes your halo and a free buffet every day. For every one thousand dollars you donate, you will get a higher level reserved for you. So if you want Seventh Heaven, you should donate seven thousand…
RAT #1: (Shouts) Six thousand!
LOVE: Six thousand dollars. Wings come with Seventh Heaven, and the food is…heavenly.
RATS: (Singing) Hallelujah!
LOVE: I know what you are thinking. You’re think, Brother Love, I can’t afford six thousand on my Social Security checks. Am I right?
RAT #2: (shouts) Right on, Brother!
LOVE: Well, we thought of that, and we do not want you to miss out on Seventh Heaven just because you can’t afford it. If you make a pledge tonight, I will let you pay equal installments of one twenty nine ninety nine per month for the next five years. That will reserve you a place in Seventh Heaven.
RATS: Amen, Brother Love.
LOVE: To get started, call this toll free number, 1-800-666-LOVE. Please have your credit card ready. Our operators are standing by to say a prayer for you as they process your payment. But wait! The Spirit is telling me something. Hold it! (Closes his eyes and holds one hand to his temple) I got it! Some of you in the studio audience would like to get in on this special offer. Am I right?
RATS #3. Hallelujah, Brother!
LOVE: Okay, here is what we are going to do. I am sending the Hallelujah Chorus down into the studio audience right now to accept your pledge.
(The RATS grab collection baskets and begin taking up a collection in the audience.)
LOVE: I see from our director that we are out of time, so I will close with this blessing for all the viewers. (RATS begin to hum) May you have the peace that only the Spirit of Giving can grant. For it is in giving that we receive, and you can receive Seventh Heaven by calling 1-800-666-LOVE right now. Amen.
RATS: (Singing) Amen.
LOVE: And so until our next broadcast, remember, Brother Love loves you , and you will feel this love as soon as your credit card clears. Until then, goodbye and God Bless.
(LOVE and RATS EXIT stage left. TOM, DICK, and HARRY return to their seats on the
JOB: I guess you are right. I am tired of the rat race.
JEHOVAH:It won’t be easy to give, JOB. You have been doing it for a long time.
JOB: I don’t know what to do, Lord. Tell me what you want me to do. What is Your
Plan for me?
JEHOVAH: Why do you people always to that?
JOB: Do what, Lord?
JEHOVAH: Ask me what is “My” plan for “you?”
JOB: Don’t you have a plan for me?
JEHOVAH: Of course I do, Job, but not the way you think. You act as if I have a unique
plan for each of you, that somewhere in heaven there is a document that is
entitled, “Job’s Plan.” Do you realize how many plans that would be? Billions of
plans, Job. Billions! Do you really know how hard it would be to coordinate all
JOB: I never thought about it but, I would think that with computers….
JEHOVAH: No, Job. There is only one master plan and it includes everyone, even you.
Instead of asking what is my plan for you, you should be asking how you fit
into my master plan.
JOB: Can I see it?
JEHOVAH: Oh, for Heaven’s sake. You’ve already seen it.
JOB: I’ve seen the master plan?
JEHOVAH: Yes, job. It’s no secret. You have it right there. (tapping Job’s briefcase)
JOB: I do? In my briefcase? (Job opens his briefcase and searches, then removes his
JEHOVAH: There it is! The master plan! It is all there. There is no secret plan. My plan for
you, for everyone, has been published in hard copy. It’s all in there.
JOB: It is not exactly what I thought. But isn’t there a blueprint or a schedule?
JEHOVAH: Oh ye of little faith. You don’t trust in me, do you?
JOB: I don’t know? I expected something more.
JEHOVAH: Okay, okay. As a matter of fact, the plan in the Bible is only a small part of my
overall plan. There is more, much, more. (JEHOVAH snaps his fingers and TOM
hands him a set of blue prints.) Here it is, the grandmaster plan. (JEHOVAH
hands it to JOB who takes it and unrolls it part way.)
JOB: (studying the plan and then pointing.) What is this where it says, “Big Bang?”
JEHOVAH: Never mind that. I’m sorry I ever called it the Big Bang. It has caused you guys
all kinds of worry.
JOB: (still looking at the plan.) You actually called the first day, “Day One?”
JEHOVAH: (taking the prints back a little irritated.) This is why I don’t like to show this to
anyone. You guys always focus on the wrong parts. (He unrolls the prints to the
middle) Here! (pointing) Here is here you fit in.
JOB: (squinting) It’s so small. I can’t read it.
JEHOVAH: It doesn’t matter, JOB. You wouldn’t understand anyway. You will have to trust
me on this one.
JOB: I do trust you, Lord. Just tell me what to do.
JEHOVAH: Good, JOB. That’s good. In time, I will reveal everything to you. (Taking the
blueprint and rolling it up.) But not now. Right now you have other concerns. For
now, I am asking you just to stay faithful. Do not be discouraged. The trials and
tribulations are not to test you but to prepare you for things to come. With my
help you will survive. Hang in there. I am sending someone to help you.
ANNOUNCER (O.C.) Midway. (The subway begins to stop.)
JEHOVAH: Oh, this is my stop. I have to get off. There is a troubled teenager who wants to
commit suicide. I have to talk to her. I have to convince her that I care about her
and so does her family. I’ll see you later.
JOB: Yes, Lord
(JEHOVAH EXITS center stage.)
INT. JOB’S OFFICE – DAY
The office is empty except for Job’s desk and a few chairs. EXTRA CHAIRS ARE NEARBY.
Job: (JOB enters stage left and goes to his desk, opens his briefcase, and puts takes out
his Bible, closes his briefcase and places it on the floor. He opens his Bible at and
begins to read.) Good Lord, help me.
MOTHER: (ENTERS stage left and walks over to JOB.) I am, Job. But you have to trust me
to know what is best. It is your faith that will save you and your faith alone. Your
faith is strong. You need to rely on it.
JOB: I have always believed in you. I thought you would take care of me and my
family. That is why this is so hard for me. I can’t even think straight. I don’t know
if I still believe in you anymore.
MOTHER: How could you not believe in me when we are here have this discussion? It is
okay to be angry with me. You have to first acknowledge God in order to be
angry at God. Anger is an emotion I built into you. It is part of your make up as
much as fear or any other emotion. It is natural. But to center that anger on me,
you have to admit that I exist. It’s okay. Be angry at me if it helps you to believe
in me. But get over it soon. We have work to do.
JOB: What work?
MOTHER: Did you think this was it? That your life is over? That this is all there is? Oh no,
Job. There is much to do. It is all part of my plan. But we cannot begin until you
are finished feeling sorry for yourself.
JOB: I don’t think I can do it. I can’t go on. I’ve had enough.
MOTHER: There you go again. I, I, I. It’s always about you, isn’t it?
JOB: What can I do, Lord? I am so helpless. My world is falling apart. I don’t have the
will to live any more. I just want to get it over with. Let me die.
MOTHER: And what about my plans?
JOB: I don’t care anymore. I give up. To hell with your plans.
MOTHER: (a little angry) Who are you to tell me what to do? Who is this mortal that
obscures divine plans with words of ignorance? Do you think you can just quit
whenever you want? You think your plans are better than mine? Grid your loins
now, like a man. I will question you and you tell me the answers.
JOB: What kind of questions?
MOTHER: Where were you when I formed the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its size? Do you know? Who stretched out the measuring line for
it? Who laid the cornerstone?
JOB: You did, Lord.
MOTHER: Who set the boundaries for the seas? Who set the moon and all the stars in their
orbits? Can you comprehend the universe? Tell if you know all!
JOB: You did, Lord. I am nothing! I am but dust.
MOTHER: Butt dust? There it is again. Will someone please tell what is butt dust?
MOTHER:Never mind. Just a little heavenly humor. No, Job. You are greater than all of
these things that I created. You are my masterpiece, my grandest creation. I care
more about you than anything I have created.
JOB: You do?
MOTHER: I knew you before you were born. I talked to you in your mother’s womb. I
breathed life into you. I gave you a soul. I made you who you are.
JOB: I know you did, Lord. I just forgot for a moment. I am ashamed.
MOTHER: I am here to comfort you and to help you. Together we’ll get through this.
JOB: How, Lord? How am I going to get through this?
MOTHER: I am going to send you help.
JOB: I have heard it said that you never give anyone more than they can handle by
themselves. Is that true?
MOTHER: No, that is not true. Truth is I always send people more than they can handle by
themselves. But together we can do anything.
JOB: I have heard that when you close one door, you open another. Is that true?
MOTHER: Well, not exactly.
JOB: I wish I could see that. (looking around) Where’s the open door?
MOTHER: It doesn’t work like that. It’s more like this.
(MOTHER extends her arm to the far wall. The wall begins to rock and falls forward. MOTHER EXITS stage left. JOB jumps back.)
MICHAEL: (MICHAEL ENTERS stage right, stepping over the mess.) What in heaven’s
JOB: (looking around for Mother) The wall just fell down.
MICHAEL: I don’t doubt it. This building is so old. Well, I’m not going to clean it up.
Technically, I don’t work here any more.
JOB: (sitting down) I guess I won’t be working here much longer either. What are we
going to do, Michael?
MICHAEL: Well, I’m old enough to retire if I want to. Trouble is, I don’t want to. What about
JOB: I don’t know. I’ve always been a computer programmer. I guess I could do that
somewhere but I’m tired of the rat race. I don’t seem to be happy. I want to make
a contribution somewhere.
MICHAEL: Why don’t you go into business for yourself?
JOB: And do what?
MICHAEL: You said it yourself. You’re a programmer. You could start a software company.
JOB: There must be thousands of software companies.
MICHAEL: You’re a Christian right? Why not start a Christian software company?
JOB: Yeah, right. That narrows it down to a few hundred companies. I don’t think
there is a need for another company making Bible reference software.
MICHAEL: Be different. You could make software for Christian family entertainment.
JOB: You mean as an alternative to TV or games with sex and violence?
MICHAEL: Now you’re thinking.
JOB: We could make family oriented games. Maybe something like Bible Trivia, or
the search for the lost Arc of the Covenant, or maybe a children’s game based on
MICHAEL: Keep going, you’re on a roll.
JOB: Games that teach Christian values and ethics. Games that are fun for the whole
MICHAEL: Now you’re talking.
JOB: But it will never work. I don’t have much money.
MICHAEL: How much do we need?
MICHAEL: Of course. I told you that I don’t want to retire. I want in on this deal. How
JOB: I don’t know. We’d have to buy a building, hire programmers, people to market
the software, set up a distribution system, advertise. I don’t know. We might need
a million dollars to get started.
MICHAEL: How much you got?
JOB: Well, there what’s left of my 401K and my investments, and, of course, my wife’s
insurance. One hundred thousand dollars, I guess.
MICHAEL: Okay. That’s a start. I have one hundred thousand dollars too.
JOB: You do?
MICHAEL: Well, it’s my retirement money but I can invest it.
JOB: Okay. Welcome aboard. So now we just need to come up with eight hundred
thousand dollars more. Any ideas?
MICHAEL: How many people do we need?
JOB: I don’t know. This is all new to me. Well, we need a CEO.
JOB: Oh. I guess it is. We also need someone to run the operations.
MICHAEL: That’s me. VP for Operations. How many more?
JOB: Congratulations on our recent promotions. (They shake hands) Now we need
Someone to handle the money, one for marketing, one for distribution, one for
HR, and programmers. I don’t know. Less than a dozen to start.
MICAHEL: Let’s say ten total to start. If we could find eight more people with one hundred
thousand dollars each, we could get started, right?
JOB: I guess, but who?
MICHAEL: Well, it just so happens I know of a few Christians who are currently unemployed.
JOB: I see where you are going. The employees will own the company and be the
stockholders. It’s a great idea!
MICHAEL: It will be a different type of company. Not like this place. It will be a fun place to
JOB: Yes! A Christian, non-traditional, employee owned company. A company that
cares about people more than profit.
MICHAEL: Right! I know someone in marketing who might be interested. He’s a Christian.
Then there’s Judy in human resources and another guy in the mail room.
JOB: I think my friends Tom, Dick and Harry might want in.
MICHAEL: Be careful. We don’t want to let every Tom, Dick and Harry into the company.
JOB: Dick is a lawyer. He could handle all the legal stuff. And Harry is a banker. He
could be the CFO and maybe get us a loan if we need it.
MICHAEL: That’s eight. You talk to your friends and I’ll talk to the others.
JOB: We’ll need a place.
MICHAEL:(Looking around) I happen to know one that’s for sale really cheap. It will need
a few repairs but I know I think we can fix it up.
JOB: My friend Tom is in construction. I’ll ask him to take a look at it and see what
we need to do.
MICHAEL: Now you will have to write a business plan. We should set up a meeting for
investors sometime next week.
JOB: I don’t know how to write business plan.
MICHAEL: Well, you have one week to learn. The investors will want to see a business plan.
JOB: But we don’t have any investors.
MICHAEL: We will in one week. (MICHAEL EXITS stage right)
JOB: (sitting down and taking out a legal pad) Lord, it feels good to be doing
something. It feels right too. I hope you know what you are doing. Thanks!
This is crazy. (Starts writing. After a minute, takes out his cell phone and dials.)
Tom, this is Job. Listen, I had a great idea to start my own company. I thought
you might want in as an investor and an employee. It will be a good investment.
Come over to my house tonight and we’ll talk. I’m going to call Dick and Harry
too. Don’t ask questions now because I don’t have all the answers right now. I
will call you later.
(JOB hangs up and starts to dial again as JUDY ENTERS stage right. Job puts down the telephone and stands up.)
JUDY: (walking over and shaking hands with Job) Hi, I’m Judy. I used to work in HR.
JOB: Hello. I’m Job.
JUDY: I was sorry to hear about your wife. It’s hard, I know. I lost my husband a year
ago. Heart attack.
JOB:Oh, I’m sorry too. I didn’t know. How are you doing?
JUDY: I’m okay. How are you?
JOB: Okay, I guess.
JUDY: No, I mean it. How are you doing?
JOB: I just do one day at a time. Some days I cry a lot.
JUDY: Anyway, Michael told me that you are starting your own company and I would
like to get in.
JOB:Did he tell you we need one hundred thousand dollars?
JUDY: (taking out her check book) He explained the whole thing and I can write you a
check right now.
JOB:You can? I mean, you have the money?
JUDY: Yes! It’s the last of my late husband’s life insurance. I’ve been looking for the
right type of investment and a Christian software company sounds good to me. I
could handle the HR stuff.
JOB:Great! You’re hired.
JUDY: Who do I make the check out to?
JOB: I don’t know. You’re the first. Well, actually, the third, but the first to write a
JUDY: What’s the name of the company?
JOB:We haven’t decided yet. I guess when we get everyone together, we need to
decide as a group. For now, just make it out to me, Job Anderson
JUDY: (writing the check left-handed) Well, I recommend, “God’s Software
JUDY: (handing the check to JOB) Yes, all my life, I think.
JOB:Do you play golf?
JOB:I’m sorry, It’s an old joke. I asked if you played golf.
JUDY: If this is an interview, it is rather strange.
JOB:No, no. It’s not an interview. You’ve got the job.
JUDY: I love golf. Though, I haven’t played much since my husband died. As a single
parent of three, I don’t have much time for golf. I do manage to go to the driving
range twice a month.
JOB:Maybe we could play a round.
JOB:(embarrassed) Round of golf. Maybe we could play golf some time. Together, I
JUDY: What exactly is your job in this venture?
JOB:I am the new CEO.
JUDY: Is it too late to get my check back? Just kidding.
JOB:Well, what about playing a round of golf together some time?
JUDY: You mean as opposed to playing separately? That would be nice. Lately I can
only watch golf on TV. You know, just once I would like to watch an entire golf
tournament on TV without being interrupted.
JOB:And you have a sense of humor.!
JUDY: Well, we have several things in common. I think I am going to like this company.
Can I make a few recommendations?
JUDY: Well, first off, if this company is going to be entirely employee owned, then the
employees should make all the decisions.
JUDY: And no time clock. I hate those things.
JUDY: And every day should be casual day.
JOB:No argument there. No ties. No suits.
JUDY: And no set hours as long as everyone works forty hours. Or maybe we work four
days a week, or even half days on Fridays. And good benefits like medical, dental,
JOB:We’ll let the employees decide.
JUDY: And daycare. And ….
JOB:Whoa, JUDY. Wait! Slow down. I hate to stop you when you’re on a roll, but
why don’t you prepare a proposal for our first meeting?
JOB:Why not? You’re the Vice President for Human Resources.
JUDY: I am? I guess I am. Me? A VP of my very own company. Wow! I can’t believe it.
It’s a new beginning.
JOB:Yes! A new beginning in many ways. I feel good about it. How do you feel
JUDY: I feel terrific!
JOB: Me too!
JOB’S OFFFICE NINE MONTHS LATER. The office is much brighter and more cheery. CENTER STAGE IS ONE, VERY NICE DESK. ON THE DESK IS A NAME PLATE WITH “JOB ANDERSON – CEO”, A PICTURE OF LOU AND A BOX OF TISSUES. NEXT TO THE DESK IS A TRASH CAN FULL OF TRASH. The time clock is gone. Painted on the glass front doors are the word’s “God’s Software Company.” Job, Judy, Tom, Dick, and Harry enter STAGE LEFT carrying golf bags and dressed for golf.
JUDY: (sitting golf bag on the floor near the front doors) Job, that was really fun.
JOB:Yeah, it was. (setting golf bags near the desk). A great day for golf and you
JUDY: Well, you’re a good coach. Are you guys really going to work today?
JOB:Yeah, Michael and I are meeting to review some new program he developed.
He’s probably in back already waiting for me.
TOM:I want to review the plans for our new offices. (TOM EXITS stage left with golf
DICK: I’m drafting up new contracts for everyone. (DICK EXITS stage left with golf
HARRY:I’m working on the quarterly financial report. (HARRY EXITS stage left with
JUDY: (to JOB) You guys work too hard.
JOB:Well don’t feel too bad for us. We enjoy our work. But Michael and I have
nothing to go home to except empty houses. For me there are too many memories.
Work helps me get my mind off other things. It’s good therapy for me. That and
golf. Let’s try and play every Friday.
JUDY: That’s fine for you but I have children. I can do it during the school year as long
as I get back before the kids. I’d like that.
JOB:Great! I’ll arrange a tee time every week.
JUDY: You didn’t seem to be in any pain today.
JOB: No, I feel great. I have been feeling a lot better lately.
JUDY: I see you have the skin thing all cleared up.
JOB:The rash from hell? Yeah. Turns out they can’t name it after me after all. Seems a
lot of GIs came back from Desert Storm with the same rash. At first they thought
it was from chemical warfare but it turns out to be some type of virus.
JUDY: So how did you get it? Were you dating G. I. Jane? So the doctor cured it?
JOB:No, not really. It just went away on its own. The doctor thinks that stress brings it
JUDY: Did he prescribe something?
JOB:Yes, golf as often as I can in the company of a beautiful woman.
JUDY: Well, you have the golf down pretty good, now you just have to find a beautiful
woman. How about the rest of you?
JOB:Okay, Nurse Ratched, here is the full report. My diabetes is under control. The
doctor says as long as I watch my diet and check my blood sugar daily, I might
never have to take insulin shots. I control my arthritis with medication. Golf
seems to help. I control my blood pressure with medication. My ulcer cleared up
when I learned to handle the stress. I guess I am going to live.
JUDY: You may want to get a second opinion.
JOB:I think I started to get better the day I met you. The same day I decided to start
this company. It reminds me of the day I first met Lou. You remind me a lot of
her, and playing golf today brought back a flood of memories.
JUDY: Are you okay?
JOB:Yes, yes, I am.
JUDY: You’re not okay. I know. I remember how it was when my husband died. One
minute I was fine, thinking of something else entirely. Then it happens. I would
hear an old song, or smell his cologne, or drive by his favorite restaurant. The
tears would flow.
JOB:What was his favorite restaurant?
JUDY: Any fast food burger joint.
JOB:I seem to cry at the drop of a hat now. I can’t help myself. I can’t even watch a
sad show on TV. Now I only watch comedies.
JUDY: I didn’t want the kids to see me cry all the time so I would cry in the car. I think
for the first few months, I cried all the way to work and back. It’s a wonder I
didn’t have an accident.
JOB:Do you ever get ove the crying?
JUDY: I think so. But I haven’t yet. I just don’t cry as much. It still hurts, doesn’t it?
JOB:Yes. It hurts a lot. I have an emptiness in my heart, like a huge hole.
JUDY: I know exactly what you mean.
JOB:I keep finding little notes she had written everywhere. Nothing sentimental, just
notes she wrote to remind herself of things. They fall out of books, or they are on
the calendar, or in kitchen drawers.
JUDY: Did you pack up her things?
JOB:A few things. I boxed up her shoes and all the clothes in her dresser. I move all
her other clothes into the basement, but I can’t bear to get rid of them.
JUDY: I know. It is hard. It seems so final. Every item brings back a memory. You see an
outfit and you remember a party, or dancing, or a vacation, or maybe it was a
favorite, or maybe a gift.
JOB: That’s right. And her smell, her perfume, is on everything. Every time I smell it, I
think of her and cry. It’s on all her clothes.
JUDY: Why don’t I come over and help you? This is something you will have to do
sooner or later.
JOB:I know. I could use some help. You know what I miss the most?
JOB:her laughter. Oh, she sould laugh. She had a sense of humor and she liked my
JUDY: A woman of great tolerance, no doubt.
JOB:No, I mean it. She really liked my jokes. And I could get her going. She’d laugh
so hard she couldn’t talk.
JUDY: At your jokes?
JOB:Yes, my jokes.
JUDY: It was an act of true love.
JOB:Anyway, sometimes she laughed so hard that she would pee her pants.
JUDY: Oh, that’s delightful.
JOB:She did that at a party once and we had to leave. I laughed all the way home.
JUDY: Such a gentleman.
JOB:It made me happy to see her laugh. Her whole face would light up, the room
would light up. I loved that about her.
JUDY: You really loved her, didn’t you?
JOB: Very much. And I miss her so much.
JUDY: I know. It’s hard but I think she would have wanted you to get on with your life.
JOB:I know, but it isn’t easy.
JUDY: Tell me about it. It never is.
JOB: I’m sorry, I guess you should know. What was your husband like?
JUDY: He was a lot like you, actually. Except better looking and smarter.
JUDY: He was my age, handsome, very loving, a great husband and a good father to the
JOB:How did the kids handle his death?
JUDY: Not well at first. Typically, I guess. First they were in denial. No one could sit in
his chair for a long time. They wouldn’t let me get rid of any of his things. Then
there was the anger.
JUDY: Oh, yes. First they were mad at me. Why didn’t I take better care of him? Why
didn’t I find a better doctor. Did I do everything I could? Then they were mad at
him. Why did he have to die and make them feel so bad? Finally, they were mad
at God. Why did God do this to them? What had they done to deserve this?
JOB:Why do bad things happen to good people?
JUDY: You know the feeling?
JOB:I was so mad at God.
JUDY: It must have been so much harder on you when your children left.
JOB:That was the worst part. I don’t think they ever forgave me for Lou’s death.
JUDY: They will. It takes time.
JOB:It is great to be able to talk to you about this. You’ve been there. You understand
what I’m going through.
JUDY: Yes, but everyone’s grief is unique and each person grieves differently. It’s a very
personal thing and each person has a different schedule. Some people grieve for
years while others get over it in a few weeks.
JOB:I don’t think I will ever get over it.
JUDY: Not entirely. But life goes on and so will you. You seem about par for the course.
JOB:Speaking of which, I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed playing golf with you.
JUDY: Me too. You’re the first person I have played golf with since my husband died. You make me laugh when we play. It seems like forever since I laughed.
JOB:It was the same for me. Actually, after a couple of holes, I said to myself, ‘Life is
good.’ I use to say that a lot. But today was the first time since my wife died. I
never thought I would say that again but, you know, life is good.
JUDY: Yes it is. Well, you said you want to paly around.
JUDY: That’s exactly what you said to me when we first met. You said we should play
JUDY: Yes, you did! I think you embarrassed yourself when you said it. Was it a
Freudian slip or what? Explain yourself!
JOB:You’re the one who said it. I’m just trying to clarify what you said.
JUDY: Don’t play innocent with me, young man.
JUDY: Truth is, I enjoyed playing golf with you too. I haven’t laughed so much in ages.
JOB:Did you pee your pants?
JUDY: (pretends to be shocked.) Job! Behave yourself!
JOB: Was my gold that funny?
JUDY: You know what I mean. I had fun. Thank you. (she kisses Job. They look at each
other and then kiss again with more passion.)
JOB: Oh, Judy.
JUDY: Maybe I had better get home. The kids will be expecting me soon.
JOB:Judy, can I ask you something? Do you think there’s a chance? I mean, you and
I? Could it be possible?
JUDY: You have such a way with words.
JOB:(laughing) Yes, I know. I was always that way. But this is awkward for me.
JUDY: Go on.
JOB:Could I ask you out sometime?
JUDY: To play around?
JOB:Get serious for a minute.
JUDY: If I ger serious, I’ll have to tell you how I really feel and I don’t think I’m ready
JOB:I know. I just want to go out with you. Maybe a movie or something?
JUDY: Job, we’ve gone out three time now.
JOB:I don’t mean golf. I don’t think of our golf games as dates.
JUDY: I do.
JUDY: Yes, of course.
JOB:A “date” date?
JUDY: What is the difference between a “date” and a “date date”? If you repeat it, is it
more important? Besides, they must have been dates.
JUDY: Because, I don’t kiss anyone before I date them. So, if they weren’t dates, you are
in big trouble.
JOB:Why is that?
JUDY: Because, you asked me out under false pretenses.
JUDY: Apparently, to paly golf.
JOB:I did ask you out to play golf.
JUDY: There! You admit it!
JOB:I only wanted to play golf with you.
JUDY: Another confession! You are in big trouble.
JOB:I don’t even know what we are talking about.
JUDY: Oh, good Lord. (They kiss again) Why did God make men so dense?
JOB:Funny. I don’t feel like I am in big trouble.
JUDY: Well, I never dated a CEO before.
JUDY: Are you sure there isn’t a policy about VPs dating CEOs?
JOB:I don’t remember writing one. We could bring it up at the next shareholders
meeting and vote on it.
JUDY: Maybe we should table that thought for a while. I don’t want to get fired. (They
kiss again.) Job, I really must go.
JOB:Yes, of course. Will I see you again?
JUDY: Job, I work here. I don’t plan on calling in sick. I’ll see you Monday.
JOB:Yes, of course. That was a stupid thing for me to say. It’s just (pause) I don’t
know what I should say.
JUDY: Just say goodbye.
JOB:Goodbye. I’ll see you Monday. (JUDY starts to leave) Judy?
(JOB makes the “I love you” sign.)
JUDY: (Smiling) What does that mean?
JOB:It’s sign language for I love you.
JUDY: And do you?
JOB:Yes, I believe I do. In fact, I know I do.
JUDY: Why can’t you just say it?
JOB:It’s easier for me this way.
JUDY: (running over and hugging Job.) Oh, Job! I love you too. (They kiss) Job,
Honey. I really do have to go. I have to get home before the school bus.
Call me tonight.
(JUDY starts to leave, turns and makes the “I love you” sign. JOB returns the sign. JUDY EXITS stage left, forgetting her clubs.)
JOB: (Sits on edge of desk facing stage right.) Speaking out loud to himself) I
never thought this would happen to me again but I do love that woman.
(pauses) Lou, I know we haven’t talked much lately but I need to talk to
you now. I feel a little awkward but I got to do it.
(LOU ENTERS stage left dressed in all white golf clothes and carrying a white golf bag full of clubs. She set the bag down)
LOU:Well if it isn’t Mr. “don’t interrupt my golf tournament for sex.” Hello,
JOB:(Does not look at her.) I hope I am not disturbing you.
LOU:I’m in the middle of a golf tournament myself. You would not believe
who is in my foursome. Wait until you hear this. (pauses) But you can’t
hear me can you?
JOB:You’re probably up there relaxing and taking things easy.
LOU:(interrupting) You would not believe these greens and there is no greens
fee. I can’t wait to show you. But they won’t let me cheat like you did.
JOB:But we have to talk.
LOU:I know. (walks over to JOB and strokes his hair.) You poor thing. How are
you doing? I sure do miss you and the kids.
JOB:Lou, I have to tell you that I have met someone.
LOU:I know. Judy. She seems nice. I like her.
JOB:Her name is Judy. You would like her. She has a great sense of humor,
like you did. When she laughs, her whole face lights up. Sometimes when
we laugh, I almost feel as though you are there too.
LOU:I am sometimes.
JOB:She’s a widow. She has three delightful kids.
LOU:She plays golf. Terrible slice though. And she is left-handed.
JOB:And she plays golf. And would you believe she’s left-handed?
LOU:I always said you were a rat!
JOB:Isn’t that funny?
LOU:Well, at least she can’t use my clubs.
JOB:And she is beautiful and I love her. I love her a lot. But I still love
you and the guilt is tearing me apart.
LOU:Guilt? What guilt?
JOB:I feel as if, somehow…I am cheating on you.
JOB:I know that sounds crazy but that is how I feel. When you died, I just
figured I would never remarry. But then I met Judy. Now I don’t know. I
think I am going to ask her to marry me. That is, if you don’t mind.
LOU:Job, you are such a wuss. Of course, I don’t mind. I think it will be good
JOB: Well, look, I know you are busy but I wanted to tell you first. We’ll talk
some more. It was good to get this off my chest.
LOU:Any time. But could you try not to interrupt when I am in a tournament?
(LOU moves to stage left, stops in the door, turns and makes the “I love you” sign. LOU EXITS stage left. JOB picks up a CD, and EXITS stage right. PETER ENTERS stage left and looks around. He is dressed in very worn and tattered clothes and has a beard. He is carrying a backpack which he takes off and puts in a corner. He sighs after looking around, satisfied that he is alone.)
PETER:God help me! I don’t know what to say.
MICHAEL: (Off stage) He’s not here!
PETER:(looking around) What?
MICHAEL:(Off stage) I said, He’s not here.
PETER:Who’s not here? Who are you?
(MICHAEL ENTERS stage right)
PETER: I’m sorry. I didn’t know anyone was here (starts to get his backpack).
MICHAEL: It’s okay, son. I was just having some fun with you. (motions for Peter to put his backpack down) God couldn’t make it so he sent me instead
PETER: What? Oh… I see…I think.
MICHAEL: Now, son, how can I help you?
PETER: Oh, I don’t need any help. I came to see my father, Job Anderson.
MICHAEL:(sticking out his hand) You must be Peter.
PETER: Pete! You know me? (reluctantly shakes hands)
MICHAEL: I’m Michael and in a roundabout way I do know you. From the looks of things, I’d say you do need help.
PETER:Yeah, I guess that’s pretty obvious isn’t it? I was coming home to see Dad.
But I thought it might be better if we met here. Neutral territory, so to
speak. You know what I mean?
MICHAEL: Yes, I think I do
PETER:Fact is, I don’t know what to say to my father. I really screwed up this
time. You might say I ran out on him when he needed me the most.
MICHAEL: I know all about it.
PETER: I don’t know what I was thinking. It seemed right for me at the time. I
guess that was the problem. I was only thinking of myself.
MICHAEL: Your Dad is here. You want me to get him?
PETER: No, don’t. I need time to think. I don’t know how to start, what to say. All
the time I was on the road back, I turned it over in mind, rehearsing every
word. But now that I am here, I still don’t know what to say. What should
MICHAEL: Just do whatever you think is right. I don’t think it really matters what you
say as long as you’re back to stay.
PETER: You don’t understand, Mike, I really hurt him big time. I don’t think he’ll
even speak to me. Probably throw me out on my ear. I wouldn’t blame
him if he did. That’s what I’d do anyway.
MICHAEL: I prefer Michael! I think he’ll be so glad to see you that it won’t matter
what you say. He forgave you a long time ago. He loves you, Peter, I
PETER: No! No! I have to do this. I have to apologize. Set the record straight
between us. Then he can throw me out if he wants to. I will understand.
Will you help me?
MICHAEL:Pete, I don’t think…
PETER:(Interrupting) Just listen to me. Help me find the right words.
PETER:You be my dad and I’ll be me.
MICHAEL:That’s a good start.
PETER:Okay! How’s this. Dad, I am very sorry I hurt you. I feel terrible about it and I want to come home. If you don’t want me to stay, I’ll understand and I won’t blame you.
MICHAEL:I think you are over doing it
PETER:NO, No. That won’t do at all. Maybe I should get down on my knees like this. (kneels) Dad, I’m sorry. Can I please come home.
MICHAEL:Sound good too.
PETER:(standing) No, no. I have to tell him how I feel. I have to make him understand. How about; Dad, I love you. Please forgive me. I want to come home. I miss you so much.
MICHAEL:Sopunds good too.
PETER: You’re not helping.
MICHAEL: Pete, I am telling you. Just being here is the important thing. Your father will be so happy. You don’t have to say anything. He forgives you. I know he does. He’s a good person, a good father.
PETER: He was the best father a boy could have. I can’t forgive myself for what I did to him.
MICHAEL: That’s the problem, isn’t it? You can’t forgive yourself.
PETER: How can I? How could anyone forgive me?
MICHAEL: God forgives you. Your father does too. If those two can forgive, why can’t you?
PETER:You don’t know what all I’ve done, Michael. What a waste. I’ve wasted my life, my education. But more importantly, I hurt my father. I would like to think I didn’t mean to do it, but I think I did. When mom died I blamed him. Dad was supposed to take care of mom, of all of us. Thiswasn’t supposed to happen. I thought it was his fault somehow. Why didn’t he do something to save her?
PETER:I don’t know. Maybe pray more. He was always praying.
MICHAEL:And he prayed all ways. Don’t you think he did?
PETER:Yes, I know he did. I know now that he is not to blame. And instead of staying here and helping out, I took off. I’ll bet that was hard on Dad and Mary. Can they ever forgive me?
MICHAEL:Mary left right after you. Same day!
PETER:Oh no! Where did she go? Is she okay?
MICHAEL:We don’t know. Your father never heard from either of you two.
PETER:Oh, No! That’s it. I can’t do this. He will never forgive me now.
(PETER grabs his backpack and starts to leave but MICHAEL stops him)
MICHAEL:No, PETE. You are wrong. You made one mistake. Don’t make another.
Sooner or later you have to do this.
(PETER stops to think and then puts his backpack down)
PETER:You are right. I need to get this over with. Then I will leave. Poor Dad.
How did he handle it?
MICHAEL: Not well at first. It hurt him a lot. Why did you leave?
PETER:Oh, you know. Youth! I rebelled, I guess. I met this girl. She said we could do well in Florida. She said it would be easy to make money. I thought it would be an easy life of money, sex and endless parties. And it was for a while. But all the money we made, we spent on booze. Things just kept getting worst. Then one day, I sobered up and she was gone. She took my money and the drugs. I was evicted and homeless. I wondered the streets begging for handouts and sleeping in a cardboard box. One night I thought about praying. I hadn’t prayed since leaving. I was asking God for forgiveness and then I realized that I had to ask Dad for forgiveness too. I started going to AA and sobered up. I have been sober for two months now. Then a few days ago, at the shelter where I was staying, they let me use their computer. I found Dad’s company web site and there right in the center was the message, “Peter, come home. All is forgiven.” I started hitchhiking that same day and here I am.
MICHAEL:Your dad will be happy to see you.
PETER:I’m not so sure. I’ll just say what I came to say and be on my way.
MICHAEL:I don’t think it will be that simple.
JOB: (JOB ENTERS stage left with a CD in hand.) Oh, there you are Michael, I
was looking for you.
PETER: Yes, Dad, it’s me. (JOB rushes over and they hug) Dad, I want to say –
JOB:(still hugging) Please don’t say anything. I have prayed for this day for so
long. If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.
PETER: Dad, I have to tell you ---
JOB: (holding him at arm’s length) Let me look at you. You look good, son. A
little hungry maybe and a little tired but you look good.
MICHAEL: Shall we kill the fatted calf?
JOB: Yes! That’s it! Absolutely! Let’s go out and eat. Just you and I. (Looks at
MICHAEL: I’m barbequing a steak at home.
PETER:Dad, we have to talk.
JOB: We’ll talk later, son. All night if you want. It’s just so good to have you home again. Please stay. Stay as long as you like.
PETER: I would like to stay. I missed you, Dad. I love you. (He holds up the sign for ‘I love you’)
JOB: (holding up the ‘I love you’ sign.) I love you too, son. You don’t know how I have missed you. How did you know that I would be here. My old company folded.
MICHAEL:(starts to leave stage right) I think I’ll finish cleaning up.
JOB:Wait a minute, Michael.
PETER:I saw your web site. I saw the message you posted. The one that said, “Peter, come home.” That’s why I came.
JOB:I am so happy you decided to come home.
PETER:Can I just clean up a little?
JOB:There’s a restroom down the hall. (pointing toward the doors stage right.)
PETER:I’ll be ready in a few minutes. (PETER EXITS stage right.)
JOB:Michael, I haven’t looked at our web page for a couple of days but I didn’t post that message.
MICHAEL:Well, the boss doesn’t need to know everything.
JOB:Who do you suppose put it there?
MICHAEL:Must have been a guardian angel.
JOB:His name wouldn’t happen to be Michael, now would it? Michael, you have been a blessing to me ever since we met. How can I thank you?
MICHAEL:No more stock options, please. I’m making way too much money now.
JOB:Yes, we have done well, haven’t we? I have you to thank for that too.
MICHAEL: No, No. It was all your idea. Besides, everyone has made a contribution.
JOB:Yes, and it is a fun place to work. And now Peter has come back.
MICHAEL:Pete. He goes by Pete now.
JOB:My cup runneth over.
MICHAEL:No problem I have a mop. (Both laugh.)
(PETER ENTERS stage right.)
JOB: Shall we go? Is there a particular type of food you would like?
PETER:Do you still live in the same house?
JOB:Yes. It is pretty much the same.
PETER: This may sound crazy but you know what I have really missed? Mom’s baloney sandwiches. I can’t eat one without thinking of her. Could we just pick up some baloney and bread and eat at home?
JOB:(laughing) I have baloney at home. I think I still remember the recipe. Michael will you lock up?
MICHAEL: No sweat, Boss.
(PETER and JOB EXIT stage left. MICHAEL EXITS stage right. MARY ENTERS stage left. She looks around and sets down her back pack. She is dressed like a biker. She has several ear rings and nose rings. She sees JOB’s name plate and a picture of LOU on the desk. She picks up LOU’s picture and looks at it.)
MARY:(to the picture) Hello, Mom. How are you? Just sitting around relaxing I guess.
LOU:(LOU ENTERS stage right) Oh, for Pete’s sake! Or should I say, for Mary’s sake?
MARY: (Sits on edge of JOB’S desk facing stage left, away from LOU) There was many a lonely night that I prayed to you for protection.
LOU:I know. I was standing guard.
MARY:I wish you could give me courage right now. I’m going to need it. This is the hardest thing I ever did and I am terrified.
LOU:I’ll try. (Pulls up a chair and sits on it.)
MARY:And maybe a a helping of humble pie. I want to come home but I am not sure Dad will want me.
LOU:He loves you.
MARY:I’ll regret what I did for the rest of my life. Dad was such a great father and I just ran away. Talk about denial. I’m the Queen of Denial.
LOU:Don’t be too hard on yourself. You went through a lot.
MARY:I wish you were here to help me get through this. If I can’t come home, I think I’ll just kill myself.
LOU:Don’t talk like that. I’ll be here to help.
MICHAEL:(MICHAEL ENTERS stage right with a broom. He stops and looks at MARY and nods his head then turns to MARY.) Can I help you Miss?
MARY:I’m looking for my dad. Do you know him? Mr. Job Anderson?
MICHAEL:Are you Mary?
MARY:How did you know my name?
MICHAEL: Lucky guess. You look a lot like your father; family resemblance.
MARY: Yeah. I think I got his nose.
MICHAEL: He speaks of you often. He loves you a lot.
MARY: Yeah, right! He probably hates me after what I did to him.
MICHAEL: He would never hate you. Besides you did more to yourself than you did to him.
MARY: How would you know?
MICHAEL: My name is Michael, Vice President for Operations, at your service. (bows)
MARY: (looking at the broom) Yeah right! And I’m Madonna
MICHAEL: Okay, well, operations includes cleaning, cooking and chief bottle washer. We’re a small company.
MARY: (laughing) Pleased to meet you. (shaking hands) I’m Mary Anderson, run away daughter, bad girl and cheap slut.
MICHAEL: Mary, Mary, I don’t think so. You came back didn’t you?
MARY: Well, that is true but I’m not staying. I just came back to let him know I am doing okay. He might be worried.
MICHAEL: From the looks of things, I don’t think you are doing okay.
MARY: You’re right. I am pretty screwed up right now. Things look pretty bleak.
MICHAEL: I can call your father on his cell phone. He just left a few minutes ago.
MARY: No! Don’t do that. Not yet! I’m not ready to see him. I don’t know what to say.
MICHAEL You don’t have to say anything.
MARY:es I do. After what I did. I ran out when he needed me the most. I must have hurt him really bad. I never told him where I was.
MICHAEL: What made you change your mind?
MARY: Living on my own was not as exciting as I thought it would be. It was okay for a while. We bummed around doing odd jobs for cash or stealing if we had to. Drank a lot of beer, got hooked on drugs. When the money ran out Bob wanted me to do tricks for him. He was no better than a pimp. I don’t even think his real name was Bob.
MARY: You know him?
MICHAEL: I know his type.
MARY: Well, anyway, I wouldn’t do it. I think it was the first decent thing I did since I left home. I left him. Went out on my own. It wasn’t easy but I still had some self- respect.
MICHAEL: It sounds like you learned a lesson in life.
MARY: I couldn’t get a decent job because I didn’t finish high school. Everyone figured out I was a runaway. I had to keep moving so the police wouldn’t find me. I would eat in missions whenever I could. That’s where I saw the flyer.
MICHAEL: What flyer?
MARY: The one my Dad had made up. It was on the bulletin board in the last mission I ate. It said, “Mary, come home. All is forgiven. Love, Dad”. So here I am. Took me three days to get here.
MICHAEL: He’ll be glad to see you. Shall I call him now?
MARY: No! Wait! What shall I say? Maybe he doesn’t want me back now. That flyer could be very old. I was gone for a while.
MICHAEL: Mary, you don’t have to say anything. He still loves you. He wants you to come home. Everything really is forgiven.
MARY: I don’t think so. Running away was not the worst of it. I did things you would not believe. I know I hurt him too. Peter too. I left them when they needed me. I let them down. How can they ever forgive me?
MICHAEL: Pete! He likes to be called Pete now. He left just before you did. He came back today too. They just left together for home.
MARY: Pete left? Oh no! All the time I thought Peter was taking care of Dad. It was the only comfort I had. What kind of children would do this to their own father? That makes it even worst now. I can’t come back now.
(MARY turns to leave. LOU walks over to MARY’S backpack and put her foot on it. MARY tries to pick it up but can’t.)
MICHAEL: It doesn’t matter, Mary. You’re here now. That is all that is important. You came all this way for a reason, didn’t you?
MARY:I’m not sure why I came back. Maybe because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Maybe because I thought I could take care of Dad but that’s a joke. I can’t even take care of myself.
MICHAEL: Why did you come back?
MARY:I guess maybe just to say I’m sorry and to let Dad know I’m okay. You tell him for me, will you?
MICHAEL:You could have said that in a letter. Is that why you really came back?
MARY:No, not really.
MICHAEL:Why did you come back?
MARY: (starting to cry) Because I never said goodbye to mom before she died. I tried, I really tried but I couldn’t do it. I wanted to tell her I loved her so much. But I couldn’t bear to see her like that. I would just sit by her and cry. The day she died, I cried all day. It was too late to tell her goodbye and to tell her how much I loved her.
MICHAEL:(handing MARY a tissue from JOB’S desk) I think she knows. (nodding his head toward LOU. LOU takes a tissue too and dabs at her eyes.)
MARY:I miss her so much. But I was angry at her for leaving me so soon. It was going to be my senior year. It was supposed to be the best year of life. I was looking forward to her help for the senior prom, picking out colleges, and everything. It just wasn’t fair. Why did she have to go and die and spoil everything? It was the worst year of my life, not the best.
MICHAEL:She didn’t want to leave you. She didn’t want to die.
MARY:I know, I know. I thought maybe I could go see her grave, you know, just to say goodbye, and to tell her I’m sorry, and that I miss her so.
MICHAEL: You didn’t have to come back here to talk to your mother. You could talk to her any time you want.
MICHAEL:I mean that if you want to talk to her now, just go ahead and talk. Tell her what you told me.
MARY:You mean just talk to her right here?
MICHAEL:Sure! She’ll hear you. Just tell her what you told me. She’ll understand.
MARY:I don’t know. There is so much.
MICHAEL:You don’t have to say anything the first time. You’ll have other discussions I am sure. (picking up a trash can) Listen, I have to empty to trash and lock a few doors. It will take me five or ten minutes. While I am gone, you go ahead and talk with your mother. You two have a lot of catching up to do, I imagine.
MARY:Thanks Michael. You’re a sweetheart for listening to me.
MICHAEL:No problem. Have a nice little chat. (MICHAEL EXITS stage right.)
MARY: Hello, Mom. It’s me.
LOU:(walks over to MARY and brushes her hair.) What is troubling you?
MARY:I just wanted to say that I am sorry for not saying goodbye to you when you were dying. I know should have but it was so hard for me. Anyway, I am sorry. I love you and I miss you.
LOU:It’s okay, I understand.
MARY:It’s just that there were so many things I wanted us to do together. I was so disappointed. And I was so mixed up. I didn’t know if I was feeling sorry for you or for myself. Then that made me feel bad too. I couldn’tbear to see you like that-dying. I used to love to talk to you but those last few months we couldn’t talk any more. After you died, I ran way. guess you know that. But I think the real truth is that I couldn’t bear to hang around and watch all my friends doing things with their mothers when I didn’t have one. It was going to be an important year for me and I wanted us to share it. I couldn’t do it alone, so I left. Almost immediately, I felt like I was a big disappointment to you. Then I realized I was a disappointment to Dad too. Then I couldn’t go home to face all that.
LOU:It is quite all right, Mary. It was a very tough thing for you to go through.
MARY:But, I swear, if I had known that Pete was going to leave too, I never would have left. I thought Pete was taking care of Dad. That’s a joke. The boy can’t even match his socks.
LOU:Why don’t you stay home and take care of both of them?
MARY:I think I will stay home and take care of Dad and Pete, if they’ll let me.
LOU:The good Lord knows those boys can be helpless sometimes.
MARY:The good Lord knows those boys can be helpless sometimes. I hate to even think what the house looks like. Well, listen, Mom, I guess I have to make things right between me and the family first. So, I’ll let you go for now. It has been great talking to you again. If you don’t mind, I like to talk again real soon. I have a lot to tell you and to explain. I don’t want you to hear it from someone else.
LOU:Any time, Mary. I’ll be with you always, whenever you need me or want to talk.
(MICHAEL ENTERS stage right carrying an empty trash can. He sets it down. LOU sits on the edge of the desk.)
MICHAEL:(to MARY) Did you two have a nice little chat?
LOU & MARY: Yes, we did.
MICHAEL: And have you made any decisions?
MARY:Yes, I think I am going to stick around for a while if Dad will let me.
(PETER and JOB ENTER stage left.)
JOB:We forgot Peter’s backpack. (Stops and stares at MARY, not recognizing her at first.)
MARY:Dad! Dad, I am sorry...-
(LOU gets up and pushes MARY into JOB’S arms and they hug.)
JOB:Never mind that! What a day! First Pete, now you. Praise the Lord!
PETER:(Hugging MARY AND JOB) I missed you, Mary.
(LOU EXITS stage left.)
MARY:I missed you too, Pete. What a fool I’ve been. I’m sorry.
PETER:Me too. Let’s go home. Dad is going to make Mom’s baloney sandwiches.
MARY:Ha! I knew you liked them all along.
PETER:I didn’t know how much I missed them until I couldn’t get a decent meal.
MARY:I know what you mean. I would have loved to have a baloney sandwich. Let’s go. I’m starving. Could we stop off at Mom’s grave on the way home? I need to talk with her a minute.
JOB:I think that’s a terrific idea.
MICHAEL:You all better leave. I’m getting all misty eyed. (They start to leave.) Don’t forget your backpacks and clubs.
(PETER and MARY grab their backpacks. JOB grabs his clubs.)
JOB:You two go out to the car. (Tosses the keys to PETER.) I need to talk to Michael.
(PETER and MARY EXIT stage left.)
JOB:She saw the message on our web site too?
MICHAEL:NO, actually, she saw a flyer that said, “Mary, come home. All is forgiven.”
JOB:Now who do you suppose made up those flyers?
MICHAEL:Could have been anyone. A lot of runaways are named Mary.
JOB:Michael, I know, somehow, you had a hand in this. I don’t know how but it is an answer to my prayers. Thank you. (JOB hugs MICHAEL)
MICHAEL:The Lord works in mysterious ways. Now you better run along and feed those hungry kids.
JOB:Yes in deed.
(PETER and MARY ENTER stage left with their hands up followed by DELILAH, LOVE, and BELAIR. DELILAH is hold a pistol on PTER and MARY. LOVE is varying a briefcase.)
JOB & MICHAEL: Delilah!
DELILAH:Shut up! Get your hands up and move over there by the desk.
(LOVE puts down the briefcase. Everyone including LOVE and BELIAR put their hands up and move over by the desk.)
DELILAH:Not you two, idiots!
(LOVE and BELIAR put their hands down and move behind DELILAH) .
DELILAH:We’re going to settle this once and for all.
MICHAEL:Now just a second.
DELILAH:Michael, you stay out of this. You know you can’t interfere. God and I have a deal.
JOB:(backing away) I know. You’re right.
DELILAH:Get out of here. Now!
(MICHAEL EXITS stage left with his head bowed)
BELIAR:(Stepping forward and grabbing MARY by the arm.) You’re coming with me.
MARY:(breaking free) No! I am staying here with my family.
BELIAR:(Holding up a clear plastic bag with white powder in it) Come to Papa. I know what you need.
MARY:No! I am through with that. It has no power over me anymore. I’m done with it.
(DELILAH grabs the briefcase and opens it, dumping money on the floor.)
DELILAH: Okay, Job. Here is just a down payment. Come with me and I will give you more money than you can possibly earn here.
JOB:Sorry, not interested. Now I use money to help people, not for myself.
DELILAH:Bah, humbug! (Hands the gun over to LOVE.) Here! Keep them covered. I’ll be right back.
(DELILAH EXITS stage left. JEZEBEL ENTERS stage left with a whiskey bottle. She takes the pistol from LOVE.)
JEZEBEL:(Holding out the bottle toward Peter) I know what you need.
PETER:I would be stupid to get mixed up with that again. I’m on the wagon forever.
JEZEBEL:Oh, come on. You and I had such fun. You could do it all again. You know that I love you.
PETER:No! Never! I made that mistake once. I won’t put myself and my family through that again. I finally figured out what real love is. I am staying here.
JEZEBEL:And did you give up sex too? (She hands the bottle to LOVE.)
PETER:I’m considering it after being with you.
JUDY: (JUDY ENTERS stage left.) I forgot my clubs. (Looks at the pistol.) What’s going on?
JEZEBEL:(JEZEBEL grabs JUDY and put the gun to her head.) (shouting) Okay, this is it. Either JOB comes with us or this woman dies right here.
(TOM, DICK, and HARRY ENTER stage right.)
HARRY:What’s all the shouting? (See MARY and PETER.) Peter, is that you? Mary?
PETER:Pete! Tom? Dick? Harry?
DICK: Peter? Mary?
(They all hug.)
JEZEBEL:Stop it! What is this, old home week? I am going to kill this woman.
JOB:No, don’t shoot! I’ll do whatever you say.
(JOB turns to his children and hugs them. He starts to walk toward JEZEBEL.)
JEZEBEL:Oh, no. It’s not going to be that easy. On your knees!
MARY:But why, Dad? Don’t do it! (Pointing at JUDY) Who is this woman?
JOB:She is the woman I love.
JUDY: Hi. I’m Judy, Job girlfriend.
MARY:I’m Mary, Job’s daughter.
PETER:I’m Pete, Job’s son.
JUDY: Nice to meet you both.
JEZEBEL:(Shouting) Knock it off! This is not a social gathering. (Giving the gun to BELIAR who then points it at JUDY.) (To JOB) Did you think it would be this easy? Your life for hers? No. I’m not after lives. I am after souls.
MARY:Pete, do something.
PETER:I don’t even know what is going on. What can I do?
MARY:Okay, then I will. (Walking up to JEZEBEL) All right! I’ll leave with Bob or whatever his name is. Just let Judy and my dad go.
JEZEBEL:How sweet. No, that won’t do either.
PETER:Okay! (moving over by Mary) You win! You can have both of us. Both our souls for our dad and Judy. We’re the lost children any way.
JEZEBEL:A two-fer? That’s not enough.
HARRY:(Stepping in front of PETER & MARY) Leave the kids alone. Here, (Pointing at TOM and DICK) make it three for two. We’re Jobs’ friends. Take us!
DICK: (Joining Harry) Thanks a lot, Harry.
TOM:(Joining Dick & Harry) That goes double for me.
DICK: I think Tom got lost in the math.
JEZEBEL:Greater friends hath no man, etc. etc. No! Get back or I’ll kill her right now. (Everyone steps back behind JOB including LOVE and BELAIR) Not you two, idiots. (LOVE and BELAIR move behind JEZEBEL) You still don’t get it, do you? I don’t want just Job’s soul.
JOB: What do you want?
JEZEBEL:I want you to renounce God.
JEZEBEL:I want you to forsake God. Is that so hard? All the things that you counted as blessing were taken away from you; your wife, your family, your job, and your health.
TOM:But not his friends!
JEZEBEL:(Shouting at Tom) You were not part of the wager. Be thankful for that! (back to JOB) So renounce God. Just do it!
JOB:I don’t believe God did these things to me. During these trials and tribulations I have learned many things. I have learned that God has a plan for me and that I should trust in Him. I have learned not to worry and to stay the course. God has taught me to be thankful for whatever I have and not to take any of His blessing for granted. God loves me.
JEZEBEL:So where is your God now? He won’t help you out of this situation. Decide now. Will you forsake God or shall I kill this woman?
(MICHAEL and LOU ENTER stage left. LOU grabs a golf club out of JUDY’S golf bag and hits BELAIR with it. BELAIR drops the gun. MICHAEL picks up the gun. JOB stands up as JUDY breaks free and runs into his arms.)
JEZEBEL:Michael, you can’t interfere.
MICHAEL:I know but she can (pointing at LOU.)
(LOU starts to beat on LOVE and JEZEBEL with the club.)
TOM:Use an iron not a wood!
JEZEBEL:Enough! Stop! Time out!
(Everyone stops talking and fighting.)
JEZEBEL:Enough already. (pointing at JOB) You must decide now of your own FreeWill. Who will you serve, God or me?
JOB:I know not what others might do but as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.
JUDY: What about me?
JOB:You too, Judy. I want you to be part of my family.
JUDY: Do you mean…
JOB:Yes. I know this is not the best time and place but, Judy, will you marry me?
JUDY: Yes! Yes! Yes! (they hug)
JOB:There. You have my answer. Now be gone.
JEZEBEL: Bah! (turning to MICHAEL) You have not heard the end of this. You will pay for this interference.
(EXIT BELAIR, LOVE, and JEZEBEL stage left.)
JOB: Oh, Honey (turns to JUDY and they hug).
(LOU, thinking that JOB is speaking to her turns around to hug him and then realizes that he was taking to JUDY).
MICHAEL:(hugs LOU) Thank you! Thank you!
LOU:Cut it out. I’m a married woman or, at least I used to be.
HARRY:Well, I think congratulations are in order.
(Everyone congratulates JOB and JUDY.)
JOB:Michael, I don’t know what just happened here but I am willing to bet you had something to do with saving us. Thanks once again.
HEAVEN AROUND TEA TIME. MICHAEL AND RAPHAEL ARE SERVUING TEA TO YAHWEH. LOU IS WORKING AT A DESK STAGE RIGHT. THERE IS A TELEPHONE ON THE DESK. LUCIFER ENETERS STAGE LEFT WITH BELAIR AND LOVE.
LUCIFER: Yahweh, may I have a word with you?
YAHWEH: Yes, of course, sit. Have some tea.
(LUCIFER looks around a sees no chair. He snaps his fingers and BELAIR gets down on all fours to become a chair. LOVE starts to laugh and LUCIFER snaps his fingers again. LOVE gets on all fours and becomes a table. LUCIFER sits on BELAIR as RAPAEL pours a cup of tea and gives it to LUCIFER. LUCIFER takes a sip and sets it on LOVE’S back.)
YAHWEH: Are they being punished?
LUCIFER: You could say that. I have not been pleased with their performance lately.
YAHWEH: What is it you want?
LUCIFER: I want to talk to you about Job. Things did not go well. You did not live up to our agreement.
YAHWEH: Oh? How so? Did he lose his wife? Did he lose his family? Did he lose his health? Did he lose his wealth?
LUCIFER: Yes, but not because of me. I did not inflict any of these things upon him. You said I could test him.
YAHWEH: No, Lucifer, that is not what I said. Raphael!
RAPHAEL: Yes, Master?
YAHWEH: Please read the transcript of my conservation with Lucifer in reference to Job.
RAPHAEL: (flipping and reading from a steno pad.) Let see. Conversation with Noah. Conversation with Tiger Woods. Conservation with Mother Teresa. Oh, here it is; conservation with Satan. Jehovah said, “Have you noticed my servant Job? Isn't he a great guy? So faithful!” And Jezebel said, “Why shouldn't he be? You have surrounded him with money, A nice ice home, a family, and good health.
YAHWEH: Skip to the part about the wager.
RAPHAEL: Ay, yes. Then you said, “I will let these things happen to Job but you must not kill him.”
YAHWEH: There you have it. I never said that you could test Job.
LUCIFER: (shouting) You tricked me!
YAHWEH: Did Job lose his fortunes, family and job?
LUCIFER: Yes, but….
YAHWEH: Has Job been inflicted with sores and illnesses?
LUCIFER: Yes but….
YAHWEH: And has he forsaken me?
LUCIFER: No, he has not forsaken you. But I wanted to test him. You didn’t let me test him.
YAHWEH: I do not test my faithful in order to test their faith.
LUCIFER: You don’t?
YAHWEH: Of course not. I test them in a way to make them stronger, better. To prepare them for other tasks and tribulations. I refine them like gold in fire, to purify them.
LUCIFER: Then you did do these things to Job?
YAHWEH: In a way, yes. It was always part of my plan.
LUCIFER: LOU’S death, his loss of employment? All of that?
YAHWEH: Yes, except for the children. You did that, didn’t you?
LUCIFER: It was clever, wasn’t it? But I only put temptation there for them. They jumped at it.
YAHWEH: And you tempted Job too.
LUCIFER: But that didn’t work. I tempted him with money and sex and he turned it down. What
kind of man does that?
YAHWEH: A man like Job.
LOU: (LOU walks over.) Excuse me, Lord, but you have a telephone call.
YAHWEH: Who is it?
LOU: Lindsay Lohan
LUCIFER and YAHWEH: Lindsay Lohan?
LOU: (Laughing) No, I was just kidding. I wanted to see the expression on your faces.
(MICHAEL and RAPHAEL start to giggle.)
LOU: It was Bill Gate returning your call. But the expressions on your faces were priceless.
YAHWEH: Thank you, LOU. Tell him I’ll call him back in a few minutes.
(LOU returns to her desk.)
YAHWEH: A little heavenly humor. She sure does brighten up the place.
LUCIFER: You called Bill Gates?
YAHWEH: Yes, I have a little business venture I want to discuss with him.
LUCIFER: You’re kidding, right?
YAHWEH: Yeah, I am kidding. A little more heavenly humor.
LUCIFER: Is that Lou Anderson, Job’s wife?
YAHWEH: Yeah, why?
LUCIFER: I wanted her. I need a good receptionist. You let her die so she could be your
YAHWEH: Yes. Do you have a problem with that?
LUCIFER: I wanted her to be my receptionist.
YAHWEH: Yeah, right! The receptionist from hell! I don’t think she would fit in.
LUCIFER: Actually, there are a lot of receptionists from hell.
YAHWEH: Yes, I have met quite a few. Besides, I thought you had a receptionist?
LUCIFER: I do, but she is so bad that after only a thousand years, even I can’t stand her any more.
YAHWEH: Only a thousand years? What did you have her doing before?
LUCFER: Customer service.
YAHWEH: I would think she would be ideal.
LUCIFER: She’s horrible. If I have told her once, I have told her a million times, it is, “Who in hell do you want?” not “What in the hell do you want?” She is driving me crazy.
YAHWEH: Well, you hired her. Fire her! Besides, you can’t have LOU.
LUCIFER: Do you think she could work for both of us? Maybe I could have her take my calls too?
(Telephone rings. Spot light on LOU.)
LOU: Hello, this is heaven. How may I direct your call? (Listens) I’m sorry, but God does not get
involved in sports. That is really up to Tebow, coach. That’s okay. God Bless!
YAHWEH: You mean have one central answering service for both Heaven and Hell? You don’t
think that might be confusing?
LUCIFER: It might be more efficient. Desperate people call us both anyway. Usually they call you first, then they call me.
YAHWEH: No, Lucifer. I won’t allow it. Let’s get back on the subject. We were discussing Job.
LUCIFER: The whole thing is unfair. You let Lou die and then you take her.
YAHWEH: It was always meant to be that way. Her name is in the Book of Life and cannot be erased.
LUCIFER: And then Job found another wife.
LOU: (walks over to LUCIFER and YAHWEH.) Isn’t she wonderful?
LUCIFER: Too wonderful for a guy who is supposed to be tested.
LOU: I understand that she has other children?
YAHWEH: Yes, she has three. She and Job will have another.
LOU: Job a father again? How wonderful! Not on the table, I hope.
LUCIFER and YAHWEH: On the table?
LOU: And what will become of Pete and Mary?
YAHWEH: Job and Judy will have a son. All six children will grow up in a loving family. Judy is
a good mother and, in time, Pete and Mary will love her very much. Pete and Mary will both
marry and you and Job will have seven grandchildren and many great grandchildren.
LUCIFER: I don’t think I can stand much more of this. This situation just gets worse by the
LOU: Oh, thank God. I mean, thank you, Yahweh. That makes me so happy. I was praying that Job
would find someone like that.
YAHWEH: It was in the Plan.
LUCIFER: I can’t stand this. Hello! I am sitting her!
(LOU returns to her desk.)
YAHWEH: No, I do not arrange marriages. Job and Judy found each other when they need each
other. So what is the problem?
LUCIFER: The problem? The problem? You let Job find himself another wife. You let his
children return home.
(Telephone rings. Spot light on LOU.)
LOU: This is heaven, how my I direct your call? (Listens) It’s not necessary to call before every
Notre Dame football game, coach. (listens) No, we don’t need tickets. We have good seats up
here. (listens) Yes, they are season tickets. (listens). No, I don’t think we need T-shirts, but
thanks anyway. (listens) Actually, I think he is a Saints fan. God Bless!
YAHWEH: I had nothing to do with that. You tempted them to leave but you could not keep them.
LUCIFER: That’s because you don’t give me any power. I can put temptation in people’s path but I can’t make them take it. And I can’t hold them against their will. They can turn from evil at any time. It’s not fair.
YAHWEH: No one said life is fair. But that is precisely what it all about, isn’t it?
LUCIFER: What is it about?
YAHWEH: Free Will. If you could hold people against their will, they would not have Free Will,
now would they?
LUCIFER: Of course not. But in the case of Job, you interfered too much.
YAHWEH: I did not.
(Telephone rings. Spot light on LOU.)
LOU: This is heaven, How may I direct your call? (listens) You want to know if the stock market
will go up or down? Well, of course it will, silly. You’re welcome. God bless!
(Spot light off.)
LUCIFER: You have been helping him all along.
YAHWEH: We have been talking. That is all. I have encouraged him and support him. I could
never abandon my faithful.
LUCIFER: Encouragement and support is one thing….
YAHWEH: (Interrupting) Actually, they are two things.
LUCIFER: Whatever! But you helped him. You made his business prosper.
YAHWEH: I had nothing to do with that. I never made any business successful. It is not important
to me. Being Christian is no guarantee of success. I only ask my believers to be faithful. In
fact, when they make a lot of money, you usually show up. Do you realize how hard it for a
rich man to enter heaven? Success has been the downfall of many a good person. What profit
is there in becoming rich but losing your soul? No, I didn’t help Job prosper. He found a
need and filled it. Many Christians were he looking for software with Christian values. Job
made it for them That’s what made him a success. It may be his biggest test yet.
(Telephone rings. Spot light on LOU.)
LOU: This is heaven, how may I direct your call? (Listens) You want God to find you a good husband? (Listens) You want one that is good looking, rich, famous, sexy, and intelligent. Don’t we all, sister. I’ll transfer you over to the miracle department. (Listens) Yes, I understand that you are in hurry. Please hold. God bless!
(Spot light off.)
LUCIFER: What about his health? You made him sick and then you made him well.
YAHWEH: Not exactly. I let him get sick but I didn’t make him sick. People get sick. That’s what happens to people. Sickness and disease are everywhere on earth. It is part of the human condition. People get sick and that’s is all there is to it. It just happened. But Job will never totally recover.
LUCIFER: Oh! He won’t get well? Well, that is good news.
YAHWEH: He will continue to improve but he will have to deal with health problems the rest of
his life. Health is not part of faith. I have many very sick followers. It is not a requirement to
be healthy in order to get to heaven. Besides, more people turn to me in their suffering than in
(Telephone rings. Spot light on LOU.)
LOU: This is heaven, how may I direct your call? (Listens) Look! I told you before that burying a statue of Saint Joseph in your yard upside down does not help you sell your house. How would you like to buried upside down? Well, keep it up buddy and I am sure it can be arranged. Give it time. Your house will sell. God bless!
(Spot light off.)
LUCIFER: True! But just the same, you intervened to help Job. (pointing at Michael) You sent
Michael down to help him.
YAHWEH: Did you not send your fallen angel, Beliar, to tempt Mary. And did you not tempt
Peter in the form of Jezebel?
LUCIFER: Yes but….
YAHWEH: And did you not personally get involved to tempt and torment Job?
LUCIFER: Yes, but…but…
YAHWEH: I just wanted to keep the playing field level, to make it fair.
LUCIFER: I htough you said that life isn’t fair?
YAHWEH: see! That’s exactly my point. I rest my case.
LUCIFER: I’m confused! But (pointing at MICHAEL) he went too far.
YAHWEH: Always the accuser, aren’t you? He has no more power over Job than you. You
offered fire and Michael offered water, Death or Life. Everyone must chose for themselves.
LUCIFER: (Getting angry and shouting.) It’s not fair! He did not play by the rules!
YAHWEH: Rules? Look who’s talking! Listen to yourself, Lucifer.
LUCIFER: (jumping up) I can’t take anymore! (starts to throw a tantrum, stomping his feet)
YAHWEH: I have had enough of your nonsense. (turning to Michael) Michael, would you take out
MICHAEL: It would be my pleasure, Master.
(MICHAEL and RAPHAEL grab their swords and start moving toward LUCIFER. LOVE and BELAIR jump up, frightened. At first, LUCIFER stands behind the fallen angels as they cower in fear. But they run away and hide behind trees. MICHAEL and BELAIR surround LUCIFER.
MICHAEL: (to RAPHAEL) He’s mine. You get the others.
(RAPHAEL goes after LOVE and BELAIR. LOU gets up and stands behind YAHWEH.)
LOVE: Lucifer, catch! (Throws a dagger to LUCIFER who looks at it then at MICHAEL’S huge sword.)
LUCIFER: It is so hard to find good help these days. (Throw the dagger back to LOVE.) Give this back to Mark Anthony. He’ll need it.
BELAIR: H, Master. (throws a pistol to LUCIFER.)
(LUCIFER picks up the gun and shots at MICHAEL. Everyone stop fighting to see what happened. MICHAEL smiles and has the bullet in his teeth. He spits it out. LUCIFER throw the gun away. LOVE and BELAIR gang up on RAPHAEL and knock the sword from his hands. LUCIFER picks up the sword.)
LUCIFER: Okay, Mickey. Let’s see how good you really are.
MICHAEL: Mike! I preferred to be call Mike from now on.
YAHWEH & LUCIFER: Mike?
(LUCIFER and MICHAEL start to fence and end with MICHAEL finally knocking the sword out of LUCIFER’S hands. LUCIFER EXITS stage left at a run. LOVE and BELAIR knock Raphael down and sit on him, punching him. MICHAEL walks over and raises his sword. Both LOVE and BELAIR immediately stop and EXIR stage left at a run.)
RAPHAEL: It’s a good thing you came when you did. I was about ready to get mad and hurt them.
MICHAEL: Yeah, I’m glad I was able to stop you.
YAHWEH: Good job, men. Let’s have some more tea, shall we?
(MICHAEL and RAPHAEL begin serving tea. LOU returns to her desk.)
YAHWEH: Michael, I want to have a word with you.
MICHAEL: Yes, my Lord. (moves over beside Yahweh)
YAHWEH: You really did over step your authority, you know.
MICHAEL: No, my Lord. I would never disobey you.
YAHWEH: I thought I told you just to keep an eye on things.
MICHAEL: That’s what I did, Lord.
YAHWEH: Well, whose idea was it for Job to start his own business?
MICHAEL: Master, that was Job’s idea. I only encouraged him.
YAHWEH: By being the VP for Operations?
MICHAEL: I only wanted to help. I can only serve you, Lord. I have no Free Will.
YAHWEH: Michael, when Satan said you must either chose to save Job or save his children, you
chose to save Job. Why did you do that?
MICHAEL: I didn’t know what to do so I made the best choice that I could under the ircumstances. I thought I could save Job now and save the children later, which I did.
YAHWEH: Don’t you think that was Free Will?
MICHAEL: No, Lord. You said I could not have Free Will.
YAHWEH: And who told you to post a message for Peter on your company web site? And who
told you to circulate a flyer for Mary to come home? And whose idea was it to get Lou to save
her family? It was you! Isn’t that Free Will?
MICHAEL: Was it wrong for me to do those things?
YAHWEH: No, it was the right things to do. You always serve me well. I think I was wrong about
you. I might have given you Free Will after all.
MICHAEL: Master, you confuse me. How can you be wrong?
YAHWEH: Never mind. Why did you make those decisions and why did you try so hard to help
MICHAEL: I don’t know. I thought that is what you wanted.
YAHWEH: It was more than I wanted. Why did you do it?
MICHAEL: Because I love Job and his family.
YAHWEH: Ah ha! I thought so. There you have it. You have Free Will and you learned how to
love. Now, what is this “Mike” stuff?
MICHAEL: Michael sounds so formal, don’t you think? I want to be called Mike from now on.
YAHWEH: I don’t think “Saint Mike” is going to cut it. You’re an archangel for God’s sake.
MICHAEL: There is a precedent.
YAHWEH: There is?
MICHAEL: Saint Nicholas.
YAHWEH: Saint Nicholas? What about him?
MICHAEL: Yes, Sir. Now he goes by Saint Nick.
YAHWEH: Okay, you win but let’s just keep that between you and I and the other angels in
management. I don’t want everyone changing their names.
MICHAEL: Did I please you, Lord?
YAHWEH: Yes, I am indeed pleased with you. Very pleased. You served me well and now I
know you love me too. Would you like some tea?
MICHAEL: I would love very much to have a cup of tea with You.
(RAPHAEL serve MICHAEL a cup of tea.)
YAHWEH: Now I need to talk about you next assignment.
MICHAEL: My next assignment?
YAHWEH: Yes. It seems there is a basketball player by the name of Jeremy Lin who wants to be the best player in the world.